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Author Topic: Trench's Questions and Philosophies  (Read 459312 times)

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Offline Nightwish

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Re: Trench's Questions and Philosophies
« Reply #125 on: July 17, 2017, 06:01:27 PM »
This thread is sooo amusing, Trench -  the man who saw scammers in every corner and one of the cheapest SOB I ever seen here - got some well deserved sex, and now have to pay for it and then complains, who could have guessed   :-\

This disaster of a trainwreck most of us saw from the very beginning - you have only been thinking, and is still thinking with your little head - (by any chance you were a virgin before you met her?) but my only suggestion - drop her like a hot smelling turd and get on with your life, she is not in to you .. and change yourself before you go looking in Ukraine or Russia again, you simply can't handle those women, or any women I would say.

I am currently sitting in a warm nice cabin in the Carpathians just outside a "town" Tatariv, next to me, sleeping now, is a tall, blackhaired beauty with iceblue eyes and the most amazing smile.
This is my seventh trip to meet her, and in a few days we are taking a roadtrip through Poland up to Sweden for her first time outside Ukraine, we have now spent 16 days together, and we are planning on another 10 days before she needs to fly home and go to work again, as me..
 
I have bought her flowers on 9 occasions, 1 very nice necklace for valentines, and then I added a couple of earrings that matches the necklace on her birthday in mars.
She asked me to return the earrings, since I spent to much on her already she thinks.
I pick up the bill in restaurants 100% of the times, I payed for every taxi, rental car and hotelroom, coffee/tea or icecream that has come our way.
I don't think that would never even cross her mind to do, and I would almost be offended if she did.

She do buy me small things, memorabilia, sweets with cherry she knows I like and a nice shirt she thought "I would look so sexy in"

Now my lady is
1. Older then 35 (no kids)
2. Has a very good job as assistant bankmanager - makes ok money, not to say good money.
4. Lives in a smaller city - Zhytomyr - but has from day one been very adamant that I came to see her in her city, met her friends, met her parents.
3. Has more shoes then a shoe store. The first woman I met that can outrun me on the street wearing 4-5 inch heels any time of the day in any weather.. even in winter.
5. Is the biggest fashionista I ever met, looooves shopping. Not exclusively expensive brands, but prefer them absolutely.
We have gone shopping 5-6 times, not once has she even looked at me when it was time to pay.. "I really like this, do you like it, do I look good?" she asked while parading around as a model in the store. I said "yes" (and more then once drooled a little) and then she just went and bought it and came back with a big smile.

She has suggested more then once that I come live in Ukraine, she knows I can find something I like to do there and she knows I love the country, or well, the culture and people anyway. 
I have met all her closest friends (visit 1,2,3,4,6)
I have met her entire family, including grandparents, aunts and uncles and cousins that came from Nikolaev just to meet me (visit 3)
I have spent a long weekend in her parents Dasha with parents and grandparents (visit 5)

Yes I know I am bragging, I am entitled to, she is way to beautiful and "hot" for me.  ;D
she is a 12, I am in my best days a 6..or 5.. but I'm 11 in bed, that's why she loves me.  8)

but the thing is Trench -  this is how I know we are right for each other, we spent maybe 100-150 hours on skype and on the phone (viber) the first 3 weeks before I came to see her for the first time, we talked about everything, from what we like to eat to how much I looked forward to eat her.... we always found some subject, some interest to talk about..a lot of late nights and always stayed in contact one way or another during the working days even we both are very busy at work.
Now we have both been exclusive since day one we found out in our talks, but we decided on this trip(!) in words, to take this to the next level, to really commit.

so you must understand, you have a lot of homework to do before you nail this, even if you ask a million questions . you never understand the answers, or want to understand what you are told. That is your one way ticket to disaster...every time I think. 

Now I wish you all good night, I will climb in to bed and enjoy the fruits of my labor now :P

On another note, I couldn't reach the forum from the mobile connection I use here, Kyivstar - Site can not be reached -.. had to use a VPN home to access.
 
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Offline Trenchcoat

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Re: Trench's Questions and Philosophies
« Reply #126 on: July 18, 2017, 12:24:57 AM »
quote author=Nightwish link=topic=22008.msg464826#msg464826 date=1500339687]
This thread is sooo amusing, Trench -  the man who saw scammers in every corner and one of the cheapest SOB I ever seen here - got some well deserved sex, and now have to pay for it and then complains, who could have guessed   :-\

This disaster of a trainwreck most of us saw from the very beginning - you have only been thinking, and is still thinking with your little head - (by any chance you were a virgin before you met her?) but my only suggestion - drop her like a hot smelling turd and get on with your life, she is not in to you .. and change yourself before you go looking in Ukraine or Russia again, you simply can't handle those women, or any women I would say.

I am currently sitting in a warm nice cabin in the Carpathians just outside a "town" Tatariv, next to me, sleeping now, is a tall, blackhaired beauty with iceblue eyes and the most amazing smile.
This is my seventh trip to meet her, and in a few days we are taking a roadtrip through Poland up to Sweden for her first time outside Ukraine, we have now spent 16 days together, and we are planning on another 10 days before she needs to fly home and go to work again, as me..
 
I have bought her flowers on 9 occasions, 1 very nice necklace for valentines, and then I added a couple of earrings that matches the necklace on her birthday in mars.
She asked me to return the earrings, since I spent to much on her already she thinks.
I pick up the bill in restaurants 100% of the times, I payed for every taxi, rental car and hotelroom, coffee/tea or icecream that has come our way.
I don't think that would never even cross her mind to do, and I would almost be offended if she did.

She do buy me small things, memorabilia, sweets with cherry she knows I like and a nice shirt she thought "I would look so sexy in"

Now my lady is
1. Older then 35 (no kids)
2. Has a very good job as assistant bankmanager - makes ok money, not to say good money.
4. Lives in a smaller city - Zhytomyr - but has from day one been very adamant that I came to see her in her city, met her friends, met her parents.
3. Has more shoes then a shoe store. The first woman I met that can outrun me on the street wearing 4-5 inch heels any time of the day in any weather.. even in winter.
5. Is the biggest fashionista I ever met, looooves shopping. Not exclusively expensive brands, but prefer them absolutely.
We have gone shopping 5-6 times, not once has she even looked at me when it was time to pay.. "I really like this, do you like it, do I look good?" she asked while parading around as a model in the store. I said "yes" (and more then once drooled a little) and then she just went and bought it and came back with a big smile.

She has suggested more then once that I come live in Ukraine, she knows I can find something I like to do there and she knows I love the country, or well, the culture and people anyway. 
I have met all her closest friends (visit 1,2,3,4,6)
I have met her entire family, including grandparents, aunts and uncles and cousins that came from Nikolaev just to meet me (visit 3)
I have spent a long weekend in her parents Dasha with parents and grandparents (visit 5)

Yes I know I am bragging, I am entitled to, she is way to beautiful and "hot" for me.  ;D
she is a 12, I am in my best days a 6..or 5.. but I'm 11 in bed, that's why she loves me.  8)

but the thing is Trench -  this is how I know we are right for each other, we spent maybe 100-150 hours on skype and on the phone (viber) the first 3 weeks before I came to see her for the first time, we talked about everything, from what we like to eat to how much I looked forward to eat her.... we always found some subject, some interest to talk about..a lot of late nights and always stayed in contact one way or another during the working days even we both are very busy at work.
Now we have both been exclusive since day one we found out in our talks, but we decided on this trip(!) in words, to take this to the next level, to really commit.

so you must understand, you have a lot of homework to do before you nail this, even if you ask a million questions . you never understand the answers, or want to understand what you are told. That is your one way ticket to disaster...every time I think. 

Now I wish you all good night, I will climb in to bed and enjoy the fruits of my labor now :P

On another note, I couldn't reach the forum from the mobile connection I use here, Kyivstar - Site can not be reached -.. had to use a VPN home to access.
[/quote]

OK I get it Nightwish you Skyped a lot and a lot of women that had ideas other than looking for a real relationship would have dropped out long before the 150 hours reached and various random phone calls in their day. Yes perhaps I should have done a lot more Skype hours before meeting this girl in the first place, but her English was apparently not good at the time and I assumed it was tiring on both of us. I  can still not be quite sure if she really does/did have bad English or was just faking it. If she was faking it she was keeping up the charade well, more recent she does seem to have improved when on holiday but still not 100 percent. She did of course do English at school & I have paid for English lessons (about 100 Euros for 10 lessons) so maybe it was a case of it all coming back to her I'm just not sure. My girl doesn't have a good job like yours, she earns a lot less no doubt. I was never after a girl for the job she does though I can see when it comes to shopping it would ease the situation.

I personally only have so much free time I can use Skype for, though I can see now that time spent on many hours on skype with girl can mean many hours not wasted on trips to see the wrong girl. That said of course there are those on here that would say a girl will get fed up if no meeting was forthcoming after Skyping a fair while.

I'm guessing you hit up quite a number of girls on Skype before you got to one that seemed to hit the mark Nightwish? in terms of willing to skype you back without any reason not too that may seem perfectly valid.

I'm still not keen on all the online/skype approach that much, I'm still veering towards just going out to a town/city in the FSU for a while and just calling up girls there and then and date as the locals do get away from all the bs of online dating from afar. 

Lets face it there is a lot of bs on these online dating sites and for the newbie its easy to be suckered into the wrong girl who is happy to meet all too quickly for whatever reason other than wanting a real relationship.

The girl I am with at the moment I'm really not sure its going to go long term. She just seems to want to come to UK and I doubt her motives. She's refusing at the moment to see me if I come to Kherson and if she was serious I don't think she would be doing that. If it comes to another go at this in the near future I am wanting to get out there and meet all these girls first hand without any bs in the way.

So I'm surprised you aren't yet stated you are committed to this girl Nightwish - Looks to me you have more than the input that many do before committing. I mean you have met all her extended family and all, are you perhaps in danger of being a bit too non-committal?
"If you make your own bread, then and only then, are you a free man unchained and alive living in pooty tang paradise, or say no and live in Incel island with all the others." - Krimster

Offline Trenchcoat

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Re: Trench's Questions and Philosophies
« Reply #127 on: July 18, 2017, 12:43:10 AM »
She is a woman, you are a man. She loves being a woman and wants you to
be a man. She will do more of household work and you will do more earning
type work.

What are you talking about 50/50? Are you joking? Do you want a Western
woman or a FSU woman?

Stop! don't continue just stop.

Please make a list of what you are seeking. If you have one or two private
desire(s) delete that from the list and post it here. I've made assumptions
about what you were seeking and I can see now that I am totally incorrect.
I have no f#cking clue to what you want, and I can't and the other forum
member can't help you unless we know what you are seeking.

So, post the list and I will see if there is anything I can do to help, but I
can't continue to flail about with no idea what you are seeking.

Udachi!

Bill

Well its really is a very short list Bill, basically I want a girl with:

-Natural Chemistry
-Genuinely wants a Serious, Committed Relationship
-Wants Children pretty soon
-Willing to make sacrifices for the Relationship
-Willing to do part time work to afford herself her own spending money
-Preferably no Children already as I would prefer a clean slate


I mean I don't think its too much to ask to ask the girl to do a little work so as to have her own money that she would just be spending on herself anyway (& maybe a bit for groceries) i.e clothing, beauty products, etc.

I'm happy paying the main big costs like accommodation, taxes, utility bills, car running costs, flights, all my own shopping costs and the odd occasional shopping costs of hers. I mean it doesn't sound unreasonable to me. I'm not asking for her to go 50/50, just hold a bit of her own self-weight financially. Essentially I am allowing any money she earns as free spending money to spend on herself her own leisure which she apparently doesn't have at the moment it goes on her half of apartment rental cost. So she would be getting a far better deal than she is at present but no she seems to want to be disagreeable to me going to Kherson to advance our relationship and instead seems happy staying in her present predicament which is worse off than I am offering her.

Part of my issue is if she doesn't work at all to pay for anything, her own clothes, etc then she is not going to respect my money. The best I can do then is say here's X amount of money for the month, that's it. I can just see her spending X amount on herself then coming back for more before the month is out. i.e if she doesn't earn it she just won't care as its not her money being spent or wasted.
« Last Edit: July 18, 2017, 02:07:04 AM by Trenchcoat »
"If you make your own bread, then and only then, are you a free man unchained and alive living in pooty tang paradise, or say no and live in Incel island with all the others." - Krimster

Offline Trenchcoat

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Re: Trench's Questions and Philosophies
« Reply #128 on: July 18, 2017, 02:03:58 AM »

but the thing is Trench -  this is how I know we are right for each other, we spent maybe 100-150 hours on skype and on the phone (viber) the first 3 weeks before I came to see her for the first time, we talked about everything, from what we like to eat to how much I looked forward to eat her.... we always found some subject, some interest to talk about..a lot of late nights and always stayed in contact one way or another during the working days even we both are very busy at work.


So you were averaging roughly 5-7 hours per day on Skype, phone, etc. I wonder what you actually do for work that affords you this amount off time to talk Nightwish unless you are bs ing me. That and while I can talk to some women about all sorts and one topic rolls into the next I am surprised you had not run out of stuff to say or covered the same turf a lot, or one of you got bored/fed up.

I know before you have made a claim on this forum about the number of visits you do abroad, which again makes me wonder what you do for work - are you rich, an owner of a business you can leave and keep paying for trips abroad, or just bs.

Perhaps you are telling the truth, you seem to have made a fair bit of progress in your 1-2 years of looking (about the same as me). I will admit that my shortcoming so far (among others but we all make mistakes) is that the relationship have not perhaps gone deep enough so that I only have a one-dimensional  take on the girl. This I should have sorted out before visiting. I think though that there are many girls online that just want to give a one dimensional view of themselves. For me I will rectify this (if present girl does not come around) by going out there and getting to know the woman in their own setting and have the necessary time to devout to a relationship instead of a holiday outing. I mean for what its worth Nightwish what you are presently doing is a holiday outing - why not move to a more permanent footing with this girl? You know her (& her family) well enough now surely. 
"If you make your own bread, then and only then, are you a free man unchained and alive living in pooty tang paradise, or say no and live in Incel island with all the others." - Krimster

Offline wallm

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Re: Trench's Questions and Philosophies
« Reply #129 on: July 18, 2017, 05:24:15 AM »
Trench, 2tallbill is right on. Stop it. Don't pursue this anymore.
You can't be thinking about her working to make her own spending money. Ridiculous. You have to provide for her. If you can't, do not pursue FSUW. If she works eventually, well and good.

Offline Nightwish

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Re: Trench's Questions and Philosophies
« Reply #130 on: July 18, 2017, 10:18:18 AM »
So you were averaging roughly 5-7 hours per day on Skype, phone, etc. I wonder what you actually do for work that affords you this amount off time to talk Nightwish unless you are bs ing me. That and while I can talk to some women about all sorts and one topic rolls into the next I am surprised you had not run out of stuff to say or covered the same turf a lot, or one of you got bored/fed up.

I know before you have made a claim on this forum about the number of visits you do abroad, which again makes me wonder what you do for work - are you rich, an owner of a business you can leave and keep paying for trips abroad, or just bs.

Perhaps you are telling the truth, you seem to have made a fair bit of progress in your 1-2 years of looking (about the same as me). I will admit that my shortcoming so far (among others but we all make mistakes) is that the relationship have not perhaps gone deep enough so that I only have a one-dimensional  take on the girl. This I should have sorted out before visiting. I think though that there are many girls online that just want to give a one dimensional view of themselves. For me I will rectify this (if present girl does not come around) by going out there and getting to know the woman in their own setting and have the necessary time to devout to a relationship instead of a holiday outing. I mean for what its worth Nightwish what you are presently doing is a holiday outing - why not move to a more permanent footing with this girl? You know her (& her family) well enough now surely.

First of all, I don't know how many hours exactly, but we spoke I would guess on average 3-4 hours every single day for 26 days before I could go. Sometimes just 2,5 hours on the phone, sometimes 1-2 hours skype and then 5 hours on the phone instead of sleeping. We where like a couple of teenagers talking endlessly on the phone. Sleeping is for the married couples :D

I can tell you exactly how this happened, I met one of her girlfriends online on a site almost 1,5 years ago, I talked to her for about 2-3 weeks and decided to come meet her, we had a good time, she was very sweet and nice, but there was something lacking in feelings, she felt a lot more like a very good friend the a potential future wife. So we decided we would just be friends. She then talked to Tanya at one time and said, "contact this man, he is a good man, he is serious and very attentive and very handsome"
So Tanya took contact on Viber, called me after about an hour of text-chatting and this all started.
She fell instantly for me as I did for her, everything felt amazing from day one. I did tell her from the start, I can't come to Ukraine until next month since I had a big project at work, and she only said - "good then we have plenty of time to get to know each other".
I wont write a whole trip-report, certainly not right now when I am with her.

But from that first day, she has called me maybe 70% of the times, when ever I called her, she giggled a bit and then tried to sneak away from what she was doing.. and when you have this chemistry, firstly there is no forbidden topics, secondly I WANT to, and really ENJOY talking to her, how could we run out of subjects? If you find yourself having a hard time finding things to talk about, especially if you dont live together - how possible?
We talk about everything that has happened in our life, memories, lifestories, politics, music, movies. We compare my life "in west" to hers in "the east", she can't really remember anything "Soviet" but she grew up during the Perestroika and the independence of Ukraine.
We enjoy talking about all the places we will visit when she comes here to live, what she wants to do with her life, where we want to live and what kind of life we want. So we always have things to talk about.. longest phonecall, night 3 or 4 I think it was, 9 hours straight.. we even had breakfast together on skype.. that is what 100% (LDR) chemistry is.. of course none of us planned it in advance, it was just that wonderful to have her in my life from day one.

I have - before I met Tanya - been to Ukraine 24 times in these 3 years or so I have been active, one of those was a longer relationship for about 7 months (8-9 visits) but in the end it fell apart for reasons that was out of our control, lets just say family issues.

I personally only have so much free time I can use Skype for, though I can see now that time spent on many hours on skype with girl can mean many hours not wasted on trips to see the wrong girl. That said of course there are those on here that would say a girl will get fed up if no meeting was forthcoming after Skyping a fair while.
The shortest time I talked online with someone before going there to meet her - 4 days
The longest time 1 month.
I'm guessing you hit up quite a number of girls on Skype before you got to one that seemed to hit the mark Nightwish? in terms of willing to skype you back without any reason not too that may seem perfectly valid.
Yes, I have met 25-30 girls during these 3,5 years, tried both WMVM  (and my preferred way) WOVO.


I'm still not keen on all the online/skype approach that much, I'm still veering towards just going out to a town/city in the FSU for a while and just calling up girls there and then and date as the locals do get away from all the bs of online dating from afar. 

You will fail, you will bomb, you will not meet a single woman that way - at least none that is for marriage. Not with your attitude and your "skills"
All local men will "out-date" you in this way, you still don't understand how this is done online and you will fail miserably locally. Prepare for a lot of lonesome nights at the apartment crying yourself to sleep then.

Lets face it there is a lot of bs on these online dating sites and for the newbie its easy to be suckered into the wrong girl who is happy to meet all too quickly for whatever reason other than wanting a real relationship.

Yes and I have met all kinds, too young, too old, to much gold-digger and some wonderful women that just didn't click.

So I'm surprised you aren't yet stated you are committed to this girl Nightwish - Looks to me you have more than the input that many do before committing. I mean you have met all her extended family and all, are you perhaps in danger of being a bit too non-committal?
Didn't I write clearly that we on this trip made it "official", it's never been anything but committed I would say, just not spoken. we talked about it after my first trip, that we would keep it exclusive, but it never had to be said to be fait, both she and I feel the same way.

and as far as my job, its been a lot of planning free days,. going on a lot of 4 day weekend trips.. its only 5 hours from my home to Kiev so to speak.
I am not rich, I am not a business owner, I have a high paid normal job, 8-5 and one very understanding boss :)


Multitasking means screwing up several things at once.

Offline Steamer

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Re: Trench's Questions and Philosophies
« Reply #131 on: July 18, 2017, 01:44:04 PM »
I mean I don't think its too much to ask to ask the girl to do a little work so as to have her own money that she would just be spending on herself anyway (& maybe a bit for groceries) i.e clothing, beauty products, etc.


Not too much to ask at all, in fact it's quite preferable to have the wife work and contribute. I've seen more than one RW go stir crazy from nowhere to go and nothing to do. Lack of self worth, leads to nothing but trouble. Make her an active part of her own acclimation and self sufficiency drive. You WANT her to be successful in everything she does.
Life ain't nothing but a poker game
And no two hands are quite the same
But I never saw a winner that didn't bet

Offline Trenchcoat

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Re: Trench's Questions and Philosophies
« Reply #132 on: July 18, 2017, 03:18:57 PM »

Not too much to ask at all, in fact it's quite preferable to have the wife work and contribute. I've seen more than one RW go stir crazy from nowhere to go and nothing to do. Lack of self worth, leads to nothing but trouble. Make her an active part of her own acclimation and self sufficiency drive. You WANT her to be successful in everything she does.

I agree Steamer, doing too much for someone that they don't feel any need to be motivated and takes person they're with for granted does no good. They can just end up dumping everything on the other half and that can get burdensome. 2tallbill's wife says he's wife does a part time job. Wall I do think you may have a tendency to see money as a device to use in this venture. Be careful I would say, I would play down money you have to a reasonable level. If girl picks up that you have money you will never know if she is with you for the right reasons until it is too late. I should have played down the money side of things more if anything and I'm not real rich. I remember Wall you saying you're girl asked if you are good for money and you laughed and nodded. I personally think that was a mistake, you may still be ok and I hope you are but I would be cautious if I were you. i.e she may be playing the long game.
« Last Edit: July 18, 2017, 03:20:37 PM by Trenchcoat »
"If you make your own bread, then and only then, are you a free man unchained and alive living in pooty tang paradise, or say no and live in Incel island with all the others." - Krimster

Offline Trenchcoat

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Re: Trench's Questions and Philosophies
« Reply #133 on: July 18, 2017, 03:45:57 PM »
Below is a link to another thread -- I did not post it here in this thread when I first saw it --  but --  I keep seeing the inane ideas of the op here -- it reminds me of all the potential for an abnormal relationship to go very wrong when a social misfit embarks on a cross cultural search.


Mail Order Murder

http://www.russianwomendiscussion.com/index.php?topic=22017.msg464768#msg464768

The documentary can be watched here--
The Perfect Bride

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt4229048/

Like yourself perhaps JayH. After all you are still looking after 5 years. Sometimes it takes time for sure but how are we to know that you aren't a social misfit.

As for me I am not short, fat or balding. Of course many of us on this search probably don't percolate in the 'in crowd' of social activity or would be accepted readily by the very social types in society. That can of course be a problem when looking abroad.

I of course can see the comparison but it is a problem many in this venture no doubt face. Take Alexander the OP for example he got hit by a girl like that who was with him for the green card then upgraded. For a girl to be a guy for two years - All that time then just leave him is heartless.

What I'm saying is different to what the guy in the  episode is doing. Im saying be wary of that type in the first place and don't try to control a situation that has already gotten out of control. I don't see any harm in passively protecting the assets you've worked hard for and residency status of someone who may unjustly be interested in imitation rather than the original aim they stated of dating/relationship.
"If you make your own bread, then and only then, are you a free man unchained and alive living in pooty tang paradise, or say no and live in Incel island with all the others." - Krimster

Offline Anotherkiwi

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Re: Trench's Questions and Philosophies
« Reply #134 on: July 18, 2017, 06:44:18 PM »
When they talk about two people being divided by a common language, most people here would assume WM and FSUW, simply because her English isn't native level, and guys have posted numerous (mainly humorous) examples over the years.  For me (and JayH and southernX, and possibly moby and sandro), it's real English versus American.

Now, there is another category - one which Trenchcoat inhabits all by himself.  I seriously cannot believe that, after all that has been written (even if you take this thread by itself), he can possibly still be interested in pursuing a long-term relationship with this woman.  While I doubt that many share his view that she is possibly a scammer, there is absolutely nothing she has done (from what has been written here) to make anyone think she is worth pursuing.  Just because she's 24 and 10/10 doesn't make her special ENOUGH - there are plenty of other Ukrainian women that match that categorisation, but who don't act the way she does.

For crying out loud, he has raised umpteen issues HIMSELF about what she's done that he doesn't like - and he STILL wants to carry on chasing her?  :cluebat:  All that's aside from the various issues which other posters have themselves noted.  I honestly can't recall anyone else in the years I've been a member who has not only been so blindly dogmatic about what he's doing, but insists that what he's doing, and how he's doing it, is the ONLY possible way - despite those who've been that way before (some of whom have quite possibly done exactly the same thing when they were young and foolish  :devil:) ALL telling him that it won't work.

Offline Boethius

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Re: Trench's Questions and Philosophies
« Reply #135 on: July 18, 2017, 06:53:16 PM »
at a rough adding up I'm guessing the clothes came to around £400 (possibly more think some more costs appeared on my credit card since I added this up), cosmetics & sprays around £200 and her half of the food bill around £400.


This is a cultural miscue on your part.  No, and I mean NO FSUM would ever expect a woman to take her on holiday and not pay for her food.  It's just foreign to the culture.
After the fall of communism, the biggest mistake Boris Yeltsin's regime made was not to disband the KGB altogether. Instead it changed its name to the FSB and, to many observers, morphed into a gangster organisation, eventually headed by master criminal Vladimir Putin. - Gerard Batten

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Re: Trench's Questions and Philosophies
« Reply #136 on: July 18, 2017, 06:55:59 PM »
I bought her a pressure washer and she washes the house, the car


Pressure washers can damage/weaken car tires.
After the fall of communism, the biggest mistake Boris Yeltsin's regime made was not to disband the KGB altogether. Instead it changed its name to the FSB and, to many observers, morphed into a gangster organisation, eventually headed by master criminal Vladimir Putin. - Gerard Batten

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Re: Trench's Questions and Philosophies
« Reply #137 on: July 18, 2017, 06:59:54 PM »
Sounds good Bill and a nice life to have :)

Well my present girl I don't know what her idea is in terms of when we live together. She has already stated she doesn't want to go 50/50. In UK I think she could get a job either in retail or basic management her language skills I think are good enough now for that.

At the moment she is throwing her toys out of the pram as she states that she first comes to me or we don't meet at all if I chose to come to Kherson. She is is stating that I am not serious about her because of this despite me visiting her in Kiev and paying for holiday in the sun. The visa she requires I think could likely come with many additional expenses as she currently has no bank account, etc. She seems to be upping the pressure. I just don't know as I don't know if I am going to go to all the expense and hassle of getting her said visa for her then to take of with some other guy. The fact that she is upping the pressure and getting more forceful I just don't like, its not a good sign in my mind. Yes she thinks I have a wife already but I have said to her about connecting on Facebook and stating relation as then if I had someone else it would come out. She says this proves nothing and is not interested, I disagree even though I am not a big fan of Facebook. My thoughts are still that is she was into me enough she would visit me wherever so I'm having my doubts. Also she has been logging onto her dating account recently, she says it was to check on me but I really wonder. I asked her to take her profile down of the search but she does not seem to know what I am getting at - she seems to think its a case of deleting account and wants us to do this together to be sure. Myself I wonder if its a delaying tactic that she is ling up blokes to meet in UK when she get the Visa and I will be sidelined. She apparently has a friend in UK so guessing she could alternatively chose to stay with her.

I personally wonder if she just wants a quick in to the UK and I am a convenient mule and so it doesn't matter if I'm not really rich as she can sort that out later, just so long as she gets in. Its why I really want to spend some time out in Ukraine whether with her or looking for a girl as I don;t want the whole visa/immigration thing to get in the way.


It's not easy to pick up and move to a new country.  And you are expecting a woman to get a job and earn her way from day 1 as well! 


Were she "lining up blokes", she would have asked her friend to prepare a visa for her from the get go, no need for you!


Perhaps moby can clarify, but I assumed that it is difficult for Ukrainians to obtain tourist visas to the UK.  If not, then I don't understand your hesitancy, since you are into this girl.  You don't have to marry her.   It would give you a good understanding of how she would adapt to life abroad, and you'll be in your element.  If I could have had my husband visit before we married, I would have jumped through every hoop possible to make it happen.
After the fall of communism, the biggest mistake Boris Yeltsin's regime made was not to disband the KGB altogether. Instead it changed its name to the FSB and, to many observers, morphed into a gangster organisation, eventually headed by master criminal Vladimir Putin. - Gerard Batten

Offline southernX

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Re: Trench's Questions and Philosophies
« Reply #138 on: July 18, 2017, 07:01:44 PM »
First of all, I don't know how many hours exactly, but we spoke I would guess on average 3-4 hours every single day for 26 days before I could go. Sometimes just 2,5 hours on the phone, sometimes 1-2 hours skype and then 5 hours on the phone instead of sleeping. We where like a couple of teenagers talking endlessly on the phone. Sleeping is for the married couples :D

I can tell you exactly how this happened, I met one of her girlfriends online on a site almost 1,5 years ago, I talked to her for about 2-3 weeks and decided to come meet her, we had a good time, she was very sweet and nice, but there was something lacking in feelings, she felt a lot more like a very good friend the a potential future wife. So we decided we would just be friends. She then talked to Tanya at one time and said, "contact this man, he is a good man, he is serious and very attentive and very handsome"
So Tanya took contact on Viber, called me after about an hour of text-chatting and this all started.
She fell instantly for me as I did for her, everything felt amazing from day one. I did tell her from the start, I can't come to Ukraine until next month since I had a big project at work, and she only said - "good then we have plenty of time to get to know each other".
I wont write a whole trip-report, certainly not right now when I am with her.

But from that first day, she has called me maybe 70% of the times, when ever I called her, she giggled a bit and then tried to sneak away from what she was doing.. and when you have this chemistry, firstly there is no forbidden topics, secondly I WANT to, and really ENJOY talking to her, how could we run out of subjects? If you find yourself having a hard time finding things to talk about, especially if you dont live together - how possible?
We talk about everything that has happened in our life, memories, lifestories, politics, music, movies. We compare my life "in west" to hers in "the east", she can't really remember anything "Soviet" but she grew up during the Perestroika and the independence of Ukraine.
We enjoy talking about all the places we will visit when she comes here to live, what she wants to do with her life, where we want to live and what kind of life we want. So we always have things to talk about.. longest phonecall, night 3 or 4 I think it was, 9 hours straight.. we even had breakfast together on skype.. that is what 100% (LDR) chemistry is.. of course none of us planned it in advance, it was just that wonderful to have her in my life from day one.

I have - before I met Tanya - been to Ukraine 24 times in these 3 years or so I have been active, one of those was a longer relationship for about 7 months (8-9 visits) but in the end it fell apart for reasons that was out of our control, lets just say family issues.
The shortest time I talked online with someone before going there to meet her - 4 days
The longest time 1 month. Yes, I have met 25-30 girls during these 3,5 years, tried both WMVM  (and my preferred way) WOVO.

You will fail, you will bomb, you will not meet a single woman that way - at least none that is for marriage. Not with your attitude and your "skills"
All local men will "out-date" you in this way, you still don't understand how this is done online and you will fail miserably locally. Prepare for a lot of lonesome nights at the apartment crying yourself to sleep then.

Yes and I have met all kinds, too young, too old, to much gold-digger and some wonderful women that just didn't click.
Didn't I write clearly that we on this trip made it "official", it's never been anything but committed I would say, just not spoken. we talked about it after my first trip, that we would keep it exclusive, but it never had to be said to be fait, both she and I feel the same way.

and as far as my job, its been a lot of planning free days,. going on a lot of 4 day weekend trips.. its only 5 hours from my home to Kiev so to speak.
I am not rich, I am not a business owner, I have a high paid normal job, 8-5 and one very understanding boss :)

too tru night wish , very similar to my experience with my wife when we first met, it all just clicked and we both felt it was right to pursue it full on at every moment we could , i used to get up at midnight to talk in skype with her for 3-4 hours , weekends was up to 8-12 hours sometimes , not difficult when it feels right

SX
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Re: Trench's Questions and Philosophies
« Reply #139 on: July 18, 2017, 07:04:00 PM »

This is a cultural miscue on your part.  No, and I mean NO FSUM would ever expect a woman to take her on holiday and not pay for her food.  It's just foreign to the culture.

bo is correct here , this is a very basic miscue on your part mr trench,

SX
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Re: Trench's Questions and Philosophies
« Reply #140 on: July 18, 2017, 07:04:11 PM »
OK I get it Nightwish you Skyped a lot and a lot of women that had ideas other than looking for a real relationship would have dropped out long before the 150 hours reached and various random phone calls in their day. Yes perhaps I should have done a lot more Skype hours before meeting this girl in the first place, but her English was apparently not good at the time and I assumed it was tiring on both of us. I  can still not be quite sure if she really does/did have bad English or was just faking it. If she was faking it she was keeping up the charade well, more recent she does seem to have improved when on holiday but still not 100 percent. She did of course do English at school & I have paid for English lessons (about 100 Euros for 10 lessons) so maybe it was a case of it all coming back to her I'm just not sure. My girl doesn't have a good job like yours, she earns a lot less no doubt. I was never after a girl for the job she does though I can see when it comes to shopping it would ease the situation.

I personally only have so much free time I can use Skype for, though I can see now that time spent on many hours on skype with girl can mean many hours not wasted on trips to see the wrong girl. That said of course there are those on here that would say a girl will get fed up if no meeting was forthcoming after Skyping a fair while.

I'm guessing you hit up quite a number of girls on Skype before you got to one that seemed to hit the mark Nightwish? in terms of willing to skype you back without any reason not too that may seem perfectly valid.

I'm still not keen on all the online/skype approach that much, I'm still veering towards just going out to a town/city in the FSU for a while and just calling up girls there and then and date as the locals do get away from all the bs of online dating from afar. 

Lets face it there is a lot of bs on these online dating sites and for the newbie its easy to be suckered into the wrong girl who is happy to meet all too quickly for whatever reason other than wanting a real relationship.

The girl I am with at the moment I'm really not sure its going to go long term. She just seems to want to come to UK and I doubt her motives. She's refusing at the moment to see me if I come to Kherson and if she was serious I don't think she would be doing that. If it comes to another go at this in the near future I am wanting to get out there and meet all these girls first hand without any bs in the way.

So I'm surprised you aren't yet stated you are committed to this girl Nightwish - Looks to me you have more than the input that many do before committing. I mean you have met all her extended family and all, are you perhaps in danger of being a bit too non-committal?


First, congratulations, Nightwish.


No, Trench, you missed the point Nighwish was making.  You have to have interests besides bed to have a successful relationship.  His relationship with this woman is successful because they can speak on any topic, and stay engaged with one another.  This person should be the most interesting person in your universe, to you. 
After the fall of communism, the biggest mistake Boris Yeltsin's regime made was not to disband the KGB altogether. Instead it changed its name to the FSB and, to many observers, morphed into a gangster organisation, eventually headed by master criminal Vladimir Putin. - Gerard Batten

Offline Boethius

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Re: Trench's Questions and Philosophies
« Reply #141 on: July 18, 2017, 07:05:23 PM »
Well its really is a very short list Bill, basically I want a girl with:

-Natural Chemistry
-Genuinely wants a Serious, Committed Relationship
-Wants Children pretty soon
-Willing to make sacrifices for the Relationship
-Willing to do part time work to afford herself her own spending money
-Preferably no Children already as I would prefer a clean slate


I mean I don't think its too much to ask to ask the girl to do a little work so as to have her own money that she would just be spending on herself anyway (& maybe a bit for groceries) i.e clothing, beauty products, etc.

I'm happy paying the main big costs like accommodation, taxes, utility bills, car running costs, flights, all my own shopping costs and the odd occasional shopping costs of hers. I mean it doesn't sound unreasonable to me. I'm not asking for her to go 50/50, just hold a bit of her own self-weight financially. Essentially I am allowing any money she earns as free spending money to spend on herself her own leisure which she apparently doesn't have at the moment it goes on her half of apartment rental cost. So she would be getting a far better deal than she is at present but no she seems to want to be disagreeable to me going to Kherson to advance our relationship and instead seems happy staying in her present predicament which is worse off than I am offering her.

Part of my issue is if she doesn't work at all to pay for anything, her own clothes, etc then she is not going to respect my money. The best I can do then is say here's X amount of money for the month, that's it. I can just see her spending X amount on herself then coming back for more before the month is out. i.e if she doesn't earn it she just won't care as its not her money being spent or wasted.


So what are you giving her?  What sacrifices are you willing to make for the relationship?
After the fall of communism, the biggest mistake Boris Yeltsin's regime made was not to disband the KGB altogether. Instead it changed its name to the FSB and, to many observers, morphed into a gangster organisation, eventually headed by master criminal Vladimir Putin. - Gerard Batten

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Re: Trench's Questions and Philosophies
« Reply #142 on: July 18, 2017, 07:07:20 PM »

Not too much to ask at all, in fact it's quite preferable to have the wife work and contribute. I've seen more than one RW go stir crazy from nowhere to go and nothing to do. Lack of self worth, leads to nothing but trouble. Make her an active part of her own acclimation and self sufficiency drive. You WANT her to be successful in everything she does.


But you want that so that she is happy.  Not because you want her to pull her economic weight in the relationship.
After the fall of communism, the biggest mistake Boris Yeltsin's regime made was not to disband the KGB altogether. Instead it changed its name to the FSB and, to many observers, morphed into a gangster organisation, eventually headed by master criminal Vladimir Putin. - Gerard Batten

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Re: Trench's Questions and Philosophies
« Reply #143 on: July 18, 2017, 07:08:40 PM »
I agree Steamer, doing too much for someone that they don't feel any need to be motivated and takes person they're with for granted does no good. They can just end up dumping everything on the other half and that can get burdensome. 2tallbill's wife says he's wife does a part time job. Wall I do think you may have a tendency to see money as a device to use in this venture. Be careful I would say, I would play down money you have to a reasonable level. If girl picks up that you have money you will never know if she is with you for the right reasons until it is too late. I should have played down the money side of things more if anything and I'm not real rich. I remember Wall you saying you're girl asked if you are good for money and you laughed and nodded. I personally think that was a mistake, you may still be ok and I hope you are but I would be cautious if I were you. i.e she may be playing the long game.


For the average Ukrainian, every Westerner has money.  So this "advice" is silly.
After the fall of communism, the biggest mistake Boris Yeltsin's regime made was not to disband the KGB altogether. Instead it changed its name to the FSB and, to many observers, morphed into a gangster organisation, eventually headed by master criminal Vladimir Putin. - Gerard Batten

Online 2tallbill

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Re: Trench's Questions and Philosophies
« Reply #144 on: July 18, 2017, 07:56:09 PM »
Well its really is a very short list Bill, basically I want a girl with:

-Natural Chemistry
-Genuinely wants a Serious, Committed Relationship
-Wants Children pretty soon
-Willing to make sacrifices for the Relationship
-Willing to do part time work to afford herself her own spending money
-Preferably no Children already as I would prefer a clean slate

Where is the 50/50 part?
You posted all those goals in a few lines but couldn't do it with
your financial goals for her which was long and rambling. You
need to get those goals in simple, concise one line statements
as well.

Write them again and again until they are S.M.A.R.T.

Goals have to be Specific, Measurable, Attainable, Relevant
and Timely and especially not rambling. FSUW don't do vague.

She won't be able to work immediately and the job probably
won't pay much and she will need a ton of help and support
especially in the beginning. Moving to a new country, culture,
language and leaving everything behind is a real tough challenge
and putting financial pressure on her will cause enormous grief.

« Last Edit: July 18, 2017, 08:00:39 PM by 2tallbill »
FSUW are not for entry level daters
FSUW don't do vague
FSUW like a man of action. Be a man of action 
If you find a promising girl, get your butt on a plane.
There are a hundred ways to be successful and a thousand ways to f#ck it up
Just kiss the girl, don't ask her first. Tolerate NO excuses!

Offline wallm

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Re: Trench's Questions and Philosophies
« Reply #145 on: July 18, 2017, 09:08:20 PM »
Wall I do think you may have a tendency to see money as a device to use in this venture. Be careful I would say, I would play down money you have to a reasonable level. If girl picks up that you have money you will never know if she is with you for the right reasons until it is too late. I should have played down the money side of things more if anything and I'm not real rich. I remember Wall you saying you're girl asked if you are good for money and you laughed and nodded. I personally think that was a mistake, you may still be ok and I hope you are but I would be cautious if I were you. i.e she may be playing the long game.

I can't help but shake my head. ::) I do not use money as device. I am not taking her shopping and then bitching about it. She asked me in the first week we spent together if I need my future wife to work immediately upon coming to the US. I said no. I explained it will take her a year or two to assimilate into the culture and lifestyle. She will have to learn the language via ESL classes. Then if she wants to work, I will support her. I am sure she will work because she is smart, educated and won't be happy not working. But once she is here, her welfare is my responsibility. FSUW want their man to provide for the family and protect them.

I can't think everyone is a scammer. I am not a suspicious rat like you. I can't think along the lines of her "playing the long game." This is not golf. I know what to do if I suspect something is amiss. The lady I am pursuing works two jobs. She is educated and independent. She has yet to ask me for anything. I paid for all our travel in Ukraine, food, taxis. She doesn't make enough to afford some of that. I never for a second thought about why I am paying. Moreover, she needs to understand I can take care of her, provide for her. I am not a cheap SOB.;D

Offline BillyB

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Re: Trench's Questions and Philosophies
« Reply #146 on: July 18, 2017, 09:10:10 PM »
Nightwish, sounds like you got a woman that is "into you". That is what every newbie should be going after. If a guy settles for less, he'll get less.



Pressure washers can damage/weaken car tires.

Car tires support thousands of pounds, roll down the street 100 mph in 100 degree plus heat and survive for years and discarded only because there isn't enough tread left to provide adequate traction in wet or icy conditions. Car tires are much tougher than house paint yet professionals use pressure washers to clean the siding of a house before repainting. The secret is to hold the pressure washer far away enough to not damage the item to be cleaned but close enough to get the dirt off. With high enough pressure, water is used to cut steel but the pressure washers aren't that powerful but it will cut skin or peel paint. It can damage the rubber of a tire if improperly applied at point blank range.
Fund the audits, spread the word and educate people, write your politicians and other elected officials. Stay active in the fight to save our country. Over 220 generals and admirals say we are in a fight for our survival like no other time since 1776.

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Re: Trench's Questions and Philosophies
« Reply #147 on: July 18, 2017, 09:17:04 PM »
. . . the pressure washers aren't that powerful but it will cut skin or peel paint.


Good point.

I think I will try using a pressure washer to give myself a facial dermabrasion.
Cheaper than going to a doc.
A beautiful woman is pleasant to look at, but it is easier to live with a pleasant acting one.

Offline Trenchcoat

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Re: Trench's Questions and Philosophies
« Reply #148 on: July 18, 2017, 10:19:09 PM »
Where is the 50/50 part?
You posted all those goals in a few lines but couldn't do it with
your financial goals for her which was long and rambling. You
need to get those goals in simple, concise one line statements
as well.

Write them again and again until they are S.M.A.R.T.

Goals have to be Specific, Measurable, Attainable, Relevant
and Timely and especially not rambling. FSUW don't do vague.

She won't be able to work immediately and the job probably
won't pay much and she will need a ton of help and support
especially in the beginning. Moving to a new country, culture,
language and leaving everything behind is a real tough challenge
and putting financial pressure on her will cause enormous grief.

There's no 50/50 part for finances Bill. I initially just raised it with girl as an example of how Western Man & Women often go about financing the relationship.

I don't expect her to go 50/50 or anything close. All I want is her to get a part time job, not necessarily immediately but over time so to cover her clothes shopping habits. Otherwise as I see it she will have no clue about how much it all costs, go overboard and burden me with large expenses.

So may financial goal for her:

- Get a basic pay job as soon as she can to pay for her clothes shopping habit.

She has quite good English now and can come across well, I don't think she would have as much of a problem as some on here think. It would just be a question of finding the right fit for her.

Of course I would pay the main costs of the relationship, all if needs be. It just makes sense to me for the relationship for the girl to work part time to ease the expenses.

Honestly, she's lucky I'm not a Scotsman, they're world renown for being exceedingly tight :D
"If you make your own bread, then and only then, are you a free man unchained and alive living in pooty tang paradise, or say no and live in Incel island with all the others." - Krimster

Offline Trenchcoat

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Re: Trench's Questions and Philosophies
« Reply #149 on: July 18, 2017, 10:23:50 PM »

For the average Ukrainian, every Westerner has money.  So this "advice" is silly.

Then they assume all westerners are good for a good shaking down through foreign dating ;D
"If you make your own bread, then and only then, are you a free man unchained and alive living in pooty tang paradise, or say no and live in Incel island with all the others." - Krimster

 

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