Children: THE KEY for a happy AM RW marriage?

[IAmZon]

Quote:
"Quote from: Bruce on November 15, 2009, 11:34:31 AM
I have said it for a long time and I will say it one more time that children are the key to a marriage surviving between a Western man and a FSU wife, especially one with a 15 year or more age difference.   Best for the man and wife to have one or more children for marriage survivability.

I think I understand what you are saying, but this could easily be misconstrued.  The idea of having a child to save a marriage is flawed. Children will never "save" a marriage.  Children make a good marriage better and a bad marriage worse."
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I lifted the above quotes from AJ recent thread because I did not want to side track it with a separate discussion.

NOW THIS SEEMS LIKE AN ISSUE THAT RWD IS UNIQUELY SUITED TO DEBATE / ANSWER ...  ( What is the difficulties with adoption; and the benefits?  What are some of the undiscussed parenting roles / conflict that experienced members often refer to, but never really elaborate upon.)

Have at it.

[tfcrew]

  Children make a good marriage better 

Not necessarily

[viking]

IF...you have a strong marriage, a child can bring great joy and bring a couple closer together as they share the ups and downs of raising this child. But make no mistake about this. If there are problems, such as major differences in how the child will be raised, or significant financial problems ( children are NOT cheap) or other underlying issues between husband and wife which were never resolved, a child can and will create a bigger schism between you. IMHO.

[BC]

If someone thinks a child will somehow make a woman more dependent and therefore less likely to 'fly the coop', they are pi$$ing in the wind.

A child should be a result and not a factor in the equation.

[Mars]

I am happy that I have children.

However, the happiest married couples I have ever seen, (and I am talking about 6 couples married over 10 years) have no children.  They seem to have a super human
bond between the two of them.

[Gator]

Children: THE KEY for a happy AM RW marriage?

Not necessary.  Children can be another source of conflict between husband and wife.  However, children can easily be a great source of joy.

A man should have children only because he and his wife want children and all that goes with it.  If you are indifferent, you could experience the COMPLETE DISASTER.

Some philosopher a long time ago wrote that you will experience a full life when you have a child, write a book, and plant a tree.

[Gator]

I am happy that I have children.

However, the happiest married couples I have ever seen, (and I am talking about 6 couples married over 10 years) have no children.  They seem to have a super human
bond between the two of them.

You are you and I am me, so our experiences and opinions differ.

My observation:  Of my long time friends, the most fulfilled men on average are those still married to their first wife with adult children.  Fulfillment is one form of profound happiness, although certaily not a giddy form.

[BC]

Children in a relationship raise the stakes²

We started out with one child each and raised the stakes with a newborn.. so S⁸

All I will say is that the hurdles are daunting.

[IAmZon]

OF course kids are a great responsibility, cost, and burden.  And of course, they are a source of joy and meaning and fulfillment.

But, are there generalities that can be applied to child rearing roles and possible conflicts that arise from RW / AM relationships?   ( For example, the women want to be the chief disciplinarian and child teacher?)

[XMan]

Hopefully this is still in line with the thread.  If not, happy to start another. 

Are certain ages easier than others (regarding adaptation)?
In other words, 3 year-old easier than 8, 8 easier than 12? 
I realize this is a generalization, but I'm curious. 
It would seem younger children would adapt more quickly. 

[I/O]

Children should be (and for me, are) the blessing of a happy marriage not a tool to complete it. Children are temporary guests, albeit highly honoured and much loved guests, at the end of the day they are with us as parents directly for a couple of decades and then the relationship is more arms distance in most cases. If those children are / were key to the marriage, what happens when they are gone? No brainer really.

[Gator]

It would seem younger children would adapt more quickly. 

For sure.  There is a place in heaven reserved for the man who marries a RW with a teenager. 

[Vaughn]

There is a place in heaven reserved for the man who marries a RW with a teenager. 

Thank you, Gator. I'm taking that statement to the bank.

Mixing three teenagers a few years ago was quite an experience.

[docetae]

Thank you, Gator. I'm taking that statement to the bank.

Mixing three teenagers a few years ago was quite an experience.

Thank you too... will start to experiment 3 children +  13 years old teenager next year

[XMan]

I'm going to have to try to top that and shoot for 4 kids with 2 teenagers, 3 cats, and llama.