Trench's Questions and Philosophies

[Sting23]

You are way overcomplicating things.  Girls don't care why you are in their country.  If you pick a small town or city there will be alarm bells as to why you are there. Could be nefarious reasons.  If you are in Moscow, St Petersburg, Kiev..big cities with many foreigners they won't blink an eye.  Tons of foreigners go there as a tourist or for work.  You need to figure out why girls don't even like you in the first place.

[Trenchcoat]

You are way overcomplicating things.  Girls don't care why you are in their country.  If you pick a small town or city there will be alarm bells as to why you are there. Could be nefarious reasons.  If you are in Moscow, St Petersburg, Kiev..big cities with many foreigners they won't blink an eye.  Tons of foreigners go there as a tourist or for work.  You need to figure out why girls don't even like you in the first place.

I'll make out I'm like the Godfather and have them all come flocking to me

You're probably right with the small town mentality its the kind of stupidity you get out of those places.

Big cities, like you say it will be easier to pass off, I can call the girls up easy enough.

In my country UK the criteria of the women are different - why does someone like Kyn who Mobe describes as bright and probably is at least to a reasonable degree have no luck here, easy, girls don't go for intelligence here, not in the main, its no fun and the girls want to have fun. They want to be at the centre of the party not in debates about this or that - hell you even mention the word 'debate' and you'll get them run faster then any Olympic athlete, lol. Having a decent job that pays well and is respected they of course want but they don't want a intellectual geek. They will laugh at such a guy, particularly if he mentions anything studious that is not seen as cool or trendy such as 'debates'.

I know at least to tone down or shut off any such talk when out and about in public, I know that word spreads and gets back to girls to give you a wide berth if you talk about intellectual claptrap. Even still, I am no party goer, those guys that are the centre of the party always get the pick of the best chicks in the UK. You can't just mimic that you have to be one of those types genetically. You have to understand the whole culture of the UK and how it has evolved over the past few decades from feminism of the 70s through to the career driven 80s and up to the current generation who believe they are 'entitled' to receive all they wish without working hard for it - they should only need to ask and it is given or whinging takes place. That will be Kyn's generation age group but will not likely be Kyn since he is from Singapore and so has been brought up with more work orientated studious cultural values.

End of the day in some societies they would worship anyone with intelligence and in others they will dismiss intelligence as a geek and not worthy. Other cultural values come out on top. I'm no real geek but I am not hitting those cultural values that women hold in UK society. That's about the size of it.

[Sting23]

I'll make out I'm like the Godfather and have them all come flocking to me

haha don't make me laugh man.  You have neither the financial means nor charisma to be anyone's Godfather!!  You are living in some fantasy world and not real life.
Look man it's pretty simple.  Go and ask a girl out for dinner.  Start talking and try to sound half intelligent.  See if she'll flirt with you.

All that other BS about if she wants to immigrate, find a dude with money blah blah...who da heck cares.  You can discuss that in the future. 

But step one, find a girl who actually wants to talk to you!

[Trenchcoat]

But step one, find a girl who actually wants to talk to you!

I can do that no problem in the FSU, bringing up girls there is not a problem for me. I could bring up many girls in the FSU that would want to talk to me on Skype, it is not a problem me finding girls to do this. Its the problems further down the line that ARE a problem - they can scupper a relationship. One think I have learn't on this journey is that relationships scuppered further down the line are usually a result of mistakes unwittingly made at the beginning of the relationship or along the way. Now I know what they are I am not looking to make those same mistakes again.

[Sting23]

Forget Skype. What I mean is does the girl want to hang out with you for extended periods of time once you are there.  You are there for a limited time but to her it will be dating normally.  She may find it weird if you want to call her up every day.

Best to be upfront and say you don't intend to live in that city longer term.  Otherwise she'll pick up on the fact that you were lying, if you say you need to go back to the UK all of a sudden.

[JayH]

Look man it's pretty simple.  Go and ask a girl out for dinner.  Start talking and try to sound half intelligent.  See if she'll flirt with you.

But step one, find a girl who actually wants to talk to you!

Simple  -- dinner --out of the question -if he did that she might think he was paying !
Half intelligent -- she will run a mile long before she ever thought of flirting !
A girl talking to him-- only long enough for the reality to dawn on her !

Funny how his whole concept of strategy is diametrically opposed to what  would be his best chance  ie   meet and marry her within a week ( better still if one day as maintaining his charade is unlikely !)    any longer and she will figure this guy out ! 

[msmob]

Can someone quote me as Sting23 is spouting bollox about the types of Visas UK folks can have and their limitations

IF a UK citizen has a work visa - the length of stay IS the visa length ...

Indeed, in the case of a biz visa - ( year) it's 90 /180 days

[2tallbill]

To be honest the charade about living there long term is just going to be
thrown out initially to see off any girls that are looking for an immigration
mule.

As long as you have this attitude you are going to struggle.
My advice is NOT to do that. Don't start out with a charade,
or a lie. What if instead you find a girl who is going for you
because she thinks that you are going to be there long term
and that she won't have to leave her friends, family, language
and culture?

Don't start off your quest with a lie.

[Blighty]

Wheaties packet?

Depends on the university! I am a graduate of two Russell Group universities, which comprises 24 members of world-class, research-intensive UK universities. Where are Trenchcoat's degrees from?

[Trenchcoat]

Depends on the university! I am a graduate of two Russell Group universities, which comprises 24 members of world-class, research-intensive UK universities. Where are Trenchcoat's degrees from?

Do you know Russell? Lol. Doesn't mean a thing where you got degree from. Mine were from non-Russell, I've never cared for snobbery or status/standing. I look to my own individual abilities not interested in riding of the back of the name of an institution. I know in my field I can beat those from any of name status universities hands down. I'll'd welcome a showdown any day

[Trenchcoat]

As long as you have this attitude you are going to struggle.
My advice is NOT to do that. Don't start out with a charade,
or a lie. What if instead you find a girl who is going for you
because she thinks that you are going to be there long term
and that she won't have to leave her friends, family, language
and culture?

Don't start off your quest with a lie.

Your probably right Bill a lie tends to be detrimental to a relationship even if it is not unearthed I think. I see what you mean, I guess I am trying to not lie and not make out I'm completely permanent there but at the same time  put across the idea I am there long term but undecided on length. I guess the easiest way to say it to a girl is that I am unsure how long I want to be there or whether I want to be there permanently but that it will depend on how things go and how I get on and feel about being there. This will hopefully allow me enough wriggle room without lieing to her or leading her on but at the same time throw doubt in her mind of me as a definite path to the west.

[Davo2]

This will hopefully allow me enough wriggle room without lieing to her or leading her on but at the same time throw doubt in her mind of me as a definite path to the west.

Surely any girl open to dating a foreigner,  genuine or not will expect to return to her husbands home country. One will want to for love, the other for unscrupulous reasons... How will you tell the difference?

[Trenchcoat]

Surely any girl open to dating a foreigner,  genuine or not will expect to return to her husbands home country. One will want to for love, the other for unscrupulous reasons... How will you tell the difference?

At some point she will want to once in a relationship a fair while with a guy. The more unscrupulous I would judge will act similar to a scammer in that they will not want to wait too long and increasingly give themselves away. Additionally a girl who is genuine will likely be easier to determine her love is genuine over a longer period of time with her.

[JayH]

Surely any girl open to dating a foreigner,  genuine or not will expect to return to her husbands home country. One will want to for love, the other for unscrupulous reasons... How will you tell the difference?

Davo -- your not taking into account the extraordinary ability of Trenchcoat to understand ,interpret and read any situation.No mere woman is going to put one over on him !

[Sting23]

Again, Trench is pondering hypothetical situations before anything is even happening.  Must be one hell of a drug you are taking!

He's trying to project an appearance of being in a FSU country for long term in the hopes of attracting a woman who won't use him as a visa mule.  Can't even be honest with himself.

Trench if a woman asks you what you are doing in her country will you lie?  And say you are looking for a wife/ partner.  Or create some crazy story.  You aren't there for work.  You certainly aren't there for tourism if you stay more than a month.  People have normal lives and work.  What exactly are you gonna do from 9-5pm when everyone is busy.  Hang out at a coffee shop all day?

Dude's thinking about crossing home plate when he hasn't even hit the ball yet.

The reality is Trench probably won't even go to Russia or Ukraine for more than a week.  I'll bet money that I'll be back there before he is.

[Jumper]

TC, as i've stated before, going in with a mentality of sorting through the scammers, or the insincere,or unscrupulous is starting out on the wrong foot altogether.
It runs off any sincere woman long before you get to the coffee shop stage.

Just date women.period.
See where it leads.
Don't look for poor underlying reasons why they will date you


Approach it from a positive side.
I'm not saying be naive, or foolish.
Just date and see if you actually like her as a person and vice versa, then maybe some romance or even love is possible.
Thats all long before any thoughts of marriage , relocation  etc.

You have this mentality of putting not only the cart in front of the horse,
 but sweating in detail the schematics of a barn you don't need yet, the amount of pastures required, who it is best to purchase hay from, which vet you'll use once the mare is bred, and if the foal will be a roan,buckskin, or bay.

Relax.

Most domestic marriages end in divorce.So do most cross cultural ones.
While no one enters it planning on divorce, its a harsh reality and normal risk that has to be accepted.
If you cant get past this simple fact and be ok with the concept, you just arnt ready to marry ,and that's ok too.

I'm not piling on, I just want you to think about how you approach what should be a simple boy meets girl, in an enjoyable atmosphere.you should have fun, so should she.

 If you'd just do so, things would be much much easier for you.

I've got nothing special going for me, and if single ,could easily  date any number of sincere fsu  women just from a natural relaxed approach to dating them ,without any expectations or presumptions of guilt or innocence of motives.
I know this for certain,from previous experience ,and that element has not changed and never does, locally or internationally.

You really don't need to do anything except relax man.really.
No special methods, no distortions of truth to test them, no living there long term.
(You live close enough to visit monthly )
Just date.
Yes it may take dating more than 3 or 4 that did not work out previously.
And frankly with your preconceived notions and fretting over poor motivations, it will take dating far more than usual than  if you'd just lighten up on that type of thinking.

I know you don't out right tell the women these thoughts, but a million things give it away right off the bat.
I'll tell you for the 486th time, that one fatal flaw ruins your chances with sincere women faster than anything else you can think of.

Desperation would rank up there as a chick repellent as well, but being of  a suspicious mind frame , or dwelling on monetary * what ifs* in an unknown future, is akin to you just telling them right off that you dont like them at all,and seeing how the date progresses.

Try to get back to a simple ,I'll just meet this a woman  and see if I like her!   Her sense  of humor, her smile,, what she finds interesting.
Without any thoughts past dinner.

[Sting23]

Trench, one other important thing that you missed.  Have you ever lived with a woman before? 

If you have some strange or idiosyncratic behaviour she's gonna be bolting out the door real fast.  In social situations do people want to talk to you or go away from you.  Be honest with yourself.

[Sting23]

Jumper I keep trying to tell him that but he won't listen.  Trench you need to learn how to have fun and be more easygoing.  Jumper is right the vibe you give off is crucial. 

I will tell you firsthand that many women in Russia don't care if you are a foreigner. They aren't planning to leave the country.  Telling them you are from the UK or America means nothing.  Trust me I know enough expats in Moscow.  And the guys there tend to be young and aren't looking for exclusive relationships.  They wanna have fun if ya know what I mean.

Many of my Russian friends have traveled abroad to Europe, America.  What makes you think they couldn't easily find a guy there on a vacation. 
And they tell me the things guys online tell them.  To fly them to their country, marriage proposals, crazy stuff.  If you are a half attractive Russian girl you won't have problems finding a suitor overseas. 

So you gotta ask yourself what exactly do you offer to them?

[Boethius]

Can someone quote me as Sting23 is spouting bollox about the types of Visas UK folks can have and their limitations

IF a UK citizen has a work visa - the length of stay IS the visa length ...

Indeed, in the case of a biz visa - ( year) it's 90 /180 days

Not sure where the bollox is.  He did say 3 months at a time, so merely missed the 180 days. 

[Boethius]

Do you know Russell? Lol. Doesn't mean a thing where you got degree from. Mine were from non-Russell, I've never cared for snobbery or status/standing.

It does matter to employers, at least, initially.

[msmob]

Not sure where the bollox is.  He did say 3 months at a time, so merely missed the 180 days.

))

Thanks for quoting me !

Trench has been referring to working, there

[Sting23]

msmob -spouting bollox about Russian visas? when's the last time you got a visa man.  Trench ain't going there for work.  That would involve getting a letter of invitation from a company willing to hire him.  I don't see that happening as he has no English teaching qualifications and I doubt he can go as a highly skilled worker.

Business visas are either 90 days or 1 year.  Trench ain't going for 1 year so 90 days are his only option.

Too bad he ain't American.  They can get a 3 year tourist visa continuous.  Only requirement is to leave Russia every 6 months.  You can go for 1 day and come back the next.

[Sting23]

That's why I put msmob  on ignore.  The guy never listens and is very irritating.

[Boethius]

I believe moby’s visa expired recently, he’s on his days “out”. In any event, very recently.

[msmob]

msmob -spouting bollox about Russian visas? when's the last time you got a visa man.

A year ago - time for a new one

  Trench ain't going there for work.  That would involve getting a letter of invitation from a company willing to hire him.  I don't see that happening as he has no English teaching qualifications and I doubt he can go as a highly skilled worker.

Trench has indeed said he wanted to try to work there- get a work visa - one pays £750 and voila - the invite

Business visas are either 90 days or 1 year.  Trench ain't going for 1 year so 90 days are his only option.

Incorrect - I think I'd know having had them over 18 years - we have single, double and multiple entry Business visas ..the M/E ones are valid for a year - one can stay 90/180 days - every six month period

Hence my 'bollox'  - being someone who WOULD know what he's talking about - having had SO many