When to talk about marriage?

[facetrock]

  Since I have been doing this for awhile and hopefully not much longer, I was wondering when do you guys think its a good time to talk about marriage? Before you meet or after?
  I think for men in their fortys or fiftys who are talking to women over thirty, anytime is a good time. By this time in your life you know what you want(for the most part anyway)and I believe its ok to ask these quetions before you come to her country.
  I have found that women in that age bracket are very open to talk about it. They usually know what they want and dont need some guy coming to see them that is not sure of what he wants. They dont want some BS story that you have to have perfect chemistry, feelings that have to go deeper than a nuclear sub, compatability like a pair of nuns, they want to know if you are ready to go to the next level if things go good.
   I think when you talk about what it would be like to be married to you they open up far more than when you tell them about your job that sucks, the big buck that got away or the weather. Side note about weather: If your have tornados where you live assure them they are actually rare The FSU has been invaded by tornado videos
  They are women and they dream, they want to know what life would be like with you, so tell them, even if she doesnt ask. If the woman is serious about changing her life she will love hearing it. Be honest and tell her your good habits and bad, especially the bad. For some reason they will ask far more questions about your bad habits than good. You are a man and they wont believe the rosy picture you paint. They already know men are nowhere near perfect.
   Another thing I have noticed is that these women would really love to have another child even if they already have one or two. Provided they have a good man. At first they dont always admit this but after you get to know them and tell them you wouldnt mind having another, boy oh boy does that ever change things. I think almost all women who truly love their man want a child from him no matter what her age.
   I know some here wont feel comfy doing this but it will let the woman know you are serious and if she is really interested you will know in a heartbeat.
   Some here might say its not good to get your hopes up to high. But most of us men are not kids suffering from puppy love. When we meet the lady that will tell the rest of the story. We might not always be happy with the outcome but remember the lady doesnt want a guy that is not into her or vice versa. This whole RW thing is chancy at best and feelings will get hurt along the way. If yours dont get hurt once in awhile you might not have any.

[BillyB]

  Since I have been doing this for awhile and hopefully not much longer, I was wondering when do you guys think its a good time to talk about marriage? Before you meet or after?

It's always a good idea to talk about marriage before you meet a RW, after all for you two to be together it has to end in marriage. I would ask them how they imagine married life and ask them what they think the role/responsibilties of a husband and wife are in a marriage. If I don't like the answer, I find a RW that gives answers I like. When I do find someone to visit, I will tell them I'm visiting as a friend first. After the first visit, both a man and a woman can reflect on the meeting after they get over their highs. If they still like each other, they can talk about going exclusive and about having a life together.

Serious women actually like when a man is asking questions pertaining to marriage before a first meeting. They get tired of trading hundreds of letters with keyboard romeos and playboys who'd actually make a visit to women but not for marriage.

I'm dating a few RW locally but I don't need to talk about marriage so soon with them. Just invite them out and go out as friends first is the best method. Life within a marriage can be talked about later.

[kievstar]

Facetrock your right on about having children.  Look at the divorces recently on this board and none had children.  I think bgreed had a child but we know about his other issues. 

[SomeGuy]

I like both Bill and facetroks answers, but it may depend on personality.
Let's face it - assuming you aren't searching for an occasional vacation partner or sex partner, which the women have inevitably come across, as well as penpals and keyboard Romeos, if you DO hit it off, eventually that's where things will be going, unless you are able and willing to move there.  I see nothing wrong with being up front about intentions, and you may want to give a rough timeline for when you might be able to visit; anything that can establish yourself as having serious intentions can be a good thing.

I often put both into my first few rounds of communications - not details, simply that I was ideally looking for a serious relationship leading to marriage, and that I would be able and ready to visit within N months, assuming compatibility.  That may have gotten a few responses from gold diggers and people I wasn't particularly interested in as communications proceeded, but that's fine.

How much detail you go into is up to you, and at what time.  I wouldn't be mentioning things like finances right out of the gate, personally, but I think it's certainly important to get a feel of her expectations of married life, as well as sharing your own, as part of determining general life (non physical) compatibility.