Stay at home wife

[Muzh]

#3     I believe both spouses need a trade.  Stay at home wifey is not attractive to me.

Most FSU women are not stay at home wife's. I only know of two such FSU women. The stay at home FSU woman will be the exception, not the norm.

First, I have no idea if this fits here but I have no idea where to put it.

I was going through some unread stuff here, nothing to do on a very cold (-1F) holiday, and came across the above. I decided to quote Jack since he is one of the guys who is in the matchmaking business.

So my question is how many of you are firm believers (please be honest) that your RW should be a stay at home wife and why?

[JohnDearGreen]

So my question is how many of you are firm believers (please be honest) that your RW should be a stay at home wife and why?

Generally speaking, RW will usually do as she pleases, not necessarily as AM desires.

I only met one RW who told me she had worked very hard and one of her main desires was not to have to work any more.

[BC]

When kids are involved it's best.  It's how I grew up and what we want our kids to experience.  Here school lets out at 1 pm.

My wife works with me so both work from home making it a double good deal and can afford a cleaning woman a few times a week on top.

[Faux Pas]

We've been married a little over a year and during that time my wife has been a "stay at home". It wasn't designed that way but just the way it has worked out so far. We are not pressed by finances for her to work and she has much interest in going to work. Again, not that it is needed but, something she wishes to do.

Hopefully, we are about to have her documentation complete and she will be free to do as she wishes. Work, further education, continue to stay at home. It will be her choice. My wife has always worked and this particular "stay at home" situation I detect does bother her.

I just want her to do what will help make her happy and she does. I realize everyone doesn't have this particular type freedom but, I am glad she does.

[GQBlues]

Of all the couples we know that involves a FSUW, only one is a stay-at-home wife (Mumski now). She's married to a RM.

I detest women who aspire to 'stay-at-home'. With the exception of child-rearing, any woman who tells you she'd like to be a stay-at-home wife when she arrives will most definitely be looking at you and YOUR government for hand-outs to cruise through their life.

I'm joking of course....

Most FSUWs I've come to know in FSU (including CE) and here aspired to work and have a career since being here, or when they get here.

[BC]

Hopefully, we are about to have her documentation complete and she will be free to do as she wishes. Work, further education, continue to stay at home. It will be her choice. My wife has always worked and this particular "stay at home" situation I detect does bother her.

I just want her to do what will help make her happy and she does. I realize everyone doesn't have this particular type freedom but, I am glad she does.

I would think most women want to be able to exercise a choice rather than be compelled.  It's indeed great and important to be able to provide this freedom.  I firmly believe that to a large extent most women desire to expatriate to increase their choices.

Over the years on RW related fora there seems to often be conflict in this area.  Surely it can be difficult to jump into employment that is on par with past experience in the homeland.  Forcing such decisions due to financial constraints will probably just exacerbate problems in an already complex and difficult relationship.

[Faux Pas]

Over the years on RW related fora there seems to often be conflict in this area.  Surely it can be difficult to jump into employment that is on par with past experience in the homeland.  Forcing such decisions due to financial constraints will probably just exacerbate problems in an already complex and difficult relationship.

I believe that as well and I am thankful that we did discuss this at length multiple times prior to getting married. My wife has a good education and is a very intelligent woman. However she does have a large degree of insecurity as far as her english communication skills go. Her english is fine but she doesn't feel that it is. Had she been forced into a position to start a job without being comfortable with her language skills would IMO opening up some undue pressures and strain on our relationship.

There have been numerous discussions since then as well. I think she finds a lot of comfort in knowing that she can take a job she believes she can perform and function well in rather than just taking anything for a paycheck. She's proud and she's frugal and she wants the freedom of her own money as most people do. She finds little comfort in me telling her that my money is her money.

[SomeGuy]

I believe that as well and I am thankful that we did discuss this at length multiple times prior to getting married. My wife has a good education and is a very intelligent woman. However she does have a large degree of insecurity as far as her english communication skills go. Her english is fine but she doesn't feel that it is. Had she been forced into a position to start a job without being comfortable with her language skills would IMO opening up some undue pressures and strain on our relationship.

There have been numerous discussions since then as well. I think she finds a lot of comfort in knowing that she can take a job she believes she can perform and function well in rather than just taking anything for a paycheck. She's proud and she's frugal and she wants the freedom of her own money as most people do. She finds little comfort in me telling her that my money is her money.

I could have written the bolder portions myself, and agree with the rest.  My wife worked for several years with English speakers.  We'll occasionally hit a slang phrase that she's unaware of, and she retains her accent, but there are few people that she couldn't carry on a conversation in English with, but is still not entirely confident with language and her accent, as well as occasionally the accent of others.  While I can and occasionally do point out instances where she has talked for hours with our friends or family without issue, there is still a level of insecurity, but it is getting better. 

We do have enough money that she does not have to work, and are planning on her staying home with the kids for at least a few years, but that isn't the same as having the confidence to know that she could work here, at a reasonable job, if she had to or wanted to, and her preference is definitely to being able to contribute to the family's income.  We don't have everything planned out, but right now we're going through trying to make some sense of the various degree evaluation programs, then she will most likely do or complete a Masters here.  Maybe unlike some others, she doesn't want to be a lawyer, doctor, or CEO, but knowing that she could contribute and work here will be a big boost for her, IMO.  I think it's likely she will be working at least part time before we have our first child, but obviously not everything can be planned.

[Doll]

My husband is a "strong believer" but I don't stay home because I don't want. He did try to stop me from getting job but "it is a free country"  

[Doll]

As for money, I can stay at home but I love my job so much that I can't imagine myself without it. I can bare weekends but really suffer when on vacations. Seriously!

[Voyager36]

My husband is a "strong believer" but I don't stay home because I don't want. He did try to stop me from getting job but "it is a free country"  

That doesn't sound good, your husband should try to be more supportive. (IMO) 

[Misha]

So my question is how many of you are firm believers (please be honest) that your RW should be a stay at home wife and why?

Not me. Unless that there are very small children involved, it is a good thing IMHO that a woman work. It will help her with her language skills, it will help her make friends and acquaintances and it will give her a salary that she can do with what she wants.... I personally was happy when my wife decided that she wanted to find a job. It worked out well: she found a part-time job where she works only during the week, i.e. no evenings and no weekends.