Russian wife vs friends.

[Gylden]

LOL, yes the view was great, but I have to say I was getting a little dizzy!!

No, I wasn't either.

The benefit of the doubt goes to the RWD member.

As you say the whole story sounds crazy, but as Kievstar mentions, he knows of a similar case. So if it is indeed anywhere near what the OP is relating, it is a sad case.

[GQBlues]

Gylden-

I agree. Divorces are always a sad chapter in most people's lives. When there's children involved, even more so. When there are factors added to make these situations that much more difficult e.g. immigration, it's catasthropic. Yet these things happen. In various form, various reasons.

I don't mean to seem harsh on the OP but the whole 3rd party thing just gets to me. The OP seem so slanted. Oh well, obviously it's just me. 

[groovlstk]

FWIW, if a man has so little respect for his wife that he makes fun of her while partying with his numbnut friends, this lack of respect must manifest itself in many other aspects - much more important aspects - of their relationship.

Seems to me the OP isn't asking a valid question (as in what is "normal" for American men) but looking for (negative) opinions and the usual chorus of "dump him!"

[Gylden]

Why is everyone saying that the Op is asking what is normal? It seems to me she is asking for our own positions about friends vs our wives.
Maybe I am mistaken?

[GQBlues]

On the face of it, the hypothetical guy is a scumbag. That said....the question now is - how much truth resides within the hypothesis.

Reverse the situation:

According to an anonymous AM, his AM friend goes to Russia to live with his fiancee on the notion of having a family with her and eventually becoming a Russian citizen. A short time later, his wife started to demand he meet all of her friends, who, taking a cue from the OP's flair; are nothing more than cheap feline scumbags. Drinks vodka, smokes Marlboroughs and chews sunflower seeds all day. All the while speaking of penises in front of him. Really irks his disillusioned friend. So he ask his wife nicely (since he's such a sweet American family-oriented man),

"Honey, can you please not have me meet any of your friends anymore as I don't really like any of them. Let's just have the family that we both wanted, pretty please? After all, I should be much more important than any of them, yes?"

Well, the wife won't have none of it because she would rather see him leave and 'go home' than for her to give up her friends. So, this anonymous AM asked, are your friends this important to you as well?

Anything wrong with that picture?

[BillyB]

She tried to meet his friends just to make him feel comfortable but from what I know his friends are not people of very good manners and they drink a lot and smoke a lot and make "toilet" and vulgar jokes about her and her English and from her point of view acting in a disrespectful way and her husband is just sitting and laughing with them.
To make the story short she explained to him that she doesn't understand why he wants her to meet them, because her intention was to create a family, not to drink with his friends discussing womens boobs, but he says that his friends are of very big importance to him and that they are a part of him and that if she doesn't understand it it's better for them to get divorced and for her to go home-to Russia.

Krolik, maybe this is your pen friend's life or maybe it's yours? Since your friend has already had a mature talk with him about her feelings, he acted in an immature and uncaring way and gave her the impression he doesn't care about the marriage. She should suggest counseling to save her marriage and if he refuses, she should get a divorce soon instead of living in that kind of marriage with that kind of man. The man is not marriage material, period.

[camachinist]

Sounds like the OP's pen-pal could use some real world friends. OP, put down the pen, drive across town and become a real-life friend to this woman. Experience her husband, his friends, their life. See all sides.

Life experience and long experience being a tampon to women's complaints has taught me a few lessons, one being truth is in the middle. Support her if that is your perspective, but be aware there are only two people who really know what goes on in a marriage. In that particular marriage, like most, no one on the outside will ever really know the 'truth'.

When someone I care about comes to me with a story like you related, and one (married woman) did recently, I suggest marriage counseling and thinking long and hard and getting competent legal advice before making any important life decisions. I hope things work out for your friend.

[Markus]

...I wanted to ask how important it is for you that your wife would meet your friends on a regular basis and how important your friends to you in comparison with your wife and a family?
Thanx

It's not important at all. Although my wife has met some of my friends and their wives, we don't hang out together.
My wife doesn't take any flack from me and if I treated her as this man is allegedly treating his wife, my wife would be gone in a heartbeat, something that this
man will probably experience if he doesn't change his ways.

[Faux Pas]

Most of my friends are probably not the most "upstanding individuals" (we are only as good as the people we hang with) but, none who would disrespect my wife. Any who did, would expect and receive a couple of dotted eyes. It's just not an accepted practice in my circle friends regardless of how we demean and treat each other. Blatant disrespect or even sometime subtle disrespect of one's spouse would be dealt with quite sternly. FWIW

[JohnDearGreen]

It's just not an accepted practice in my circle friends regardless of how we demean and treat each other. Blatant disrespect or even sometime subtle disrespect of one's spouse would be dealt with quite sternly. FWIW

The reception this lady received from those men bears a slight resemblance to the reception received by Assamena a few weeks ago.  But I wouldn't draw any conclusions based on vague secondhand information.

I will add on her last post comment (out of context):

This forum became a big pice of *snip*. Even on dating sites there men more nice, and, actually, moderators have eyes.
Good luck everybody.

[mies]

"скажи мне кто твой друг, и я скажу - кто ты"

"tell me who is your friend, and I will tell you who you are"

Krolik, the friends of a discussed husband are same people as this husband is. Otherwise he would not have befriended them. It is un-gratifying job to "culture" a 40yo, adult, mature man into some "new standards".  If your penpal doesn't like her husband's friends - he should divorce this man and find the man whose social circle would be better mannered, and will know some common etiquette rules.  
If husband is making jokes of his wife together with his friends - I suppose he got "wife" as a trophy, or aт "expensive pet".

Попросту говоря - Вашей знакомой досталась роль придворного шута у недалекого бескультурного человека. Потому Ваш вопрос сформулирован неправильно. Дело не в том нормально ли встречаться с друзьями регулярно. Встречаться с друзьями нормально. А шутом быть для 40-летнего люмпена - это занятие на любителя. Если девушка сама из "высшего общества" и мыслит не только категориями "нарезочки к водочке" и "у нас на районе..." - наверное лучше с этим мужчиной ей расстаться. Другой вариант - поскольку теперь это ее дом тоже - она имеет полное право сказать гостям "вот вам Бог - а вот порог". И если они будут отказываться уйти - вызвать полицию. Мужу сказать что хватит пьянствовать и вообще "к ноге, целуй туфлю, упал-отжался". Послушается муж или нет - не суть важно. Главное что самолюбие свое девушка полечит хоть немного. Цитируя одного известного блоггера - когда ему надоели некоторые гости его блога он им сказал "я человек вежливый - потому идите на -уй пожалуйста" или как говорит моя культурная мама: "бывают в жизни моменты когда вежливость и хорошие манеры нужно засунуть в задницу и использовать более результативные методы".

Whether it is normal to meet friends regularly - I think it is more normal than not. Some people like to live in isolation, some have friends. Of course, friends should not come first before spouse, but it is much fun to have family friends - couples, or single individuals whose company both husband and wife enjoy.