Getting married questions ...

[rambler]

Hello
I am going to marry a Russian woman in a few weeks, a small gathering in Czech.

Since I never married a Russian before ; >)  I am hoping for some advice about the do s  and don't s ranging from the ceremony and celebrations to trying to live compatibly afterwards.  Do Russian guys usually wear formal morning (Penguin) suits for a 11 am wedding?  Personally I'd feel more comfortable in a formal dark business suit. I read about clothing, everything is new?

I also read everyone gets very drunk, rude not to... ?  About reception traditions?  Honeymoon traditions?

And then back to real life.... after the honeymoon ... I notice She always dresses perfectly to go out.  She will touch up the polish on her shoes on the way out and has dropped a few hints about mine.  Also very sharp about all aspects personal hygiene, dental, hair, nails etc.  I get the impression I am supposed to be as rigorous....  She definitely likes me to look like a serious businessman. Even In jeans I need to sport my best watch.  

Also behaviour wise.  While a common appeal is that a gentleman is very attractive, when tempers get short and She launches into one,  it takes  little bit more than a gentlemanly retort to make ones point and put an end to the debate.  
But here my experience of Russian men is that they are fairly blunt. Maybe they have to be blunt to deal with a Russian woman or maybe Russian women need to launch a rocket now and then to deal with blunt Russian men.  Chicken and egg situation perhaps?

But I was told by Her best friend that I had to be much stronger dealing with Her.  I was and in general it worked.  Russian women like a strong leading male but profess to wanting to find a gentleman, which they cannot in Russia. This is a bit of a Paradox because to control Her requires more than a gentlemanly response, sometimes.  Sometimes I think she likes a bit of Drama because it is all over in couple of hours. But in some cases I would have believed it was the end because the fireworks are so vivid - but afterwards .... well  imagine ...
It looks like it will be part of the mating dance for some time to come. and she looks even more beautiful when she is livid and ready for bed .... I wonder, is it a game? Or pushing to find the limits. I am often surprised haw fast it flips from agony to ecstasy.

R




  

[GregfromGa]

Good luck Rambler, it seems your going to need it. Hopefully you know this woman a lot better than you are letting on here. Ask her what she wants you to wear and no you do not have to get drunk.

[Vaughn]

Congratulations, Rambler. I agree with Greg - enjoy the festivities but don't overdo the vodka. As for
apparel, I've seen both dark business suits and tuxedos in ceremonies over there. Check with your lady
to be clear on her expectations ...

This is a bit of a Paradox because to control Her requires more than a gentlemanly response, sometimes.

So from which parent did her tendency come? I'd suggest that since you recognize the paradox, you are
halfway home. Maintain your firmness (as her best friend suggests) while keeping your temper in check at
all times. Strength in action - not in words. Yes, she's still trying to determine borders - help her see them
clearly through your unwavering consistency. And best of luck!

[Vaughn]

Also very sharp about all aspects personal hygiene, dental, hair, nails etc.  I get the impression I am supposed to be as rigorous.... 

I forgot to address this aspect - one which is practically non-compromisable. Give up the ghost on all
things appearance-wise. It's going to be OK... 

[Mars]

Also behaviour wise.  While a common appeal is that a gentleman is very attractive, when tempers get short and She launches into one,  it takes  little bit more than a gentlemanly retort to make ones point and put an end to the debate.  
But here my experience of Russian men is that they are fairly blunt. Maybe they have to be blunt to deal with a Russian woman or maybe Russian women need to launch a rocket now and then to deal with blunt Russian men.  Chicken and egg situation perhaps?

But I was told by Her best friend that I had to be much stronger dealing with Her.  I was and in general it worked.  Russian women like a strong leading male but profess to wanting to find a gentleman, which they cannot in Russia. This is a bit of a Paradox because to control Her requires more than a gentlemanly response, sometimes.  Sometimes I think she likes a bit of Drama because it is all over in couple of hours. But in some cases I would have believed it was the end because the fireworks are so vivid - but afterwards .... well  imagine ...
It looks like it will be part of the mating dance for some time to come. and she looks even more beautiful when she is livid and ready for bed .... I wonder, is it a game? Or pushing to find the limits. I am often surprised haw fast it flips from agony to ecstasy.

Forget about drinking habits at the wedding and what to wear at the wedding.  Those are nothing compared to your remaining quote above.

Are you wanting to live on a roller coaster like this?

I wouldn't be with such a woman for more than a day, or maybe a week  to ascertain that it is the true her.  But to marry her?????????????

[Faux Pas]

Forget about drinking habits at the wedding and what to wear at the wedding.  Those are nothing compared to your remaining quote above.

Are you wanting to live on a roller coaster like this?

I wouldn't be with such a woman for more than a day, or maybe a week  to ascertain that it is the true her.  But to marry her?????????????

I, in all consciences have no idea how you could make such a statement or come to such a conclusion as this with so little information. Unless you are privy to much more information about rambler's wife than the rest of us, shame on you. Why not wish the fellow member well and good luck on his upcoming marriage.

rambler, Good Luck and I wish you well. Talk it over with her and wear what you damn well please. Of course it's never a good thing to over indulge on vodka anytime but it does happen. Approach with caution on your wedding day.

[Mars]

I, in all consciences have no idea how you could make such a statement or come to such a conclusion as this with so little information. Unless you are privy to much more information about rambler's wife than the rest of us, shame on you. Why not wish the fellow member well and good luck on his upcoming marriage.

I am going strictly with the info the OP typed himself.  It is perfectly clear.

Shame of you for wishing someone well who is stepping in front of a speeding train.  A great friend to have.

[Faux Pas]

I am going strictly with the info the OP typed himself.  It is perfectly clear.

Shame of you for wishing someone well who is stepping in front of a speeding train.  A great friend to have.

And what pray tell exactly might THAT be?

Hello
I am going to marry a Russian woman in a few weeks, a small gathering in Czech.

Since I never married a Russian before ; >)  I am hoping for some advice about the do s  and don't s ranging from the ceremony and celebrations to trying to live compatibly afterwards.  Do Russian guys usually wear formal morning (Penguin) suits for a 11 am wedding?  Personally I'd feel more comfortable in a formal dark business suit. I read about clothing, everything is new?

I also read everyone gets very drunk, rude not to... ?  About reception traditions?  Honeymoon traditions?

And then back to real life.... after the honeymoon ... I notice She always dresses perfectly to go out.  She will touch up the polish on her shoes on the way out and has dropped a few hints about mine.  Also very sharp about all aspects personal hygiene, dental, hair, nails etc.  I get the impression I am supposed to be as rigorous....  She definitely likes me to look like a serious businessman. Even In jeans I need to sport my best watch.

In your mind she is a bad woman because she likes to look good or because she wants him to look good?

Also behaviour wise.  While a common appeal is that a gentleman is very attractive, when tempers get short and She launches into one,  it takes  little bit more than a gentlemanly retort to make ones point and put an end to the debate. 
But here my experience of Russian men is that they are fairly blunt. Maybe they have to be blunt to deal with a Russian woman or maybe Russian women need to launch a rocket now and then to deal with blunt Russian men.  Chicken and egg situation perhaps?

She's strong willed and breaks out into a tantrum so she's not fit to marry?

But I was told by Her best friend that I had to be much stronger dealing with Her.  I was and in general it worked.  Russian women like a strong leading male but profess to wanting to find a gentleman, which they cannot in Russia. This is a bit of a Paradox because to control Her requires more than a gentlemanly response, sometimes.  Sometimes I think she likes a bit of Drama because it is all over in couple of hours. But in some cases I would have believed it was the end because the fireworks are so vivid - but afterwards .... well  imagine ...
It looks like it will be part of the mating dance for some time to come. and she looks even more beautiful when she is livid and ready for bed .... I wonder, is it a game? Or pushing to find the limits. I am often surprised haw fast it flips from agony to ecstasy.

Wow, he is really taken by her. How could he possibly want to marry her?


What exactly is it Mars? What is this woman displaying in these descriptions that rambler should want to duck and run. This is the info the OP typed himself that you were able to determine she is such a bad woman? If so, you are really full of yourself 






 

[Mars]

Faux Pas, I show the part of the OP that I responded to.

Then, in your second reply to me you quote other parts that  I did not reference, and ask  me what my problem is 'with those parts.'  What's with that?

Are you perhaps really a female??

[Misha]

I'd feel more comfortable in a formal dark business suit.

This sound perfectly acceptable to me.

I also read everyone gets very drunk, rude not to... ?

There will be many toasts, which involve drinking vodka. Simply try to drink a bit and not the entire shot glass. If anybody objects, they will tell you 

  About reception traditions?  Honeymoon traditions?

I am supposed to be as rigorous....  She definitely likes me to look like a serious businessman. Even In jeans I need to sport my best watch.

This is good. Means that she wants to be proud of you. I would worry more if she did not care what you looked like and what you dressed.   

She launches into one,  it takes  little bit more than a gentlemanly retort to make ones point and put an end to the debate.

Afterwards does she pout? Does she keep a grudge? Does she let go of her anger quickly? If the answer is no, no, and  yes, I personally don't see anything bad about it.   

[Faux Pas]

Forget about drinking habits at the wedding and what to wear at the wedding.  Those are nothing compared to your remaining quote above.

Are you wanting to live on a roller coaster like this?

I wouldn't be with such a woman for more than a day, or maybe a week  to ascertain that it is the true her.  But to marry her?????????????

Mars, this is quite blatantly rude and uncalled for. No where does the OP asks if you think he should marry this woman. He's marrying her. He is obviously loves or think he loves her. There is nothing he stated that would lead someone with a modicum of intellect to believe she is not worthy of being his wife.

Two things could happen here:

1-  you could apologize privately or publicly to the OP for speaking out of turn, making baseless assumptions about his future wife and move on or

2- continue to try and argue a point you lost from the onset and will continue to lose.

Am I a female? Does my avatar look like a female to you?  I quite surprised you can't tell the difference with all your ample experience with women. 


Why not give rambler the benefit of the doubt and show a bit of respect. Obviously class is well above you.

[Shadow]

I can understand the point Mars is trying to make, even if his delivery is too blunt.

Rambler has been given the advice to be 'stronger', and this is where Mars sees the danger. From what Rambler has typed, he has found someone who needs a firm guidance now and then, and from his descrition it seems that Rambler is a kind gentleman.
There is nothing wrong with the combination of a fiery RW and a kind gentleman, as long as Rambler knows to stand his ground and not give in to the tantrums.
Otherwise he may lose the respect of his wife, and that will cause a problem for the future.

Rambler, follow some suggestions of your wife, and for the rest enjoy the day. And good luck for the future.

[rambler]

"Afterwards does she pout? Does she keep a grudge? Does she let go of her anger quickly? If the answer is no, no, and  yes, I personally don't see anything bad about it.   "

Misha thanks for that observation ... no, no, and yes - correct.  She is very Taurean which means ... well imagine it - ultra bull... we all know what that looks like when they charge... either docile or not docile ... but if they are yours and you know how to handle her... recall the  song  How to handle a woman ....?  

We have decided on business suits...

Mars you may well have a valid point and no worries about you expressing an opinion. Until we say "I do" there better not be a really significant "rocket launch".  I met Werner von Braun at White Sands Missile Range, Holloman AFB NM as an aside, they used Sidewinders to shoot down Radio Controlled bombers at the end of 4th July fireworks so a rocket ain't allways bad  ; >)  ...  It clears the air! I have advised her to discuss what comes out in these incidents but invariably they are about things she finds difficult to discuss ...  

Faux Pas,  Thanks for jumping to my defence but it's OK  ...  If I was going to walk  out due to a tantrum I would have by now.  She has a lot of stress to contend with over making this commitment.  But It had better get better when the heat is off a bit. Yes we are getting married in 3 weeks and thank you all for your advice, let's keep it light.

Vaughn ... It looks like you found a wonderful young woman to share your life with - thanks for your observations.  
..............

The positive potential of true love is always balanced by the negative potential. The most significant line in the book " The Tetrabiblios; or, Quadripartite of Ptolemy being four books, relative to the starry influences. Authors: Ptolemaeus, Claudius" to carry on the astrological reference ...  The actual outcome of a situation on which his client's consulted him was always what they thought it would be.  Therefore if I think her outbursts will end the marriage, then they will. If I decide they will not then they will not.  Always be careful what you wish for and and what you believe - there is no stronger power apart from you know who.  If I fear being alone and I fear going into an imperfect relationship then I will continue to seek perfection alone.   Mars have a think about that one and Peace and Love to you, God of War.  

Shadow you are quite right, that's why it's not plain sailing, I don't back down. In earlier times, when I said  I want an equal partnership, I don't want to be the boss as such .. she said "why not?"  So for better or for worse, a man  has to be perhaps a bit more aggressive than than one would wish in order to preserve respect.

PS where are all the Russian Women on this thread!?  

R

[kievstar]

I drank very little on my wedding day in Ukraine and most guests drank more than one bottle each.  Morning of my wedding day drank about 2 liters of walk and ate a loaf of bread.  Needed the water to wash it down.  Was prepared to drink like I do when tail gating.  Eat a lot during the wedding including bread and bananas.

You can drink juice with the toasts.  Your wife and guests will not care. This is what I did. Did some champagne as well. 

Tuxedos are not normal at all for weddings (at least in Ukraine).  Use a suit you currently have or get a new one you can also use for work.  Best is to have your wife pick one out with you.

I find RW to be more drama if your a sensitive type of man and ask her opinion a lot.  Most AM do not listen to their wives anyways so not an issue.  Men should make the decisions.  Your probably asking her opinion to much and need to cut that down.

[pacifica]

PS where are all the Russian Women on this thread!?  

I personally don't stand drama, so I couldn't live with someone who throws tantrums, but if you know how to handle it and don't have a problem with it, good for you.

The major problem I see is this:

I have advised her to discuss what comes out in these incidents but invariably they are about things she finds difficult to discuss ...  

In my opinion, almost any problem can be solved by discussion and compromise. If she finds it difficult to discuss things, then every little issue may become a big problem. Or is it because she has difficulties with the language?

[Ooooops]

Good luck Rambler, it seems your going to need it. Hopefully you know this woman a lot better than you are letting on here. 

I agree with GregfromGa 100%!   

[Ooooops]

I notice She always dresses perfectly to go out.  She will touch up the polish on her shoes on the way out and has dropped a few hints about mine.  Also very sharp about all aspects personal hygiene, dental, hair, nails etc.  I get the impression I am supposed to be as rigorous....  

If you consider brushing your teeth, combing your hair and cleaning your nails as rigorous exercise then I'd say you are in deep trouble   

[rambler]

     Yes,  I do know her very well and she is great, gorgeous and a good match. I am a very lucky guy.  Everyone has a few off days now and then.  We do discuss matters but sometimes it would have been better if it was sooner rather than later.  Her English is very good.  Things are great almost all the time and if there a flash of lightening it can be out of a clear blue sky, but it is gone just as fast.   Not a big problem.   

Russian girls are renown for being beautifully turned out 99% of the time and English girls just aren't that fastidious.  She went out in trainers in to the park on a Sunday - once, no other flat shoes, 6 inch heels or Talons as they say in France or 4inch heels are considered walking shoes ...  Who was that model who put it so well "High heels put your ass on a pedestal"  A turn of phrase! 

Anyway - the wedding preparations are 95% done - I just hope the Russian embassy is working in Praha in 2 weeks! Women's day is the 8th isn't it?   BTW we chose Praha bc you can get it done in 5 days - so they say, if you send some papers beforehand, Apostiled Birth Certs copies first etc. 

I can drink and show no signs of wear but The Russian girls I have seen seem to be legless after a very few glasses in comparison, or maybe they aren't used to Tequila wine and Chapagne 



Thanks for the comments...

R

[innakrug]

I notice She always dresses perfectly to go out.  She will touch up the polish on her shoes on the way out and has dropped a few hints about mine.  Also very sharp about all aspects personal hygiene, dental, hair, nails etc.  I get the impression I am supposed to be as rigorous....  She definitely likes me to look like a serious businessman. Even In jeans I need to sport my best watch.  

  Sounds like a typical FSU women. Congratulatios to both of you

[rambler]

 ....  The wedding and honeymoon went very well. Now we are doing the paperwork for the UK visa, starting with a new passport for my wife with my surname.  There is a post in the married section with some details of the week. 

R

[Lily]

May I revive this thread

Recently I found a wonderful video from a 1975 Soviet movie 'Northern Bride', where an Armenian young man got himself a Russian country girl. The movie was very popular back then.

Other than that, it shows a Soviet marriage ceremony in a ZAGS. And a wonderful song with some apparent Oriental motives, combined with joyful jazz from the 70x.


[youtube=425,350]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6YiN0uOGEmI[/youtube]