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Welcome to the
April 2009 edition of the RWD Newsletter. The past several weeks since
our last newsletter has brought many surprises from our members. We've
had the opportunity to share in the joys and blessings of newborn
children shared by Blues Fairy and Simoni. Balancing those joys are the
somber announcements by ScottinCrimea and KenC of their marital
problems. We also lost a long-term member, The Arrow, who died on March
2, 2009. As in the past, our members have rallied to support those in
need, and joined in a chorus of support for other RWD members. While we
sometimes experience the occasional rancor, the fact remains our
members at RWD are a caring group of individuals who genuinely seek the
best for their fellow members. I want to offer my personal appreciation
for the efforts you have all put into making RWD the finest forum of
its sort that has ever existed - and - for all the kind words of
support and encouragement to those members in need. Thank You!
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What woman does not dream of a debonair, successful, charming, witty,
fun and handsome man to lavish her with attention? Well,
I’m sure there are some who would answer in the negative, but
I don’t know any. Turning the tables, what man does
not dream of a demure, coy, leggy supermodel vixen that’s
great in the kitchen, loves animals and likes your mother? Again, few
would argue against such a woman. The fact
remains, however, that the world has few who can fill the tuxedo of
James Bond or the evening gown as well as Claudia Schiffer –
that’s why they are special and in such demand.
One should not feel depressed, however, just because all prospective
dating partners do not walk the runway in Milan or Paris. We
all have an idea of what “attractive” means to us
and there are as many variations on that theme as there are
people. Looks are to people what a flashy cover is to a
romance novel. If the story therein does not captivate, one
can only be satisfied with the picture for so long before the book is
put down in search of one that grabs you by the imagination and whisks
you away into the story. Forgive my use of
metaphor. I digress…
At first meeting, some might think my husband and I to be a bit of an
odd couple. He’s more than ten years my senior,
quintessentially American in his food tastes (he’s getting
better), has many hobbies and interests, employs a diplomatic approach
to problem solving and is principled in abiding by the rules in
life. I, on the other hand, am a decidedly proud of
my Russia heritage in food choice and customs; like him I’m a
voracious reader; unlike him, I challenge authority and often confront
problems directly – sometimes without consideration for
diplomatic resolution. I like to “get things
done”. We both laugh about that.
While he’s tall and handsome, kind, courteous and smart,
it’s the text of his story that keeps me interested beyond
the cover (and I hope the same is true in return!). Plainly
said, he’s interesting. You see, he usually has
something to say about any topic of discussion and rarely is it
trivial. He’s always learning, he’s
always reading and learning and he takes the time to find out what is
important to me. I can take him anywhere with me in
unfamiliar surroundings and he will engage anyone in
conversation. I never worry. Far from a chatterbox,
he’s genuinely interested in the process and substance of
discourse. I guess what I’m trying to say is that
he’s a good listener and, when called upon to respond,
actually has something to say. Too often, I found, the men I
dated in America and Canada “did not have much to
say” of substance. They were not engaging and I
was, for lack of better terms, bored.
Russian women, as I contrast them with most American peers I have come
to know (OMG like..you know…?), have a broader exposure to
cultural studies, have a more direct outlook on fulfillment via
accomplishment and they look to share time with a man who can keep them
engaged beyond merely physical attraction. Russian women tend
not to, as they see it, “waste” time on idle gossip
and can communicate clearly without inserting the filler phrases
“like” and “you know” and
“OMG” every 6th word in a sentence. Yes,
that’s a broad stereotype but one that is too often
predictable and true.
Just like anyone else, we love to have fun! I love to nurture
my inner child with visits to amusement parks – to have my
treats and to “let go” of responsibility. For me,
roller coasters will never grow old. Hee
hee. But the ability to be engrossed in a conversation and
stay up talking until 5 AM about philosophy or politics or adventurous
travel plans or…well, anything…is the cake upon
which we layer the frosting of amusement parks.
On the other hand, I admit that I have always liked the looks of both
Kevin Costner and Bruce Willis and the funny, manly, in-charge action
characters they play (insert your own movie star fantasy
here). Still, I want more…to be engaged and
challenged and to be with someone that who can connect with me once the
movie stops.
So…yada yada yada…what’s my point in
this rambling missive? Quite a simple one, really: if you’re
an American guy interested in a Russian woman,
please have something of substance to say; have an opinion; have a
hobby…mostly, have a passion about something and be willing
to share it. Take me on the adventure merely by describing it
to me. If you want a, you know like, OMG, a Valley Girl,
California is calling your name. If you want a loyal,
beautiful, dedicated Russian woman (I’m biased), be
interested in the constant process of learning and be open to creating
new adventures together with her! I have a “special
term” for this – I call it “being
interesting.”
For anyone seeking a relationship with a hot-blooded Russian woman,
look beyond your book’s cover to the actual story.
Tamara
von Schmidt-Pauli is a native of St.
PetersburgRussia
who has been visiting, and living in, the United States and Canada
since 2002. She holds bachelors and masters
degrees, with honors, covering teaching of language and
translation and
currently resides in the greater Minneapolis
area. Tamara is affiliated with Prime Language Services (www.primelanguageservices.com)
Why Russian
Women?
So…what
makes these women so special?
This is a question that I am often asked by men new to the world of
international dating. Those guys fortunate enough to have met or
visited the Former Soviet Union (FSU) already know the answer!
The first thing is that these women still have
“traditional” values. Now this phrase probably
means something a little different to everyone who hears it. So
let’s qualify this a bit. Russian women will want to have
children and a family. Yes, she will want to be a wife and mother. Many
will be totally happy in these roles alone. Some will like to work
outside the home as well, some will not.
By and large these women know how to be a wife and mother! The whole
Russian culture teaches that a woman finds her highest fulfillment and
joy in being a wife and mother. They learn these skills from their
mother’s at a young age.
Most women in the FSU have a college degree or are working on one. Many
have knowledge (at least to a degree) of a 2nd or 3rd language. These
ladies are very well educated.
She will pride herself on her appearance. I do not mean to say that she
is stuck up or anything like that. However, she will dress as nicely as
she can afford, wear her make-up, and generally present herself as
appealing. This is how they are taught to attract a man. Again, very
traditional. She usually walks 1-2 miles a day, staying very fit and
healthy. How many times have you seen an overweight American woman
going to the store or mall in her big bulky sweat pants, looking
disheveled, as if she just rolled out of bed? An FSU woman will NEVER
let this happen to herself! Many of my friends were amazed at the
amount of resentment their wives raised from other women. They were
jealous! Also, the FSU woman will tend to you. She will not let you go
out of the house without a pressed shirt, nice pants, and polished
shoes. This is their culture. And I for one love it! I think most men
would enjoy being with a woman who feels this way.
After nearly 80 years of Communist rule, the FSU has some of the most
adaptable people anywhere in the world. These ladies, for the most
part, know about living in a poor economy. They know how to make
something out of nothing. They are not afraid of difficulties. In the
West we tend to emphasize the outer things—money,
possessions, etc… In the FSU, they more highly value the
person. Friendship and inner beauty are very important to most of these
women. She will love you for who you are. In the end, isn’t
this what every man really wants?
Compare this attitude to that of the average American woman. Many women
in America today do not wish to be a wife and mother. They want to
focus more on having a business career, or are more interested in
dominating their partner. And how many American women have you seen out
in public who look like they just woke up? Dressed in baggy sweats,
hair not fixed, no make up, not even any attempt at all to make
themselves presentable! Not to mention the fact that at least 25% of
all American women are technically considered obese! There simply is no
comparison between the vast majority of American women and the vast
majority of women from the FSU! If you want to be happy for the rest of
your life and married to a beautiful, intelligent woman who will value
you, your family and herself then go out and find her...in Russia.
You can find what your heart truly desires in the FSU!
After
having
traveled to Russia,
Ukraine
and the FSU over 14 times,
and being married to a beautiful Russian woman, Joseph Carducci is
truly a man
who has ‘been there, done that!’ For more info,
advice and details on the
process of finding, meeting and marrying a Russian woman, along with a
free
report and 7-part email course, please visit his site: How
To Marry A Russian
Woman
Character
differences: Russian and Western women
Of
course, some principles are universal for women all over the world:
getting together with girlfriends for tea, shopping, and being perfect
in their imperfections. But with different cultural and
societal influences, there are some character distinctions between
Russian and Western women.
The
first, and most obvious, difference is often in the dress. Women in
Russia, Ukraine and other former Soviet countries tend to wear
more dressy clothes: high heels and mini skirts are a common sight on
the streets here. They normally wear more make up than one
would see in Europe or US. But the difference is much more
than skin deep.
Beauties
with brains are more of a rule than an exception; most women you will
meet will be in great shape, intelligent and well-rounded. Education in
Russia is taken very seriously and gives the kids a wide
spectrum of knowledge (more than in the American schools, for example);
university level education is practically an integral part of
education, so most ladies you meet will be cultured and
sophisticated. Healthy lifestyle comes naturally (mainly for
lack of any other choice): they walk a lot – because most
people don’t have cars; eat home cooked food –
since restaurants are considered expensive; as a result, sports and
dieting are not as popular as they are in the West - simply because
there is no need for it.
The
main qualities of Russian women are their patience and
tolerance. Some things these women can forgive and cope with
are more than any Western woman will be ready to bear. Striking a
compromise comes naturally, and they generally will do
anything it takes to save a relationship. They truly are
natural-born mothers and keepers of a hearth, full of care and warmth,
which they are ready to give to people in their lives. They
will be ready to shower not only you with their love and concern, but
also your family and loved ones. Russian women are generally
more considerate, reliable, and search to form a partnership in a
relationship, not a competition, as has become common in the West.
It
is typical for Russian women to think about others more than about
their own needs - a great quality with roots buried in the
women’s low self-esteem and insecurities. The
society has been pressing upon them the great sense of responsibility
(for the country, the family, the kids, etc) for so long, that they
have it engraved in their minds. Men rarely do anything to
relieve women of this responsibility, and generally accept it as a
must. Because of these insecurities and overly developed
sense of responsibility, it is also common for Russian women to stay
with their husbands, even if she were better off without one (many
Russian men drink and mistreat their women). These women can
move mountains, but they will never brag about it, as do many Western
women in claiming their rights and independence.
I
am certain that knowing these differences will help men searching for a
Russian bride to shape their communication with the ladies to make the
most of a relationship. Things that are common in romantic
relationships overseas (surprising your sweetheart with a gift, a
candlelit dinner, or some small pleasant surprise) are very likely to
help you earn a woman’s attention since they rarely see it
from the opposite sex here. Add to it being genuine, caring,
and making your woman feel like someone is doing something for her for
a change - and you will have a guaranteed way to conquer her heart.
Of
course, moving to a western world will change your lady –
being exposed to a different culture has no other way but to do
so. However, in my experience, these changes are usually for
the best. The energy and responsibility taught since young
age are often directed by Russian women abroad to their homes/families,
and/or careers. Their intelligence and persistence allow them
to achieve great results in learning the language, finding and
succeeding in a job, maintaining a home, etc. And having had
to balance work and home most of their life will make your Russian wife
seem like a superwoman – because she will manage both
exceptionally well and do it with ease and smile.
Most
women married to foreigners see this as a way to be free: financially,
emotionally, spiritually, etc. They finally have a chance to do things
they have always dreamt about doing (traveling, helping their family,
etc), but they are also ready to work for it.
Article written by: Oksana
Boichenko OksanaLove, Inc.
The matchmaker with 12 years of experience in the online dating
business. You can find your second half – just visit
our dating site and meet your Russian bride among the
thousands of beautiful Russian women.
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