Russian Women Discussion

RWD Discussion Groups => Experienced => Topic started by: iolanik on June 04, 2019, 10:18:24 AM

Title: Wow. It's been over 18 years since I posted on this board. MarriedNDivorced a RW
Post by: iolanik on June 04, 2019, 10:18:24 AM
It's been a long time since I first started on this board when there was maybe 20+ members back in 2000.  I went to Russia, met a girl, ended up getting a K1 (on my own) brought her here, got married, had a beautiful baby girl (who's now going to be a Sr in HS!), bought a house, had a son (who's now taller than me!) and got DIVORCED.

There were some board members I actually got to meet personally, met a lot of other board members IN RUSSIA during the process and developed some good ties and friendships. I have to say that after being married to a RW and also EXPERIENCING OTHER RWs and talking with friends who married RWs, I will NEVER, repeat, NEVER deal with RWs again.......

**I wonder if my original trip reports are still listed on here?**
Title: Re: Wow. It's been over 18 years since I posted on this board. MarriedNDivorced a RW
Post by: GenMish on June 04, 2019, 10:24:08 AM
It's been a long time since I first started on this board when there was maybe 20+ members back in 2000.  I went to Russia, met a girl, ended up getting a K1 (on my own) brought her here, got married, had a beautiful baby girl (who's now going to be a Sr in HS!), bought a house, had a son (who's now taller than me!) and got DIVORCED.

There were some board members I actually got to meet personally, met a lot of other board members IN RUSSIA during the process and developed some good ties and friendships. I have to say that after being married to a RW and also EXPERIENCING OTHER RWs and talking with friends who married RWs, I will NEVER, repeat, NEVER deal with RWs again.......

**I wonder if my original trip reports are still listed on here?**

I am in a similar situation. I went to Russia 25 years ago, k1, married, children, good lifestyle, and recently divorced. I was thinking of returning perhaps for another round.

Why would you never date a RW again?
Title: Re: Wow. It's been over 18 years since I posted on this board. MarriedNDivorced a RW
Post by: ML on June 04, 2019, 10:31:55 AM
I have to say that after being married to a RW and also EXPERIENCING OTHER RWs and talking with friends who married RWs, I will NEVER, repeat, NEVER deal with RWs again.......

Now tell us how you really feel !!!
Title: Re: Wow. It's been over 18 years since I posted on this board. MarriedNDivorced a RW
Post by: msmob on June 04, 2019, 10:38:07 AM
Hi iolanik

I was clearly a member after you and I am a glutton for punishment ;)

Title: Re: Wow. It's been over 18 years since I posted on this board. MarriedNDivorced a RW
Post by: 2tallbill on June 04, 2019, 10:45:20 AM
I have to say that after being married to a RW and also EXPERIENCING OTHER RWs and talking with friends who married RWs, I will NEVER, repeat, NEVER deal with RWs again.......

**I wonder if my original trip reports are still listed on here?**

It's sounds like you had at least a moderately good 20+ year run.

I know quite a few guys who swore off being serious with a woman
ever again after getting divorced. Most of them did a few years later.
My first wife had large breasts, and I never pursued another big
breasted woman again. I can still picture her laying on her back
with a breast under each arm pit and we've been divorced for
more than a decade. 

Luckily for you there are billions of women on this planet and many 
of them are not like your exwife.

Udachi!

Bill


When did you write your trip report and what was your moniker?
Title: Re: Wow. It's been over 18 years since I posted on this board. MarriedNDivorced a RW
Post by: iolanik on June 04, 2019, 10:51:17 AM
I was married for 7 years, gave my RW wife the option to stay at home, go to work but she wanted to pursue a B.A. degree in graphic design at a Cal State school by our house. I paid for her degree, brought her parents over every year and took them back to my home of Hawai'i with us each year. Her parents stayed with us from Nov to Feb during the russian winters bc I thought it would be better for them since theyre older and its pretty F'in cold there.
She ulitmately got her citizenship and then it was all downhill from there.

I say I would NEVER do this again bc frankly, I understand RWs all too well now. For those of you who are married, we can have a discussion and I can state things and you will ultimately nod your heads to what I say. TO those who are dating RWs or corresponding with them, you wont get it yet bc they are the best when trying to hook you.
Title: Re: Wow. It's been over 18 years since I posted on this board. MarriedNDivorced a RW
Post by: iolanik on June 04, 2019, 10:55:02 AM
I am in a similar situation. I went to Russia 25 years ago, k1, married, children, good lifestyle, and recently divorced. I was thinking of returning perhaps for another round.

Why would you never date a RW again?

Genmish: I understand the RW perfectly now after living with one, being married 7 yrs, 2 kids, and multiple friends who have married and or divorced RWs or even dated them. The RW experience and understanding now what their country, culture and the dynamics of how RWs have been raised is clearly evident to me that they have a F*CKED up attitude towards men, economics and mainly how their role is in a marriage. I posted a elaboration on another thread. I will post it here.
Title: Re: Wow. It's been over 18 years since I posted on this board. MarriedNDivorced a RW
Post by: Boethius on June 04, 2019, 10:58:01 AM
Have you ever considered that perhaps AM are the ones with the, as you so "eloquently" stated, "f***ked up attitude", and this is the cause of the RW's attitude?


This post was composed without the aid of google.
Title: Re: Wow. It's been over 18 years since I posted on this board. MarriedNDivorced a RW
Post by: krimster2 on June 04, 2019, 11:39:07 AM
There was once a group of blind men, who had never come across an elephant before
and one day found themselves in the presence of one.
They each tried to learn what an elephant is like by touching it.
Each blind man feels a different part of the elephant's body, but only one part, such as the side or the tusk. They then describe the elephant based on their limited experience.
However, their descriptions of the elephant are different from each other.
So they began to suspect that the others were dishonest and so they started fighting.
The moral of this story is that humans have a tendency to claim absolute truth based on their limited, subjective experience as they ignore other people's limited, subjective experiences.

so rather than being just another blind man providing my description, let me instead say this
almost all external problems we have with the outside world
can actually be explained as internal problems we have with our self
but we are blind men and so we cannot see this

immature people deny various aspects of truth
deluded by the aspects they do understand, they deny the aspects they don't understand



Title: Re: Wow. It's been over 18 years since I posted on this board. MarriedNDivorced a RW
Post by: iolanik on June 04, 2019, 11:40:28 AM
It's sounds like you had at least a moderately good 20+ year run.

I know quite a few guys who swore off being serious with a woman
ever again after getting divorced. Most of them did a few years later.
My first wife had large breasts, and I never pursued another big
breasted woman again. I can still picture her laying on her back
with a breast under each arm pit and we've been divorced for
more than a decade. 

Luckily for you there are billions of women on this planet and many 
of them are not like your exwife.

Udachi!

Bill


When did you write your trip report and what was your moniker?


Bill: I wrote my trip report back in July 2000 to St. Petersburg and Moscow. Wasn't 20+ yrs, more like 7yrs but still paying for it. I havent given up on marriage, although not looking, Im just saying I'll never do the RW thing ever again. Billions of women on this planet that are NOT like my wife? Wanna bet?!
Title: Re: Wow. It's been over 18 years since I posted on this board. MarriedNDivorced a RW
Post by: Patagonie on June 04, 2019, 11:45:32 AM
There was once a group of blind men, who had never come across an elephant before
and one day found themselves in the presence of one.
They each tried to learn what an elephant is like by touching it.
Each blind man feels a different part of the elephant's body, but only one part, such as the side or the tusk. They then describe the elephant based on their limited experience.
However, their descriptions of the elephant are different from each other.
So they began to suspect that the others were dishonest and so they started fighting.
The moral of this story is that humans have a tendency to claim absolute truth based on their limited, subjective experience as they ignore other people's limited, subjective experiences.

so rather than being just another blind man providing my description, let me instead say this
almost all external problems we have with others
are actually internal problems we have with ourself
but we are blind men and so we cannot see this
Krim and the elephant story, i really love you lol.
Title: Re: Wow. It's been over 18 years since I posted on this board. MarriedNDivorced a RW
Post by: krimster2 on June 04, 2019, 11:51:37 AM
I am a fellow of infinite jest
glad to make you smile!!!

Title: Re: Wow. It's been over 18 years since I posted on this board. MarriedNDivorced a RW
Post by: iolanik on June 04, 2019, 11:55:29 AM
There was once a group of blind men, who had never come across an elephant before
and one day found themselves in the presence of one.
They each tried to learn what an elephant is like by touching it.
Each blind man feels a different part of the elephant's body, but only one part, such as the side or the tusk. They then describe the elephant based on their limited experience.
However, their descriptions of the elephant are different from each other.
So they began to suspect that the others were dishonest and so they started fighting.
The moral of this story is that humans have a tendency to claim absolute truth based on their limited, subjective experience as they ignore other people's limited, subjective experiences.

so rather than being just another blind man providing my description, let me instead say this
almost all external problems we have with the outside world
can actually be explained as internal problems we have with our self
but we are blind men and so we cannot see this

immature people deny various aspects of truth
deluded by the aspects they do understand, they deny the aspects they don't understand

 So what happens when other blind men get together and have the same story?  and those same blind men meet other blind men to compare not necessarily story endings, but comparable character notes???? And for the record, I can detail all of my character flaws, however, with the Hawaiian people, GREED, SELFISHNESS are not one of them. Of course per your parable, everyone's experience may be different, but let me ask those who have visited my home COUNTRY of Hawai'i (Big Island to be exact) HOW MANY PEOPLE WILL SAY SOMETHING NEGATIVE ABOUT THEIR EXPERIENCE WITH MY PEOPLE (Kanaka) AND LAND ('Aina) VERSUS THE POSITIVE EXPERIENCE? So does meeting the larger statisitcal population of a certain opinion reflect a more general yet consistent assessment or does an OUTLIER or exception represent the general perception?  I am glad to hear that your experience with the RW has turned out positive and I am not stating absolutes, but I have come across way too many examples where the attributes of RWs (not necessarily ending in divorce per se) are very common in regards to the traits we DID NOT look for when first starting this process.
Title: Re: Wow. It's been over 18 years since I posted on this board. MarriedNDivorced a RW
Post by: iolanik on June 04, 2019, 12:01:48 PM
Have you ever considered that perhaps AM are the ones with the, as you so "eloquently" stated, "f***ked up attitude", and this is the cause of the RW's attitude?


This post was composed without the aid of google.

I am not stating that RWs are the only ones who can screw up a situation. During my days when I started this process we saw a bunch of guys who treated their RWs like garbage so Yes I agree AM can cause a marriage or relationship to dissolve based on their "F*cked Up attitudes" But what I am referring to is the RWs attitude due to the way they were raised.  I found that viewing a RWs parents and how their relationship is has a big role in how their daughters grow up. This is no different than what we experience here. All I am saying is the warning signs and red flags that have put men off of AW are also APPLICABLE TO RWs, the only difference is that men who engage in this process do not get to see it first hand. I want to know, How many guys here who engage in this RW process have ACTUALLY SPENT TIME WITH THEIR RWs PARENTS AND HAVE EXPERIENCED THE INTERACTION BTWN YOUR RW AND HER PARENTS???  What do you know about their family history? What is the relationship btwn your RW and her parents? Do you even know?
Title: Re: Wow. It's been over 18 years since I posted on this board. MarriedNDivorced a RW
Post by: iolanik on June 04, 2019, 12:04:05 PM
Hi iolanik

I was clearly a member after you and I am a glutton for punishment ;)

I understand. I used to like to go to Las Vegas 7-10x per year even though I know the odds are stacked against me. But after getting your nuts kicked in and losing big $$$$, the glitz of Vegas and all it offers tends to wear off...........
Title: Re: Wow. It's been over 18 years since I posted on this board. MarriedNDivorced a RW
Post by: John Gaunt on June 04, 2019, 12:16:13 PM
Re: Wow. It's been over 18 years since I posted on this board. MarriedNDivorced a RW

Is this like a Badge of Honour?
Title: Re: Wow. It's been over 18 years since I posted on this board. MarriedNDivorced a RW
Post by: iolanik on June 04, 2019, 12:19:11 PM
I do want to say one thing though, after all of the trials and tribulations (Details I left out but would make you cringe) I went thru in this whole RW process, I would not change a thing if I could go back. WHY YOU ASK? THis is Why........The 2 MOST GREATEST AND VALUABLE THINGS THAT EVER HAPPENED IN MY LIFE THAT I WOULDN'T TRADE FOR ANYTHING!!!!!!!
Title: Re: Wow. It's been over 18 years since I posted on this board. MarriedNDivorced a RW
Post by: iolanik on June 04, 2019, 12:21:44 PM
Is this like a Badge of Honour?

John Gaunt: No , just a stroll down memory lane when I first started this process and this board was very young at the time. A lot of good memories and laughs had with the few members we had back then. Amazing how large this board has become. I hope the success rate is >60%
Title: Re: Wow. It's been over 18 years since I posted on this board. MarriedNDivorced a RW
Post by: GenMish on June 04, 2019, 12:30:51 PM
I am not stating that RWs are the only ones who can screw up a situation. During my days when I started this process we saw a bunch of guys who treated their RWs like garbage so Yes I agree AM can cause a marriage or relationship to dissolve based on their "F*cked Up attitudes" But what I am referring to is the RWs attitude due to the way they were raised.  I found that viewing a RWs parents and how their relationship is has a big role in how their daughters grow up. This is no different than what we experience here. All I am saying is the warning signs and red flags that have put men off of AW are also APPLICABLE TO RWs, the only difference is that men who engage in this process do not get to see it first hand. I want to know, How many guys here who engage in this RW process have ACTUALLY SPENT TIME WITH THEIR RWs PARENTS AND HAVE EXPERIENCED THE INTERACTION BTWN YOUR RW AND HER PARENTS???  What do you know about their family history? What is the relationship btwn your RW and her parents? Do you even know?

I think that is an excellent point about RW parents. During my 23 yr marriage, I spent many weeks every year or two with my inlaws. I got along with everyone VERY WELL, but my wifes Mom. While it is an AW red flag of the daughter turning into the Mother,  I ignored that flag because I thought her Mom was a product of the Soviet system. I thought no way can such a young beautiful sweet classy intelligent lady that I married could turn into that, but it happened.

In fact I learned that lesson so well, I made it a requirement to visit family when I wanted to visit a lady recently. She denied the request, and I punted and didn't go see her
Title: Re: Wow. It's been over 18 years since I posted on this board. MarriedNDivorced a RW
Post by: iolanik on June 04, 2019, 12:42:37 PM
I think that is an excellent point about RW parents. During my 23 yr marriage, I spent many weeks every year or two with my inlaws. I got along with everyone VERY WELL, but my wifes Mom. While it is an AW red flag of the daughter turning into the Mother,  I ignored that flag because I thought her Mom was a product of the Soviet system. I thought no way can such a young beautiful sweet classy intelligent lady that I married could turn into that, but it happened.

In fact I learned that lesson so well, I made it a requirement to visit family when I wanted to visit a lady recently. She denied the request, and I punted and didn't go see her

Genmish: My ex told me stories about her mom divorcing her dad and using her as a child to threaten him. If I had known that BEFORE we got married I probably wouldve punted. I think you did right by punting on the chick who denied you to visit with her and her parents. There could be reasons like shes a bit embarassed by their living situation or that they are pensioners who are living in squalor among many other reasons but I think unless its clarified or she is just straight out denying it, I wouldve left that one alone. I think if a guy was serious and wanted to meet a girl's parents, one would think the girl (if she were serious) would love to have an opportunity to visit her folks with her AM especially if he were to pay for the trip for the 2 of you to go visit them (not to mention bring some gifts for them) Question for you if you dont mind: How old are you and what RW age range are you looking at?
Title: Re: Wow. It's been over 18 years since I posted on this board. MarriedNDivorced a RW
Post by: Boethius on June 04, 2019, 12:52:15 PM
Or the woman may think that a random guy she's met online should not get to meet her parents until she and that man are serious.  Personally, were I a single woman and a man I'd never met in person asked to meet my parents before we'd met IRL and developed some sort of relationship, I would find that request odd, at the very least.


This post was composed without the aid of google.
Title: Re: Wow. It's been over 18 years since I posted on this board. MarriedNDivorced a RW
Post by: GQBlues on June 04, 2019, 12:59:38 PM
It's been a long time since I first started on this board when there was maybe 20+ members back in 2000.  I went to Russia, met a girl, ended up getting a K1 (on my own) brought her here, got married, had a beautiful baby girl (who's now going to be a Sr in HS!), bought a house, had a son (who's now taller than me!) and got DIVORCED.

There were some board members I actually got to meet personally, met a lot of other board members IN RUSSIA during the process and developed some good ties and friendships. I have to say that after being married to a RW and also EXPERIENCING OTHER RWs and talking with friends who married RWs, I will NEVER, repeat, NEVER deal with RWs again.......

**I wonder if my original trip reports are still listed on here?**

Pehea 'oe Iolani!

Island boy here..P.I.

Married RW in Oahu a few thousand moons ago, too.

I remember you, though never met. We did exchanged PMs once or twice before. Sad to see the your saga ended bruddah, but maybe just as well.

I've said the same thing you're saying that's bolded above. Nothing against FSUWs, certainly nothing against my wonderful wife, there are just certain, maybe mundane, benign or simple things that just doesn't quite complete the picture for me, happy camper as I am still married. Go figure....It may well be that pesky' cultural differences', who knows....IMO.

Friends often ask, I simply tell them 'stay home'!

Anyway, good to see you around! Aloha! Pomaika'i!
Title: Re: Wow. It's been over 18 years since I posted on this board. MarriedNDivorced a RW
Post by: GenMish on June 04, 2019, 01:03:15 PM
Genmish: My ex told me stories about her mom divorcing her dad and using her as a child to threaten him. If I had known that BEFORE we got married I probably wouldve punted. I think you did right by punting on the chick who denied you to visit with her and her parents. There could be reasons like shes a bit embarassed by their living situation or that they are pensioners who are living in squalor among many other reasons but I think unless its clarified or she is just straight out denying it, I wouldve left that one alone. I think if a guy was serious and wanted to meet a girl's parents, one would think the girl (if she were serious) would love to have an opportunity to visit her folks with her AM especially if he were to pay for the trip for the 2 of you to go visit them (not to mention bring some gifts for them) Question for you if you dont mind: How old are you and what RW age range are you looking at?


I am 55, and the lady I wanted to see was late 30s with one child. The age range I would consider for a RW lady is mid 30s to late 40s. The main reason I wanted to meet family is to make sure the lady is on the up and up, and not a scammer. I know enough Russian now, where it will be difficult to fool me.


I think you will agree.  You and I have to choose our battles wisely from now on

 
Title: Re: Wow. It's been over 18 years since I posted on this board. MarriedNDivorced a RW
Post by: krimster2 on June 04, 2019, 01:11:03 PM
I understand your anger my kaikaina...
when I was younger I once felt as you feel now towards other women
I was married to my Russian woman on the beach at Maui
so this howlie is a little familiar with Hawaiians
probably most “laid back” people I ever met...
but can see where someone from that laid-back culture
would have compatibility issues with Russian culture

what helped me a lot really was being in the military
there I learned how to not react to being yelled at
you may laugh at this, but being yelled at by my wife had so little effect on me
that after the first year of marriage she just stopped doing it, because what was the point
if it had no effect, that it didn’t even “register”

ya gotta understand Russians have a PTSD culture
read how PTSD sufferers behave, this is how most Russians behave
so if you “fight back”, guess what happens?
it gets worse...

if like me, you ignore it, it disappears after they learn to adapt to their new environment
it took my wife a few years to get past yelling at me for various transgressions
shoes on in the house, making a mess somewhere, etc

the other thing is, I am absolutely devoted to my family
willing to make ANY sacrifice for them, their happiness takes infinite priority over my own
I feel I’ve pretty much already gotten everything out of life I need or want
and it’s their needs and happiness I’m focused on
and...
they get it, that this is my way of showing my love
and they each find ways to show me their love

as far as her family goes...
it was an issue that we had a conflict over
she was very loyal to her family, but they were using us
so my problem was not really with her, but with them
something I’d tolerate for the sake of family
and my children liked being with their grandparents
in the end my wife began to see things the way I did
and so now all is well

so to deal with Russian wimmin
you NEVER directly oppose them
you become the water that flows around the boulder
and wears it down until it is less than a grain of sand
this requires patience
Title: Re: Wow. It's been over 18 years since I posted on this board. MarriedNDivorced a RW
Post by: Faux Pas on June 04, 2019, 01:16:55 PM
I am not stating that RWs are the only ones who can screw up a situation. During my days when I started this process we saw a bunch of guys who treated their RWs like garbage so Yes I agree AM can cause a marriage or relationship to dissolve based on their "F*cked Up attitudes" But what I am referring to is the RWs attitude due to the way they were raised.  I found that viewing a RWs parents and how their relationship is has a big role in how their daughters grow up. This is no different than what we experience here. All I am saying is the warning signs and red flags that have put men off of AW are also APPLICABLE TO RWs, the only difference is that men who engage in this process do not get to see it first hand. I want to know, How many guys here who engage in this RW process have ACTUALLY SPENT TIME WITH THEIR RWs PARENTS AND HAVE EXPERIENCED THE INTERACTION BTWN YOUR RW AND HER PARENTS???  What do you know about their family history? What is the relationship btwn your RW and her parents? Do you even know?

I've been married to one close to 11 years now. I've actually spent a lot of time with my wife's family whom have also become my family. Some of them have spent time with us at our home. I travel to Russia on average every other year and spend 2-3 weeks at a time. I have Russian friends and acquaintances in Russia outside of my wife's friends and family. My MIL is very near and dear to me as is many in my wife's family. I can say with full conviction Yes, I know her upbringing and there was little if any negativity about it. My wife describes it as typical and normal for the times.

I'm sorry your relationship went tits up. I would say the success rate is far below 60%. More like 20% or below. It's a pretty safe bet you contributed at least 50% of the failure in your marriage? You're painting a pretty wide swath with that brush of yours. Women are women the world over. If you wanted a subjugated woman, find you a muslim. If passive is what you seek look to Asia. You went to Russia, did you not understand the women there have the same DNA as their brethren here? You sound bitter. I can honestly state my Russian wife is probably the best decision I have made in life. No regrets and if she were to leave me tomorrow I still wouldn't have any.
Title: Re: Wow. It's been over 18 years since I posted on this board. MarriedNDivorced a RW
Post by: iolanik on June 04, 2019, 02:43:44 PM
I've been married to one close to 11 years now. I've actually spent a lot of time with my wife's family whom have also become my family. Some of them have spent time with us at our home. I travel to Russia on average every other year and spend 2-3 weeks at a time. I have Russian friends and acquaintances in Russia outside of my wife's friends and family. My MIL is very near and dear to me as is many in my wife's family. I can say with full conviction Yes, I know her upbringing and there was little if any negativity about it. My wife describes it as typical and normal for the times.

I'm sorry your relationship went tits up. I would say the success rate is far below 60%. More like 20% or below. It's a pretty safe bet you contributed at least 50% of the failure in your marriage? You're painting a pretty wide swath with that brush of yours. Women are women the world over. If you wanted a subjugated woman, find you a muslim. If passive is what you seek look to Asia. You went to Russia, did you not understand the women there have the same DNA as their brethren here? You sound bitter. I can honestly state my Russian wife is probably the best decision I have made in life. No regrets and if she were to leave me tomorrow I still wouldn't have any.

Well I am not saying that I did not contribute to the failure but I can tell you that i wasnt responsible for 50% of the failure since infidelity was involved so I am making a default assessment that i can take at max 40% but that being said, I never wanted a subjugated woman if I did, I wouldve married a FOB Country chinese girl or as you stated muslim, but nahh not for me. THe main issue was her upbringing and her mother's attitude towards her dad. Interestingly enough, she recently went back a year ago to visit her parents and found that her dad had left her mom alone in their apt and spent the majority of his time at their dacha. My ex father in law is a good man and I love him to this day but I cant say the same for her mom. I may put all the details of my story on the discussion someday but for the old timers who knew me and talked with me as well as met me, they can tell you I gave a lot..but the problem is when you have a selfish person who only takes, and a person who gives more than they take, a disaster is awaiting.
I am happy for you that you found what you are looking for. You were smart in meeting her family first and spending time with them bc I think you get a really good sense of who a person is by the way they are with their parents, how they interact as a family and what the attitude is between the mother and father.  I made a critical mistake in not learning this upfront and it came back to bite me in the ass.
Title: Re: Wow. It's been over 18 years since I posted on this board. MarriedNDivorced a RW
Post by: iolanik on June 04, 2019, 03:03:33 PM
I understand your anger my kaikaina...
when I was younger I once felt as you feel now towards other women
I was married to my Russian woman on the beach at Maui
so this howlie is a little familiar with Hawaiians
probably most “laid back” people I ever met...
but can see where someone from that laid-back culture
would have compatibility issues with Russian culture

what helped me a lot really was being in the military
there I learned how to not react to being yelled at
you may laugh at this, but being yelled at by my wife had so little effect on me
that after the first year of marriage she just stopped doing it, because what was the point
if it had no effect, that it didn’t even “register”

ya gotta understand Russians have a PTSD culture
read how PTSD sufferers behave, this is how most Russians behave
so if you “fight back”, guess what happens?
it gets worse...

if like me, you ignore it, it disappears after they learn to adapt to their new environment
it took my wife a few years to get past yelling at me for various transgressions
shoes on in the house, making a mess somewhere, etc

the other thing is, I am absolutely devoted to my family
willing to make ANY sacrifice for them, their happiness takes infinite priority over my own
I feel I’ve pretty much already gotten everything out of life I need or want
and it’s their needs and happiness I’m focused on
and...
they get it, that this is my way of showing my love
and they each find ways to show me their love

as far as her family goes...
it was an issue that we had a conflict over
she was very loyal to her family, but they were using us
so my problem was not really with her, but with them
something I’d tolerate for the sake of family
and my children liked being with their grandparents
in the end my wife began to see things the way I did
and so now all is well

so to deal with Russian wimmin
you NEVER directly oppose them
you become the water that flows around the boulder
and wears it down until it is less than a grain of sand
this requires patience

Actually it wasnt my wife yelling at me that was the issue, it was her indecision of what she wanted to do with her life and the fact that she was and to this day is not a family first person. I drive 100 miles each day total to drop off and pick up my kids from school and to take them to their moms house when they are supposed to be with her so that they dont have to bum rides or take the bus, if you think that I am exaggerating about the mileage, well lets just say I bought my highlander in June 2014, I work remotely 75% of the time and my car's odometer reading is about 158K miles.  The issue is that I give everything for ohana (family) above and beyond myself, that being said, she is the opposite. It is about her first, then how much of an inconvenience it is to her in order to "accommodate" (Her words) others.  As for your horrible daoist metaphors, water can flow but it can also come CRASHING DOWN WITH ULTIMATE FORCE. When you have multiple issues such as telling a marriage counselor that "We are not here for me, we are here to talk about HIS problems" you know its done. As a info tidbit, the divorce court awarded me 70/30% custody despite her petition for the reverse since she knew more custody = greater child support $$$ I deferred and stated 50/50 bc I wanted my kids to have a relationship with their mother, put them thru private school at $3500/mo tuition, paid $1800/mo in child support, which not a penny went to private school tuition bc in her words to the court "They dont have to go to private school they can go to public school.  That being said she did want to get back together 2 yrs after the divorce was finalized. I declined.

Your situation is different in that your wife's parents were using you and that your wife is loyal to her parents. My ex was loyal only to the extent where she brought them over after we were divorced so that she could take trips and they could watch the kids when she would leave to vegas for a weekend. Also that now her parents health is failing, I told her to get her mom a person to come to her parents apt 2 days a week to clean and prep food. Has she done it? Nope. Her dad just had another heart attack, just 1.5 yrs after having a triple bypass. I told her to go see him bc it might be her last time. Has she considered it? Nope. I told her that she needs to go see her parents bc she will regret it later. I was told to mind my own business. Okie Doke. Yep this kama'aina will remain Onipa'a to his keiki (kids) and raise them in the old Hawaiian wayz....because frankly, the russian way sux
Title: Re: Wow. It's been over 18 years since I posted on this board. MarriedNDivorced a RW
Post by: ML on June 04, 2019, 03:04:29 PM
. . . she wanted to pursue a B.A. degree in graphic design at a Cal State school by our house.

Pretty good trick to go to Cal State (any of the campuses) from Hawaii !!

- - - - - - -

And I will say that my own wife's desire to NOT stay at home has been a source of problems in our marriage.
Title: Re: Wow. It's been over 18 years since I posted on this board. MarriedNDivorced a RW
Post by: GenMish on June 04, 2019, 03:04:43 PM
Well I am not saying that I did not contribute to the failure but I can tell you that i wasnt responsible for 50% of the failure since infidelity was involved so I am making a default assessment that i can take at max 40% but that being said, I never wanted a subjugated woman if I did, I wouldve married a FOB Country chinese girl or as you stated muslim, but nahh not for me. THe main issue was her upbringing and her mother's attitude towards her dad. Interestingly enough, she recently went back a year ago to visit her parents and found that her dad had left her mom alone in their apt and spent the majority of his time at their dacha. My ex father in law is a good man and I love him to this day but I cant say the same for her mom. I may put all the details of my story on the discussion someday but for the old timers who knew me and talked with me as well as met me, they can tell you I gave a lot..but the problem is when you have a selfish person who only takes, and a person who gives more than they take, a disaster is awaiting.
I am happy for you that you found what you are looking for. You were smart in meeting her family first and spending time with them bc I think you get a really good sense of who a person is by the way they are with their parents, how they interact as a family and what the attitude is between the mother and father.  I made a critical mistake in not learning this upfront and it came back to bite me in the ass.

This reminds me of a story of my childrens great grandpa. He couldn't take anymore and spent the winter at the Dacha(mind you this is northern Urals, by late Feb he is living off of old potatoes, goat milk, and whatever pickled veggies are left), and great babushka went nuts. She was livid not because she missed him, but because he took the goat
Proverbs 21:19   It is better to dwell in the wilderness, than with a contentious and an angry woman.


Title: Re: Wow. It's been over 18 years since I posted on this board. MarriedNDivorced a RW
Post by: iolanik on June 04, 2019, 03:10:09 PM
Pehea 'oe Iolani!

Island boy here..P.I.

Married RW in Oahu a few thousand moons ago, too.

I remember you, though never met. We did exchanged PMs once or twice before. Sad to see the your saga ended bruddah, but maybe just as well.

I've said the same thing you're saying that's bolded above. Nothing against FSUWs, certainly nothing against my wonderful wife, there are just certain, maybe mundane, benign or simple things that just doesn't quite complete the picture for me, happy camper as I am still married. Go figure....It may well be that pesky' cultural differences', who knows....IMO.

Friends often ask, I simply tell them 'stay home'!

Anyway, good to see you around! Aloha! Pomaika'i!

Hey Braddah yeah I remmeber you. You married a beautiful blonde girl if I not mistaken. Glad to hear you're doing well. My keiki all getting older now. Teenagers! We doing maika'i despite all of the crap their mom has put us thru. My kids more Hawaiian then russian you can best believe that.  I COMPLETELY understand what you are referring to about the cultural differences and even common sense differences. This is what I meant when I talk to guys and they nod their heads. I'm glad to hear you and the wifey are still married. Do you guys have keiki (kids?) Hope you post some pics! I'd like to see your ohana!
Title: Re: Wow. It's been over 18 years since I posted on this board. MarriedNDivorced a RW
Post by: iolanik on June 04, 2019, 03:13:32 PM
Pretty good trick to go to Cal State (any of the campuses) from Hawaii !!

- - - - - - -

And I will say that my own wife's desire to NOT stay at home has been a source of problems in our marriage.

I don't live in Hawai'i anymore and havent since I left, so I dont get your statement since I was living in San FranSICKO at the time we got married...still am as a matter of fact but that is all changing after my son graduates HS. If I were living back home she wouldve gone to UH at Hilo. but then again Im glad we weren't bc if she did attend UH my own kanaka (people) wouldve thrown me outta da island!
Title: Re: Wow. It's been over 18 years since I posted on this board. MarriedNDivorced a RW
Post by: iolanik on June 04, 2019, 03:16:34 PM
This reminds me of a story of my childrens great grandpa. He couldn't take anymore and spent the winter at the Dacha(mind you this is northern Urals, by late Feb he is living off of old potatoes, goat milk, and whatever pickled veggies are left), and great babushka went nuts. She was livid not because she missed him, but because he took the goat
Proverbs 21:19   It is better to dwell in the wilderness, than with a contentious and an angry woman.

LMFAO! CLASSIC!  Odd though that my ex fatherinlaw totally seemed to leave babushka to fend on her own bc he was "busy" at the dacha...busy smokin and drinking hence why he just suffered another heart attack 2 weeks ago. maybe Im thinking he's checked out and grown tired of his wife's nagging ass.
Title: Re: Wow. It's been over 18 years since I posted on this board. MarriedNDivorced a RW
Post by: krimster2 on June 04, 2019, 03:41:30 PM
“the issue is that I give everything for ohana”

hey, I’ve seen every “Lilo and Stitch” movie with my kids so I know what ohana means!!

IMHO, the kind of extreme selfish behavior you describe seems rooted in poverty
I lived in Crimea for 3 years with my wife and daughters, and I saw some crazy stuff there
my wife and I were buying properties and part of the process is title transfer, and you have to go this office and wait in line to file your documents
one time when we were there, these two women started screaming at each other
and then slugging each other as hard as they could
after it was all over, my wife filled me in on what happened
it appears some babushka died, and because there was no will, whoever got there first and filed a title change would be the new owner
and two selfish greedy sisters were both trying to cheat each other
and they both met at the title office at the same time, probably 2 minutes after finding out about babushka’s death, and immediately knew what the other was up to...
if they weren’t pulled apart, one of them would have died
and you know what, this is perfectly normal over there...

the problem is there IS A LOT of people like this over there, and if you marry one
YOU’RE REALLY SCREWED!!

my wife is VERY materialistic
but I make sure her needs are completely satisfied
and because I provide this satisfaction for her
she doesn’t need to seek it out on her own...
the benefit of this besides a diminished need for selfish thinking
is that I receive her gratitude
in a very intimate and loving way, if you know what I mean
Title: Re: Wow. It's been over 18 years since I posted on this board. MarriedNDivorced a RW
Post by: ML on June 04, 2019, 03:53:40 PM
I receive her gratitude in a very intimate and loving way, if you know what I mean

WOW . . . a wife that provides intimacy and love !!!
Title: Re: Wow. It's been over 18 years since I posted on this board. MarriedNDivorced a RW
Post by: krimster2 on June 04, 2019, 04:23:28 PM
nudge, nude, wink, wink....
Title: Re: Wow. It's been over 18 years since I posted on this board. MarriedNDivorced a RW
Post by: GQBlues on June 04, 2019, 04:55:09 PM
Hey Braddah yeah I remmeber you. You married a beautiful blonde girl if I not mistaken. Glad to hear you're doing well. My keiki all getting older now. Teenagers! We doing maika'i despite all of the crap their mom has put us thru. My kids more Hawaiian then russian you can best believe that.  I COMPLETELY understand what you are referring to about the cultural differences and even common sense differences. This is what I meant when I talk to guys and they nod their heads. I'm glad to hear you and the wifey are still married. Do you guys have keiki (kids?) Hope you post some pics! I'd like to see your ohana!

No bettah way than island wayz, bruddah. You bring back good memories. Maika'i energy! I would tell you we had IZ's Somewhere over the Rainbow as our wedding song. I will never forget that day. Brought the whole family to the islands on our wedding and not only got FIL hang ten on Waikiki (Rooskie version. LOL He really tried), but also had them all chow-chow some garlic shrimp with rice roadside on the North shore. Ate with their hands. In-Law and family tells me best days of their lives.

Wifey's your typical slavic haol'e, though, as I'd like to say - I did OK as she's a nanikoki wahine. But then, boyz' not so bad either. Hahah! To this day, no matter where we are, she'd get at least one or two compliments from AWs. And yeah bruddah we do enjoy ourselves with our keikikane these days - ekahi. Shssh-shssh

Serious side though bro...we are the last couple (AM/FSUW) of about 8-9. Wifey and I at times talk of the times when we'd group-up as couples and hit the town, dinners, do things like camp, ski trips, beach-out, dance, bowl, parties, etc...now we look at the same people and no ex-couple can even stand to talk about their respective ex much less be in the same room with their exes anymore. Sadly sux, but life rolls. Some even already re-married and moved on.

You be good, man. I hardly post here anymore. The place had slowly passed it's time for me. Na kanaka'ino these days.

Anyway, I hope things remain maika'i for you and yours. e malama  pono!
Title: Re: Wow. It's been over 18 years since I posted on this board. MarriedNDivorced a RW
Post by: SANDRO43 on June 04, 2019, 05:11:53 PM
**I wonder if my original trip reports are still listed on here?**
If you made them back at RWG, they are NOT here as well. RWD was launched in 2005.
Title: Re: Wow. It's been over 18 years since I posted on this board. MarriedNDivorced a RW
Post by: krimster2 on June 04, 2019, 05:35:22 PM
I have over the course of my lifetime been the witness to many divorces among friends, coworkers, neighbors even one relative...

and I have some observations...

a lot of times people are unhappy or depressed and this leads to anger and then hostility
so whatever fight they have with their spouse is just really a “proxy” battle over some other cause
i.e. if they’re stressed over money issues and then their wife unexpectedly spends some money and they over-react and get in a big fight with their wife about it, which leads to even deepening anger and hostility which will express itself in the next fight which leads to even deepening anger and hostility ad nauseum

so IMHO if you’re gonna get married, make sure you have no underlying issues that might restrict your happiness like money for instance

you also need to “click” with your spouse
by that I mean, you both will have to immediately like each other and get along very well with each other.

I have slept with many women that I didn’t click with
my whole life I clicked with 5 women, and my wife was the last one
these women are very special to me

my wife and I have been married 19 years, we have a very unique relationship
unlike anyone else’s that I know
we both feel and act with love towards each other
the big future challenge for me is coming in three months
when my oldest daughter leaves home and goes to live on Campus at Rice Univ
first it’ll be home on weekends and holidays then every other week, then once a year if I’m lucky
then my youngest will go and do the same....
sigh...

 
Title: Re: Wow. It's been over 18 years since I posted on this board. MarriedNDivorced a RW
Post by: BillyB on June 04, 2019, 06:55:07 PM
I will NEVER, repeat, NEVER deal with RWs again.......


The post you made before this one you wrote "Never say Never" when it came to getting hooked up with RW.

**I wonder if my original trip reports are still listed on here?**


It's probably on the old RWG forum. It got sold and people migrated here and elsewhere. Great forum but new owners took it in a different direction.

let me ask those who have visited my home COUNTRY of Hawai'i (Big Island to be exact) HOW MANY PEOPLE WILL SAY SOMETHING NEGATIVE ABOUT THEIR EXPERIENCE WITH MY PEOPLE (Kanaka) AND LAND ('Aina) VERSUS THE POSITIVE EXPERIENCE?


I lived in Aliamanu Crater on Ohau for three years. As a guest, I would not say something negative about Hawaiians but a wife who lives with you may point out the negatives from her perspective. In Hawaii, life is slow, and your people are really laid back. RW tend to move at a much faster pace and the extreme changes may have influence some bad behavior in your wife.

I've dated many RW and like night and day, they can have extreme differences in them. It seems things were not good match between you two. If you had found a good match, all those great things about RW you were told about may have come true.
Title: Re: Wow. It's been over 18 years since I posted on this board. MarriedNDivorced a RW
Post by: Maxx2 on June 05, 2019, 04:03:36 AM


what helped me a lot really was being in the military
there I learned how to not react to being yelled at
you may laugh at this, but being yelled at by my wife had so little effect on me
that after the first year of marriage she just stopped doing it, because what was the point
if it had no effect, that it didn’t even “register”


so to deal with Russian wimmin
you NEVER directly oppose them
you become the water that flows around the boulder
and wears it down until it is less than a grain of sand
this requires patience


14 years and 2 days ago I wrote this:


Maxx's rules of marital success by "being the man" with a RW wife. (http://www.russianwomendiscussion.com/index.php?topic=544.msg9844#msg9844)
« on: June 03, 2005, 09:47:35 AM »


http://www.russianwomendiscussion.com/index.php?topic=544.0 (http://www.russianwomendiscussion.com/index.php?topic=544.0)
Quote
4) Handling RW rants and rages: Calmly stand there with a studying expression on your face. Do not speak a word. Then when her ranting is reaching it's peak show a very slight amused expression on your face, look at your watch and leave.
I sure got a lot of heat from that thread especially from RW.

Title: Re: Wow. It's been over 18 years since I posted on this board. MarriedNDivorced a RW
Post by: Faux Pas on June 05, 2019, 08:05:29 AM

14 years and 2 days ago I wrote this:


Maxx's rules of marital success by "being the man" with a RW wife. (http://www.russianwomendiscussion.com/index.php?topic=544.msg9844#msg9844)
« on: June 03, 2005, 09:47:35 AM »


http://www.russianwomendiscussion.com/index.php?topic=544.0 (http://www.russianwomendiscussion.com/index.php?topic=544.0)I sure got a lot of heat from that thread especially from RW.


And, you certainly asked for it, too  :D

Have you adjusted those rules for yourself at all Maxx?
Title: Re: Wow. It's been over 18 years since I posted on this board. MarriedNDivorced a RW
Post by: Maxx2 on June 05, 2019, 08:45:43 AM
There are all sorts of pearls of wisdom throughout that thread and quite a bit of tongue-in-cheek humor too.


I don't think on subjects like that anymore.
Title: Re: Wow. It's been over 18 years since I posted on this board. MarriedNDivorced a RW
Post by: Maxx2 on June 05, 2019, 08:49:32 AM
And, you certainly asked for it, too  :D

Have you adjusted those rules for yourself at all Maxx?


Below was from 2005. I was still recovering from my PSTD PTSD. It took a few more years...


"I decided to step out and take the flack (If there is) and own up to this masterpiece."

Danack questioned #3

Quote
3)Sex: Every Russian woman knows she must take care of her man with his health need or she is grossly neglecting him. Don't complicate this. "Yah hachoo whatever" is all the Russian sweet talk you need to learn for your RW wife. Forget all the other details.


The "Don't complicate this." is the key words. If a beautiful woman is coming to you every night/day/afternoon/morning and giving you sex why not accept it as natural as her washing your socks  or brushing the lint off your jacket? Why introduce AW sexual politics in the bedroom by telling her that you are so greatful of her attention. Never let a woman think she has you under her sexual control. It is better that she is under your sexual control if she is so wired to be so. You are NOT responsible for her wiring either. If you complicate this you will eventually fail. In other words don't put yourself on the defensive.

Maxx


jb
(http://www.russianwomendiscussion.com/index.php?action=profile;u=118)-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

jb was always the smartest guy here. In trying to shake this place up I came off looking like Trenchcoat. jb knew not get too serous about any this. But even in the most outrageous statements there is some truth.
Title: Re: Wow. It's been over 18 years since I posted on this board. MarriedNDivorced a RW
Post by: krimster2 on June 05, 2019, 09:50:04 AM
Maxx, you’ll forgive me I hope, but I see a distinction between your response and my own
yours is more of “standing your ground” in opposition to your partner’s rages
which if it were done to my wife would have lead to an escalation
mine is to completely ignore it and over time transform my wife’s life
into a new better world, where folks don’t have PTSD rages
it takes awhile to do this so you have to have great patience
bottom line, it REALLY does take two people to engage in a fight/argument
and if one of the people simply refuses to engage, then the result is there’s no fighting...
and because I ignore it, I don’t have any resentful feelings about being treated unfairly, etc...
with this process, she went from weekly rages to monthly to now maybe once per year
and they’re over with very quickly

money, I have to be realistic...
when I first met my wife, she didn’t know what a checkbook was
so I had to teach her financial management 101
with her own bank account and CC
over time, once I was confident of her ability I gave her control of our personal finances
we're full partners in almost everything we do together
Title: Re: Wow. It's been over 18 years since I posted on this board. MarriedNDivorced a RW
Post by: iolanik on June 05, 2019, 10:14:26 AM
The post you made before this one you wrote "Never say Never" when it came to getting hooked up with RW.

It's probably on the old RWG forum. It got sold and people migrated here and elsewhere. Great forum but new owners took it in a different direction.

I lived in Aliamanu Crater on Ohau for three years. As a guest, I would not say something negative about Hawaiians but a wife who lives with you may point out the negatives from her perspective. In Hawaii, life is slow, and your people are really laid back. RW tend to move at a much faster pace and the extreme changes may have influence some bad behavior in your wife.

I've dated many RW and like night and day, they can have extreme differences in them. It seems things were not good match between you two. If you had found a good match, all those great things about RW you were told about may have come true.

Billy: THe quote I will Never deal with RWs again is a fact. When I said Never say Never, it was meant in the context of getting remarried. The "Never" with RWs is an absolute for me bc frankly, I do not have the wherewithall to deal with such cultural differences anymore at my age (52) 

Krimster made a statement about his wife being very materialistic and that he satisfies this. My personal issue is that I am NOT materialistic despite having the means to indulge in such trivial things.  The issue btwn me and her was not so much her materialism as it was her Hypocrisy and desire to "run" things, even though I was the sole "breadwinner" I am about mutual cooperation but I am not about being dictated to especially by someone who does not have personal accountability (to this day) This may sound one sided of course, but the ironic thing is my 16yo daughter continually clashes and butts heads with her mom bc of this very issue. *lol* I guess it's somewhat gratifying to me when my teenage daughter tells me the issues she has with her mom that are EXACTLY the same as the issues I had..the only difference now if that I can laugh about it.
Title: Re: Wow. It's been over 18 years since I posted on this board. MarriedNDivorced a RW
Post by: iolanik on June 05, 2019, 10:21:41 AM
I still remember a joke from back in 2000 on the RWG board:

"How do you make a russian woman SCREAM in the bedroom?"

-WIPE YOUR DICK ON THE CURTAINS!
Title: Re: Wow. It's been over 18 years since I posted on this board. MarriedNDivorced a RW
Post by: ML on June 05, 2019, 10:33:15 AM
I still remember a joke from back in 2000 ont he RWG board:

"How do you make a russian woman SCREAM in the bedroom?"

-WIPE YOUR DICK ON THE CURTAINS!

When I was a young man, I came to realize just how terrible one man was.

A girlfriend of his had knitted him a sweater.
Later they broke up, but she kept trying to get back together with him.
So once he told her: "I finally found a use for that sweater you knitted for me.  I wiped my dick with it after screwing Betty."

I don't think there is a need to be this nasty to someone who has done you a kindness.
Title: Re: Wow. It's been over 18 years since I posted on this board. MarriedNDivorced a RW
Post by: iolanik on June 05, 2019, 11:27:38 AM
When I was a young man, I came to realize just how terrible one man was.

A girlfriend of his had knitted him a sweater.
Later they broke up, but she kept trying to get back together with him.
So once he told her: "I finally found a use for that sweater you knitted for me.  I wiped my dick with it after screwing Betty."

I don't think there is a need to be this nasty to someone who has done you a kindness.

I don't understand the post. It's like psycho-analyzing the jokes from a comedy club and trying to derive some type of morality from each jib. A joke is a joke. Period.  This is like psychoanalyzing Eddie Murphy's gay jokes about Mr. T and Ricky Ricardo to determine the harm it has done in modern society in relation to LGBT relations on tv shows such as the A team and I Love Lucy. Geezuz
Title: Re: Wow. It's been over 18 years since I posted on this board. MarriedNDivorced a RW
Post by: Boethius on June 05, 2019, 11:51:52 AM
I suspect your "joke" just reminded ML of a story from his past.


Don't get your panties in a twist. :P


This post was composed without the aid of google.
Title: Re: Wow. It's been over 18 years since I posted on this board. MarriedNDivorced a RW
Post by: ML on June 05, 2019, 12:02:11 PM
I suspect your "joke" just reminded ML of a story from his past.

Exactly right.

My 'true story' post had nothing to do with the prior 'joke,' except for the reminder to me.
Title: Re: Wow. It's been over 18 years since I posted on this board. MarriedNDivorced a RW
Post by: Gator on June 05, 2019, 12:30:13 PM
Iolanik,

Splendid to see you at RWD.  I joined RWG in 2002 after my first RW trip, and recall your participation.

I feel your pain of broken dreams, yet I feel your sense of relief from not having to face the daily stress of living with someone so unlike yourself.  Been there, have the declarative T-shirt.   

I also see your blessings.  The marriage blessed you with two precious gifts.  Your daughter is a show stopper, and your son is going to be a NFL lineman.  Enjoy these years.  They fly away sooner than you expect.  My time with family has always been my greatest source of joy. 

Confession time - I did not follow your advice, and am better for it.  I married a RW, divorced her in one year, then soon married another RW whom had known me for years and twice rejected me.   

The wife is a true blessing and I feel the love.  We have been married nine years.  In fact, she has now been with me longer than any other man. Based on these two wife experiences I can definitely say RW are not the same.


There are two key background differences between my wife and ex-wife.

1.  Family, something you mentioned as very, very important (I agree).  My ex-wife came from a broken home, neglectful father and mother.  My wife came from a happy, functioning home, attentive parents.  I knew the parents well before marriage.  One evening, her father and I shared a bottle of vodka one evening, revealing all even though we had no common language.  Much love in the family.

2.  Desire to leave Russia.    My wife had lived well in Russia with high-income jobs, wealthy husbands, and abundance of friends.  Her objective was not to leave Russia so she has been a challenge.  First in convincing her to leave, and second in her adjustment after she left ("Amerika is not my country"). 

We have our disagreements and differences.   You stressed materialism and that also affects us.  Odd that I say such because she abhors materialistic RW, those who brag about their Mercedes or diamond jewelry (i. e., the conspicuous consumers).  My wife prefers the luxury of 5-star hotels and I consider a hotel as just a place to sleep.  She prefers cognac over a fine wine.   She prefers modern expensive furniture, while I prefer well crafted antiques having soul.   I love golf; she was a professional athlete and does not consider golf a sport.  As with any other person, accommodation and compromise are necessary.   

Iolanik, in our universe, from time to time special women will cross our paths.  Do not let some lingering bitterness interfere in getting to know them. 

Good luck.  You already are a lucky man with a beautiful daughter and son.   
Title: Re: Wow. It's been over 18 years since I posted on this board. MarriedNDivorced a RW
Post by: iolanik on June 05, 2019, 12:43:01 PM
Iolanik,

Splendid to see you at RWD.  I joined RWG in 2002 after my first RW trip, and recall your participation.

I feel your pain of broken dreams, yet I feel your sense of relief from not having to face the daily stress of living with someone so unlike yourself.  Been there, have the declarative T-shirt.   

I also see your blessings.  The marriage blessed you with two precious gifts.  Your daughter is a show stopper, and your son is going to be a NFL lineman.  Enjoy these years.  They fly away sooner than you expect.  My time with family has always been my greatest source of joy. 

Confession time - I did not follow your advice, and am better for it.  I married a RW, divorced her in one year, then soon married another RW whom had known me for years and twice rejected me.   

The wife is a true blessing and I feel the love.  We have been married nine years.  In fact, she has now been with me longer than any other man. Based on these two wife experiences I can definitely say RW are not the same.


There are two key background differences between my wife and ex-wife.

1.  Family, something you mentioned as very, very important (I agree).  My ex-wife came from a broken home, neglectful father and mother.  My wife came from a happy, functioning home, attentive parents.  I knew the parents well before marriage.  One evening, her father and I shared a bottle of vodka one evening, revealing all even though we had no common language.  Much love in the family.

2.  Desire to leave Russia.    My wife had lived well in Russia with high-income jobs, wealthy husbands, and abundance of friends.  Her objective was not to leave Russia so she has been a challenge.  First in convincing her to leave, and second in her adjustment after she left ("Amerika is not my country"). 

We have our disagreements and differences.   You stressed materialism and that also affects us.  Odd that I say such because she abhors materialistic RW, those who brag about their Mercedes or diamond jewelry (i. e., the conspicuous consumers).  My wife prefers the luxury of 5-star hotels and I consider a hotel as just a place to sleep.  She prefers cognac over a fine wine.   She prefers modern expensive furniture, while I prefer well crafted antiques having soul.   I love golf; she was a professional athlete and does not consider golf a sport.  As with any other person, accommodation and compromise are necessary.   

Iolanik, in our universe, from time to time special women will cross our paths.  Do not let some lingering bitterness interfere in getting to know them. 

Good luck.  You already are a lucky man with a beautiful daughter and son.

THE GATOR MAN!!!!  Hey braddah I am very happy to hear you found a loving wife and a happy marriage even with another RW. I can say that perhaps most if not all of the RWs I have come across in my area (San FranSICKO) all seem to be the same. I think the family situation is the single BIGGEST factor in making a determination to spend the rest of your life with ANY WOMAN. I think you have an excpetion bc #1 Your current wife is also divorced and has some experience (in herself and her partner) Also, your wife was in no way trying to leave Russia. This can have some issues to with being homesick and not adapting to life in  the U.S. Personally for me brah, I'm not bitter at all despite my writings and the way it may come across. Hawaiians are not bitter people (even though there are some outliers Ive met whom I dont understand) but as a whole, we just happy with life. I will be moving back to the Big Island after my son graduates HS so I highly doubt a RW can live and adjust to island life but then again, most people cant either, especially mainlanders..which is why they leave the islands after only a few yrs.
Yeah the kids are big and I have no regrets bc I love those kids to pieces and have done everything I could for them to raise them with manners, respect and compassion. Hopefully they dont throw me in the dumpster when my diaper needs to be changed! LMFAO!
Title: Re: Wow. It's been over 18 years since I posted on this board. MarriedNDivorced a RW
Post by: iolanik on June 05, 2019, 12:45:15 PM
I love golf; she was a professional athlete and does not consider golf a sport.

What sport was she in Gator? I love that she doesnt consider golf a sport. BTW.. Im a big cigar aficionado so golf goes well with a good stick!!! LOL
Title: Re: Wow. It's been over 18 years since I posted on this board. MarriedNDivorced a RW
Post by: Gator on June 05, 2019, 03:09:24 PM
I will be moving back to the Big Island after my son graduates HS.....


I love Hawaii - been four times, first time 1966 on R&R from Vietnam.  Yes I am a fossil.  As soon as I get off the plane, my heart rate slows.  I live in Florida, and we have tropical breezes making the palm trees slow dance, yet Hawaii is different.



Quote
  ....so I highly doubt a RW can live and adjust to island life but then again, most people cant either, especially mainlanders..which is why they leave the islands after only a few yrs.       
 


I mentioned to my wife about relocating to Hawaii.   I showed her some youtube guides.  My two sons went there with me for two weeks some time ago, and both told her how wonderful it is.  She discussed the concept, and without much deliberation she said "Nyet."  She predicted, and perhaps wisely predicted,   not enough action and island fever. 


 


Quote
Yeah the kids are big and I have no regrets bc I love those kids to pieces and have done everything I could for them to raise them with manners, respect and compassion. Hopefully they dont throw me in the dumpster when my diaper needs to be changed! LMFAO!

You have a long time before that.  If it bothers when the time comes, there are some beautiful places to do a Thelma and Louise.   
Title: Re: Wow. It's been over 18 years since I posted on this board. MarriedNDivorced a RW
Post by: Gator on June 05, 2019, 04:01:10 PM
What sport was she in Gator? I love that she doesnt consider golf a sport.

She was a gymnast, a tall one.  For two years she worked in a Soviet circus doing high wire Cirque Soleil acts before there was a Cirque Soleil.  At 18-yo, the circus paid her 3x the salary of a graduate engineer.  Not bad.  Then she became a well paid runway model for 13 years.   Good life, travel, fine hotels in European cities, attention from men.   Yes, she's spoiled in a way, yet not entitled, and will do hard work.  She knows how to milk a goat.   

One other thing about her character.  I met her 13+  years ago when she was 40.   She was stunning (still is).  Men gave her big flirtatious smiles everyday when we traveled.   I recall one proud Italian man, striking, gave her the "look" as she walked past him to board a tour boat.  She stuck up her nose and sneered, without looking at him.  I was behind her, and he instantly frowned, uttering what must have been the word "bitch" in Italian.  ;)

We still laugh at that and our first meeting.  I had a driver-interpreter to help meet her at the Moscow airport.   For the one-hour to the airport, he warned me about bad Russian women, telling me story after story of other AM and their RW.  For example, one RW got off the plane in winter, not wearing a coat, so they drove first to the coat store.   Anyway, I find her and walk her to the driver and car.  They start talking and in a matter of a couple of minutes he turns to me and says "You are a lucky man.  This is a genuine Russian flower."  On the way back he and she spoke and spoke  while translating ever word for me. 

When we spend time with these RW, they give clues.  My wife's clues were starkly different from the ex-wife's.   I am not claiming to be a great detective of RW clues, as I knew my first RW wife for years and I still made the big mistake.

YOUR CASE

You met your wife when she was young and had not fully developed, in particular not knowing what she wanted.  Here clues would be subtle and varied.  She was still evolving and 18 years later she had changed into something intolerable, at least intolerable to you.  It happens.  Women  typically metamorphose as they become empty-nesters, not when kids are in their hormonally impaired teens.  At least that was the case  with my AW wife of 25 years (moving out as our younger son was a senior in high school).   

You were 34.  To be honest, did you fully know yourself? The world?  I started looking at RW when 59.  Even at 59, there was much for me to discover and learn.           

BTW.  Yes,  many golfers smoke a cigar or two while playing.  Not me.   I would not ask you to refrain.  Instead, I'd say enjoy life! 
Title: Re: Wow. It's been over 18 years since I posted on this board. MarriedNDivorced a RW
Post by: Maxx2 on June 05, 2019, 09:13:51 PM
Maxx, you’ll forgive me I hope, but I see a distinction between your response and my own
yours is more of “standing your ground” in opposition to your partner’s rages
which if it were done to my wife would have lead to an escalation
mine is to completely ignore it and over time transform my wife’s life
into a new better world, where folks don’t have PTSD rages
it takes awhile to do this so you have to have great patience
bottom line, it REALLY does take two people to engage in a fight/argument
and if one of the people simply refuses to engage, then the result is there’s no fighting...
and because I ignore it, I don’t have any resentful feelings about being treated unfairly, etc...
with this process, she went from weekly rages to monthly to now maybe once per year
and they’re over with very quickly

money, I have to be realistic...
when I first met my wife, she didn’t know what a checkbook was
so I had to teach her financial management 101
with her own bank account and CC
over time, once I was confident of her ability I gave her control of our personal finances
we're full partners in almost everything we do together


That thread from 14 years ago was written with tongue firmly planted in cheek and with a liberally dosing of troll humor. But it was meant to get people to think. Take for example Rose's reaction to the "don't complicate it" in regard to sex. Of course sex should be fun full of smiles, teasing and humor and the carnal pleasure too.


You are right about how to deal with rants and rages. Having a bemused smile and looking at your watch and leaving would likely cause you getting hit in the back of the head with an iron frying pan.    :cluebat:   Controlling the money, much too hard core as I stated it. I wrote that in response to all they guys that bankrupted themselves hoping to hold on to a marriage that should have been quickly jettisoned. Or if it could be saved, doing it without bankrupting themselves like poor Dean (He was rich at one time) did. 
Title: Re: Wow. It's been over 18 years since I posted on this board. MarriedNDivorced a RW
Post by: iolanik on June 07, 2019, 03:49:00 PM
She was a gymnast, a tall one.  For two years she worked in a Soviet circus doing high wire Cirque Soleil acts before there was a Cirque Soleil.  At 18-yo, the circus paid her 3x the salary of a graduate engineer.  Not bad.  Then she became a well paid runway model for 13 years.   Good life, travel, fine hotels in European cities, attention from men.   Yes, she's spoiled in a way, yet not entitled, and will do hard work.  She knows how to milk a goat.   

One other thing about her character.  I met her 13+  years ago when she was 40.   She was stunning (still is).  Men gave her big flirtatious smiles everyday when we traveled.   I recall one proud Italian man, striking, gave her the "look" as she walked past him to board a tour boat.  She stuck up her nose and sneered, without looking at him.  I was behind her, and he instantly frowned, uttering what must have been the word "bitch" in Italian.  ;)

We still laugh at that and our first meeting.  I had a driver-interpreter to help meet her at the Moscow airport.   For the one-hour to the airport, he warned me about bad Russian women, telling me story after story of other AM and their RW.  For example, one RW got off the plane in winter, not wearing a coat, so they drove first to the coat store.   Anyway, I find her and walk her to the driver and car.  They start talking and in a matter of a couple of minutes he turns to me and says "You are a lucky man.  This is a genuine Russian flower."  On the way back he and she spoke and spoke  while translating ever word for me. 

When we spend time with these RW, they give clues.  My wife's clues were starkly different from the ex-wife's.   I am not claiming to be a great detective of RW clues, as I knew my first RW wife for years and I still made the big mistake.

YOUR CASE

You met your wife when she was young and had not fully developed, in particular not knowing what she wanted.  Here clues would be subtle and varied.  She was still evolving and 18 years later she had changed into something intolerable, at least intolerable to you.  It happens.  Women  typically metamorphose as they become empty-nesters, not when kids are in their hormonally impaired teens.  At least that was the case  with my AW wife of 25 years (moving out as our younger son was a senior in high school).   

You were 34.  To be honest, did you fully know yourself? The world?  I started looking at RW when 59.  Even at 59, there was much for me to discover and learn.           

BTW.  Yes,  many golfers smoke a cigar or two while playing.  Not me.   I would not ask you to refrain.  Instead, I'd say enjoy life!

Thanks Gator! I'm glad you found happiness. As for the wifey being a ex Cirque de Soleil performer..GOD DAMN! She MUST be smokin hot! LOL   I'm Older, Wiser, but thankfully, not "Poorer"  LMAO
Title: Re: Wow. It's been over 18 years since I posted on this board. MarriedNDivorced a RW
Post by: CaptB on June 11, 2019, 10:03:27 PM
Iolani,


Hey Iolani......Capt B here. Joined RWG back in 1998. I went to Tver in 1999. Met my wife in 2003 in Stavropol......and we are still married. Another board member of RWG was my friend......JB. I attended his wedding in Moscow 1n 2002....as his best man. He is alive and still kicking with his wife "Etna" in Corpus Christi ,[size=78%]Texas. We visited them a few years ago. I made 8 trips to Russia.....and loved every one.[/size]
[/size]
[/size][size=78%]"A Yooper in Moscovia"[/size]
[/size]
[/size]Capt B[size=78%]
Title: Re: Wow. It's been over 18 years since I posted on this board. MarriedNDivorced a RW
Post by: CaptB on June 14, 2019, 10:15:11 PM
what is the scrambled eggs that showed up at bottom of my previous post ???????


Capt B




"A Yooper in Moscovia"
Title: Re: Wow. It's been over 18 years since I posted on this board. MarriedNDivorced a RW
Post by: Maxx2 on June 15, 2019, 05:18:31 AM
what is the scrambled eggs that showed up at bottom of my previous post ???????


Capt B




"A Yooper in Moscovia"


If you cut, copy then paste that happens. You have to edit it right after and take out all the [size/] et cetera. This board is in bad need of an update.
Title: Re: Wow. It's been over 18 years since I posted on this board. MarriedNDivorced a RW
Post by: witchdoctor on June 22, 2019, 03:54:21 PM
Iolani!
What's up bro!  Man this must be old timers week or month! I'm sorry to hear about the end result, but it sounds like you got a son and a daughter? And I hope they make you feel a bit better.
Your marriage lasted 7 years which believe it or not put you in the top 25% with regards to marriage length.  Mileage varies and I'm sure you have good reasons for saying never again, but, as we used to debate over and over again Russian women an American women are all first and foremost women. Doesn't matter the country.
Believe me I have experienced both as well as play Ukrainian girlfriend and a Belarusian girlfriend who is a circus performer!  (Alesya Gulevich) and two American women. who were worse.  I will let you guess!
Sh#t Happens.  Most want me back.  I even have a woman from 22 years ago, whose married, doing inappropriate things!  My boys are 17-18 and graduating with high honors.  So , what am I doing here?
Youtube... I was watching it recently and saw all the same stuff going on, but even worse with the ease of going to Ukraine and social media and technology.
So I felt the need to put my two cents in hand signed up for a site called Ukraine Fusion sponsored by a guy who's not doing too well named Stryker ( I'm with Cupid)
At first I went to RW guide dot-com but forgot that this form had stayed the same but changed names. I was going to prefer them over here to read the Archives rather than doing everything over.  There's a few of them who done some of the tours, wrong, but not one that has made the jump or even close.
I can't believe Iolani has reappeared at about the same time. It must be Karma, good or bad is the question!