Want to understand values of Russian women

[RandyLewis007]

Hi,
I'm new here. For the past two years, I've been dating a Belarussian woman. Everything is nice between us but at times I think that I am not able to understand what she wants. To be more specific, I feel like she gets pissed off by me for reasons like going out with my guy friends and sometimes when I do my adventure sports trips. I offer her to join me but she refuses. Also, over the past few months, there has been a gap that has developed between us and I don't know why. I find her opaque and I couldn't get through her mind.

I'm by profession a diplomat, have to travel a lot for my work and I'm an American. In the given scenario, should I break up?

[calmissile]

Based upon my experiences with Ukraine women (including my wife), they all seem to be obsessed with jealousy.  They want you with them all the time and that means you will not be allowed to have much time 'with the guys'.  I know it's not a good idea to generalize but for me it's been 100% true with the FSU women I have been with.

[msmob]

Randy,

Do US diplomats seek such advice from total strangers ?!

How can we know how to 'advise' with what we 'know ' about you or her in two posts?

Does she you make you more happy than sad?

Are you both  hoping for marriage or just romantic interludes?

Misunderstandings, occur between couples that share the same culture / language, but there are those that have married FSUW who spoke v.little English and the guy v.of her lingo and they make a 'go of it'..

When you clicked, did you both understand where you wanted this relationship to go?.

Asking those questions might 'help'(?) Good luck to you both !

[msmob]

Based upon my experiences with Ukraine women (including my wife), they all seem to be obsessed with jealousy.  They want you with them all the time and that means you will not be allowed to have much time 'with the guys'.  I know it's not a good idea to generalize but for me it's been 100% true with the FSU women I have been with.

I think we find the type of woman we deserve / seek.

Whilst I agree FSU W can be upset by the possible attentions of other FSU ladies, they do not seem to notice the attention they may be getting from admirers, themselves.

My first wife was of Irish/ British extraction and was the most insecure wife (with no good reason) re other ladies in proximity.. when I worked away.

If you marry a FSU W they are likely to go back to the FSU for more prolonged visits that their hubbies can afford/ endure..esp with older relatives involved..


One of the first Qs SC adked me was are you a  guy, who is possessive / jealous ?

My response was, "if I am attracted to you, I have to understand that other men will be, too...My being jealousl has to be balanced by some reassurance that we are a couple who are friends and lovers and realise that it tool a look time to find that trust... "

If one or both of you are ready to seek the 'company' of others then the relationship was no longer sustaiable.. or needed attention.

It makes me smile when our FSU wives / g/friends get 'jealous', as it seems to me they get hit on more often than we do?)

I notice how other women behave to SC's dress code, than guys..

[Patagonie]

Based upon my experiences with Ukraine women (including my wife), they all seem to be obsessed with jealousy.  They want you with them all the time and that means you will not be allowed to have much time 'with the guys'.  I know it's not a good idea to generalize but for me it's been 100% true with the FSU women I have been with.

+1
In average FSU women are really more jealous than western women. You could have some werstern women jealous but that more about psychological issues. 
With FSU women that more a cultural root. 
You need to understand that the competition between women is fierce and man have the nice seat to play the game. Many of them have been betrayed or have been the witnesses of adultery.

[msmob]

You need to understand that the competition between women is fierce and man have the nice seat to play the game. Many of them have been betrayed or have been the witnesses of adultery.

This is some sort of myth ..  ( IMHO) those of us who live in the FSU for long periods know that simply being a western man, with a  western passport does not really give you that much of an advantage any more..

Attractive, FSU ladies of any age still attract local suitors ...they are NOT sitting, waiting for westerners

[Faux Pas]

Hi,
I'm new here. For the past two years, I've been dating a Belarussian woman. Everything is nice between us but at times I think that I am not able to understand what she wants. To be more specific, I feel like she gets pissed off by me for reasons like going out with my guy friends and sometimes when I do my adventure sports trips. I offer her to join me but she refuses. Also, over the past few months, there has been a gap that has developed between us and I don't know why. I find her opaque and I couldn't get through her mind.

I'm by profession a diplomat, have to travel a lot for my work and I'm an American. In the given scenario, should I break up?

Welcome to RWD 

Maybe you posted in the newcomers section and I missed it. To offer you an suggestion or two I'd really need to know the dynamics. Are you in Belarus? Many women, especially women whom have dreams of long term relationships (men too) would get jealous and question why you would not want to spend your free time with them. That really isn't an FSUW trait

[Boethius]

Jealousy is not the norm among FSUW, just as it isn't the norm among WW.  What is different, culturally, is that everything centres around the relationship, and, on marriage, the home.  So you going off and doing your own thing is a sign to her that you will continue these things if you marry, and she doesn't like that.  Weather permitting, my (FSU) husband goes fishing most days in the summer and autumn, and all the FSU individuals he knows ask him "And your wife allows this?"


I suggest you sit down and talk to her about this.  Tell her this is perfectly normal and acceptable in your culture, and ask if it bothers her.  Perhaps you can compromise.


This post was composed without the aid of google.

[ML]

My FSU wife is not at all jealous.

But I encountered several FSU women who were very jealous.

They covered about 20% of my sample size.

For the remaining 80%, the issue did not arise.

The sense I got about this from many of the women (including my wife), was that they expected that most (but not all) FSU men were involved in some relationship outside of marriage.

And I also got the sense that they would more or less put up with it, since it was just a given.

I remember one FSU gal telling me a long story about her husband.
He had several affairs, and she knew about them.

On one occasion, she tracked down the other woman and went to visit with her in her apartment.

She was ready to let this relationship continue also, until she became convinced while talking to the other woman that the husband actually loved that woman more than he did her and their children.

Having an affair, but continuing to love her the most was acceptable.  But not loving her the most was not acceptable.

That led her to file for divorce.

Another woman told me of finding a second woman for a three way, because that's what her husband wanted.  The marriage ended later anyway, but not because of that specific other woman, or because of the many other women he had affairs with.  The big problem was his stupidity with money.  The last straw was when he sold a dacha that he had inherited and sent the money to a total stranger in another city for a 'good deal' on the purchase of a car.  Never saw the money again . . . or a car !!

[GQBlues]

Hi,
I'm new here. For the past two years, I've been dating a Belarussian woman. Everything is nice between us but at times I think that I am not able to understand what she wants. To be more specific, I feel like she gets pissed off by me for reasons like going out with my guy friends and sometimes when I do my adventure sports trips. I offer her to join me but she refuses. Also, over the past few months, there has been a gap that has developed between us and I don't know why. I find her opaque and I couldn't get through her mind.

I'm by profession a diplomat, have to travel a lot for my work and I'm an American. In the given scenario, should I break up?

Jealousy is a sign of insecurity. Insecurity breeds 'control'. Control is the lack of respect. No one needs that type of behavior in a partner.

All that said, you need to break the relationship not because of what she had become, but rather you are left with yourself.

If you must come to the internet to solicit guidance from people you do not know to determine the fate of your personal relationship; you, as well as she, need to get yourselves straightened out before getting someone involved in your life again..

[Gator]

Randy,

As I told you a month ago, women are women everywhere, and they come in 57 varieties. 

Is she in India with you, or still in Belarus?  If in India, she is away from her long term Belarus  friends and family.  And if she does not possess the Diplomats' sense of socializing among many new faces, she perhaps feels isolated.

Two years is long enough in a relationship to be open, trusting and relaxed with each other - enough to share feelings.  Maybe you and she like mysteries.  I don't.  Neither does my Russian wife whom I have known for 14 years.     

   

[Gator]

BTW, if you are thinking about breaking up, you evidently don't have strong feelings for her.  I suggest you tell her the relationship is not developing the way you anticipated and ask her how she feels.     

[tfcrew]

  In the given scenario, should I break up?

You really don't expect to get an informed answer to that based on that short paragraph?

[BillyB]

Hi,
I'm new here. For the past two years, I've been dating a Belarussian woman..................In the given scenario, should I break up?

If you’re just dating, you’re not in a relationship so there’s nothing to break up. Doesn’t matter what bothers you about her, date other women till you find one you like. This post you said you known her for two years. Your first post last month said you fell in love with her 6 months ago.