| SITE STATS
RussianWomenDiscussion:
Members: 4,676
Topics: 8,541
Messages: 182,757
PL Archives:
Topics: 4,842
Messages: 40,961
ADVERTISERS:
|
Smile… A
picture is being taken
Sometimes it is the small things, those that might go unnoticed or are
taken for granted by most people that can have the greatest impact and
make a lasting impression. To a Russian, Ukrainian or anybody
from FSU what small things might become immediately apparent when
coming to the United States? One of the very first things I
noticed in day-to-day interactions with people in the USA were the
smiles and kindness openly shown between all people.
One might expect this treatment to be standard in the service sector
for them to be successful. But I speak of the regular people
– part of the anonymous crowds one passes on the streets
everyday. Should one meet eyes with another, it is normal to
offer a smile or a quick greeting of hello even though you
don’t
know them. If you meet a person on the street, in an
elevator,
walking a dog next to your house, it’s customary to greet or
acknowledge them. If another driver lets you go first on the
road
or allows you to take a turn last minute, a polite wave of the hand is
frequently seen as a sign of thanks.
As a contrast in social norms, try to wave your hand when you are
driving around Petersburg, Moscow or Vladivostok or try to let other
cars merge in front of you. You will either be ignored,
mocked or
taken advantage of in the traffic line. We have many gestures
offered in traffic, but these particular gestures of gratitude are not
yet part of Russian culture.
Russia, however, is constantly changing – evolving as
influences
from around the globe are more readily apparent. Every 2-3
months
I go to Russia and I notice more and more positive changes. Recently,
it has become more a prevalent part of our driving culture to
flash one’s lights as a thank you when another lets you go in
front or you just squeeze in… :)
How does this contrast with a Petersburg subway or out on the main
streets? Even in the early morning hours when few are on the
streets, one does not greet the person he does not know; instead, he
walks past them as if they do not exist. Were you to offer
greetings, you would likely receive a stare of disbelief mixed with the
look that something must be seriously wrong with you. This is
not
to suggest that Russians are not, themselves, very open and hospitable
with the people they know. The stark difference lies in the
treatment of those with whom one has yet to be formally acquainted.
My Muj (husband) is of the strong belief that people are, by nature,
very similar and mostly friendly. He says that a smile given
freely is usually repaid many times over. In fact, to my
discomfort, he was determined to conduct an experiment in the St.
Petersburg Metro (subway) one day. While seated, he noticed a
mother with her young boy (perhaps 5-6 years old) seated across from
us. It was clear from the posture that the mother was not
pleased
with the boy and she gave him a scolding stare. He returned a
pleading glance, but it was rebuffed with icy resolve. The
boy
pouted and whined. My husband happened to have candy in his
pocket and he suggested offering this to the little boy to brighten his
outlook. I was horrified that he would attempt to engage a
stranger…on the Metro no less. I suggested that
this was
not wise, but he smiled at me and pressed forward.
He began by looking toward the woman until she noticed. When
their eyes met, he smiled and pointed to the candy he had just pulled
from his pocket. With a questioning look and a gesture toward
the
child, the mother instantly understood his intent. She smiled
back and reached down to the boy. With a tap on his shoulder,
he
looked up to her and then followed her gaze to my Muj. Like
an
eagle atop a tree, scanning the valley for his next meal, the boy drew
his attention instantly to the candy in his hand. His eyes
grew
wide and quickly looked to his mother for an approving nod, which she
gave him with reassurance. My husband extended his hand,
cradling
the candy in his palm, and the boy gently retrieved it with a smile as
wide as the Neva River. He glanced to his mother, then to
me. Suddenly, the entire portion of the cabin was infected
with
smile that would not cease.
Once I was rushing into the mall in the US to pick up pictures, I ran
into the door when it was about to close and by accident smashed into a
person. To my surprise, this man apologized for being in my
way…something I never expected to hear.
Whether one considers the ubiquitous American smile as sincere or just
polite, I believe this represents something good for any culture to
learn and accept. To see open faces, smiles and kindness
between
all people, not necessarily your friends, makes our every day life so
much easier. For now, do not expect it to be a part of the
daily
Russian culture. Remain steadfast in the knowledge that once
a
Russian person gets to know you, all that they have will be shared with
you.
Remember, smiles are infectious wherever they are tried. Keep
smiling and walk through your life with your head up, eyes forward and
a smile on your lips.
 Tamara
von Schmidt-Pauli is a native of St.
Petersburg Russia
who has been visiting, and living in, the United States and Canada
since 2002. She holds bachelors and masters
degrees, with honors, covering teaching of language and
translation and
currently resides in the greater Minneapolis
area. Tamara is affiliated with Prime Language Services (www.primelanguageservices.com)
Some Good Advice
These
are just a
list of general tips and procedures that you should keep in mind as you
search for your Russian or FSU (Former Soviet Union) wife!
1) Know Yourself: You need to know who
you are. By
this I mean you should honestly sit down and decide what kind of
qualities and character you have. This should prepare you to be better
able to determine what kind of woman you want/need to have in your
life. You need to be very honest and realistic as you do this kind of
soul searching.
2) Know the Type of Woman You Want: Based
on your
qualities, character, attitudes, etc… decide upon the type
of
woman you are seeking. Of course, you should also become educated and
bear in mind the realities of this process. For example, do not write
to a woman who is 30 years younger than you. (Even 20 years younger may
be too much) Do not write to an 18-21 year old with super-model looks
unless you truly feel your appearance is justified for this. Be honest.
I would also suggest sitting down and writing a profile of the type of
woman you want. Let me share with you the type of profile I think makes
the best FSU wife: 25-35 (depending upon the man’s age, of
course), divorced with a young child (4-10), limited English (but
either currently studying or willing to learn), and working.
3) Ask Her Questions: Find out all you
can about the
woman/women you are contacting. Learn what they do, what their goals
and dreams are, why they are interested in finding a foreign man as a
possible husband, even try to figure out her attitudes and how she
thinks. You must ask her questions to do this. She will certainly be
asking you the same type of questions. If do not respond in similar
fashion, she will probably assume you are not serious.
4) Keep the First Letter Simple:
Generally, you want
to keep your first letter simple and straightforward. By all means,
include a photo. She wants to see who she is talking to! And besides,
you have already seen her photo! There are cases, however, where you
may want your first letter to be more detailed. It really depends on if
you want a lower, higher quality response, or if you just want the
maximum number of women to answer.
5) Do Not Send Money: Never send money to
a woman you
have not personally met. If she asks for money, run away because it is
a scam. An honest woman has too much pride to ask for money from you.
If you do not send money you cannot be scammed! Always remember this.
6) Be Prepared to Make a Trip: No, I do
not mean that
you need tickets in hand. Just understand that if you intend to marry
one of these wonderful, sexy women, you will have to meet her in person
in her home country. This is a requirement for the visa processing. A
woman will generally give you 4-6 months to decide that you want to
come meet her. So, you will have SOME time to decide and make
arrangements.
7) Make Sure You Can Afford This Process:
It is
neither cheap nor fast. Of course the exact amount will vary depending
upon how you decide to go. You can figure that for an organized agency
tour you will spend between $5,500-7,000 for a trip. If you go on your
own, you can figure around $2,500-3,500 per trip. Maybe even a little
less if you are careful about your money. Chances are you will need to
take more than one trip. Even if you have corresponded and spoken on
the phone for a while, it may not be the best thing to marry someone
after only spending two weeks with them (typically the average duration
of a trip to the FSU). Then, there will be additional expenses as you
prepare the visa paperwork—tickets for her to your country,
paperwork and processing fees, money that she may need for English
lessons, etc… Also, bear in mind that these figures, while
based
on personal experience, are only approximations.
8 ) Be a Leader: A Russian woman does not
want a weak
man…she could find that in Russia! These ladies are tired of
having to be the head of the house, and make all the decisions. They
are tired of weak-willed and lazy husbands and boyfriends who do not
want to raise a family and cannot seem to take care of them and their
children. Russia and the FSU are very male-oriented and the man is
expected to fill the traditional roles of being the main provider and
leader of the family. If you expect anything different from yourself,
then this is probably not the type of woman you want to pursue. Might I
suggest a stuck-up, overweight, over-bearing good old American woman!?
Even better if she is a raging feminist!
9) Do Not Fall In Love With a Photograph:
These
ladies look even better in person than they do online! But watch out
for pictures than are overly sexually suggestive. A serious woman will
not use such a photo (half-nude, bikini-type, with her breasts half out
of her shirt). Additionally, you should be interested in finding out
her inner qualities. Be interested in her! You want to spend your life
with someone who is interesting to be around, not just look at,
don’t you?
10) Verify You are Writing a Real Woman
Who Is
Genuinely Interested in You: You must make sure that you are writing to
a real woman. There are all kinds of scams that can range from an
agency making up a woman entirely, to having a man impersonate a woman
(both of these are usually accomplished by stealing photos off the
internet), to even having her letters altered. Sometimes an agency will
have real women, but after a letter two they decide they are not
interested in you. Instead of letting the correspondence (and their
income) die, these companies, or interpreters will simply write the
letters for the woman! You need to get your woman’s full
contact
details (full name, address, phone numbers, email addresses). Then
contact her using alternate methods in addition to those provided by
the agency. This should tell you if she is real and is actually writing
to you.
11) If You Can’t Get Full
Contact Details, Move
On: The only exception to this rule is if you feel the agency is the
reason why you are not able to get her contact details. If this is the
case, try this: ask if they will provide a three-way call to your
woman, using their interpreter. Then schedule the call. Purchase the
minimum call time allowed. When you call your girlfriend, chat for a
few minutes and then ask for her direct phone number. If you think she
will go for it also say that you would like to send her something in
the mail, would she give you her address? Then you can work off of that
and contact her with your own interpreter and maybe send her a letter
or a small gift in the mail. Now that I think about it, asking for her
address first might work better because the interpreter might get
suspicious otherwise. You could even go so far as to say that the
delivery company would need her phone number in case she was not home
when they came…that it was a requirement.
12) Be Open On Sexual Issues: Do not be
afraid to
talk about sex with your girlfriend. These ladies are very
straightforward and open. In some cases, this can be a bit shocking to
you. I am of course talking about an open and straightforward dialog.
NOT something where she starts saying how much she wants to sleep with
you or what she will do to you (or what she wants you to do to her).
That kind of talk would be more of an indication of a scam. She may not
have ever met a foreigner. Maybe she is curious about the sexual habits
of American women (or American men!). Or maybe she would like to find
out if you are more of a “playboy” or more stable.
These
are all related to her idea of American culture. Just be ready for this
and even expect it.
13) Follow Your Instincts: By all means,
read and
educate yourself. Learn as much about this process as possible. Look at
the forums or message boards. Always keep learning. If you see red
flags when you are dealing with a woman from the FSU or a marriage
agency, know when to try and deal with it and when to walk away and
move on. The bottom line is not to send money and just don’t
do
anything that you would question if you were dating a woman back home.
Sure there are differences between Russian and American women, but
women are still women. Do not just simply chalk up every difference to
a cultural variation. Think about it and analyze it.
14) Always Have a Back Up Plan: When you
are
traveling in the FSU, you must have some contacts. Never go for just a
single woman. Always have the contact information for other women and
other agencies in the same city close by. Sometimes you can look at a
woman you have been communicating with for months and see it all vanish
instantly. It happens. I have heard it said that you learn more in one
personal meeting than from 100 letters and phone calls. This is
absolutely true. You need a second (or third) agency and other women
that you can contact.
I urge you to listen to this advice. Continue to educate yourself and
you should be fine. If you are serious, committed and persistent you
will be successful
Good luck!
After
having
traveled to Russia,
Ukraine
and the FSU over 14 times,
and being married to a beautiful Russian woman, Joseph Carducci is
truly a man
who has ‘been there, done that!’ For more info,
advice and details on the
process of finding, meeting and marrying a Russian woman, along with a
free
report and 7-part email course, please visit his site: How
To Marry A Russian
Woman
Caveat
Emptor
by John Sampson
Much has been written on this site about the subject revolving around
marriage and divorce involving "international marriages". Many on this
website believe in the fundamental goodness of international marriages.
Many have either openly questioned my stance on international
marriages, or perhaps, have harbored a quiet resentment. Some
are
even openly hostile to the mere suggestion that immigration marriage
fraud actually exists. Ask yourself this question. If there truly was
no fraud, or it was at worst, an isolated instance, why is it that I
have had more than 1,700 hits on my website since I started the site
four months ago, why have I had over 200 inquiries as to my services,
and why is it, I've had more than 20 paying clients in the four and a
half months I've been in business?
The reality is that immigration marriage fraud exists, and the numbers
are not insignificant. And the particularly nasty and vile subset of
immigration marriage fraud, VAWA fraud, or false allegations of
domestic violence in order to get a green card without having to remain
married to "the stupid American" for two years, is almost impossible to
track due to the built in "star chamber" secrecy provisions of VAWA.
Allow me to clear the air, so to speak. Although the statistics kept by
the former USINS indicated that in the mid 1980's, 30% of all marriage
based immigrant visas were issued based upon a fraudulent marriage, the
reality is that 70% were not. So 7 out of 10 "international marriages"
were legitimate, or at least, passed the "smell test" that the then INS
instituted.
The current statistics on this issue are hard to come by since there is
a subset of immigration marriage fraud cases that involve false
allegations of domestic violence. With VAWA claims being
cloaked
in total secrecy, ostensibly to protect the "victim", USCIS refuses to
disclose even the raw numbers as to how many I-360 self petitions based
upon allegations of domestic violence are filed each year. As
a
result, an accurate statistical analysis is impossible to come by. And
that, in my opinion, is by design.
....... Remainder of the Article - click >here<
About the author:
John Sampson currently works as a private investigator and consultant
specializing in immigration fraud, marriage fraud, false accusations of
domestic violence, and alleged sexual assault. He operates CSI
Consulting and Investigations.
He retired in August 2008 at the mandatory age of 57 from DHS
Immigration and Customs Enforcement (ICE) after 27 years of service as
an immigration enforcement officer with ICE and the legacy agency,
Immigration and Naturalization Service (INS), from which ICE
evolved. With INS and ICE he specialized in
marriage fraud
cases and, more recently, Violence Against Women Act (VAWA) fraud cases
in which foreign nationals falsely accuse American citizens of domestic
violence in order to gain an immigration benefit.
......... Full Bio - click >here<
Upcoming Events:
|
