How does she know I died?

[viking]

In talking with another member this morning, some how the topic turned to something I have not read about here before. Things are going along with your fiancee ( I am assuming for this topic there is now a very serious relationship) and something happens to you. You are in an accident, and must be in a hospital for several weeks or, god forbid, you have a heart attack and die.

How does she know? No one knows her phone number, home address, email address, skype name or anything else. So how does she know what happened? It would be like you sank into a black hole never to be heard from again. Did you abandon her at the last minute? What happened.

I at least have the phone numbers and email addresses of her close friends so if something happened to her and I did not hear from her for awhile, I could at least reach out and try to find out the story. But there is no one here she can contact as she does not not have any other contact info.

Of course the chances of this happening is pretty slim, but in hindsight now, I am going to send her some other contact info for her use.

I am not trying to be morbid, but realistic. Did anyone here ever think about this? And if so, what did you do?

[Andrew]

Funny that you should bring this up. We had this discussion about 6 months ago Should something happen to me, my brother has all her contact details and will notify her. Her parents and I have each others contact details so should anything happen to her, I will find out.
This is definitely one of the much less thought about topics when getting involved in an international relationship, probably because we generally do not think about dying or being debilitated, but realistically, IMO, if you have a strong relationship in the making it should be something that is "taken care of" right in the beginning. A bit morbid, maybe, but I don't think that is anything worse than not knowing.

[Ronnie]

There are a number of things that a woman, whether fiancee or spouse needs know in the event of a man's untimely demise.  Passwords to utilities and other monthly online payment accounts need to be written down on a master, 'if I die" document.

This question reminds me of a guy I knew.  I helped him complete his paperwork for the K-1 visa.  a few months later, I got a call from his fiancee, a Ukrainian woman whom I found to be as obnoxious as one could imagine.  She was distraught, saying she had just received a call from her fiance's brother informing her that her fiance had died in his sleep the previous night.

I was incredulous given that I had just seen him a few weeks earlier and he was ten years younger than me and in apparent good health.  My first thought was that he didn't have the courage to tell her he had decided to break off the engagement and concocted this terrible story with his brother's cooperation.

Actually, it turned out that indeed the story was true.  The lady then went to her interview and acted as if nothing had happened, got her visa and went to the US anyway where she quickly met another guy and ended up marrying this new guy after he properly applied for a new K-1 after her return to Ukraine.  I lost track of her several years ago... maybe she reads this forum 

[dogspot]

Her skype address is on the computers belonging to my mother and my son. My son, his mother, her boyfriend, and my parents have all met and/or spoken with her via skype and are all capable of making this call should something happen to me. If something were to happen to her I would likely find out by trying to call on either her line or her parents. They also have access to her computer and my skype address.

[RussianWind]

Ha! It is normally a doctor finds his mobile phone and sends sms  

True. There is a category of men called "virtual deceased". They write letters, then get into horrible accidents or whatever and there are always their brothers/sisters/kids who write the last heart-breaking letter. Needless to say they raise from the dead with new profiles soon.

One story I've heard had almost the Titanic plot - a ship sank and a doctor sent an sms to his beloved  

Seriosely we rarely think of death. After a sudden death of my friend and being under deep impression, I wrote a list of people to contact in a case of emergency and put it together with my documents. Lost it already somewhere.

[viking]

Russian Wind

I know there are all sorts of scams that can take place. But This can be a serious subject. Today I sent a letter to my fiancee with the email addresses and phone numbers of some close personal friends of mine who would know pretty quickly if I fell seriously ill or was hurt, or worse, and could not get a message out to her.

[RussianWind]

I know you were serious Viking. See my last paragraph above.

[Gylden]

This is easily fixed, I told my wife when we were chatting and sending sms and such that if she ever stopped hearing from me it would mean only two things.
1. I died in which case, there was nothing more to do.
2. I was in some accident and I eventually would at least send sms.(or if I couldn't that I was as good as dead and then there was still nothing more to do)

Of course plenty of friends and family new that I was in contact, so I am sure somebody would have been in contact. (especially the mobile phone and recently used number thing)

[I/O]

Did anyone here ever think about this?

Yes.

what did you do?

Nothing.

[Ade]

This question hit home more when my wife, then fiancée, was here visiting for a few months early in our relationship. She was at home during the day of course while I was working most of the time. What if I'd had an accident on my way to or from work? She'd have been stuck with no contacts (I've no family here), she had little money, and no idea how to get from the house back to the airport so she could get home to Russia. I really scared me thinking of the panic that could set in if something happened to me.

So, I did the simplest thing; gave her the number of a friend in work who she'd met a few times, and asked my friend to be an emergency contact.

[Gylden]

SJ,
It's of course good to be prepared, but I think in that case, as they are scraping your remains from the pavement, the police would enter your ID number into the computer and find that because of the financial guarantee for her visa (with dates of visit) they would most certainly visit your apt./house to check things. 

[Ade]

SJ,
It's of course good to be prepared, but I think in that case, as they are scraping your remains from the pavement, the police would enter your ID number into the computer and find that because of the financial guarantee for her visa (with dates of visit) they would most certainly visit your apt./house to check things. 

Yes, I guess, but there are all sorts of variations on that theme where the police wouldn't get called and you could still be incapacitated in hospital. Always best to account for all possibilities, just in case.

[Gylden]

 
It's allways good to be a good Boy Scout!!

[Ooooops]

Actually, I think about it now and then - if something happens to me I should have some kind of easily accessible file of names/addresses/phone numbers of my friends and relatives to be notified.   In both English and Russian.   Of course, I haven't done it yet...       But I should.   

[viking]

I/O

Why nothing? Reasoning behind this decision?

[Jumper]

at the time i was dating / engaged ,and married (since we married in the FSU)
it was over a two year period

i as at a higher risk than most for the hospitalization  "possibility".
so yes certainly thought about it
(so did she, afterall when i met her , I was on crutches from a broken leg /recent surgery from a crash   )

My parents and brother, had her email/cell/home phone, and her best friends cell.
and since she understood the possibilty certainly existed.
and we talked daily,,so if i wasnt in contact.after a known upcoming race or even practice or testing .it would be a "given" that something like that had come up.. and that my family would contact her ,or i would when i could..

it wasnt that hard to prepare for the "possibilty" , the main thing was to simply discuss it first.