What does dog poop and women have in common ????
The older they are , the easier they are to pick up !!
Come on , it's just a joke
May I ask you a question guys..if a man in a social situation says to a woman 'may I buy you a drink', is he telling that he is interested in her, or is he just being gentlemanly polite? ???
He's interested! ;)
Oh he's interested all right... but WHAT he is interested in may not be what you are interested in... or then again, it may be...
c.1425, earlier interesse (c.1374), from Anglo-Fr. interesse "what one has a legal concern in," from M.L. interesse "compensation for loss," from L. interresse "to concern, make a difference, be of importance," lit. "to be between," from inter- "between" + esse "to be." Form influenced 15c. by O.Fr. interest "damage," from L. interest "it is of importance, it makes a difference," third pers. sing. present of interresse..." Meaning "curiosity" is first attested 1771. Interesting meant "important" (1711); later "of interest" (1768).(http://www.etymonline.com/index.php?search=INTEREST&searchmode=none)
Just what we needed now, a beer-guzzling arthropod-sex tourist :( ;D.
Lobster Tail and Beer and I though to myself that's great my three favorite things!
Just what we needed now, a beer-guzzling arthropod-sex tourist :( ;D.
A firefighter was working on the engine outside the station when he noticed a little girl nearby in a little red wagon with little ladders hung off the sides & a garden hose tightly coiled in the middle. The girl was wearing a firefighter's helmet. The wagon was being pulled by her dog & her cat.
The fire fighter walked over to take a closer look. "That sure is a nice fire truck," the firefighter said with admiration.
"Thanks," the girl replied.
The firefighter looked a little closer & noticed the girl had tied the wagon to her dog's collar & to the cat's testicles.
"Little partner," the firefighter said. "I don't want to tell you; How to run your rig, but if you were to tie that rope around the cat's collar, I think you could go faster."
The little girl replied thoughtfully, "You're probably right, but then I wouldn't have a siren."
Irish Foreplay: "Brace yourself, Mary!!"
Australian Foreplay "You awake?"
Richard, spotted this news headline about you in the Toronto Star:Your lucky I got a good sense of humor or I'd have to kill ya' LMAO
Too Many idiots & not enough ammunition!!
From Russian TV:
For our news you need Vodka and an empty stomach.
One of the introductory letters sent by a man...
My life is fairly simple - I am a 43 year old male Writer and Poet and live in a city called Bendigo in the state of Victoria, Australia. I have 15 months ago become seperated from my fiance of several years and have just recently started thinking of meeting someone else to share my life with.
Australian women are too much about material possessions and not what is in the heart of a man so I have decided to look elsewhere for my perfect mate. Russia has always interested me and frankly has the most beautiful women on earth there.
I enjoy slow walks while musing on Poetry and walking my dog, going out for meals, dancing and romantic interludes with the right woman.
I should tell you that I am not very smart with computers so only have one photo of myself on my computer. The photo is a naked one but it is the only one I have to share right now. If you want me to include this photo with my reply to you then let me know please. I will be getting more photo's soon hopefully.
I saw this online in another forum:
A dyslexic walks into a bra.
I saw this online in another forum:
A dyslexic walks into a bra.
Ok, I don't get the last three jokes
Should I have cracked more books and tapped less kegs in College?
Bill
Ok, I don't get the last three jokes
Should I have cracked more books and tapped less kegs in College?
Bill
Yes ;D
At the point when a joke needs to be explained it ceases to be funny ;) (but I really liked Vaughns, and jb's was pretty good too :thumbsup:
Bill, I don't really want to review 13 pages, so tell me: have we covered
the "Neil Armstrong" joke?
Now that we have a break in the jokes, I have a question.... does anyone else find the russian jokes translated into English rather lame?
MORE advice for woman seeking $500k+ earning man
Reply to: pers-439983703@craigslist.org
Date: 2007-10-04, 1:57PM EDT
What am I doing wrong?
Okay, I'm tired of beating around the bush. I'm a beautiful
(spectacularly beautiful) 25 year old girl. I'm articulate and classy.
I'm not from New York. I'm looking to get married to a guy who makes at
least half a million a year. I know how that sounds, but keep in mind
that a million a year is middle class in New York City, so I don't think
I'm overreaching at all.
Are there any guys who make 500K or more on this board? Any wives? Could
you send me some tips? I dated a business man who makes average around
200 - 250. But that's where I seem to hit a roadblock. 250,000 won't get
me to central park west. I know a woman in my yoga class who was married
to an investment banker and lives in Tribeca, and she's not as pretty as
I am, nor is she a great genius. So what is she doing right? How do I
get to her level?
Here are my questions specifically:
- Where do you single rich men hang out? Give me specifics- bars,
restaurants, gyms
-What are you looking for in a mate? Be honest guys, you won't hurt my
feelings
-Is there an age range I should be targeting (I'm 25)?
- Why are some of the women living lavish lifestyles on the upper east
side so plain? I've seen really 'plain jane' boring types who have
nothing to offer married to incredibly wealthy guys. I've seen drop dead
gorgeous girls in singles bars in the east village. What's the story
there?
- Jobs I should look out for? Everyone knows - lawyer, investment
banker, doctor. How much do those guys really make? And where do they
hang out? Where do the hedge fund guys hang out?
- How you decide marriage vs. just a girlfriend? I am looking for
MARRIAGE ONLY
Please hold your insults - I'm putting myself out there in an honest
way. Most beautiful women are superficial; at least I'm being up front
about it. I wouldn't be searching for these kind of guys if I wasn't
able to match them - in looks, culture, sophistication, and keeping a
nice home and hearth.
* it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or
other commercial interests
PostingID: 432279810
THE ANSWER
Dear Pers-431649184:
I read your posting with great interest and have thought meaningfully
about your dilemma. I offer the following analysis of your predicament.
Firstly, I'm not wasting your time, I qualify as a guy who fits your
bill; that is I make more than $500K per year. That said here's how I
see it.
Your offer, from the prospective of a guy like me, is plain and simple a
cr@ppy business deal. Here's why. Cutting through all the B.S., what you
suggest is a simple trade: you bring your looks to the party and I bring
my money. Fine, simple. But here's the rub, your looks will fade and my
money will likely continue into perpetuity...in fact, it is very likely
that my income increases but it is an absolute certainty that you won't
be getting any more beautiful!
So, in economic terms you are a depreciating asset and I am an earning
asset. Not only are you a depreciating asset, your depreciation
accelerates! Let me explain, you're 25 now and will likely stay pretty
hot for the next 5 years, but less so each year. Then the fade begins in
earnest. By 35 stick a fork in you!
So in Wall Street terms, we would call you a trading position, not a buy
and hold...hence the rub...marriage. It doesn't make good business sense
to "buy you" (which is what you're asking) so I'd rather lease. In case
you think I'm being cruel, I would say the following. If my money were
to go away, so would you, so when your beauty fades I need an out. It's
as simple as that. So a deal that makes sense is dating, not marriage.
Separately, I was taught early in my career about efficient markets. So,
I wonder why a girl as "articulate, classy and spectacularly beautiful"
as you has been unable to find your sugar daddy. I find it hard to
believe that if you are as gorgeous as you say you are that the $500K
hasn't found you, if not only for a tryout.
By the way, you could always find a way to make your own money and then
we wouldn't need to have this difficult conversation.
With all that said, I must say you're going about it the right way.
Classic "pump and dump."
I hope this is helpful, and if you want to enter into some sort of
lease, let me know.
**********
MY ADVICE:
Dear Pers-431649184:
I also came across your posting with great interest. I am a 28 year old Wall Street trader who qualifies as an eligible suitor under your $500k/yr rule. In fact, I make over a million and can usher a woman into a comfortable, true middle class lifestyle (not like those 500k lower-middle class chumps who have to make do with the junior two-bedroom).
I am sympathetic to your goal in finding a rich man to marry. The milk needs to be sold by the expiration date. But since this is premium milk, why would you settle for less than premium prices? I would like to address some of the questions that were previously missed by the other gentleman and provide constructive advice on where to find your match.
I also do believe in the efficient market theory, and am surprised that $500k hasn't found you yet. There are plenty of rich lawyers, investment bankers and hedgies to go around in this city. What gives? I think the problem might be that you have not been sufficiently focused in your search efforts.
The culprit, I believe, may be that you are also looking for qualities aside from money - such as looks, personality, and a sense of humor. However, men who have those qualities learn at an early age that they do not need money to attract quality women. As the saying goes, if you can get the milk for free, why pay up for the cow?
What you need to look for is someone who is long money, and short the other aspects. They are not easy to spot, since you are biologically wired to overlook and ignore them. However, the next time that you are at a expensive black tie event, and you are introduced to the short, bald, overweight man who fidgets nervously whilst making conversation with you, pay special attention to him.
Here's an inspirational story for you. An acquaintance of mine who was also an classy and articulate woman as yourself was able to land that guy - who also happens to be one of the top ten guys at Google. This is the type of stuff that gold-digging moms read to their gold-digging daughters at bedtime. Perhaps you need to make a location change to Silicon Valley - miracles like these happen almost everyday in a land where you can randomly throw a rock and hit a rich nerd squarely in his Kim-jong Il glasses.
And as far as his deficiencies go, they turned out to be not so bad. With hundreds of millions in the bank, she's been able to clean him up and give him a little sophistication. Think of it as a fixer-upper project with a massive budget (and yourself as a visionary real estate developer!). Although, I must warn you, it is a fine line you are flirting with - you must not overdo it lest he begins to attract younger women who are hotter than yourself. The trick is, you need build him up enough to be presentable, while simultaneously manipulate him into believing you are the best that he will ever do! That, botox and having kids will be your insurance against your depreciation (or as I prefer to use the term, milk going sour).
I wish the best of luck on your sales project. As for me, I am also available for a short-term lease. However, for marriage I wouldn't consider a woman unless she can bring beauty, brains and self-motivation to the table. I do not want to dilute my gene pool and end up raising a bunch of Paris Hiltons.
(http://www.pizdaus.com/pics/Ar5ZRnciPayX.jpg)
2tallbill you are the Henny Youngman of RWD.
How to tell the bad girls from the good ones.
I'm currently debating whether to post a joke i was told that is so sick it's prolly gonna get me a ban if I do.
If I don't, I just know i'll be inundated with PM's asking for it you dirty hounds....
I don't know...........Ste is pretty twisted. If he thinks it's bad I am absolutely positive that it is.
I will read it if he posts it. Hopefully it doesn't warp my simple mind.
Bill
Optical delusion.......
Aim high..........
Bill, I think it might be time to block Melissa's e-mail address... ;)
Beer holdersBeauty is in the eye of the beer holder ? :D
SYMPTOM | PROBLEM | CORRECTION |
Feet cold and wet. | Glass held at incorrect angle. | Rotate glass so that open end points toward ceiling. |
Feet warm and wet. | Faulty bladder control. | Stand next to nearest dog, complain about house training. |
Drink unusually pale. | Glass empty. | Get someone to buy you another drink. |
Opposite wall covered with fluorescent lights. | You have fallen over backwards. | Have yourself lashed to bar. |
Mouth contains cigarette butts. | You have fallen forward. | See above. |
Alcohol tasteless,front of your shirt is wet. | Mouth not open, or glass applied to wrong part of face. | Retire to restroom, practice in mirror. |
Floor blurred. | You are looking through bottom of empty glass. | Get someone to buy you another drink. |
Your singing sounds distorted. | The drink is too weak. | Have more alcohol until your voice improves. |
Don't remember the words to the song. | The drink is just right. | Play air guitar. |
Everyone looks up to you and smiles. | You are dancing on the table. | Fall on somebody cushy-looking. |
Drink is crystal-clear. | It's water, somebody is trying to sober you up. | Punch him. |
Hands hurt, nose hurts, mind unusually clear. | You have been in a fight. | Apologize to everyone you see, in case it was them. |
Room seems unusually dark. | Bar has closed. | Confirm home address with bartender. |
Floor moving. | You are being carried out. | Find out if you are being taken to another bar. |
Don't recognize anyone, don't recognize the room you're in. | You've wandered into the wrong party. | See if they have free alcohol. |
Spoken like a true girlie-man liberal. You need to go buy yourself a shotgun and go kill something to BBQ. ;)
2tallbill,
Have you ever been on the stage?
There's one leaving at 2:30.
************Warning Joke that might have political implications. (making fun of tax and spenders from any party)
************Warning Joke that might have political implications. (making fun of tax and spenders from any party)
************Warning Joke that might have political implications. (making fun of tax and spenders from any party)
What's a Billion?
This is too true to be very funny
The next time you hear a politician use the word 'billion' in a casual manner, think about whether you want the 'politicians' spending YOUR tax money. A billion is a difficult number to comprehend, but one advertising agency did a good job of putting that figure into some perspective in one of its releases.
A. A billion seconds ago it was 1959.
B. A billion minutes ago Jesus was alive.
C. A billion hours ago our ancestors were
Living in the Stone Age.
D. A billion days ago no-one walked on the earth on two feet.
E. A billion dollars ago was only 8 hours and
20 minutes, at the rate our government is spending it.
While this thought is still fresh in our brain, let's take a look at New Orleans It's amazing what you can learn with some simple division
Louisiana Senator, Mary Landrieu (D), is presently asking the Congress for $250 BILLION to rebuild New Orleans . Interesting number, what does it mean?
A. Well, if you are one of 484,674 residents of New Orleans (every man, woman, child), you each get $516,528.
B. Or, if you have one of the 188,251 homes in New Orleans, your home gets $1,329,787.
C. Or, if you are a family of four, your family gets $2,066,012.
Washington , D.C. .. HELLO!!! ... Are all your calculators broken??
Tax his land,
Tax his wage,
Tax his bed in which he lays.
Tax his tractor,
Tax his mule,
Teach him taxes is the rule.
Tax his cow,
Tax his goat,
Tax his pants,
Tax his coat.
Tax his ties,
Tax his shirts,
Tax his work,
Tax his dirt.
Tax his tobacco,
Tax his drink,
Tax him if he tries to think.
Tax his booze,
Tax his beers,
If he cries,
Tax his tears.
Tax his bills,
Tax his gas,
Tax his notes,
Tax his cash.
Tax him good and let him know
That after taxes, he has no dough.
If he hollers,
Tax him more,
Tax him until he's good and sore.
Tax his coffin,
Tax his grave,
Tax the sod in which he lays.
Put these words upon his tomb,
'Taxes drove me to my doom!'
And when he's gone,
We won't relax,
We'll still be after the inheritance TAX!!
Accounts Receivable Tax
Building Permit Tax
CDL License Tax
Cigarette Tax
Corporate Income Tax
Dog License Tax
Federal Income Tax
Federal Unemployment Tax (FUTA)
Fishing License Tax
Food License Tax
Fuel Permit Tax
Gasoline Tax
Hunting License Tax
Inheritance Tax
Inventory Tax
IRS Interest Charges (tax on top of tax),
IRS Penalties (tax on top of tax),
Liquor Tax,
Luxury Tax,
Marriage License Tax,
Medicare Tax,
Property Tax,
Real Estate Tax,
Service charge taxes,
Social Security Tax,
Road Usage Tax (Truckers),
Sales Taxes,
Recreational Vehicle Tax,
School Tax,
State Income Tax,
State Unemployment Tax (SUTA),
Telephone Federal Excise Tax,
Telephone Federal Universal Service Fee Tax,
Telephone Federal, State and Local Surcharge Tax,
Telephone Minimum Usage Surcharge Tax,
Telephone Recurring and Non-recurring Charges Tax,
Telephone State and Local Tax,
Telephone Usage Charge Tax,
Utility Tax,
Vehicle License Registration Tax,
Vehicle Sales Tax,
Watercraft Registration Tax,
Well Permit Tax,
Workers Compensation Tax.
STILL THINK THIS IS FUNNY?
Not one of these taxes existed 100 years ago, and our nation was the most prosperous in the world.
We had absolutely no national debt, had the largest middle class in the world, and Mom stayed home to raise the kids.
AND NOW WE ARE THE MOST IN DEBT OF ANY COUNTRY ON EARTH!!!
What happened? Can you spell 'p-o-l-i-t-i-c-i-a-n-s?!'
Missed this one!
Bill
You need some serious psychological help :-\
What did I do this time?
This guy wasn't so lucky when his toilet paper did not cooperate.
Idiots 101 yes using flip flops to float a power strip
Also, it appears the setup is being used by what looks like a business machine not a stereo so these guys are actually businessmen? Not someone I would want to do business with.
Pretty sure that's an electric griddle ;)
Another good clip
[youtube=425,350]D-dwDhvHE_I&rel=1[/youtube]
Subject: Fw: FUNNY - FEDERAL EMPLOYEE PERFORMANCE EVALUATIONS
These are actual quotes taken from Federal employee performance evaluations.
In my time at the Federal Reserve each and every one of those comments would have required a promotion to management. Some to Sr. management.
When in Italy again, I'll take you to dinner. Sandro and I enjoyed our dinner together at a fine family operated restaurant. So far off the beaten path that I think Sandro was lost.Well, I'd never been in that remote area of Parco del Ticino before, and you must admit that the map is rather simplified (http://www.lavecchiatrattoria.it/) ;).
He will not admit it but we passed the same intersection three times.It was only twice, I stopped to ask directions to some cyclists, and you were pissed off because of some recently-departed Cossack, IIRC, which may have clouded your recollections ;D.
Bill,
I have no idea who else comes and checks your jokes but I wish to share a small story with you. I do not wish to make this a sad spot but my father is not well. After a bad round of chemo last week, I was helping him to bed and tucking him in this weekend. For some reason I remembered your "this is a F up!" joke and relayed it to him. Not sure if he went to bed with a big smile because of the timing of a silly joke or because it struck him as it did me.
Just keep them coming. Thanks for the reading!
Bill, I have no idea who else comes and checks your jokesSimple to get an idea, when you see this thread in a tabular listing like "View unread posts", you'll see a column at right entitled "Views" (it now shows the figure 12,605) ;).
Bill,
I have no idea who else comes and checks your jokes but I wish to share a small story with you. I do not wish to make this a sad spot but my father is not well. After a bad round of chemo last week, I was helping him to bed and tucking him in this weekend. For some reason I remembered your "this is a F up!" joke and relayed it to him. Not sure if he went to bed with a big smile because of the timing of a silly joke or because it struck him as it did me.
Just keep them coming. Thanks for the reading!
I was the oldest of 6 kids two brothers and three sisters.
So I got more than my share of the house work. If only I thought
of this back then!!!!
Baby duster
hmmmmmmmmmm............How do I embed a youtube video?
[youtube=425,350]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZXaxE42OTA4[/youtube]
A nice, calm and respectable lady went into the pharmacy, walked up to the pharmacist, looked straight into his eyes, and said, 'I would like to buy some cyanide.'
The pharmacist asked, 'Why in the world do you need cyanide?'
The lady replied, 'I need it to poison my husband.'
The pharmacist's eyes got big and he exclaimed, 'Lord have mercy! I can't give you cyanide to kill your husband.
That's against the law! I'll lose my license! They'll throw both of us in jail!
All kinds of bad things will happen. Absolutely not! You CANNOT have any cyanide!'
The lady reached into her purse and pulled out a picture of her husband in bed with the pharmacist's wife. The pharmacist looked at the picture and replied, 'Well now, that's different..... You didn't tell me you had a
prescription.'
Little Billy standing abreast his baby sister.
Little Billy wonders why anyone likes solid food.
Did you know that some elephants breast feed for ten years? Little
Billy would like to be part elephant
Old-time Jewish humor - From the old Jewish Catskill of vaudewille days, viz., Shecky Green, Red Buttons, Totie Fields, Milton Berle, Henny Youngman, and others? Not one single swear word in their comedy….. and the Marx Brothers ... and Woody Allen ... and ...
Olga ... funny !! :ROFL:
I definitely agree with running the food and lingerie utilities ... often :)
The other side of that coin...... ;)
Ever notice how all of women's problems start with MEN ?Your forgot pregNancy (not pregJohn, though he may be involved marginally) ;D.
It is best never to go to bed ANGERY! I think....
The Silent Treatment
Although I know that he doesn't spend much time riding on the streets, this one is for AJ --
The Squirrel
I never dreamed slowly cruising ...
An inspirational poster for all of us.
(http://img513.imageshack.us/img513/7845/aimhighxg0.jpg)
(Is that AJ?)
;D
An inspirational poster for all of us.
What would you call it when an Italian has one arm shorter than the other?A vile slander, sirrah, I'll have you know that expressive gesticulation is not an Italian-only prerogative, with an umbrella message from an Argentinian and a Dutchman :( ;D.
A speech impediment.
Kiss the cook........and tell her you love her! :)
* I think I could fall madly in bed with you. ~ Author UnknownThis could have been written by Groucho Marx ;).
They are both intellectuals compared to a story hitting the Dutch news of a bankrobber writing 'I want money' on the back of a letter with his full addres...
In Canada on History T.V. there is a show called Criminal Mastermind. I don't think this guys story will ever be featured.
http://ca.news.yahoo.com/s/capress/090109/koddities/oddity_masked_robber
But he probably is a genius compared to this guy:
http://ca.news.yahoo.com/s/reuters/090107/odds/odd_us_burglar_sex_odd
Glad to see you're back, Bill. I've been saving this one just for you...
(http://www.geocities.com/vaughn613/kick.jpg)
Does anyone else smell what the Barack is a cookin' ? :evil:
GOB
Let's leave this kind of political commentary OFF the board.
- Dan
Sorry Dan.....I didn't know that you voted for the guy. :D
GOB
The man starts to unbutton his shirt. He removes his shirt and walks toward her, his muscles rippling as he walks. He throws the shirt at her and says: "Here, iron this shirt and make me some food."He probably subscribed to the myth that an Italian man should be like Italian coffee - hot, strong and dark 8). Or was it the other way round :-\ ;D?
I just had a call asking me to donate some of my clothes to the starving people of the world.Do you wear edible garments ;D?
Question: What are the three biggest tragedies in a man's life?
Answer: Life sucks, job sucks and the wife doesn't.
Dang Sandro, I missed what you removed.Don't fret, it's here anyway: http://www.russianwomendiscussion.com/index.php?topic=11415.msg226980#msg226980 ;). Possibly a double post in the wrong thread.
If a hen and a half can lay an egg and a half in a day and a half, how many days does it take for a hen to lay a dozen eggs?12? And a half :D?
Don't fret, it's here anyway: http://www.russianwomendiscussion.com/index.php?topic=11415.msg226980#msg226980 ;). Possibly a double post in the wrong thread.12? And a half :D?
What color is the hat of the cowboy in the front and how does he know the color of his hat?
The cowboy in front is wearing a white hat, unquestionably.
Cowboy in Back sees one of the following combos: black~white OR white~black OR white~white,
and therefore can draw no sure conclusion about his own hat - and says "I don't know"...
Cowboy in Middle MUST see a white hat on Cowboy in Front based on his like answer of "I don't know"...if he were to
see a black hat on Cowboy in Front, Cowboy in Middle would KNOW that he himself was wearing a WHITE hat, based
on the only possible combinations that Cowboy in Back could observe in giving his own "I don't know" answer...
When Cowboy in Front hears two "I don't know"s from behind, he answers "I'm wearing White" with confidence. There
is no other possibility (unless someone behind him is fibbing...)
A Western man is lost in a remote area miles outside of Ekaterinburg. In this remote area, there are
only two groups of people: liars and truthtellers.
He encounters two beautiful Russian women at a fork in the path. One path will lead him deeper
into wilderness, the other will lead him safely back to the city.
He is allowed to ask each woman one question. Which two questions could he ask to ensure he
selects the path back to Ekaterinburg?
A Western man is lost in a remote area miles outside of Ekaterinburg. In this remote area, there are
only two groups of people: liars and truthtellers.
He encounters two beautiful Russian women at a fork in the path. One path will lead him deeper
into wilderness, the other will lead him safely back to the city.
He is allowed to ask each woman one question. Which two questions could he ask to ensure he
selects the path back to Ekaterinburg?
Vaugh was right on target. I think he googled it. It took me years to figure that one out on my own.
For the reply, I'll have to deal with that tomorrow as my mind is tired and coming down to everyone else's level.
Since Seeker has already seen this thread with modified approval, I will add one more before bed:
What goes up a chimney down but cannot go down a chimney up?
Assuming one is always truthful and one always lies...
I could pick up a large rock and ask number one "Will it hurt number two if I hit her with it?"
If the answer is no, I ask number two which is the way to go... and go that way.
If yes, I ask number two which way is the right way, and go the other.
An honest "Yes" by No. 1 doesn't guarantee No. 2 is a liar though.
[youtube=425,350]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2xg7zwT2gQk[/youtube]
...
For those of us raising kids, a fun watch:
[youtube=425,350]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fZa7hU6tP_s[/youtube]
For those of us raising kids, a fun watch:
This music gives me goosebumps and has drug-like effect on me
Then I'd recommend small doses of Vivaldi for your withdrawal therapy ;D:
I've overdosed :-[ Doctor, the drugs you've prescribed are addictive :D
Me no Doctor, be Patient, Sister ;D.http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BQSbKBTuQBc
I'd like to have an argument, please :)No argument, but how about a bird or two ;D?
From an email...
A DIVORCE AGREEMENT
Dear American liberals, leftists, social progressives, socialists, Marxists and Obama supporters, et al: We have stuck together since the late 1950's for the sake of the kids, but the whole of this latest election process has made me realize that I want a divorce. I know we tolerated each other for many years for the sake of future generations, but sadly, this relationship has clearly run its course.
Our two ideological sides of America cannot and will not ever agree on what is right for us all, so let's just end it on friendly terms. We can smile and chalk it up to irreconcilable differences and go our own way.
Here is a model separation agreement:
--Our two groups can equitably divide up the country by landmass each taking a similar portion. That will be the difficult part, but I am sure our two sides can come to a friendly agreement. After that, it should be relatively easy! Our respective representatives can effortlessly divide other assets since both sides have such distinct and disparate tastes.
--We don't like redistributive taxes so you can keep them.
--You are welcome to the liberal judges and the ACLU.--Since you hate guns and war, we'll take our firearms, the cops, the NRA and the military.
--We'll take the nasty, smelly oil industry and you can go with wind, solar and biodiesel.
--You can keep Oprah, Michael Moore and Rosie O'Donnell. You are, however, responsible for finding a bio-diesel vehicle big enough to move all three of them.
--We'll keep capitalism, greedy corporations, pharmaceutical companies, Wal-Mart and Wall Street.
--You can have your beloved lifelong welfare dwellers, food stamps, homeless, homeboys, hippies, druggies and illegal aliens.
--We'll keep the hot Alaskan hockey moms, greedy CEO's and rednecks.
--We'll keep the Bibles and give you NBC, CNN and Hollywood.
--You can make nice with Iran and Palestine and we'll retain the right to invade and hammer places that threaten us.
--You can have the peaceniks and war protesters. When our allies or our way of life are under assault, we'll help provide them security.
--We'll keep our Judeo-Christian values.
--You are welcome to Islam, Scientology, Humanism, political correctness and Shirley McClain. You can also have the U.N. but we will no longer be paying the bill.
--We'll keep the SUV's, pickup trucks and oversized luxury cars. You can take every Volt and Leaf you can find.
--You can give everyone healthcare if you can find any practicing doctors.
--We'll continue to believe healthcare is a luxury and not a right.
--We'll keep "The Battle Hymn of the Republic" and "The National Anthem."--I'm sure you'll be happy to substitute "Imagine", "I'd Like to Teach the World to Sing", "Kum Ba Ya" or "We Are the World".
--We'll practice trickle-down economics and you can continue to give trickle up poverty your best shot.--Since it often so offends you, we'll keep our history, our name and our flag.
Would you agree to this?
Sincerely,
John J. Wall, Law Student and a fellow American
P.S. Also, please take Ted Turner, Sean Penn, Martin & Charlie Sheen, Barbara Streisand, & Hanoi Jane Fonda with you.
P.S.S. And you won't have to press '1' for the English language when you call our country.
Does this mean that Mr. John J. Wall and his conservatives (I'm assuming that the other side in the divorce) will be enlisting to fight in any future wars? In the case of Iraq and Afghanistan I never heard of the children of (rich) conservatives, CEOs and politicians signing up to fight.
No argument, but how about a bird or two ;D?
this is funny but you have to understand Russian slang: Прежде,чем назвать женщину ЗАЙКОЙ-подумай:хватит ли у тебя КАПУСТЫ!!! да и не подведет ли морковка?:ROFL:
:P
Green Shoes at the Masters
Whether you golf or not.
These are AWESOME shoes! Nike now markets Green Shoes
First seen at the 2011 Masters Tournament Have you seen them?
Look below, but just at the shoes.
From the profile of a Ukrainian girl:
О себе:
Купила мелок от тараканов. Теперь в голове тихо и спокойно… Сидят, рисуют…)
Her interpretation: The girl bought some chalk that might be used to kill bugs. She had some discomfort in her head before, but now she is calm and imagines the bugs use the chalk to draw pictures.
I just had my Gal read this. She says it does not make total sense, but she thinks it is a type of metaphor.
Her interpretation: The girl bought some chalk that might be used to kill bugs. She had some discomfort in her head before, but now she is calm and imagines the bugs use the chalk to draw pictures.
From the profile of a Ukrainian girl:
О себе:
Купила мелок от тараканов. Теперь в голове тихо и спокойно… Сидят, рисуют…)
Source: http://www.epa.gov/pesticides/health/illegalproducts/chalk.htm (http://www.epa.gov/pesticides/health/illegalproducts/chalk.htm)
Illegal Insecticide Chalk, also known as "Miraculous Chalk" or
"Chinese Chalk." You may have seen the chalk in a neighborhood store or
sold on the street for about $1 a box. It is mostly imported illegally
from China and often bears a label in both English and Chinese.
Sometimes, like on the label we show here, the manufacturer makes claims
that the chalk is "harmless to human beings and animals" and "safe to
use." These claims are untrue and dangerous. Because insecticide chalk
looks just like regular chalk, children often take it in their hands,
write with it and put it in their mouths. The active ingredient in
Insecticide Chalk is a chemical called deltamethrin, which is one of the
most toxic pesticides of its kind. Insecticide chalk should be avoided
at all times.
Если Вы хотите выйти замуж за умного, красивого и богатого, Вам придется выходить замуж три раза ;D
Natural . . . great video re the Medieval helpdesk !!!
A bus stops and two Italian men get on. They seat themselves and engage in animated conversation.
The lady sitting behind them ignores their conversation at first, but her attention is galvanized when she hears one of the men say the following:
"Emma come first. Den I come. Den two asses come together. I come once-a-more. Two asses, they come together again. I come again and pee twice. Den I come one lasta time."
"You foul-mouthed swine," retorted the lady indignantly. "In this country we don't talk about our sex lives in public!" >:(
"Hey, coola down lady," said the man. "Who talking abouta sexa? Imma justa tellun my frienda how to spella "MISSISSIPPI"! :o
;D