Grabbing life with both hands

[jone]

The older I get, the more I am convinced that we are presented with few life altering opportunities.  Some of us will watch them go by.   Others will grab them with both hands.  In the dating world we hear the words 'Faint hearts and fair ladies'.  But the theme is not as one sided as one might think.

As an inspiration to the members here, I was wondering if we might put together a collection of near misses, coupled with the extraordinary stories of ones who leaped without looking. 

***********************************************************************

For me, the story is of a near miss.  In April of 2013, I landed upon a relationship with a beautiful young Ukrainian woman who took my breath away.  She was sweet, educated, and one of those hourglass figures that we dream about as young men.

We courted over the internet and I went to meet her.  Our weekend together was wonderful and was a preface to a longer and wonderful relationship.  I planned my summer in her city.  But events with international finances delayed me a week from arriving.  I stayed in touch.  But she was so set on me arriving a certain day that she could not deal with the disappointment.  Her friend tried to intervene, but to no avail. 

For me it was a huge let down.  I spent the summer moping around Mykolaiv.  She, on the other hand, has had two boyfriends since then.  Neither has measured up to her standards.  At 32, she remains unmarried and will probably not have many chances to change that and have children.

Her moment passed her by because she was too scared to admit that I deserved a chance to be in her life, that I had let her down because of my tardiness.

While there is a lesson to be learned in dealing with FSU women here, there is a greater lesson to be learned by the woman - but I don't think she will have the chance, having blown it two years ago.   I still stay in touch with her friend who is in the same industry as my fiancee and lives in the same area that I do. 

Do you have a story of a near miss - one where if someone had made the right move things would have worked?

[Slumba]

[LiveFromUkraine]

lol  Jone, sometimes your posts make me scratch my head in wonder. 


It's a good topic, but surely you could have come up with an example of you making a mistake instead of some woman who didn't want to pursue a relationship with you.   


Topic wise, I don't believe in missed opportunities when it comes to relationships.  I take it that is what this topic is about.  Missed just means you weren't ready for the relationship in one way or another. 

[ML]

I had a real miss early in my finance career.

I had just gotten my CPA certification and was looking around.  Job came up as assistant controller at mid-size financial firm.  I  interviewed, but controller told me the job would probably go to another guy already there working his way up.

He said though, that it just happened that the Treasurer was also looking for a guy if I wanted to talk with him right now.  So I said OK.

We just sat in reception area outside the Controller's office and talked for no more than 5 minutes.  I asked, what did he need the guy to do.  Treasurer said he needed someone to track down 'suspense' items in various financial sub-accounts, etc.  i.e. Things that didn't get put in correct place for one reason or another . . . and make corrections.

Sounded pretty mundane to me . . . so I said 'not interested.'

Many years later, I heard more about the Treasurer and the guy who took 'my job.'

The Treasurer moved up to VP of Finance, then Executive VP,  then President, then CEO and Chairman of Board.  The guy who took 'my job' followed him up all the way, and eventually became CEO himself.

The firm, meanwhile gobbled up many other financial  firms and became one of most dominant in USA.

[jone]

lol  Jone, sometimes your posts make me scratch my head in wonder. 


It's a good topic, but surely you could have come up with an example of you making a mistake instead of some woman who didn't want to pursue a relationship with you.   


Topic wise, I don't believe in missed opportunities when it comes to relationships.  I take it that is what this topic is about.  Missed just means you weren't ready for the relationship in one way or another.

Yeah, you're probably right.  I should have come up with one for me.  But I was hoping to draw people in to the conversation.  It worked.   

[LiveFromUkraine]

Yeah, you're probably right.  I should have come up with one for me.  But I was hoping to draw people in to the conversation.  It worked.   

Like I said, it's a good topic.  I'm trying to think of anything that I would feel I missed out on besides screwing up some business stuff that cost me millions.  haha


For me, I like to think if I'm not screwing something up, I'm just not pushing myself hard enough.  I learned not to plan out most of life outside of finances.  Most plans I envisioned for myself would have ended up making me miserable.      

[fathertime]

Her moment passed her by because she was too scared to admit that I deserved a chance to be in her life, that I had let her down because of my tardiness.
 

I have NO idea why you are making up HER story-line ....She may very well not look at it as a 'moment that passed' but rather dodging a bullet or something of the sort....It may have very little to do with your 'tardiness'.... YOU should probably think less about her, and her latest romances, and more about your own story. 


I don't give much thought to women that I lost a connection with...it is water under the bridge....I made my choices, they made theirs, and have no problem/doubt with the decisions, without all of them I'd be someone else, and I'd rather just be my imperfect self. 


Fathertime!   

[jone]

I have NO idea why you are making up HER story-line ....She may very well not look at it as a 'moment that passed' but rather dodging a bullet or something of the sort....It may have very little to do with your 'tardiness'.... YOU should probably think less about her, and her latest romances, and more about your own story. 


I don't give much thought to women that I lost a connection with...it is water under the bridge....I made my choices, they made theirs, and have no problem/doubt with the decisions, without all of them I'd be someone else, and I'd rather just be my imperfect self. 


Fathertime!

Who said I was making up her story line?    In the post I remarked that I remained associated with her closest friend.   

I'm not saying I was the catch of a lifetime, but I do remark that she was too scared to make the jump.  (More than once and not only with me.)  Moreover, I have given no personal details, just an observation of someone  that has let life pass her by.

But thank you for telling me what I should do.  I value your advice.

[jone]

I have NO idea why you are making up HER story-line ....She may very well not look at it as a 'moment that passed' but rather dodging a bullet or something of the sort....It may have very little to do with your 'tardiness'.... YOU should probably think less about her, and her latest romances, and more about your own story. 


I don't give much thought to women that I lost a connection with...it is water under the bridge....I made my choices, they made theirs, and have no problem/doubt with the decisions, without all of them I'd be someone else, and I'd rather just be my imperfect self. 


Fathertime!

By the way, just so you know, when we thought about putting this thread up, in chat, I remarked that no matter what I wrote about you would try and twist it and make it about me as an insult.  Thanks for not disappointing.

[LiveFromUkraine]

By the way, just so you know, when we thought about putting this thread up, in chat, I remarked that no matter what I wrote about you would try and twist it and make it about me as an insult.  Thanks for not disappointing.

You guys talking about other members in chat?  Tsk, tsk... 

[jone]

Actually, we were talking about putting up this thread.  But when it was decided that I should be the one to author it, that part of the conversation naturally came up.  In my own defense it was a passing remark and not pursued by anyone.  There are more fun things to talk about in Chat, however.  Why don't your join us there?  It is a very congenial group.  The most ardently opposed position takers on this forum are good friends in chat.

[Boethius]

just an observation of someone  that has let life pass her by.

Perhaps she hasn't let life pass her by.  Maybe she's inflexible.  Maybe no one has met her standards. 


I think God brings people together for a reason.  You were not meant to be, and she was not meant to be with those who came before, or after, you.

[LiveFromUkraine]

Actually, we were talking about putting up this thread.  But when it was decided that I should be the one to author it, that part of the conversation naturally came up.  In my own defense it was a passing remark and not pursued by anyone.  There are more fun things to talk about in Chat, however.  Why don't your join us there?  It is a very congenial group.  The most ardently opposed position takers on this forum are good friends in chat.

I appreciate the invite and sentiment.  I can't say I am much of a chat guy, but will have to check it out.  I try to work while making the random post here and chat would end the work part quite quickly.   

[fathertime]

Who said I was making up her story line?    In the post I remarked that I remained associated with her closest friend.   

I say you were making up HER story line....and here's why:

   But she was so set on me arriving a certain day that she could not deal with the disappointment. 
   She, on the other hand, has had two boyfriends since then.  Neither has measured up to her standards.  At 32, she remains unmarried and will probably not have many chances to change that and have children.

Her moment passed her by because she was too scared to admit that I deserved a chance to be in her life, that I had let her down because of my tardiness.

While there is a lesson to be learned in dealing with FSU women here, there is a greater lesson to be learned by the woman - but I don't think she will have the chance, having blown it two years ago.   I still stay in touch with her friend who is in the same industry as my fiancee and lives in the same area that I do. 
 

She moved on from you in a rather harsh way....who knows why or cares....but you are acting as if she made the mistake of her lifetime...clearly she wasn't THAT impressed/interested in you, not nearly as much as you were/are of her...
You could have told this story from your perspective, leaving out all of the thoughts YOU ascribed to her...but of course you told the story in a way to pump yourself and dump on her...very classy.

 

By the way, just so you know, when we thought about putting this thread up, in chat, I remarked that no matter what I wrote about you would try and twist it and make it about me as an insult.  Thanks for not disappointing.

So now I'm a big topic of conversation in 'chat' for you.  Interesting I'm on your mind that much. I only give you crap when you deserve a little, not on every topic.     


Of course you would catch some crap for putting the story up, in the manner that you have.  There were many honest ways you could have brought up the topic, but you chose to make up a critical story of a woman that spurned you instead, and disguised it as a topic of interest.  I doubt you are fooling anybody here. 


Fathertime!   

[Boethius]

She moved on from you in a rather harsh way....who knows why or cares....but you are acting as if she made the mistake of her lifetime...clearly she wasn't THAT impressed/interested in you, not nearly as much as you were/are of her...You could have told this story from your perspective, leaving out all of the thoughts YOU ascribed to her...but of course you told the story in a way to pump yourself and dump on her...very classy.

I didn't read it that way.  I read it as she had unreasonable demands with him, and unrealistic expectations with at least two men she has attempted relationships with since then.  I.e., she wasn't grabbing life.

[jone]

I say you were making up HER story line....and here's why:

She moved on from you in a rather harsh way....who knows why or cares....but you are acting as if she made the mistake of her lifetime...clearly she wasn't THAT impressed/interested in you, not nearly as much as you were/are of her...
You could have told this story from your perspective, leaving out all of the thoughts YOU ascribed to her...but of course you told the story in a way to pump yourself and dump on her...very classy.

 

So now I'm a big topic of conversation in 'chat' for you.  Interesting I'm on your mind that much. I only give you crap when you deserve a little, not on every topic.     


Of course you would catch some crap for putting the story up, in the manner that you have.  There were many honest ways you could have brought up the topic, but you chose to make up a critical story of a woman that spurned you instead, and disguised it as a topic of interest.  I doubt you are fooling anybody here. 


Fathertime!   

Yeah, you're a peach of a guy.  No fooling you.  You can ascribe emotions to everyone.  Just ask Gator.  He made the mistake of trying to befriend you.   Anyone care to guess why Gator left the forum?

You have absolutely twisted everything that was being said in this thread in an attempt to insult me.  And no, you're not fooling anyone here.

[fathertime]

You have absolutely twisted everything that was being said in this thread in an attempt to insult me.  And no, you're not fooling anyone here.

I merely responded to what you wrote:

  I planned my summer in her city.  But events with international finances delayed me a week from arriving.  I stayed in touch.  But she was so set on me arriving a certain day that she could not deal with the disappointment.  Her friend tried to intervene, but to no avail. 

For me it was a huge let down.  I spent the summer moping around Mykolaiv.  She, on the other hand, has had two boyfriends since then. Neither has measured up to her standards.  At 32, she remains unmarried and will probably not have many chances to change that and have children.

Her moment passed her by because she was too scared to admit that I deserved a chance to be in her life, that I had let her down because of my tardiness.

Yeah, all those statements of why she did or didn't do things are nothing more than you characterizing her, when really you don't know, or want to know.  She may have decided that you weren't worth the headache, were too full of yourself, any number of things.    Funny you started the thread acting like you were going to discuss a blown missed opportunity, when in reality all you did was lay the loss entirely at the feet of a much younger woman in Ukraine..very macho....


You should be grateful it twas me, an unpopular poster,  that called out your BS, as I'm  certain others that read that original post read it along the same lines. Just because my viewpoints are unpopular doesn't mean they aren't the truth sometimes.   


Fathertime!

[jone]

You are so full of it.  You have no fricking idea of the emotions of this woman.   Yet you call my characterization wrong.  How do you know that I didn't hear those words, word for word, from her mouth or her friend's?  You don't!

Yet you call me out for relaying something that happened in my life.  Not yours.  Which you have no fricking clue about.  And you call me a liar for it. 

Other posters have already told you that you don't know what you're talking about and still you continue.  That is not the mark of an unpopular poster.  It is the mark of someone who is so into himself he ignores everyone and everything around him in an effort to sully someone he hates.  You're obsessed and everyone sees it but you.  This is the same behavior we witnessed when you chased after Gator.

Thank you for not at least trying to disguise your animosity to make things partially believable. 

[Boethius]

To get this back on track, is this supposed to be about life partners, or any event in life?

[Muzh]

You are so full of it.  You have no fricking idea of the emotions of this woman.   Yet you call my characterization wrong.  How do you know that I didn't hear those words, word for word, from her mouth or her friend's?  You don't!

Yet you call me out for relaying something that happened in my life.  Not yours.  Which you have no fricking clue about.  And you call me a liar for it. 

Other posters have already told you that you don't know what you're talking about and still you continue.  That is not the mark of an unpopular poster.  It is the mark of someone who is so into himself he ignores everyone and everything around him in an effort to sully someone he hates.  You're obsessed and everyone sees it but you.  This is the same behavior we witnessed when you chased after Gator.

Thank you for not at least trying to disguise your animosity to make things partially believable.

Ah, you are falling for it. He is crawling under your skin and you are letting him. 

[Muzh]

To get this back on track, is this supposed to be about life partners, or any event in life?

LMAO


Are you insinuating that LT, er..., FT is hijacking a thread?


God forbid!!!

[Boethius]

No, just wondering if it is partner oriented, or life in general oriented, and whether we can get it past the tit for tat, amusing as that is. 

Maybe I'm just mellow today.

[jone]

Ah, you are falling for it. He is crawling under your skin and you are letting him. 

Muzh,

As always, you bring humor back to the forum.  Thanks, Buddy.

[jone]

To get this back on track, is this supposed to be about life partners, or any event in life?

Any event.  And getting back on track would be nice.

[Patagonie]

I had a pretty same experience.
Like Jone.
It started 6 years ago.
She was one of the first ladies i met.
During three years she was in my mind every month or every week.

It is possible to consider that our meeting and what happened between us was not very important considering the facts.
But a relationship is first about emotions, bond, love rather than facts.
I have rarely flied in my life with women, i remember perhaps four, but it included her for sure. And don't tell me that i was an idiot fascinated by the first pretty girl. In fact i was in seducion for three years and having a nice control of myself and good level of game. 

Finally i got some news from her one year and half ago. Not married, no children, no job. When i remet her four years ago i was pretty sure that she was in relationship with a rich local man, or perhaps an expat.
We spent three hours together and at this moment she was definitively not into me. But her behavior was quite strange, she was like dominated, under a domination, a sense of unhealthy love affair.

Considering how FSUW manage their past relationships (something that needs experience to figure out), i can simply say that i was important for this woman. Normally they trash you to the end of universe, in a black hole.

The bottom line is simply that the providence  worked for me and my wife is a better match for me and for my happiness.
I worry for this woman because she is now 36, and even she is a 8.7 it's late for a woman in the ukrainian society.

She wasted her time while being on Elena Models and was not enough serious in her standards, giving probably too much importance to the life style level.

I consider that she would have made a perfect house wife and mother for childrens, with a really well off man living outside Ukraine to escape of her family constantly monitoring her (perhaps with good reasons who now?)