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Apr 2009 Newsletter
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The RWD Newsletter
April 2009

In this edition:

Site Stats
Cultural Exchange (Part 2)
Why Russian Women?
Character Differences: Russian and Western Women


Welcome to the April 2009 edition of the RWD Newsletter. The past several weeks since our last newsletter has brought many surprises from our members. We've had the opportunity to share in the joys and blessings of newborn children shared by Blues Fairy and Simoni. Balancing those joys are the somber announcements by ScottinCrimea and KenC of their marital problems. We also lost a long-term member, The Arrow, who died on March 2, 2009. As in the past, our members have rallied to support those in need, and joined in a chorus of support for other RWD members. While we sometimes experience the occasional rancor, the fact remains our members at RWD are a caring group of individuals who genuinely seek the best for their fellow members. I want to offer my personal appreciation for the efforts you have all put into making RWD the finest forum of its sort that has ever existed - and - for all the kind words of support and encouragement to those members in need. Thank You!

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Cherry Blossoms


Cultural Exchange

Part 2
Please have something to say

What woman does not dream of a debonair, successful, charming, witty, fun and handsome man to lavish her with attention? Well, I’m sure there are some who would answer in the negative, but I don’t know any. Turning the tables, what man does not dream of a demure, coy, leggy supermodel vixen that’s great in the kitchen, loves animals and likes your mother? Again, few would argue against such a woman. The fact remains, however, that the world has few who can fill the tuxedo of James Bond or the evening gown as well as Claudia Schiffer – that’s why they are special and in such demand.

One should not feel depressed, however, just because all prospective dating partners do not walk the runway in Milan or Paris. We all have an idea of what “attractive” means to us and there are as many variations on that theme as there are people. Looks are to people what a flashy cover is to a romance novel. If the story therein does not captivate, one can only be satisfied with the picture for so long before the book is put down in search of one that grabs you by the imagination and whisks you away into the story. Forgive my use of metaphor. I digress…

At first meeting, some might think my husband and I to be a bit of an odd couple. He’s more than ten years my senior, quintessentially American in his food tastes (he’s getting better), has many hobbies and interests, employs a diplomatic approach to problem solving and is principled in abiding by the rules in life. I, on the other hand, am a decidedly proud of my Russia heritage in food choice and customs; like him I’m a voracious reader; unlike him, I challenge authority and often confront problems directly – sometimes without consideration for diplomatic resolution. I like to “get things done”. We both laugh about that.

While he’s tall and handsome, kind, courteous and smart, it’s the text of his story that keeps me interested beyond the cover (and I hope the same is true in return!). Plainly said, he’s interesting. You see, he usually has something to say about any topic of discussion and rarely is it trivial. He’s always learning, he’s always reading and learning and he takes the time to find out what is important to me. I can take him anywhere with me in unfamiliar surroundings and he will engage anyone in conversation. I never worry. Far from a chatterbox, he’s genuinely interested in the process and substance of discourse. I guess what I’m trying to say is that he’s a good listener and, when called upon to respond, actually has something to say. Too often, I found, the men I dated in America and Canada “did not have much to say” of substance. They were not engaging and I was, for lack of better terms, bored.

Russian women, as I contrast them with most American peers I have come to know (OMG know…?), have a broader exposure to cultural studies, have a more direct outlook on fulfillment via accomplishment and they look to share time with a man who can keep them engaged beyond merely physical attraction. Russian women tend not to, as they see it, “waste” time on idle gossip and can communicate clearly without inserting the filler phrases “like” and “you know” and “OMG” every 6th word in a sentence. Yes, that’s a broad stereotype but one that is too often predictable and true.

Just like anyone else, we love to have fun! I love to nurture my inner child with visits to amusement parks – to have my treats and to “let go” of responsibility. For me, roller coasters will never grow old. Hee hee. But the ability to be engrossed in a conversation and stay up talking until 5 AM about philosophy or politics or adventurous travel plans or…well, anything…is the cake upon which we layer the frosting of amusement parks.

On the other hand, I admit that I have always liked the looks of both Kevin Costner and Bruce Willis and the funny, manly, in-charge action characters they play (insert your own movie star fantasy here). Still, I want more…to be engaged and challenged and to be with someone that who can connect with me once the movie stops.

So…yada yada yada…what’s my point in this rambling missive? Quite a simple one, really: if you’re an American guy interested in a Russian woman, please have something of substance to say; have an opinion; have a hobby…mostly, have a passion about something and be willing to share it. Take me on the adventure merely by describing it to me. If you want a, you know like, OMG, a Valley Girl, California is calling your name. If you want a loyal, beautiful, dedicated Russian woman (I’m biased), be interested in the constant process of learning and be open to creating new adventures together with her! I have a “special term” for this – I call it “being interesting.”

For anyone seeking a relationship with a hot-blooded Russian woman, look beyond your book’s cover to the actual story.

Tamara von Schmidt-Pauli at RussianWomenDiscussion.comTamara von Schmidt-Pauli is a native of St. Petersburg Russia who has been visiting, and living in, the United States and Canada since 2002. She holds bachelors and masters degrees, with honors, covering teaching of language and translation and currently resides in the greater Minneapolis area. Tamara is affiliated with Prime Language Services (

Why Russian Women?

So…what makes these women so special?

This is a question that I am often asked by men new to the world of international dating. Those guys fortunate enough to have met or visited the Former Soviet Union (FSU) already know the answer!

The first thing is that these women still have “traditional” values. Now this phrase probably means something a little different to everyone who hears it. So let’s qualify this a bit. Russian women will want to have children and a family. Yes, she will want to be a wife and mother. Many will be totally happy in these roles alone. Some will like to work outside the home as well, some will not.

By and large these women know how to be a wife and mother! The whole Russian culture teaches that a woman finds her highest fulfillment and joy in being a wife and mother. They learn these skills from their mother’s at a young age.

Most women in the FSU have a college degree or are working on one. Many have knowledge (at least to a degree) of a 2nd or 3rd language. These ladies are very well educated.

She will pride herself on her appearance. I do not mean to say that she is stuck up or anything like that. However, she will dress as nicely as she can afford, wear her make-up, and generally present herself as appealing. This is how they are taught to attract a man. Again, very traditional. She usually walks 1-2 miles a day, staying very fit and healthy. How many times have you seen an overweight American woman going to the store or mall in her big bulky sweat pants, looking disheveled, as if she just rolled out of bed? An FSU woman will NEVER let this happen to herself! Many of my friends were amazed at the amount of resentment their wives raised from other women. They were jealous! Also, the FSU woman will tend to you. She will not let you go out of the house without a pressed shirt, nice pants, and polished shoes. This is their culture. And I for one love it! I think most men would enjoy being with a woman who feels this way.

After nearly 80 years of Communist rule, the FSU has some of the most adaptable people anywhere in the world. These ladies, for the most part, know about living in a poor economy. They know how to make something out of nothing. They are not afraid of difficulties. In the West we tend to emphasize the outer things—money, possessions, etc… In the FSU, they more highly value the person. Friendship and inner beauty are very important to most of these women. She will love you for who you are. In the end, isn’t this what every man really wants?

Compare this attitude to that of the average American woman. Many women in America today do not wish to be a wife and mother. They want to focus more on having a business career, or are more interested in dominating their partner. And how many American women have you seen out in public who look like they just woke up? Dressed in baggy sweats, hair not fixed, no make up, not even any attempt at all to make themselves presentable! Not to mention the fact that at least 25% of all American women are technically considered obese! There simply is no comparison between the vast majority of American women and the vast majority of women from the FSU! If you want to be happy for the rest of your life and married to a beautiful, intelligent woman who will value you, your family and herself then go out and find Russia.

You can find what your heart truly desires in the FSU!

After having traveled to Russia, Ukraine and the FSU over 14 times, and being married to a beautiful Russian woman, Joseph Carducci is truly a man who has ‘been there, done that!’ For more info, advice and details on the process of finding, meeting and marrying a Russian woman, along with a free report and 7-part email course, please visit his site: How To Marry A Russian Woman

Character differences: Russian and Western women

Of course, some principles are universal for women all over the world: getting together with girlfriends for tea, shopping, and being perfect in their imperfections. But with different cultural and societal influences, there are some character distinctions between Russian and Western women.

The first, and most obvious, difference is often in the dress. Women in Russia, Ukraine and other former Soviet countries tend to wear more dressy clothes: high heels and mini skirts are a common sight on the streets here. They normally wear more make up than one would see in Europe or US. But the difference is much more than skin deep.

Beauties with brains are more of a rule than an exception; most women you will meet will be in great shape, intelligent and well-rounded. Education in Russia is taken very seriously and gives the kids a wide spectrum of knowledge (more than in the American schools, for example); university level education is practically an integral part of education, so most ladies you meet will be cultured and sophisticated. Healthy lifestyle comes naturally (mainly for lack of any other choice): they walk a lot – because most people don’t have cars; eat home cooked food – since restaurants are considered expensive; as a result, sports and dieting are not as popular as they are in the West - simply because there is no need for it.

The main qualities of Russian women are their patience and tolerance. Some things these women can forgive and cope with are more than any Western woman will be ready to bear. Striking a compromise comes naturally, and they generally will do anything it takes to save a relationship. They truly are natural-born mothers and keepers of a hearth, full of care and warmth, which they are ready to give to people in their lives. They will be ready to shower not only you with their love and concern, but also your family and loved ones. Russian women are generally more considerate, reliable, and search to form a partnership in a relationship, not a competition, as has become common in the West.

It is typical for Russian women to think about others more than about their own needs - a great quality with roots buried in the women’s low self-esteem and insecurities. The society has been pressing upon them the great sense of responsibility (for the country, the family, the kids, etc) for so long, that they have it engraved in their minds. Men rarely do anything to relieve women of this responsibility, and generally accept it as a must. Because of these insecurities and overly developed sense of responsibility, it is also common for Russian women to stay with their husbands, even if she were better off without one (many Russian men drink and mistreat their women). These women can move mountains, but they will never brag about it, as do many Western women in claiming their rights and independence.

I am certain that knowing these differences will help men searching for a Russian bride to shape their communication with the ladies to make the most of a relationship. Things that are common in romantic relationships overseas (surprising your sweetheart with a gift, a candlelit dinner, or some small pleasant surprise) are very likely to help you earn a woman’s attention since they rarely see it from the opposite sex here. Add to it being genuine, caring, and making your woman feel like someone is doing something for her for a change - and you will have a guaranteed way to conquer her heart.

Of course, moving to a western world will change your lady – being exposed to a different culture has no other way but to do so. However, in my experience, these changes are usually for the best. The energy and responsibility taught since young age are often directed by Russian women abroad to their homes/families, and/or careers. Their intelligence and persistence allow them to achieve great results in learning the language, finding and succeeding in a job, maintaining a home, etc. And having had to balance work and home most of their life will make your Russian wife seem like a superwoman – because she will manage both exceptionally well and do it with ease and smile.

Most women married to foreigners see this as a way to be free: financially, emotionally, spiritually, etc. They finally have a chance to do things they have always dreamt about doing (traveling, helping their family, etc), but they are also ready to work for it.
Article written by: Oksana Boichenko
OksanaLove, Inc.
The matchmaker with 12 years of experience in the online dating business. You can find your second half – just visit our dating site and meet your Russian bride among the thousands of beautiful Russian women.

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