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Poll

Please vote for the 3 factors that you believe are the biggest contributors to cross-cultural divorce.

Financial (not enough money, arguments over money, etc.)
27 (19.7%)
Sex (disparity in sexual drives or interests, arguments over sex, etc.)
13 (9.5%)
Abuse (physical, verbal, or emotional abuse)
10 (7.3%)
Infidelity (yours or your partner's infidelity)
9 (6.6%)
Children (conflict over children from a former marriage)
9 (6.6%)
Family (interference from your family or your partner's family)
5 (3.6%)
Stress (job stress or education stress or parenting stress, etc.)
4 (2.9%)
Language (inability to effectively communicate due to language difference ONLY)
7 (5.1%)
Cultural (differences between cultures proved incompatible)
11 (8%)
Communication (lack of desire to communicate)
14 (10.2%)
Commitment (lack of desire to remain committed to the marriage)
17 (12.4%)
Family Goals (differences in objectives and/or interests)
11 (8%)

Total Members Voted: 53

Voting closed: November 30, 2008, 01:18:28 PM

Author Topic: Survey Results - Third Question: Causes of Divorce  (Read 158386 times)

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Offline AC

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Re: Survey Results - Third Question: Causes of Divorce
« Reply #125 on: April 08, 2015, 05:41:58 PM »
M., I find it very interesting that you got married 15 years ago.   :popcorn:

Guess trying to buy some company in a bar when you were single and desperate did not turn out.

Offline Muzh

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Re: Survey Results - Third Question: Causes of Divorce
« Reply #126 on: April 08, 2015, 05:45:55 PM »
M., I find it very interesting that you got married 15 years ago.   :popcorn:

Guess trying to buy some company in a bar when you were single and desperate did not turn out.


Is that really you in that avatar?
To argue with a man who has renounced the use and authority of reason, and whose philosophy consists in holding humanity in contempt, is like administering medicine to the dead. Thomas Paine - The American Crisis 1776-1783

Offline LiveFromUkraine

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Re: Survey Results - Third Question: Causes of Divorce
« Reply #127 on: April 08, 2015, 08:36:31 PM »
What kind of guy goes to a bar alone today, and then when he is so desperate for some company, offers to buy a perfect stranger some champagne?  Oh that's right, the geriatric desperate type who can't get a date, so he ends up in a bar.



Back before I started working for myself, I was working for a company that had me in different locations.  I really didn't have a home per say.  I could either stay in the hotel or go out, have a drink and be around people.  I prefer being around people instead of being in a hotel room.  I understand why some people can't do it, but hardly desperate for those that have no problem in social environments.  I met some great people going out alone that I am still friends with to this day.

Not to mention the times I have traveled to other countries on my own.   If that is desperate, I prefer that to waiting for someone to go with me and hold my hand.  :)
« Last Edit: April 08, 2015, 08:43:15 PM by LiveFromUkraine »

Offline Chelseaboy

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Re: Survey Results - Third Question: Causes of Divorce
« Reply #128 on: April 09, 2015, 04:29:20 AM »
Boethius,

                In your post 121 you say "The man is going to a foreign country and leading with his wallet.So yes,i would say in a sense,he is to blame ".

You also don't absolve the women who use the men from blame.

So,we're in agreement.


Yet,you extol the virtues of a member who believes in leading with his wallet to gain the affections of women...namely Muzh...so you contradict yourself.

Not for Muzh the cheapskate ( in his opinion) method of getting to know a woman by offering to buy her a drink..oh no,no less than bottles of Champagne to buy her affection will suffice...a classic leading with his wallet believer who splashes the cash to impress the girl.

This is NOT about normal dating where a man dates a woman and pays for everything,restaurant,drinks etc...this is all about a guy who bigs himself up by saying "look how great i am,i can afford to buy bottles of Champers for girls i've just met..never mind the charisma i haven't got,just feel the bulge in my wallet ".

« Last Edit: April 09, 2015, 04:30:52 AM by Chelseaboy »
Just saying it like it is.

Offline jone

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Re: Survey Results - Third Question: Causes of Divorce
« Reply #129 on: April 09, 2015, 05:52:37 AM »

115!! And man, you are so right about free flowing champagne and a happy marriage.  :clapping:



BINGO!!!



Absolutely. However, I do question those who constantly complain about every woman they meet (and haven't met yet.)

[/size]

LFU


You have no clue how close it came to that.

I am actually curious:

Now that you've eliminated the need to go to work every day, and you are building your dream house, how has your life changed in your spousal relationship?    Are you underfoot, as they say?  Does she let you golf occasionally?  Is it a more relaxed lifestyle? 

Please, do tell.
Kissing girls is a goodness.  It beats the hell out of card games.  - Robert Heinlein

Offline Boethius

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Re: Survey Results - Third Question: Causes of Divorce
« Reply #130 on: April 09, 2015, 06:52:52 AM »
Boethius,

                In your post 121 you say "The man is going to a foreign country and leading with his wallet.So yes,i would say in a sense,he is to blame ".

You also don't absolve the women who use the men from blame.

So,we're in agreement.


Yet,you extol the virtues of a member who believes in leading with his wallet to gain the affections of women...namely Muzh...so you contradict yourself.

Not for Muzh the cheapskate ( in his opinion) method of getting to know a woman by offering to buy her a drink..oh no,no less than bottles of Champagne to buy her affection will suffice...a classic leading with his wallet believer who splashes the cash to impress the girl.

This is NOT about normal dating where a man dates a woman and pays for everything,restaurant,drinks etc...this is all about a guy who bigs himself up by saying "look how great i am,i can afford to buy bottles of Champers for girls i've just met..never mind the charisma i haven't got,just feel the bulge in my wallet ".


I don't think that buying champagne for someone you want to have a drink with and get to know is leading with your wallet.  If you believe women are impressed by men who buy them drinks as an introduction, you know little about women.   
After the fall of communism, the biggest mistake Boris Yeltsin's regime made was not to disband the KGB altogether. Instead it changed its name to the FSB and, to many observers, morphed into a gangster organisation, eventually headed by master criminal Vladimir Putin. - Gerard Batten

Offline Chelseaboy

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Re: Survey Results - Third Question: Causes of Divorce
« Reply #131 on: April 09, 2015, 07:34:39 AM »
Well,according to the forum expert on dating women,the romeo named Muzh,buying drinks( Champagne) for women you don't know IS the way to impress them.

So,maybe he knows little about women eh ?
Just saying it like it is.

Offline AC

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Re: Survey Results - Third Question: Causes of Divorce
« Reply #132 on: April 09, 2015, 07:48:02 AM »

It is not self-denial when I have a problem you labeling every FSU woman you've met (and then some) as bitches, whores, etc.



It looks like you were able to make unsubstantiated insults and allegations about Chelseaboy's character here.  Very interesting. 

Offline Boethius

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Re: Survey Results - Third Question: Causes of Divorce
« Reply #133 on: April 09, 2015, 08:12:31 AM »
Well,according to the forum expert on dating women,the romeo named Muzh,buying drinks( Champagne) for women you don't know IS the way to impress them.

So,maybe he knows little about women eh ?

See full quotes below.  Bolding is mine, for emphasis.
 
Care to explain to me where these posts state buying drinks is the way to impress a woman? 
 
And the some doesn't mean anything to you?


I never used dinero to impress any woman.


How much dinero do you think a civil servant can amass?


The problem you may have is the lack of charisma.


BTW, I was told by many damsels that I'm a charming person. Is that the same as charisma?  ;D

LMFAO


I'm at a bar and single. Instead of using the old and tried, not to mention, cheap way to start a conversation with a single woman at the same bar by offering to buy her a drink, I suggested if they wanted to join me in drinking some champagne.


As I said, charm and charisma. Of course you would not know what I'm talking about.  ;D 


I'm pretty sure you would ask them to buy you a drink so you don't get the impression they are after your money, right Romeo?
After the fall of communism, the biggest mistake Boris Yeltsin's regime made was not to disband the KGB altogether. Instead it changed its name to the FSB and, to many observers, morphed into a gangster organisation, eventually headed by master criminal Vladimir Putin. - Gerard Batten

Offline Muzh

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Re: Survey Results - Third Question: Causes of Divorce
« Reply #134 on: April 09, 2015, 08:14:31 AM »
I am actually curious:

Now that you've eliminated the need to go to work every day, and you are building your dream house, how has your life changed in your spousal relationship?    Are you underfoot, as they say?  Does she let you golf occasionally?  Is it a more relaxed lifestyle? 

Please, do tell.


Jone, you should try retirement. Love it!! Especially when at the beginning of the month you get a fat check.  ;D


The house is on hold for the time being. We are still looking for that perfect place to build it.


Spousal relationship? More time with the wife for lunch and other pleasures <wink, wink>


And golf? You have to know how to approach it. For example: Honey, I'd like to spend a lot more time with our son so I'm going to teach him how to golf. He's been bugging me to teach him. Take a wild guess what her response is?


Is it a a more relaxed lifestyle? Everyday is a Saturday for me.  :cheesy:


Now, to address some of the accusations from the other "gents."
To argue with a man who has renounced the use and authority of reason, and whose philosophy consists in holding humanity in contempt, is like administering medicine to the dead. Thomas Paine - The American Crisis 1776-1783

Offline fathertime

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Re: Survey Results - Third Question: Causes of Divorce
« Reply #135 on: April 09, 2015, 08:20:50 AM »
It seems to me that Muzh was probably in his early to mid 40 's when dating after a divorce.   So he went out sometimes to a bar and bought bottles and whooped it up.  He made money and spent it when during the brief windows of opportunity he had...while also attending to his children most nights which from what I gathered he was doing.  I wouldn't begrudge him for any of this.  He probably did have some flair to his personality...as I doubt it twas his good looks that got him anywhere.   ;)

Fathertime!
I just happened to be browsing about the internet....

Offline Muzh

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Re: Survey Results - Third Question: Causes of Divorce
« Reply #136 on: April 09, 2015, 08:24:04 AM »

Back before I started working for myself, I was working for a company that had me in different locations.  I really didn't have a home per say.  I could either stay in the hotel or go out, have a drink and be around people.  I prefer being around people instead of being in a hotel room.  I understand why some people can't do it, but hardly desperate for those that have no problem in social environments.  I met some great people going out alone that I am still friends with to this day.

Not to mention the times I have traveled to other countries on my own.   If that is desperate, I prefer that to waiting for someone to go with me and hold my hand.  :)


LFU


Maybe the problem some of these guys have is that, being social rejects, it is painful to go into a crowd and mingle. I love interacting with other people. I find most people have something interesting to say. There is nothing prettier that watching a babe smile and giggle when telling a story or listening to one.


Now, those who state that people going to bar are desperate, I guess the world is full of desperate people based on the number of bars/pubs/night clubs/etc. out there. And you can see how much they are suffering by being happy, celebratory, and INCLUSIVE.


OR maybe it is these guys' own failings and insecurities that preclude them from being social and interacting with other people, ESPECIALLY those of the opposite sex.


I feel sorry for those. There is no help. But hey, to each his own. Right?
To argue with a man who has renounced the use and authority of reason, and whose philosophy consists in holding humanity in contempt, is like administering medicine to the dead. Thomas Paine - The American Crisis 1776-1783

Offline LiveFromUkraine

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Re: Survey Results - Third Question: Causes of Divorce
« Reply #137 on: April 09, 2015, 08:28:03 AM »

LFU


Maybe the problem some of these guys have is that, being social rejects, it is painful to go into a crowd and mingle. I love interacting with other people. I find most people have something interesting to say. There is nothing prettier that watching a babe smile and giggle when telling a story or listening to one.


Now, those who state that people going to bar are desperate, I guess the world is full of desperate people based on the number of bars/pubs/night clubs/etc. out there. And you can see how much they are suffering by being happy, celebratory, and INCLUSIVE.


OR maybe it is these guys' own failings and insecurities that preclude them from being social and interacting with other people, ESPECIALLY those of the opposite sex.


I feel sorry for those. There is no help. But hey, to each his own. Right?


I have a feeling the people saying it's desperate are the ones you see in the corner sipping on their beers watching the rest of us have fun.  haha




Offline Boethius

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Re: Survey Results - Third Question: Causes of Divorce
« Reply #138 on: April 09, 2015, 08:29:43 AM »
Hmm, I don't know about the "social rejects" part of your post, Muzh.
 
I think people enjoy different things.  You are probably right about extroverts.  However, a man who doesn't enjoy that type of scene is not going to be happy with a woman who does.  And vice versa.
After the fall of communism, the biggest mistake Boris Yeltsin's regime made was not to disband the KGB altogether. Instead it changed its name to the FSB and, to many observers, morphed into a gangster organisation, eventually headed by master criminal Vladimir Putin. - Gerard Batten

Offline Muzh

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Re: Survey Results - Third Question: Causes of Divorce
« Reply #139 on: April 09, 2015, 08:38:19 AM »
It seems to me that Muzh was probably in his early to mid 40 's when dating after a divorce.   So he went out sometimes to a bar and bought bottles and whooped it up.  He made money and spent it when during the brief windows of opportunity he had...while also attending to his children most nights which from what I gathered he was doing.  I wouldn't begrudge him for any of this.  He probably did have some flair to his personality...as I doubt it twas his good looks that got him anywhere.   ;)

Fathertime!


FT,


I was in my late 20s when I got my first job with NYS. Think what a young guy who is outgoing, in excellent shape and making more money than he can spend would do? Also good looks.  ;D


Buy a skateboard and do handstands? Live like a hermit because I can't face rejection?


When I divorced I was 44 yo with two kids under the age of 5. I honestly didn't have time to go barchasing. Even when my mom and brother offered to babysit so I could go out and relax. I did a few times but my heart was not into it. I had other priorities.


Even then there was an intern in my office who had the hots for me and she didn't hide it. Man, if she just a little bit older. Problem is she was 20 years younger than me and in grad school. She had all her life ahead of her and I didn't think it was fair to burden her with an instant family and deprive her of things she was going to learn as she grew up.


What these idiots are doing is projecting themselves into this conversation. I had plenty of opportunities to go back to the dating scene and live it up. Already did that before I got married. As a matter of fact, that's how I met my ex. Now, there was one who was interested in my income. Notice I didn't say wallet. ;)
To argue with a man who has renounced the use and authority of reason, and whose philosophy consists in holding humanity in contempt, is like administering medicine to the dead. Thomas Paine - The American Crisis 1776-1783

Offline Muzh

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Re: Survey Results - Third Question: Causes of Divorce
« Reply #140 on: April 09, 2015, 08:40:08 AM »
Hmm, I don't know about the "social rejects" part of your post, Muzh.
 
I think people enjoy different things.  You are probably right about extroverts.  However, a man who doesn't enjoy that type of scene is not going to be happy with a woman who does.  And vice versa.


Boe, you are absolutely correct and I should apologize to those who are not outgoing.


Still, there are plenty of social rejects out there as you can see.  ;D
To argue with a man who has renounced the use and authority of reason, and whose philosophy consists in holding humanity in contempt, is like administering medicine to the dead. Thomas Paine - The American Crisis 1776-1783

Offline Muzh

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Re: Survey Results - Third Question: Causes of Divorce
« Reply #141 on: April 09, 2015, 08:41:10 AM »

It looks like you were able to make unsubstantiated insults and allegations about Chelseaboy's character here.  Very interesting.


That is my opinion. Sorry. Try again.


P.S. Just like his depiction of me as Romeo.
To argue with a man who has renounced the use and authority of reason, and whose philosophy consists in holding humanity in contempt, is like administering medicine to the dead. Thomas Paine - The American Crisis 1776-1783

Offline Muzh

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Re: Survey Results - Third Question: Causes of Divorce
« Reply #142 on: April 09, 2015, 08:43:31 AM »
Boethius,

                In your post 121 you say "The man is going to a foreign country and leading with his wallet.So yes,i would say in a sense,he is to blame ".

You also don't absolve the women who use the men from blame.




Yes. Yes. Women are to blame too.


Right, loverboy?
To argue with a man who has renounced the use and authority of reason, and whose philosophy consists in holding humanity in contempt, is like administering medicine to the dead. Thomas Paine - The American Crisis 1776-1783

Offline Chelseaboy

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Re: Survey Results - Third Question: Causes of Divorce
« Reply #143 on: April 09, 2015, 01:20:35 PM »
No Muzh,

                    Your comments aimed at me about bitches and whores was not your opinion..but something you claimed i did.

I still await you showing the proof of your claims..but you can't can you liar ?

Like i said you have no crediblity and anything you say on here can be regarded as the statements of a fantasizing  Walter Mitty type personality
« Last Edit: April 09, 2015, 01:51:38 PM by Chelseaboy »
Just saying it like it is.

Offline Chelseaboy

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Re: Survey Results - Third Question: Causes of Divorce
« Reply #144 on: April 09, 2015, 01:39:03 PM »
Boethius,

                 Seriously..you don't think buying women you've just met in a bar Champagne instead of just a drink isn't done to impress them ?

You know little about men it seems.

Ok..maybe you can enlighten us to how buying women you've just met Champagne shows a man has charm and charisma...which Muzh claims it shows he has.

Charm and charisma is part of a persons personality..you either have it or you don't..any man flashing his cash can buy Champagne for women he's just met..that doesn't give him charm or charisma...far from it.

It shows he lacks the personality,charm and charisma to get the attention of a girl just through who he is.

« Last Edit: April 09, 2015, 01:50:03 PM by Chelseaboy »
Just saying it like it is.

Offline Boethius

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Re: Survey Results - Third Question: Causes of Divorce
« Reply #145 on: April 09, 2015, 02:00:50 PM »
Boethius,

                 Seriously..you don't think buying women you've just met in a bar Champagne instead of just a drink isn't done to impress them ?

You know little about men it seems.

The man's intention is irrelevant to how a woman perceives the issue.   However, no, I don't think it is done to impress (them) her any more than buying a woman a beer is done to impress her.  Do you really believe if a man buys a woman a beer, he believes he has impressed her enough to get her into his bed?

Quote
Ok..maybe you can enlighten us to how buying women you've just met Champagne
shows a man has charm and charisma...which Muzh claims it shows he has.
I don't believe I ever stated that.  Perhaps you can point to that in my post.


Quote
Charm and charisma is part of a persons personality..you either have it or you
don't..any man flashing his cash can buy Champagne for women he's just met..that
doesn't give him charm or charisma...far from it.
 
It shows he lacks the personality,charm and charisma to get the attention of a girl just through who he is.

You are focussing on the wrong thing.  The cash is irrelevant.  It is the idea that is important to the woman, the approach.  It is the icebreaker, the way to make that initial connection.  The charm was in finding an approach that distinguished Muzh from the average Chelseaboy in the bar so that the woman could get to know who he is.  For another man, it could be magic tricks.  For my better half, it was a killer smile with the most gorgeous dimples a woman has ever seen.  Capisce?
« Last Edit: April 09, 2015, 02:12:39 PM by Boethius »
After the fall of communism, the biggest mistake Boris Yeltsin's regime made was not to disband the KGB altogether. Instead it changed its name to the FSB and, to many observers, morphed into a gangster organisation, eventually headed by master criminal Vladimir Putin. - Gerard Batten

Offline Chelseaboy

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Re: Survey Results - Third Question: Causes of Divorce
« Reply #146 on: April 09, 2015, 02:11:42 PM »
Where did i say that you stated a man buying girls Champagne in a bar shows he has charisma and class ?

I don't need to buy Champagne for a girl in a bar to distinguish myself from the average Muzh in the bar..capiche ?
Just saying it like it is.

Offline Boethius

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Re: Survey Results - Third Question: Causes of Divorce
« Reply #147 on: April 09, 2015, 02:13:04 PM »
Still missing the point.
After the fall of communism, the biggest mistake Boris Yeltsin's regime made was not to disband the KGB altogether. Instead it changed its name to the FSB and, to many observers, morphed into a gangster organisation, eventually headed by master criminal Vladimir Putin. - Gerard Batten

Offline Chelseaboy

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Re: Survey Results - Third Question: Causes of Divorce
« Reply #148 on: April 09, 2015, 02:24:56 PM »
Maybe that's because i've never had to resort to desperate-sounding methods to catch a girls attention in a bar...a smile at her and saying hello did the trick for me.
Just saying it like it is.

Offline Boethius

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Re: Survey Results - Third Question: Causes of Divorce
« Reply #149 on: April 09, 2015, 02:30:42 PM »
You still don't get it.   Your way is not the only way.
 
I don't think it is desperate sounding.  It is part of what is likely a "bigger than life"  personality.  It also may be cultural.
After the fall of communism, the biggest mistake Boris Yeltsin's regime made was not to disband the KGB altogether. Instead it changed its name to the FSB and, to many observers, morphed into a gangster organisation, eventually headed by master criminal Vladimir Putin. - Gerard Batten

 

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Re: American With Russian Fiancé - Scheduled For K1 Interview In Warsaw, BUT.... by Infoman
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Re: American With Russian Fiancé - Scheduled For K1 Interview In Warsaw, BUT.... by krimster2
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American With Russian Fiancé - Scheduled For K1 Interview In Warsaw, BUT.... by Infoman
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Re: What to do by Trenchcoat
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Ukrainian refugee working for me now by ML
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Ukrainian refugee working for me now by ML
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Re: What to do by Trenchcoat
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Re: If you don't know what you are talking about, post away anyway by Trenchcoat
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Re: Twenty Years... and Counting (MarkInTx Update) by supranatural
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