FSU women lateness to appointments?

[Strider]

Poles are quite culturally different from Russians, and based upon history, don't like them very much.  If you called a Polish woman a Russian she might have been insulted.  It might explain things.

Different story with a RW friend from Poland who visited here a couple of years ago.  I don't think that she was on time for anything except one restaurant dinner - when I was held up at work and was half an hour late picking her up! 

[ML]

And it's quite possible she was a Russian woman living in Poland.

[Anotherkiwi]

And it's quite possible she was a Russian woman living in Poland.

Exactly!  She is (although actually born in Kazakhstan).

[vlad5]

Glad I found this thread. I recently went out with a Russian woman here in America. She was a fellow student at my university. Whenever I invited her out, she would always be 5-10 minutes late. When I confronted her about her tardiness, her response was: "you need to learn Russian culture. it's good manner for women to be a little late in Russia" )) I'm like, seriously? I tell her, "this is America, honey, not Russia." she says, "don't care. i'm Russian." I knew right then and there to dump her. I have no desire to spend my valuable time on an abusive woman, regardless of her nationality. For the record, she has been in America for two years, which is enough time for her to learn how Americans view time. besides, she had a lot of other problems related to her arrogance too, so I didn't dump her just because she was a few minutes late. as you can see, compromise was not her forte.

[ML]

Well, this is a perfect example of 'culture clash.'

Someone has to give in . . . or not.

I would go the same route as you.

[Voyager36]

Just chill. Select the meeting spot wisely: there should be a place to sit, at least a bench. Or best - meet in the cafe, preferably in the nice/scenic romantic area, where you can seat on the terrace outside, have your beer/coffee/water/etc while relaxing and looking at the people around you.
It's not the job interview, there should be no pressure - on you, or on the woman you are meeting.

As for whether you should do something about it - I actually don't think you can do anything about it. You can try and only meet women who are punctual, but that will greatly decrease your dating pool. Serious  talks also won't work. I, for example, do try really hard to be on time while meeting with friends. And I have no idea how this happens, but I am late. It's not like I am planning it, quite on the contrary. So I just tell them honestly that I have problem with being on time to social meetings, and that on most occasions they can expect me to be late. My friends are usually fine with that.

That's my attitude, more or less. I'm on holiday, so why get all bent out of shape about it. Though I guess that if guys are rather particular about punctuality then it's probably a good thing to find out what her habit is in that regard.

[Vasilisa]

As for me I am trying not to be late, I either come 30 minutes before, or 5 to 10 minutes after but I always send a text message if I am going to be late.
My impression is that in Russia it's considered to be normal for a woman to be late on a date as she can't decide which dress to put on to impress the guy and is busy with her hair dress and her make up. There are a lot of jokes about it.

I have heard different opinions though, for example the host of a famous dating show "Давай поженимся" is sure that "the queens are never late", the problem if you want to marry a girl that acts like a queen.

As for my experience  I used to date 3 MDs in the US and all of them were late, only this paticular profession. 
I don't know how you can be 40 minutes' late when it takes you 30 minutes' to get to the place where the date is. One of them  came from a different state and it took him 3 hours to come and he was almost 2 hours' late and nobody sent text messages to inform me they would be late.

[Larry1]

Glad I found this thread. I recently went out with a Russian woman here in America. She was a fellow student at my university. Whenever I invited her out, she would always be 5-10 minutes late. When I confronted her about her tardiness, her response was: "you need to learn Russian culture. it's good manner for women to be a little late in Russia" )) I'm like, seriously? I tell her, "this is America, honey, not Russia." she says, "don't care. i'm Russian." I knew right then and there to dump her. I have no desire to spend my valuable time on an abusive woman, regardless of her nationality. For the record, she has been in America for two years, which is enough time for her to learn how Americans view time.

If you found a FSUW who isn't more than ten minutes late you've hit the jackpot.

besides, she had a lot of other problems related to her arrogance too, so I didn't dump her just because she was a few minutes late. as you can see, compromise was not her forte.

I can't really comment on this because you didn't give examples of her behavior, but some girls have "the 'tude" to a greater or lesser extent.

[Ooooops]

I don't think that "being fashionably late" has been invented in Russia.   

[Misha]

Whenever I invited her out, she would always be 5-10 minutes late.

That certainly took some planning. You would think that she would be accidentally on time now and then  However, 5 to 10 minutes is not a big deal. Personally, I drew my line in the sand at 15 minutes. Much longer than that and I would expect a call or SMS.

[Vasilisa]

Glad I found this thread. I recently went out with a Russian woman here in America. She was a fellow student at my university. Whenever I invited her out, she would always be 5-10 minutes late. When I confronted her about her tardiness, her response was: "you need to learn Russian culture. it's good manner for women to be a little late in Russia" )) I'm like, seriously? I tell her, "this is America, honey, not Russia." she says, "don't care. i'm Russian." I knew right then and there to dump her. I have no desire to spend my valuable time on an abusive woman, regardless of her nationality. For the record, she has been in America for two years, which is enough time for her to learn how Americans view time. besides, she had a lot of other problems related to her arrogance too, so I didn't dump her just because she was a few minutes late. as you can see, compromise was not her forte.

Wow. 5 minutes' late and you became a member and wrote all that just to share this story?!
What if she broke a cup in your kitchen or left a hair brush in your bathroom... gosh, that would be the reason for at least, the  capital punishment.
PS: if I was dating an American here, in Russia and he asks for ice in his drinks in restaurants  when nobody else does and I tell him :"It's Russia, not the US, you should drink the way everybody else does" I would consider myself to be abusive.

Btw, a couple of days ago I shared my story in the "food part" of the thread about Ukraine, so now you can see that my story had its reasons.
http://www.russianwomendiscussion.com/index.php?topic=16021.150
"I shared my thoughts about every day life with the locals,  but I was raised the way you tell good things to people (especially the strangers) and ignore negative things.
As for my family, when my family had guests from abroad (we had international exchange students as guests when I was a student) we tried to learn in advance what kind of things they prefered, something about their culture and what they liked or didn't like and tried to make them feel comfortable.

I never experienced the same kind of attitude in the US , most people felt their culture was superior and if I came inthe US I had to love and enjoy the things around me or go back  I didn't have any problems with that when we talk about the strangers but again, if I had a family I would expect for my husband to enjoy my culture, too. "

[BillyB]

Wow. 5 minutes' late and you became a member and wrote all that just to share this story?!

It's not the 5 minutes that bothered him, it's the "always" part that did. Bad habits can continue into marriage. The person may always be late for the movies, family events, sporting events, the ballet, work, a funeral or wedding.

5 to 10 minutes after but I always send a text message if I am going to be late.

You have good manners. I've had RW in America text if they're running behind. In my opinion, it's a woman's job to be on time and the man's job to arrive before on time so the lady isn't waiting.

Whenever I invited her out, she would always be 5-10 minutes late.

Welcome to the forum Vlad. How many times did you take her out? She never let you pick her up at her house after the first few dates?

[Vasilisa]

It's not the 5 minutes that bothered him, it's the "always" part that did. Bad habits can continue into marriage.

5 minutes always wouldn't bother me either. All people have good and bad habits. From my experience it's not the worst bad habit the person may have in comparison with the bad habits many Americans have. As I said I dated Americans (born and raised) who found it normal to be 30 minutes' or 45 minutes' late.
And I wouldn't complain about the woman's bad habits if he could say something in the style of " It's the US and not Russia". This is rude, completely inappropriate and shows him as a person of  bad manners. Again, when you are having a relationship you either accept the person with his or her preferences and bad and good habits and cultural things (Russians have many good cultural things also) or you move back to what you got used to in your culture if "It's America and everything must be the American way" but you don't tell them what they must do in order to be liked by you.

It's simple.

[vlad5]

Wow. 5 minutes' late and you became a member and wrote all that just to share this story?!

hi Vasilia, thank you for your perspective. It's interesting to hear the perspective of other people. As I implied in my post, there were other things about her that bothered me, not just her tardiness. Her tardiness would have been trivial if it weren't for those other things. Those things are for another thread.

What if she broke a cup in your kitchen or left a hair brush in your bathroom... gosh, that would be the reason for at least, the  capital punishment.

Very poor analogy. if she was the right woman I wouldn't be the least bothered by those things.

And I wouldn't complain about the woman's bad habits if he could say something in the style of " It's the US and not Russia". This is rude, completely inappropriate and shows him as a person of  bad manners. Again, when you are having a relationship you either accept the person with his or her preferences and bad and good habits and cultural things (Russians have many good cultural things also) or you move back to what you got used to in your culture if "It's America and everything must be the American way" but you don't tell them what they must do in order to be liked by you.

It's simple.

Vasilisa, let me tell you something. I do my best to live by the Russian proverb "В чужо́й монасты́рь со свои́м уста́вом не хо́дят" (English: "When in Rome, do as the Romans do") My RW date has been in America for over two years, so it's not like she just came to America. I would have given her a pass had she just arrived. This is completely different than having foreign guests at your home (who have little time to get used to the cultural customs).  Besides, I have dated women from different nationalities here, including Africans, Asians, and other Europeans, and they made a point to arrive on time. Time is money. I think it's rude for you to label me as a "person of bad manners" when you don't even know me, or my situation.

[Shadow]

. Time is money.

And RW are interested to see if you will waste some time.

[vlad5]

And RW are interested to see if you will waste some time.

that's hilarious though i have dated 1 other RW who has been punctual...so it's not right to generalize.

[Misha]

Time may be money, but the day you are dragged off to shop for clothes with a gf/wife, you will realize that 5 or 10 minutes was merely small change in the time = money equation

[vlad5]

Time may be money, but the day you are dragged off to shop for clothes with a gf/wife, you will realize that 5 or 10 minutes was merely small change in the time = money equation

yeah, I'd probably be a millionaire if I could count the extra time I spent waiting for an ex-girlfriend to finish shopping or the like

[jone]

Time may be money, but the day you are dragged off to shop for clothes with a gf/wife, you will realize that 5 or 10 minutes was merely small change in the time = money equation

Not to mention staying up with a baby who refuses to sleep when she is supposed to.  Two women now? Misha, you have a long life in front of you.   (And a happy one.)
 

[Faux Pas]

Glad I found this thread. I recently went out with a Russian woman here in America. She was a fellow student at my university. Whenever I invited her out, she would always be 5-10 minutes late. When I confronted her about her tardiness, her response was: "you need to learn Russian culture. it's good manner for women to be a little late in Russia" )) I'm like, seriously? I tell her, "this is America, honey, not Russia." she says, "don't care. i'm Russian." I knew right then and there to dump her. I have no desire to spend my valuable time on an abusive woman, regardless of her nationality. For the record, she has been in America for two years, which is enough time for her to learn how Americans view time. besides, she had a lot of other problems related to her arrogance too, so I didn't dump her just because she was a few minutes late. as you can see, compromise was not her forte.

Always 5-10 minutes late isn't any big deal no matter what culture she comes from. That leans toward you being a bit anal retentive. You simply adjust your time accordingly. At least she is consistent and if she weren't, you give her a taste of her own medicine.

Hopefully, the other nags you had with this woman were much worse that her lack of punctuality. How much of a woman's misgivings a man would tolerate is often directly related to how attractive he finds in both her looks and personality. Some women can be habitually late and it's attractive, yet not so much with others.

[BillyB]

From my experience it's not the worst bad habit the person may have in comparison with the bad habits many Americans have. As I said I dated Americans (born and raised) who found it normal to be 30 minutes' or 45 minutes' late.

You dated American guys with bad habits but did those bad habits increase your respect for them creating a desire to marry those guys? No, it turns you off. The more bad habits someone has, the more he/she will get rejected by others. Rejection is the only way some people will learn. Some people will never learn. Some girls will have relationships with guys and the guys will get what they want out of the relationship and eventually leave no matter how pretty she is. The girl never figures out why men won't make a lifetime commitment to her. Same can be said about men.

All people have good and bad habits.

You're right but if you settle for less out of a man or woman, you'll get less. 


Vlad is more upset by his date's lack of concern about his feelings than 5-10 mins late. If someone isn't concerned about your feelings, would you continue to date him? 5-10 min late doesn't bother most people but everyone has something that bothers them no matter how minor it may be to others.

[Vasilisa]

hi Vasilia, thank you for your perspective. It's interesting to hear the perspective of other people. As I implied in my post, there were other things about her that bothered me, not just her tardiness. Her tardiness would have been trivial if it weren't for those other things. Those things are for another thread.
Very poor analogy. if she was the right woman I wouldn't be the least bothered by those things.
Vasilisa, let me tell you something. I do my best to live by the Russian proverb "В чужо́й монасты́рь со свои́м уста́вом не хо́дят" (English: "When in Rome, do as the Romans do") My RW date has been in America for over two years, so it's not like she just came to America. I would have given her a pass had she just arrived. This is completely different than having foreign guests at your home (who have little time to get used to the cultural customs).  Besides, I have dated women from different nationalities here, including Africans, Asians, and other Europeans, and they made a point to arrive on time. Time is money. I think it's rude for you to label me as a "person of bad manners" when you don't even know me, or my situation.

If you'd bothered to read the thread I gave the link to you would have seen that I know this proverb and I acted according to this rule when I was in the US... with strangers...
The point is when I have a family (no matter where) my house and my relationship with this person will be MY monastery and I will decide which rules this monastery will have. And if someone comes to my house and decide to apply some rules of Jeff and Monica that live next door this someone will not be invited ever again.
And if you were dating Russians living in the US and couldn't understand this simple rule of the FAMILY unit you will be greatly dissapointed in your personal life. So I hightly recommend to forget the phrase:"This is America" when you are dating someone, America is big  and have different people in it and you may not want to have the rules of Khaled and Zuleikha that migrated in the US from Pakistan and are American citizens now in your American house or the rules of Jason and Allyse who are American rednecks.

[Vasilisa]

You dated American guys with bad habits but did those bad habits increase your respect for them creating a desire to marry those guys? No, it turns you off.

Yes, but I didn't try to change those people. I had several dates to make sure it wasn't an accident but a system and decided if i could live with it, if I didn't then I stepped out or had a polite conversation about it, but I didn't use phrases like:"This is America, so change your attitude", this is rude, and if you like being treated this way  or treat people this way this is your right.

[Vasilisa]

My RW date has been in America for over two years, so it's not like she just came to America. I would have given her a pass had she just arrived.

You obviously lived in the US long enough not to realize how different America is and people are different, too.

Besides, I have dated women from different nationalities here, including Africans, Asians, and other Europeans, and they made a point to arrive on time.

Okay, where are those punctual Africans and Asians now?!

[vlad5]

You obviously lived in the US long enough not to realize how different America is and people are different, too. Okay, where are those punctual Africans and Asians now?!

Varilisia, at this point it sounds like you're trying to make it personal. "Where are those people now?" lol, are you kidding me? I'm not going to argue with you as it seems to me you're trolling. You are certainly entitled to your opinions as am I.