In response to one of those old crusty married guys suggestion I am starting this as a new topic to explore the emotional costs involved by the woman and the man who become involved in a WM/FSUW relationship.

What are your experiences? What was hard for you? What was hard for her? What was easier than you thought? Did you, as a couple, come to a breaking point? How did you work through it? Or did you end it? Thoughts?

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My original post in the other thread that prompted this thread.
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One thing that I was aware of but not of the depth and breadth of, is the emotional costs involved in someone giving up everything and everybody they know and love to be thrown into an alien and often hostile environment. It's often stated (and very truly too) that you will find new levels of patience and understanding if you are to be successful in your relationship. This is an understatement. You will have to be more patient than you know. More emotionally solid than you know. And more understanding and supportive than you could ever have imagined you would or could be. Personally I would not, nor would I have been willing to, go to these extremes for any AW that I ever knew. But for this wondrous lady that I have found it is not even a question of will I do it but rather of how can I do it better. Easy? Hell No! Worth it? More than I dreamed of and more than I'll ever really know.

Ken

Ken you pretty much nailed it with your statement about considering what the woman has to go through. Her homeland may be a pile of sh*t, but it's HER pile and that cannot be discounted.

Too many men have the 'knight in shining armour' mentality when it comes to finding a foreign bride. While many are financially prepared for the costs, far fewer are emotionally prepared.

The emotional costs are indeed staggering. There are days I wonder what the he!! I was thinking when I got into this game.

But yes, it's worth it. But it's not easy, especially if she doesn't have a good command of the nuances of English, or whatever you native language is.

A sense of humor is essential. Without it you will probably want to kill her, or yourself.

Hi Phil and welcome to RWD!

Probably the thing that surprised me the most is how this emotional turmoil can rear up and bite her at almost any time. And if you (as the man) are really her only safe zone then the normal difficulties that arise in any relationship become tenfold more difficult for her. She is a fish out of water to begin with and then her fish bowl is upset with her and instantly she has nowhere to go and no one to go to for support or comfort. If you cannot get beyond your short term frustration/anger/whatever and step aside to comfort her and assure her of your love for her and support for her and to talk to her about what/why you were upset then you have just taken one step towards pushing her out of your life. No matter how strong these women are they do need to know that they did not come half way around the world for nothing. They need to know (and you should be more than happy to let them know) that they are the single most important thing in your life and that you will work with her to fix the little problems that come up in the day to day life of a couple.

Ken

I hope that some of you will also chime in here with your own lists or maybe pick an item and elaborate on it.

Things that can cause Emotional Stress for your Lady:

- Missing her home

- Missing her family and friends

- Missing her language

- Culture shock in the new environment

- Different foods and food tastes

- Feelings of isolation

- Feelings of loneliness

- Driving

- New ways of doing normal things: Washing Machine, Dryer, Microwave, Checking Account and Check Book, Saving Account, Computers, Internet, Money and Debit/Credit Cards, Stereo. (Yes, they have many, if not most, of these items but they are different enough to add to the stress level that is already present in the multitude of changes the lady is going through.)

- Feelings of being overwhelmed

- Changes in or lack of public transportation

- Education (or perhaps better stated as Re-Education) as most of the degrees they have earned are worth little or nothing in her current situation.

- Not being able to work and/or not being able to work in her field

- Dealing with the "Customer is always right" mentality here if she is working. If you've even been shopping in the FSU you know that if a customer gets an attitude in a store they are quickly sent on their way out the door.

Ken

Ken, I can relate my experience with the process and when I totally lost my cool.

I was assuming once Packet 3 was received, and her interview date was set, I was pretty much finished. Someone on the board told me she would need to bring all the documents to the interview which was coming up in 2 weeks.

I went running at top speed to Kinko to make copies and my frind who works at DHL, mailed to Ukraine a 3 pound, plastic, packet of papers. (Had to get that one in).

I came to find out that immigration had all of the documents and she was probably one of the few women carrying all these papers.

I was emotionally drained thinking she would get to the interview unprepared. I now know she is very resourceful and did very well on her own.