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Author Topic: Re: She wants me to guarantee her security in the US before she comes...  (Read 34444 times)

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Offline Larry1

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Re: Re: She wants me to guarantee her security in the US before she comes...
« Reply #150 on: March 13, 2013, 12:41:25 PM »
Quote
So for those of you who think I should continue on because there are RW who would be different, where do I start?  What suggestions do you have?   

The advice on where to start would be pretty much the same advice given to guys new to the search.  First, read threads on the forum, especially trip reports.  Then decide how you feel comfortable proceeding.  There are several options.  You can hire a person who will place profiles for you on Russian dating sites and help you weed through the responses, translate, etc.  You can talk to a matchmaker located in FSU.  You can contact a reputable agency and communicate with girls that way.  Or you can place profiles on various dating sites yourself.

Offline Patagonie

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Re: Re: She wants me to guarantee her security in the US before she comes...
« Reply #151 on: March 13, 2013, 12:45:06 PM »
There is nothing wrong, he needed time to think about a decision. He is just given us his thinking. Let him to do the final move.
Paulie, my bet is that she will not let you go like this.

Good guys who are doing 20 grands for a living per month, proposing marriage, 5000 per month are not arriving by whole plane in Istambul. 

She knows that her time will be  over soon, and if some humility didn't settle her some wisdom yet let me say that i have seen beautiful women  with all the brilliant life after their fourties almost cleaning the toilets around fifties because of insane expectation.
 A lot of women by being feeded by all attention bring by men become quicky an island in perdition when this attention becomes rare.
« Last Edit: March 13, 2013, 12:48:01 PM by Patagonie »
"Je glissais through the paper wall, an angel in the hand, s taboy. I lay on the floor, surgi des chants de Maldoror, je mix l'intégrale de mes nuits de crystal, i belong to the festival.

Offline Misha

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Re: Re: She wants me to guarantee her security in the US before she comes...
« Reply #152 on: March 13, 2013, 12:52:03 PM »
I tried rationalizing it away.


That is the start of most train wrecks. It certainly is not easy, but it will certainly save you much more grief in the long run.

Offline Muzh

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Re: Re: She wants me to guarantee her security in the US before she comes...
« Reply #153 on: March 13, 2013, 12:56:17 PM »
calmissle
You are wrong on most fronts. I have no hostility toward the topic or prenups. I am a live and let live A-type personna. Whatever floats your boat is my approach. I make no moral judgments to those that desire prenups. I do however despise anyone's condescending remarks toward someone else's perceived lack of "substantial assets". ML's remarks were OTT. The idea that my or Ade's head is floating in the air full of fantasies because we are willing to put it on the line for the woman we love and choose to marry is a crock of shit. The idea that we couldn't comprehend the need for a prenup is bullshit and I do call bullshit where I see it.

I have been through a bitter divorce and I am all too familiar with it. You don't have to own pounds of gold bullion to feel the pain of a bitter divorce. Yes I entered my second marriage the same way I did the first and if I have a third, I'll do it the same way. All of my personal wealth is there for the taking. Whatever gets adjudicated I can live with, because quite frankly, it is just money and just stuff. Should my wife leave me broke and penniless, it won't be the first time I've been broke. I refuse to put money and possessions above my marriage. I would hope my choice for a wife felt the same way. If not, c'est la vie.

I'm not counting 50/50. We came together as one. What's mine is hers and vice-versa. Back to my point, my advice is, if you can't do this with your woman, don't marry her. It is that simple IMHO

 :applaud:        :thumbsup:
To argue with a man who has renounced the use and authority of reason, and whose philosophy consists in holding humanity in contempt, is like administering medicine to the dead. Thomas Paine - The American Crisis 1776-1783

Offline Misha

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Re: Re: She wants me to guarantee her security in the US before she comes...
« Reply #154 on: March 13, 2013, 12:56:33 PM »
[size=78%]I now believe that her ex-husband (who is still begging for her to let him back) waited on her hand and foot,  lost himself in the process and eventually lost until he was broke.  She strikes me as a ‘man eater.”  [/size]


That is quite the interesting and radical change in perspective.

Offline Gator

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Re: Re: She wants me to guarantee her security in the US before she comes...
« Reply #155 on: March 13, 2013, 01:05:16 PM »


First, Juan in a million is NOT carved in stone, and you should know that.

Why would I know it when few people do?  Yes it is a guideline; however, at the negotiation table I recall the Feds rarely settling for less protection (many moons ago).


Quote
Also, I have no clue where you got that 25% probability.
American Cancer Society.  Juan in four for males and juan in five for females of dying from cancer.  [I like your Juan].  I recall  the Juan in a million was the guideline for dying from cancer and not  developing  cancer.  An ostomy appliance or a mastectomy  is not death, biologically speaking.
 
Source:   http://www.cancer.org/cancer/cancerbasics/lifetime-probability-of-developing-or-dying-from-cancer    (which reports your 3.81% bladder cancer incidence for males)

Quote
Let me share with you something. The risk that a man will develop bladder cancer
during his lifetime is 3.81%.  This means this person has a chance of Juan
in 26 of developing bladder cancer (100/3.81= 26). I can understand maybe why
you chose this number.

But now you know and this is not the reason.


Quote
Hint: I do that
:)  I gathered.  Noble profession.  One of my best friends was  professor of toxicology at Stockholm University and member of the Royal Swedish Academy of Science.  Met him when I was with the WHO.  He did much consulting on both sides and still dabbles some.  Enjoyable Renaissance man, yet he ridiculed himself, saying there is something weird about people who make poison their life's profession.  ;)

Quote
There are people who are dedicated to follow trends and anticipate the odds.
Those are risk assessors. Then there are those who will take the information
from the risk assessors to calculate the chances of the effect of
uncertainty on objectives
. In my business we call that a causal effect.
Others may call it failure.

Is that clear for you now?

Already knew that.  And I am not sure that the heart is the best instrument for predicting any deviation from the median. 
 
To continue your explanation of those who study risk, there are those who use  scientific information such as consequences of failure and probabilities to make risk management decisions. You called them politicians.  I call them "me."   


Quote
I know a cure for being annoyed by certain events: move somewhere else.

Or I could increase my exposure to a certain toxic organic, namely ethanol.    ;D
Have a good day Muzh, and continue to protect us from toxic exposures.

Offline Paulie

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Re: Re: She wants me to guarantee her security in the US before she comes...
« Reply #156 on: March 13, 2013, 01:15:26 PM »
There is nothing wrong, he needed time to think about a decision. He is just given us his thinking. Let him to do the final move.

Paulie, my bet is that she will not let you go like this.

Good guys who are doing 20 grands for a living per month, proposing marriage, 5000 per month are not arriving by whole plane in Istanbul. 

She knows that her time will be  over soon, and if some humility didn't settle her, some wisdom yet let me say that i have seen beautiful women  with all the brilliant life after their forties almost cleaning the toilets around fifties because of insane expectation.

A lot of women by being fed by all attention bring by men become quickly an island in perdition when this attention becomes rare.

Patagonie,

You are right - when the attention becomes less and less, she might gain a notion that SHE is the problem.  But I do not see it coming soon.  This woman is very proud of what men do for her, waiting on her hand and foot as she says.  Her good looks, perfume and style of clothing have carried her thus far.

I am unsure if she will give me up or not.  She now knows I am not going along with her plan and her bad behavior. 

We shall see how the next conversation goes.  It will be hard for me, but I need to do this. 

Offline Paulie

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Re: Re: She wants me to guarantee her security in the US before she comes...
« Reply #157 on: March 13, 2013, 01:22:40 PM »

That is quite the interesting and radical change in perspective.

Yes Misha it is.  I finally was able to separate myself from the emotional 'ether' I was in.  Ms. Istanbul is a charming and alluring lady.  She will pull you in and get you to do what she wants in a very matter of fact way. 

While I was there, her ex-husband must have called/texted her at lease a dozen times.  She hasn't told this guy she's moved onto another life.  What kind of woman does that? 

Offline Gator

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Re: Re: She wants me to guarantee her security in the US before she comes...
« Reply #158 on: March 13, 2013, 01:25:29 PM »
so you just spent a week with her in istanbul?...
 
but you're going to wait until you get home to break up with her via phone/skype/sms?

Not exactly honorable.    I was more honorable and that was a mistake because she never went away.   
 
I suggest Paulie write her a short letter and then vaporize.  He left hints.  She will not be surprised.  Angry?  Of course, especially this one. 

Offline Misha

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Re: Re: She wants me to guarantee her security in the US before she comes...
« Reply #159 on: March 13, 2013, 01:31:21 PM »
You are right - when the attention becomes less and less, she might gain a notion that SHE is the problem.


Sadly, I doubt it. We have a friend in her mid-fifites who has a similar mindset, she is looking for a millionaire to pay all her bills, wine her, dine her, entertain her and take her on exotic vacations, and she does not understand that the odds of her finding it are quite remote. The closest she came was a Nigerian scammer who told her that he had three houses in London and would pay for her to travel to meet him...

Offline Gator

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Re: Re: She wants me to guarantee her security in the US before she comes...
« Reply #160 on: March 13, 2013, 01:36:37 PM »


Shall I fly back to Istanbul or fly her to California?  Do you have any spare airline miles for a ticket? 

Look this isn't easy.  I tried six ways to Sunday to keep this going.  I gave her the benefit of the doubt more times than I should have. 
 

Time to man up.  With RW it is best to vaporize so that they get the message and stay out of your life.  Have her come to California?  No fooking way!
 
You made a well deliberated decision to terminate something even though you still felt some emotional attachment.  The decision is solid.  So don't leave the door open. 
 
There is a good reason why one calls something off.  You know absolutely that this woman is not good for you.     I am not saying to burn the bridges, but do close the door, then lock it and throw the key away.
 
So puff up your scrotum and write her a short letter saying goodbye.  That's it.   There is plenty of evidence to suggest that this woman is not good and that she will only become worse if you were to marry.   Enjoy your life.  That means to forget about her.  Never answer her emails.  Never, never, never, unless your doctor says unsafe roller coasters are good for you.

Offline Muzh

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Re: Re: She wants me to guarantee her security in the US before she comes...
« Reply #161 on: March 13, 2013, 01:37:02 PM »

Why would I know it when few people do?  Yes it is a guideline; however, at the negotiation table I recall the Feds rarely settling for less protection (many moons ago).


In all my years doing this, consultants for businesses and businesses themselves preferred dealing with the EPA rather than the state. ALL state regulations are as stringent or more, ussually more than the EPA. Also, EPA is NOT your typical regulatory agency. Most of their billion$ go to grants for other people do their work. Remember Ronald Reagan and the shrinking of the civil servants?

Quote
American Cancer Society.  Juan in four for males and juan in five for females of dying from cancer.  [I like your Juan].  I recall  the Juan in a million was the guideline for dying from cancer and not  developing  cancer.  An ostomy appliance or a mastectomy  is not death, biologically speaking.
 
Source:   http://www.cancer.org/cancer/cancerbasics/lifetime-probability-of-developing-or-dying-from-cancer    (which reports your 3.81% bladder cancer incidence for males)


Funny, the numbers I read are a bit different. 23.08% for men and 19.39% for women

Quote

But now you know and this is not the reason.


I knew that. Was being funny.

Quote
:)  I gathered.  Noble profession.  One of my best friends was  professor of toxicology at Stockholm University and member of the Royal Swedish Academy of Science.  Met him when I was with the WHO.  He did much consulting on both sides and still dabbles some.  Enjoyable Renaissance man, yet he ridiculed himself, saying there is something weird about people who make poison their life's profession.  ;)


Ask him if the dose makes the poison and get back to me.

Quote

Already knew that.  And I am not sure that the heart is the best instrument for predicting any deviation from the median.


That is if we are taking numbers into consideration. I see quite a few here that rely on these numbers to make a business transaction.

Quote

To continue your explanation of those who study risk, there are those who use  scientific information such as consequences of failure and probabilities to make risk management decisions. You called them politicians.  I call them "me."   


I use to call them something else but today I'll be nice and call them bureaucrats with no common sense. Actually, today in NYS you just have to look the part. No experience required.

Quote
Or I could increase my exposure to a certain toxic organic, namely ethanol.    ;D
Have a good day Muzh, and continue to protect us from toxic exposures.

Same here. I'll make a nice martini when I get home. Shaken, not stirred.

And on that note, time to go.
To argue with a man who has renounced the use and authority of reason, and whose philosophy consists in holding humanity in contempt, is like administering medicine to the dead. Thomas Paine - The American Crisis 1776-1783

Offline pitbull

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Re: Re: She wants me to guarantee her security in the US before she comes...
« Reply #162 on: March 13, 2013, 01:47:31 PM »
That's sort of interesting.  You are an expert in risk management, yet you can ignore the 50% failure rate in marriages.  It appears that your 'moral views' is allowing you to ignore the 50% risk factor that you would normally be considering in your risk management training and experience.

Somehow that does not square when applying simple logic.  I doubt anyone has any issue with whatever you choose for yourself (prenup or no-prenuup).   Why are you so furious with people that have a different set of views?

Calmissile,
 
I already asked you in this thread, but don't think you;ve replied: Are you going to have a prenup with your fiancee?
Be the person that your dog thinks you are

Offline Patagonie

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Re: Re: She wants me to guarantee her security in the US before she comes...
« Reply #163 on: March 13, 2013, 01:47:54 PM »
Yes Misha it is.  I finally was able to separate myself from the emotional 'ether' I was in.  Ms. Istanbul is a charming and alluring lady.  She will pull you in and get you to do what she wants in a very matter of fact way. 

While I was there, her ex-husband must have called/texted her at lease a dozen times.  She hasn't told this guy she's moved onto another life.  What kind of woman does that?
There is one rule you need to know : it is unlikely that a women don't have minimum two irons in the fire in fact. The talent they have is to let you believe that you are the only one.
« Last Edit: March 13, 2013, 01:51:54 PM by Patagonie »
"Je glissais through the paper wall, an angel in the hand, s taboy. I lay on the floor, surgi des chants de Maldoror, je mix l'intégrale de mes nuits de crystal, i belong to the festival.

Offline Patagonie

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Re: Re: She wants me to guarantee her security in the US before she comes...
« Reply #164 on: March 13, 2013, 01:50:40 PM »

Sadly, I doubt it. We have a friend in her mid-fifites who has a similar mindset, she is looking for a millionaire to pay all her bills, wine her, dine her, entertain her and take her on exotic vacations, and she does not understand that the odds of her finding it are quite remote. The closest she came was a Nigerian scammer who told her that he had three houses in London and would pay for her to travel to meet him...
:ROFL:
"Je glissais through the paper wall, an angel in the hand, s taboy. I lay on the floor, surgi des chants de Maldoror, je mix l'intégrale de mes nuits de crystal, i belong to the festival.

Offline Boethius

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Re: Re: She wants me to guarantee her security in the US before she comes...
« Reply #165 on: March 13, 2013, 01:56:40 PM »
While I was there, her ex-husband must have called/texted her at lease a dozen times.  She hasn't told this guy she's moved onto another life.  What kind of woman does that?

Or she wanted you to believe that, in the belief it would fuel your desire for her.
 
In your shoes, I'd send her a bouquet of flowers, and, in conjunction therewith, an email telling her she is wonderful, but you do not think you are her other half, and you wish her the best for the future.  Don't answer her emails, accept her skype calls, or any other form of contact.  Move on.
After the fall of communism, the biggest mistake Boris Yeltsin's regime made was not to disband the KGB altogether. Instead it changed its name to the FSB and, to many observers, morphed into a gangster organisation, eventually headed by master criminal Vladimir Putin. - Gerard Batten

Offline Patagonie

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Re: Re: She wants me to guarantee her security in the US before she comes...
« Reply #166 on: March 13, 2013, 01:57:06 PM »

Not exactly honorable.    I was more honorable and that was a mistake because she never went away.   
 
I suggest Paulie write her a short letter and then vaporize.  He left hints.  She will not be surprised.  Angry?  Of course, especially this one.
+1
He would have avoided any furious reactions, who could have cost him some desagrements and an high stress incompatible with his health.
Better for him to  manage this when he wants and when he is in USA.
"Je glissais through the paper wall, an angel in the hand, s taboy. I lay on the floor, surgi des chants de Maldoror, je mix l'intégrale de mes nuits de crystal, i belong to the festival.

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Re: Re: She wants me to guarantee her security in the US before she comes...
« Reply #167 on: March 13, 2013, 01:57:36 PM »
Yes Misha it is.  I finally was able to separate myself from the emotional 'ether' I was in.  Ms. Istanbul is a charming and alluring lady.  She will pull you in and get you to do what she wants in a very matter of fact way. 

While I was there, her ex-husband must have called/texted her at lease a dozen times.  She hasn't told this guy she's moved onto another life.  What kind of woman does that?

Two likely scenarios with this. 1) she answers those calls and texts when you're not there and 2) they weren't all from the same ex

Offline Paulie

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Re: Re: She wants me to guarantee her security in the US before she comes...
« Reply #168 on: March 13, 2013, 02:01:29 PM »

Not exactly honorable.    I was more honorable and that was a mistake because she never went away.   
 
I suggest Paulie write her a short letter and then vaporize.  He left hints.  She will not be surprised.  Angry?  Of course, especially this one.

Actually, if I knew I was going to break it with her in Istanbul, I would have.  I held onto the last moment, thinking she would get some clarity. 

I only did this because a couple of times, she insisted on paying for lunch and dinner, something she never did before.  When we were using cabs in the city, not once did she ask me for money. SO, I thought...maybe she is seeing the light.  THAT was an aberration.

I will be sending her an email. 

Offline Patagonie

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Re: Re: She wants me to guarantee her security in the US before she comes...
« Reply #169 on: March 13, 2013, 02:03:15 PM »

Or she wanted you to believe that, in the belief it would fuel your desire for her.
 
In your shoes, I'd send her a bouquet of flowers, and, in conjunction therewith, an email telling her she is wonderful, but you do not think you are her other half, and you wish her the best for the future.  Don't answer her emails, accept her skype calls, or any other form of contact.  Move on.
Or she wanted you to believe that, in the belief it would fuel your desire for her.
 Yes i have already think so.

Sending a bouquet is more a feminine thinking, but i would not reward her behavior by sending her a bouquet. I would just tell her" how i have loved her but how i felt disrespected in my generosity, and this why my heart is broken, i have so much to give, but you are just focusing on what is given". I would tell her something like that, she understands or not ... it is not his problem after the fact.
« Last Edit: March 13, 2013, 02:05:59 PM by Patagonie »
"Je glissais through the paper wall, an angel in the hand, s taboy. I lay on the floor, surgi des chants de Maldoror, je mix l'intégrale de mes nuits de crystal, i belong to the festival.

Offline calmissile

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Re: Re: She wants me to guarantee her security in the US before she comes...
« Reply #170 on: March 13, 2013, 02:04:21 PM »

Calmissile,
 
I already asked you in this thread, but don't think you;ve replied: Are you going to have a prenup with your fiancee?

Pit,
My fiance has been reading this forum as well as the whining RW forum for months.  Her attitude appears to be similar to Tulip's.  She does not want our relationship poisoned by a bunch of angry, bitter, people that are insignificant to us.

Since I love and respect her, I will comply with her request.  We only share personal information with trusted friends and members off-lline.   It does not take long for someone to realize this is the safest route for couples to take.

Doug (Calmissile)

Offline TheTraveler

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Re: Re: She wants me to guarantee her security in the US before she comes...
« Reply #171 on: March 13, 2013, 02:04:41 PM »

Shall I fly back to Istanbul or fly her to California?  Do you have any spare airline miles for a ticket? 


at this point?... neither.
 
but if a girl treated me with as little respect as she treated you, there's no way i could have resisted dumping her face-to-face.
 
imagine if clark gable had sent vivien leigh a text message: 'frankly my dear, i don't give a damn.'
 
yeah -- lame.
 

Offline Boethius

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Re: Re: She wants me to guarantee her security in the US before she comes...
« Reply #172 on: March 13, 2013, 02:05:02 PM »
Sending the bouquet is a way of letting her down easily.  No matter what, this will be a disappointment to her.
After the fall of communism, the biggest mistake Boris Yeltsin's regime made was not to disband the KGB altogether. Instead it changed its name to the FSB and, to many observers, morphed into a gangster organisation, eventually headed by master criminal Vladimir Putin. - Gerard Batten

Offline Boethius

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Re: Re: She wants me to guarantee her security in the US before she comes...
« Reply #173 on: March 13, 2013, 02:06:18 PM »
Quote
She does not want our relationship poisoned by a bunch of angry, bitter, people
that are insignificant to us.

No offense intended, but, to be frank, if she thinks a bunch of strangers online, who she likely will never meet, can poison your relationship, you don't really have a relationship.
After the fall of communism, the biggest mistake Boris Yeltsin's regime made was not to disband the KGB altogether. Instead it changed its name to the FSB and, to many observers, morphed into a gangster organisation, eventually headed by master criminal Vladimir Putin. - Gerard Batten

Offline TheTraveler

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  • Status: Married > 10 years
  • Trips: 4 - 10
Re: Re: She wants me to guarantee her security in the US before she comes...
« Reply #174 on: March 13, 2013, 02:06:45 PM »

Time to man up.  With RW it is best to vaporize so that they get the message and stay out of your life.  Have her come to California?  No fooking way!
 
You made a well deliberated decision to terminate something even though you still felt some emotional attachment.  The decision is solid.  So don't leave the door open. 
 
There is a good reason why one calls something off.  You know absolutely that this woman is not good for you.     I am not saying to burn the bridges, but do close the door, then lock it and throw the key away.
 
So puff up your scrotum and write her a short letter saying goodbye.  That's it.   There is plenty of evidence to suggest that this woman is not good and that she will only become worse if you were to marry.   Enjoy your life.  That means to forget about her.  Never answer her emails.  Never, never, never, unless your doctor says unsafe roller coasters are good for you.

agree 100% with gator!

 

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