Is there any real value in writing women ahead of time?

[philb]

I will echo what Leslie wrote in an earlier post, writing before and after you meet are two very different things. 

I am not saying writing has no value.  Initially, it is a very effective screening tool.  It can answer questions about children, religion, where you want to live, etc.  But hey, I can find these basic things out after a few letters. 

People talk about chemistry.  Well, I want to find out if I have chemistry with a woman sooner rather than later.  I have heard far to many stories of guys who have written for months only to find they have no interest in the woman (or that the woman is not interested in them) when they finally meet.  I also have some personal experience in writing for 3 or 4 months and finding the actual meeting a bit of a let down.

The other big problem I see with long correspondence prior to actually meeting is that it is only natural to start to form opinions about someone based on these letters.  I think that often these opinions and reality are very different.  The woman might be great just different than what you expected.  This can be a let down in itself.  When you throw in language problems, poor quality or biased tranlators, and less than ethical agencies well... I just see very little value in this.

Me, I do not want to meet a girl for the first time with a bunch of preconceptions that may or may not be true.  I can find out if this is someone I want to meet or not after a few letters.  More letters just wouldn't tell me all that much 

 

[philb]

[user=134]Photo Guy[/user] wrote:

4- how much the individuals fantasize

Good point Doug.  This is one of the things I was trying to get at when I mentioned misconceptions and false opinions based on letters.  You have stated things much more directly than I did.

[TigerPaws]

[user=134]Photo Guy[/user] wrote:

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5- general writing ability
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[color="blue"][size="4"]This above all seens to be the big issue, the majority of my letters were a min of 1500 words and my target was 2000 words per letter.

 Most of the letters from other men I have seen were lucky to be 1/4 page and maybe 500 words long, which is really not very much.
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[docetae]

As I'm myself writing a long time before almost daily, not using at all canned letters, I find this is the only true way for me to meet someone there.

So you can ask yourself what we are talking about ? Basicly, the same than a couple already established, about our children, how our day was, friends, etc.

I do not ask her to talk about her, but about what she does.

This is the best way for me to see if we get the same rythm of life, the same expectations, values, etc.

This can not be determined in a few letters ...  So depending of what you are looking for, there can a lot of value to write ahead of time.

Take off for Kiev is now in 6 weeks , the appartment is rent, I just need to book my flight now.

Doc

[philb]

Again, I hope you have a great trip.  You will be arriving in Kiev at the beginning of March?

[docetae]

second week of march, Jhitomir first during 5 days and after Kiev during 5 days. The lady and myself have planned to spend all this time together, as friends. No expectations but wishes

[KyivTrip]

I think there are as many approaches to this as there are pairs of potential partners. I am new here, but joined a couple of groups and a couple of other lists last May when I made the decision to check out the foreign bride situation myself. In the end, I had to do what I thought was best for me. I wrote to about 30 women and about 15 wrote to me. Several of the ones who wrote to me first asked for $$ at about 3 weeks. Western Union is a definite red flag!!!

My feeling was that it would help to get to know each other some by correspondence and also provide one measure of the level of seriousness. I wrote to some ladies through agencies and some by direct e-mail. I had better communication with the agency ladies that I encouraged to e-mail me directly - even if they had to use an Internet cafe. I concluded that, for me, some level of English was important to being able to discuss serious issues. It was also easier to "fill in the blanks" when we met.

I found that many ladies just got bored or something after two months of letters - even when I told them I already had my visa and plane ticket and was coming to Kiev in September. Some ladies I wrote to in June sort of "dropped out" by August.

One thing I learned was that many of these women are agency dependent. That bothered me more as time went on and I realized that they had nothing to lose - I was paying for the translations and the airfare.

I met 6 ladies that I had been corresponding with for two months or more. It went better with the ones I had direct contact with. The ones I was writing to through an agency did not seem to grasp - or consider important - the concept of taking charge of your own relationship. There was no question about needing an interpreter on a date with the more independent ones. All the ladies were great, but you have to keep the goal in mind, yes?

The independent ones were also willing to speak on the phone, which I think was the best part of out communication.  Sometimes it wasn't easy and there were some difficult moments with unknown words, but I gave the women points for initiative.

This is only my experience and opinion. To each his own, of course.

David

[Zhena]

As I know from the other girls,they dont like to write more than 1-2months...If still no trip plans,they consider it to be a time wasting and loosing an interest.

Also not all of them like the very long letters;in the same time the very short letters telling the them about ur neglecting to them...but fi you simply not talented in writing,just say so. Honesty is plus.

[Rvrwind]

Being an owner I have to agree with a fiance. For the most part most ladies will not continue writng past 2-3 months if you havn't shown up by then, your done. Most don't write long letters & don't care to recieve long letters other than the first introductory letter.

For the most part letter writing is merely a way to narrow the field & get rid of some small talk, nothing more. Long writing programs invented by some agencies are for the agencies benifit, not yours or your ladies. These type of agency push letter writing for several reasons the most important of them being it fills their pockets & empties yours.

I still maintain the best way is to write one introductory letter, perhaps one or 2 after that & in the last one state when you are going to be here, then get on the damn plane.

As I have said many times: Until you meet face to face, you are only penpals, nothing more!!!

RVR-Canadian Cowboy/Agency Owner

[Muj]

One face to face provides much more insight then a year of writing.  The writing is good in providing introductory info and learning some about the background and country of the girls you are writing.

[scottpull]

If dating several girls, like 6 of them that you have already  corresponded with, do you tell them you'll only meet them for one date,  or tell them you're going to visit their town for only one day or  two?  I found pulling off multiple meetings very difficult because  I never had a good excuse for only seeing them a very short time.   Or do you be totally honest and tell them you're also checking out  other women?  It always seemed akward to me.

[Rvrwind]

Speakin for myself, when I was in it as a client, I was right up front about it. My #1 criteria for my lady was that I do not want & will not put up with any jealousy. If she showed the least bit of jealousy towards me meeting other women I dumped her.

I met 40 women in one month through an agency & about another dozen or so in nightclubs & on the street. I never hesitated about telling them I was meeting others & couldn't spend all my time with one. I was straight up, I spent thousands of dollars on the trip to meet ladies & find the right one, I'll be damned if I was going to gamble my entire future to see only one woman.

As I told them-sometimes you gotta kiss a lot of frogs befre you find you princess/prince.

That simple. If they couldn't live with that or were upset that I was seeing other ladies well tough, I moved on. Any woman who shows jealousy in that respect in my opinion is going to chew you up & spit you out once your married & should even glance sideways at another woman. I am not a jealous person & niether is my wife & that works for us in a big way.

To each their own but usually honesty is the best policy!!:)

RVR-Canadiean Cowboy/Agency Owner

[Albert]

RVR very good post with respect to part about wariness to gals who seem jealous.  My current number one gal is somewhat the jealous type.  My current number two gal seems to have no jealously at all.  But gal one really has gal two beat in most other ways.  It is a real quandary for me.

But I don't know how many women can take your straight forward approach to spilling the beans.  Seems like with that approach you would be 'dumping as you say' about 9 out of 10 women.

[Albert]

If dating several girls, like 6 of them that you have already corresponded with, do you tell them you'll only meet them for one date, or tell them you're going to visit their town for only one day or two?  I found pulling off multiple meetings very difficult because I never had a good excuse for only seeing them a very short time.  Or do you be totally honest and tell them you're also checking out other women?  It always seemed akward to me.

Scott, here is what works for me.  I aways go WMVM for first time visits to a particular city.  In our e-mail exchanges, I tell them all that we will have a first date and then 'IF YOU LIKE ME' we will have more dates later.

Of course, I will actually be deciding about the second and subsequent dates, but the gals seem to like the idea that they will be in control of whether we do or do not meet again.

Further, after we actually do meet, I tell them to think about it for two full days and then to send me e-mail telling me if they want to meet again.  So this gives you two more days to be with other gals plus a few more days to jig around about a meeting time for second date, etc.

[Albert]

Scott, this topic of telling the gals about other gals is frequently discussed.  Here is a reply on another site from a FSU gal about this topic:

"I think that this is a paradoxical situation.
Most girls are in correspondence with  more than one man but they want
to believe that a man is in correspondence only with her however deep
inside they know that it is not true  but their reaction to the truth
is always inadequate.   In this case I think it is better to keep this
fact in a secret because most girls really get upset with this fact.
Ruzhena"

[2tallbill]

I was asked in a PM why I did not write anyone before my recently scheduled trip.   Perhaps it is becasue I am such a lousy typist (I find it tedious and I still hunt and peck) or perhaps it is becasue I was so screwed on my failed WOVO trips in 2004.   

Is there any real value in writing other than perhaps an intro letter or a couple quick screening letters to weed out real and obvious incompatibilities (like I want no more children she wants 10 more children).    I think little can actually be accomplished by writing someone you don't know.   I think it creates fasle impressions and expectaions and that simple meeting people and THEN writing them is a better idea.

If you are going to meet multiple girl then my advice is to write only 1 or 2 letters 3 max. Then meet them for
coffee or tea, if you find an outstanding woman who is far superior to the others you've met and you feel mutual
chemistry and a real connection. Make another date with them as soon as possible, otherwise don't waste anymore
of their time or yours.

DO NOT MAKE ANOTHER DATE WITH A GIRL JUST BECAUSE SHE IS HOT. Ask yourself is she as interested in me
as I am into her? If not, keep on meeting new girls. Don't date anyone a second time unless you are very, very
interested in her.

Udachi!

[ML]

I wrote 6 detailed emails to each gal before meeting . . . plus a few more short ones just before I arrived to firm up meeting times and places.

I wrote these detailed emails to avoid KGB type questioning during first date.
It worked . . . they knew everything about me, and we could move on to sex.