'Alienspeak'

[Vinnvinny]

My first introduction to Central/Eastern Europe was in the Czech Republic. From there I have gradually worked my way east to eventually arriving in Ukraine, although I haven’t got any further yet.

During this 7 years then I have been on the receiving end many times of what I now term ‘Alienspeak’. Alienspeak covers a multitude of things but I usually use it when I hear things that are somewhat ‘odd’.

Let me give you an example:

Whilst dating in Kharkov with a young lady we got onto the subject of music during which I mentioned one of my favourite artists was Barry White. “He’s playing in Kharkov at the square next month” she said and I replied by expressing my surprise as I hadn’t heard anything about him for some time.

The next day I was dating a differently lady, we got talking about music …… “He’s playing in Kharkov at the square next month” she said and I replied “So I've heard".

Fast forward a few weeks and I’m back home down my local pub getting tired of listening to heavy metal so I go up to the juke box and put on 'Can't Get Enough of Your Love, Babe' to annoy the other punters. “He’s playing in Kharkov at the square next month” I said to one of my friends. “He’ll have a job” he replied “he’s been dead 6 years”.

Has anyone else had any strange encounters of an alien kind in the FSU, or is it just me? 

[Shadow]

Did you check the square if he was playing there ? Perhaps Elvis joined the party.

[Vinnvinny]

Did you check the square if he was playing there ? Perhaps Elvis joined the party.

Sadly I was due to leave before 'Barry' was arriving. I believe Elvis was booked to do the Christmas show, to the left of the skating rink.

[acctBill]

Vinny the FSU is full of fake items.  Usually it is designer clothing and items like fake Rolexs or fake McDonalds or Starbucks. Your "Barry White" was undoubtedly a guy doing an "Elvis Presley" type impersonation of Barry.  Anything popular in the US or the EU is going to end up with a fake version in the FSU.  McDuck in Petrozavodsk is a fake McDonald's there are other versions of Starbucks.

[Shostakovich]

I think it is why the FSU makes for such an adventure - it is not like the West.  It seems the US is the country you can not get away from anymore, but corporate America has ignored the Ukraine, in it's outer reaches at least, and thank God for that.  Like the Indians in America who could not see the approaching Spanish ships most AlienSpeak simply goes unnoticed.  That is a ticking time bomb waiting to explode as you think one thing and she thinks another, according to each other's culture.  Surprise.  My guess is that there are a number of jack-in-the-box moments in this international courtship game.   

[Olga_Mouse]

Whilst dating in Kharkov with a young lady we got onto the subject of music during which I mentioned one of my favourite artists was Barry White. “He’s playing in Kharkov at the square next month” she said and I replied by expressing my surprise as I hadn’t heard anything about him for some time.

The next day I was dating a differently lady, we got talking about music... “He’s playing in Kharkov at the square next month” she said and I replied “So I've heard".

Fast forward a few weeks and I’m back home down my local pub getting tired of listening to heavy metal so I go up to the juke box and put on 'Can't Get Enough of Your Love, Babe' to annoy the other punters. “He’s playing in Kharkov at the square next month” I said to one of my friends. “He’ll have a job” he replied “he’s been dead 6 years”.

Vinny,

I guess it's all about namerights & intellectual property protection & the unscrupulous FSU promoters. The business concept is pretty much the same as the one behind scammer's profiles: advertise something which you know will sell well - but which you aren't planning to sell in reality!

In the best case it is a "Barry White TRIBUTE BAND" or something like this which has been advertised as Barry White.

It might very well be somebody who worked for Barry White as back-vocalist or a band member 10-15 years ago. This person might have legal rights to perform under the billing of his own name (in BIG letters) and with a note "ex-Barry White band member" (in 50% smaller letters) - but local promoters in FSU (or, in many cases, even the booking agents!) simply do not care.

In the worst case the local promoter just makes some advertising, sells the tickets, collects cash... and never shows up again. Neither does the artist, of course - because he has never heard about that date in some FSU Mud City! This is, of course, quite harmful for the artist's reputation in that particular city \ region - because the audience doesn't care about the promoter and \ or the name of the company; all they remember is the artist's name!

This is one of the reasons why in many FSU cities (to a much smaller degree in Moscow and St-Petersburg, where showbiz is somehow more civilized) the majority of the tickets is being sold on the showday - after the potential concert goers either have seen in the news the artist has INDEED arrived to their city, or heard the artist's radio interview.

Hope I haven't overloaded your shining mind with the amount of specialized info

[Vinnvinny]

Vinny,

I guess it's all about namerights & intellectual property protection & the unscrupulous FSU promoters .............................

Thanks for the heads up Olga. I’m never going to believe a word I’m told again out there. 

Hope I haven't overloaded your shining mind with the amount of specializsed info

Stop being sarcastic please. I understood everything you wrote perfectly well thanks … after reading in ten times. 

[Vinnvinny]

Here’s another one that falls under ‘Alienspeak’ even though its more a visual observation.

Flying from Odessa:

You ‘queue’ up to go through the small door to check-in. Once you’re through, and the lady has ‘ok’ed’ you, then you have all your luggage scanned and you walk through another scanner … you're now in a ‘secure’ area.

You check-in, pass through passport control and you then have to have your hand luggage scanned again. Why? How and where do they think that you have acquired whatever it is they are looking for since you were last scanned? “Boarding at 3.30 Sir. Here’s your boarding card and complimentary AK-74”.

On the subject of airports …..

London to Warsaw then on to Odessa. You embark from the plane and are escorted into the terminal. But, before you can reach your connecting gate you have to go through a security check. Why? It’s already been deemed that you weren’t carrying anything offensive when you boarded the plane, how are you now a potential security threat? “200 Marlboro, a large bottle of JD and a 6 pack of grenades please”. “I’ll have the green ones, do you take Amex?”

Finally ….

Why do they always build Airports in windy locations? 

[Olga_Mouse]

Thanks for the heads up Olga. I’m never going to believe a word I’m told again out there. 

I thought you've learned that lesson after чуть-чуть? 

Stop being sarcastic please.

I can not! This is my core self (where's the "angel" smilie? Oops, they don't have it here...)

I understood everything you wrote perfectly well thanks… after reading in ten times. 

As to reading and writing: please blame "specialiszed" on ABBYY Lingvo 12. I wasn't sure about the spelling myself...

Why do they always build Airports in windy locations?

Because wind is not as dangerous for the landing planes as the fog is.

[Jumper]

my apologies vinny ,

but for a yank.. Heathrow has far more inconviences in general, regarding security checks between  terminal placements.. it really is a maze of an airport (for no apparent reason to a random visitor,and we just figure its  a *brit thing* like football ,that we just don't "get")
( hopefully its almost eternal construction is now complete and its a tad better?)

and language is almost a greater issue with alien words ,than in any fsu country

so it is incredibly ironic to read of *alienspeak* ,or airports , from an *englishman*
since we seem to be two nations separated by a common language.


Agreed ,that the  FSU does have some unique and amusing situations for sure..

the natives in ukraine just shrug and say "eta ukriania"

it's an all encompassing expression..

[Vinnvinny]

I thought you've learned that lesson after чуть-чуть?  

I learnt lots of lessons after чуть-чуть ………  

I can not! This is my core self (where's the "angel" smilie? Oops, they don't have it here...)

I am sure that once you post more then the management will be forced to add one. No tiphat either.

As to reading and writing: please blame "specialiszed" on ABBYY Lingvo 12. I wasn't sure about the spelling myself...

I don’t know her sorry. Tell her she’s wrong when you next meet, there’s a good girl.  

Because wind is not as dangerous for the landing planes as the fog is.

Oh, I get it. The wind blows the fog away. Clever that. I'm having an educational posting day today.

my apologies vinny ,

but for a yank.. Heathrow has far more inconviences in general, regarding security checks between  terminal placements.. it really is a maze of an airport (for no apparent reason to a random visitor,and we just figure its  a *brit thing* like football ,that we just don't "get")
( hopefully its almost eternal construction is now complete and its a tad better?)

Do you not have any other questions AJ because Heathrow is indefensible. The problem is, as the original airport expanded then the additional terminals where built in neighbouring towns which now means that the place is similar in size to Luxembourg. I doubt if matters will improve much when the refurb is completed unless they introduce some of those ‘beam me up Scotty’ thingies and they zap you from one terminal to the other.  

and language is almost a greater issue with alien words ,than in any fsu country

so it is incredibly ironic to read of *alienspeak* ,or airports , from an *englishman*
since we seem to be two nations separated by a common language.

I thought about what you said whilst I popped outside to have a fag. I really don’t agree.  

Agreed ,that the  FSU does have some unique and amusing situations for sure..

the natives in ukraine just shrug and say "eta ukriania"

it's an all encompassing expression..

Phew. I was starting to think it was just me.  

[Aloe]

As to reading and writing: please blame "specialiszed" on ABBYY Lingvo 12. I wasn't sure about the spelling myself...

Im not sure but specialized vs specialised may be american vs british spelling, same as defense vs defence, offense vs offence and etc. I think same goes for almost anything ending with ise-ize or ised-ized. Can someone clarify

[acctBill]

Im not sure but specialized vs specialised may be american vs british spelling, same as defense vs defence, offense vs offence and etc. I think same goes for almost anything ending with ise-ize or ised-ized. Can someone clarify

Aloe you are correct the difference is American vs British spelling.  Specialize is American and specialise is British.  This also includes words such as realize vs realise or memorize vs memorise or criticize vs criticise. If you are like myself and have lived in several different countries and had to write business correspondence to American and British customers you will soon realise that it is very important to get the spelling correct. 

The easiest way that I have found is to simply set the spell checker in your word processing software to the correct version of English that you want to use.  Sometimes this means changing the setting a couple of times a day.   

[SANDRO43]

Also add:

Colour vs. color
Centre vs. center
Programme vs. program

British spelling retains more of the original Norman French spelling of a lot of its acquired, non Anglo-Saxon words.

[Vinnvinny]

.. and humour/humor. 

[Vinnvinny]

Three more to add to the rapidly growing list. 

After spending the day sunning ourselves, my Czech (without doubt the motherland of Alienspeak) stopped me in my tracks as I was heading off for the shower. “You mustn’t do that” she said. “You’ll wash all your colour off”.

First date with a lady in Kiev. “I understand it is normal in England that when a man has a girlfriend then her buys her a new car”.

Not one of mine but I thought it was a brilliant example. Many apologies in advance to the big man.

I remember meeting a girl and after a short conversation she asked me if they had the moon where I lived.

[SANDRO43]

.. and humour/humor. 

And many similar (glamour vs. glamor, etc.). Don't kow now, but when I was with IBM, US manuals were distributed in the UK only after being Brit-nationalised/nationalized .

[Olga_Mouse]

Not one of mine but I thought it was a brilliant example. Many apologies in advance to the big man.

I remember meeting a girl and after a short conversation she asked me if they had the moon where I lived.

You mean 2TallBill? [imagine "angel" smilie here...]

[Vinnvinny]

.. and humour/humor. 

Yes. [imagine "you know full well it was" smilie here...]