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“I’ll be
right back with a refill of your Coke.”
To most Americans, this
innocent phrase likely does not even
register in the spectrum of consciousness. Be
it McDonald’s (insert the name of your
ubiquitous fast food chain of
choice) or a sit down restaurant, the soft drink refills are expected
and never
given an afterthought. The
never-ending
fountain of Coke (insert the name of your favorite soft drink). Hmmm. This
small expectation is simply understood in America,
just like larger portions
per meal. Its part
of the culture you
grew up with and likely take for granted.
To Russians experiencing America
for the first time, this innocuous
phrase from the server might be met with a jaundiced eye –
one of scorn and
skepticism. “How
dare they assume that I
will pay for another drink without first asking me?!” might
be the words of the
inner voice about to be spoken. Simple
phrase. Simple, but
real,
adjustment.
You see, in St. Petersburg
where I was raised, this simply never happened.
Even at the McDonald’s, things are based
on
the culture of the host country. When
my
American husband, then boyfriend, first traveled with me to Russia,
he wanted to visit a
McDonald’s to see how true it remained to what he knew. At the counter, he
requested a hamburger prepared
without pickles, mustard or ketchup - plain.
When I relayed the order in Russian, the crew stood
and returned a stare
to me. I had to
explain again what he
wanted and, eventually, they agreed to prepare the order as requested. To my husband, this was
uncommon and
unexpected. I
explained to him that
Russians just did not request a menu item at McDonald’s to be
prepared
differently than the standard expectation.
To his satisfaction, he
mentioned that had his eyes been closed
he would have been unable discern any appreciable difference in
location. I call
this a cultural exchange, albeit a
small one. The
Russian crew at
McDonald’s prepared food a different way and the American
customer received
exactly what he expected. Perestroika
in
action.
While my husband and I maintain
that people are essentially
the same everywhere, regardless of language or customs, these two
everyday
experiences in restaurants, each from a different perspective, showcase
how
small expectations can lead to large differences in acceptance.
I wish you all the simple
enjoyment of “cultural exchanges”
to make getting to know one another a fascinating journey.
 Tamara
von Schmidt-Pauli is a native of St.
Petersburg Russia
who has been visiting, and living in, the United States and Canada
since 2002. She holds bachelors and masters
degrees, with honors, covering teaching of language and
translation and
currently resides in the greater Minneapolis
area. Tamara is affiliated with Prime Language Services (www.primelanguageservices.com)
Overview
Of The Process
(How To
Marry A Russian Woman)
If you are
interested in
exploring the possibility of finding, dating and marrying a Russian
woman, it
is basically a 10-step process:
1. Decide
this is really what you want, make a serious decision.
2. Find
a Russian woman...don't worry, you can do this online.
3. Communicate,
build rapport and develop a relationship.
4. Commit
to making a visit to Russia,
Ukraine,
or whatever country she is from.
5. Travel
to the Former Soviet Union (FSU) and meet her!
6. If
you are convinced you have met “her,” then return
home and begin the paperwork
7. Finish
all of the initial paperwork and file your application for her visa.
8. The
waiting game begins—you wait for approval and she gathers her
documentation.
9. She
(and you if possible) attends the final visa interview and receives
approval.
10. Bring
her
home, make final marriage preparations and marry within 90 days (or
send her
home).
Please
bear in mind that the
following discussion is just a basic overview of the process. As you go
along, please
continue to educate yourself and get more information on the various
steps.
The first step
is really
self-explanatory. This is not something to play around with. These
women are
very serious, and if you are not it does them a big disservice. So, do
your
research and self-education first, but once you decide to persue this
option,
be committed to it!
Next, you need
to find a
Russian woman. The easiest way to do this today is online. When I
started, the
big way was catalogs (way back before the digital age!). Please do not
go to a
general dating website. Places like match dot com and eharmony,
etc… are way
too general for this. Plus, there will be a much higher chance of
finding a
dishonest woman who is only interested in getting your money.
Find an honest
marriage
agency. Start out by looking at some of the forums and advice websites.
See
what kind of recommendations they give. Look at some of the agency
reviews as
well. Also, focus on advice that not only tells you which agencies are
good,
but how to determine for yourself whether an agency is good or not.
Kind of the
old give a man a fish versus teach a man to fish theory. Once you know
this,
you will be able to evaluate any agency on your own. Of course, reviews
will
still always be helpful whenever you come across a new one.
Step 3 is
communicating and
developing a relationship. Of course, there is a lot involved in terms
of
writing and communicating with a Russian woman. The first tip is to be
prolific. Find at least 100 women to start your letter writing
campaign. You
can expect your response rate to be between 20-30%. For every 100
letters you
send, expect 20-30 replies. Of those, expect at least half to drop out
of
correspondence after a while. It may be your decision or hers to stop.
Just understand
that in the
beginning this is really just a numbers game. You need to have enough
women in
the pipeline to give yourself a good chance of success.
While it is not
essential in
the beginning, you may want to limit your search to a particular city
or region.
Eventually you will want to make a trip to see these women; it helps if
they
are within the same general area. Otherwise, you will be spending all
your time
going back and forth. Not fun!
This may seem
like a heavy
time investment. To combat this, what is usually recommended is to
write a
good, but general introduction letter. You want to tell a bit about
yourself, a
basic background. State why you have decided to write to her (it can be
the
same reason for each woman), and what your ultimate goal is. Just keep
it
simple, one to two pages. Probably one page is better for the first
contact. You
do the work of writing this once and then it is done. Use this as your
first
contact for every woman you meet. Sometimes, you may need to make some
adjustments, but they should be minor.
Keep yourself
organized. I
like to have a folder on my computer labeled Russian (or Ukrainian)
women.
Within this I have sub-folders for each woman I have received a reply
from. In
this individual sub-folders go all of our letters and contact details.
If we
speak on the phone I also make a file with the date and notes on the
conversation. Trust me, organization is essential once you are talking
with
more than about 5 women at once!
The letter
writing a later
the phone calling is nice, but understand that most of these single
Russian
ladies will not consider this to be a “real”
relationship until you meet in
person. This is just the way it is. I have also found out that most
women will
general give you about 6 months to commit to a trip to meet her. After
this
time frame, they will think that you are not really serious and may
even move
on. Understand this, and be ready to commit to a trip to meet the
ladies you
are starting to feel serious about.
In fact, once
you have
committed to visiting you will see a rapid escalation in your
relationship. She
will seem more serious, more interested, even more caring. She may
start
writing more frequently, and answering your letters faster.
Now it is time
to visit.
Just a few travel pointers: be vigilant in your search for tickets. You
can
find better deals than the Travelocities and Pricelines. You can search
online
even for international travel consolidators. Look at the various
agencies for
their recommendations as well. The off season for travel to the Former
Soviet
Union (FSU) is between November and the end of March. This is when you
will
generally find the best deals. Before I was married, I would leave on
March 31st
whenever possible. This way I would get a good deal at least on one leg
of the
trip and could be fairly sure that I would not have to deal with snow
or
sub-zero temperatures.
When making your
arrangements, I would strongly suggest you use the services of a
marriage
agency. Have them set you up with an apartment. You will be more
comfortable
their than in a hotel. Plus, it will be significantly cheaper. The
hotels in
the FSU are generally not up to western standards and should be
avoided. Unless
of course, you want to go first class and spend $300+ a night! Also,
have the
marriage agency send a car and driver to pick you up at the airport.
I would also
suggest you
have a back-up plan. Find another local agency in the city you are
visiting. Do
this BEFORE you visit, of course. You never know what will happen. If
you have
their contact info, including address, you can be as flexible as you
need to
be. You could meet women from both agencies while you are there.
If you visit for
2 weeks,
take the first week to meet as many women as you can. Start with the
ones you
have been communicating with. Then, if there is time and interest,
maybe set up
meetings with some other women from the agencies. You can meet 2 or 3
each day
if you are organized and diligent about this. Hey, it’s a
tough job, but
someone has to do it, right!? Spend the second week getting to know the
women
you met during the first week. Of course, do not feel obligated to have
second
meetings. Only continue things with those that you are serious about
and feel a
good connection with. You need to be disciplined about this.
Of course,
dating overseas
on a two week trip is much different than dating a woman back home.
Just the
fact that you are trying to pack a lot of getting to know each other
time into
a very short period. Your dates should focus on this one task, not on
entertainment.
Of course, there is nothing wrong with being entertained, and by all
means do
so. Just understand that if this is ALL you do, it will be a tremendous
waste
of your time, effort and resources. You are trying to gather
information that
will lead to a marriage decision.
It is also
entirely possible
that it will take you two or even more trips to the FSU before you feel
comfortable proposing to her. That is fine. Do whatever you need to do
to get
the information you need to make your decision. Do not feel pressure
that you
have to make this decision by 10am of the day before you are scheduled
to fly
home from your first trip!
On the other
hand, once you
have made a decision regarding marriage (and she has accepted!), you
need to
start doing the government required paperwork. This is somewhat beyond
the
scope of this article, but fortunately there are many places you can
find out
about the act of applying for her fiancé visa. Take a look
at the uscis.gov
website to download forms. The ones you will need initially are the
I-129f,
application for alien fiancé, and the G-325a, which is a
biographical
information form. Not that you will need 8 copies of the G-325a (4 for
her and
4 for you). Start filling these out in the FSU. In fact, there will be
information
you need from your beautiful Russian woman for marriage that she can
help you
complete.
Once you have
returned home,
you file this paperwork by sending it along with the required fee to
whatever
government office is required (it should mention this in the
instructions of
the forms-the I-129f). Then you wait.
You will receive
several
notices of action. The first is just simply an acknowledgement of
receiving
your application paperwork. It does not mean approval. The next notice
will
mean that you have received initial conditional approval. This simply
means
that everything looks in order and your paperwork will move on to the
next
step.
After a little
more
processing, your packet will be sent overseas to the proper consulate.
This is
usually located in the capital city of her country, but there are
exceptions.
The two of you will both receive notice that it has been received by
the
consulate. She will then be mailed a packet of information which will
state
what further documentation she needs to gather. Once she has these, she
send
notice back. Then, the consulate will send her the final information,
which
includes the date of her final interview as well as where to get her
medical
exam.
The last step in
this
process is for her to attend the interview. I attended the interview
with my
then fiancé and it was a neat experience. If you are able, I
would recommend
attending this together, but it is not necessary. After approval, she
will
receive her visa (but methods for delivery can vary…and it
can be immediate to
several days before she actually has her visa in hand). Then, and only
then, is
it time to book tickets and make arrangements to get her home to you!
Her
fiancé visa gives her
the right to enter the US
one time only, within 6 months from the date of issue. She is allowed
to stay
for 90 days. Within this time period you must either marry, or she must
return
home. By the way, if you decide not to marry, you are LEGALLY
responsible for
getting her a plane ticket home and getting her to the airport on time!
Make a
copy of this ticket/receipt just for documentation and proof.
That’s
the process in a
nutshell. As I mentioned before, this is only a very brief overview.
Please
continue to educate yourself about this whole process. Look at forums,
reviews
and other advice sites.
After
having
traveled to Russia,
Ukraine
and the FSU over 14 times,
and being married to a beautiful Russian woman, Joseph Carducci is
truly a man
who has ‘been there, done that!’ For more info,
advice and details on the
process of finding, meeting and marrying a Russian woman, along with a
free
report and 7-part email course, please visit his site: How
To Marry A Russian
Woman
Signs
That She Truly Loves You
How
to know if your Russian darling loves you? Love can be a game of
hide and seek. Nowadays,
when girls have made it trend to flirt out with many guys openly,
it’s even harder for a man to define whether the girl from
Russia whom he is
dating or with whom he is seriously in love shares the same feeling for
him. Having
different modes of thinking and ways of expression, men's
interpretations of
the signs that these mystery of a women show often result to mixed up
signals.
So what is the right way to interpret their actions and to know if your
Russian
woman loves you with all her heart? In
case your beloved one too
is putting you in a confusing state of “she does”
or “she does not” here are
some tips which will help you to find out her true feelings and to make
sure
that she wants to carry on a long-term relations with you:
If she loves you, she always:
- cares
for you and takes interest in all your activities
- brags
about you to her family and friends
- tries
to get closer to you by touching your hands, shoulders or cheeks
- keeps
staring at you during the conversation wanting to say something but
being too shy and confused
- blushes
when you talk and keeps praising you in front of your friends
- accepts
your family despite of everything
- encourages
and motivates you to go ahead with your plans which means that
she’s sincerely attached with what you want from your life
- wants
to spend some time with
you and help you out in every project or assignment
- makes
an effort to like all your friends
- is
jealous of you, which
is actually
healthy to a relationship as it validates feelings and reassures the
partner
that the other is afraid of losing you to someone else
- laughs
at your jokes no
matter funny or not
- caters
to you and takes
special care to cook your favorite meals
If
she is just flirting with
you, she:
- does
not respond to your messages and tries to avoid you
- doesn't
want to declare it in public or make some excuses when caught by your
close friend in public by saying, “ he's my friend”
- never
praises you and keeps counting flaws in you which means she's trying to
dissolve the relation by taking these flaws as the base
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