My Journey to Kyiv April 12-20th '05

[Photo Guy]

The last time I had traveled outside of the USA was back in '72, to Athens with my parents. I was not sure what to expect in the former land of the KGB and Breshnev. I'll give you my account of this trip and what it means to me. Feel free to send your questions to me in PMs - private messages.
Please, I ask you to not post replies to this trip report. Just let me give you my account. I'll try to make it informative and entertaining.

Back in '97, I had contacted a few RW through the internet. I had bought a few addresses and wrote to a few women. This was before email services were available. Communication was way too SLOW. I quickly lost interest and became involved with a local AW. By 2002, I had still not found the appropriate woman to marry, and I began to notice many summer foreign workers in the National Parks. My job as a tour bus driver takes me to these parks frequently. These women from Poland and Russia were 'different'. My interest was piqued. They had a certain aura about them that can be described as a different kind of 'flirting' compared with AW. Who were these women? What were their native cultures like?  I became infatuated with one of the Polish girls there. At another park, I had become involved with a local wild AW. I was finding it difficult to meet women who were exciting AND interested in settling down and getting married.

Fast forward to '04. At that time, my friend had already hooked up with the woman from Russia who is now my friend and interpreter. Their relationship got me really thinking about the viability of a foreign romance. I did not have good luck with match.com for finding local women. I branched away from that site to A Foreign Affair, Elena's Models, and Anastasiaweb. I knew very little about the MOB thing at that time. I sent some letters and emails to cute women. I began to communicate with a few of them. I found it easier to focus on a few women rather than many women.

In retrospect, I would advise new newbies to try a variety of approaches. If you can, have a friend refer you to some woman that they already know, like their wife's sister in Moscow, for example. You need to trust your gut instincts, instincts that you should have already developed by dating AW. And think about all of the warning signals that you read about here at RWD. I know I do. I know that may surprise you. You have to sort through it all to figure out what can apply to your particular situation.

So, through Anastasiaweb, I found a woman I'll call 'j'.
 ...No, actually I'll call her 'L'.   I sent her an email on December 1st, and then it was translated for her at her end in Ukraine. I had received many emails from women as a result of my personal profile with Anastasiaweb. However, 'L' had not contacted me. I saw her profile and contacted her first.  She seemed very level-headed and 'normal' and she used many exclamation points, which I found amusing. She was not instantly 'in-love' with me. I had already communicated with a few women who were instantly in love with me, which I found to be very fake. Yeah, sure, they were in love with ME    and I could understand their feelings, but ...something was not true, not 'right'. On the other hand, 'L' came across as reasonable and optimistic and an individualist.

After a few months of emails, it was TIME to go visit her. I thought it probably would not turn out to be The Romance of my dreams, and in that case I would just enjoy Kiev as the happy tourist. My Canon 20D was very eager to capture the spirit of Kiev. I was not desperate to find a wife or a love connection. If it happens, it happens.

I found an airfare ($750) on the net at NWA.com - KLM and Northwest Airlines from Phoenix all the way to Kiev without changing airlines. I did not have to worry about my luggage transfers between flights. I left home at noon on the 12th and arrived in Kiev at 3pm on the 13th.

A big mistake I made was to not take sleep medication on the LONG flight to Amsterdam. Sleep deprivation turned me into a zombie in Kiev.  ....I stumbled through Borispol Airport, surrounded by 'KGB'.  

[Photo Guy]

At Borispol, I waited in line for my chance to show the authorities my passport and single entry visa. He barked at me to tell him where 'L' lived. He repeated it and I told him 'Mariupol'. He pushed my passport back at me and I was on my way to filling out a customs form a short distance away. I was disoriented. Sleep deprivation is ...strange. I suddenly realized I did not have my luggage yet. I floated through the terminal, collected my luggage and finally made it to the guarded exit doors. I opened the door to a flood of mayhem. Dozens of people holding signs for their parties. All in cyrillic. I slowly moved forward, reading every hand-held sign. Then I realized there was no need to read signs, -I would recognize her face! What a concept!

In the back of the room something caught my attention! It was 'L', waving at me!  Now I was completely focused on her. Is that her? Does she look like her photos? That woman next to her must be the interpreter, Natalie. We are so glad to see each other! For a few moments, my energy level is back up to normal. I walk up to her, drop my luggage, and give her a warm hug. I don't remember what I said, probably 'kak dee lah?' We hurried to the taxi Natalie had waiting for us. He had been waiting there a LONG time. My luggage in the trunk and I jumped in the back with 'L'. My head was jammed against the ceiling. We all thought it was funny. It occured to me that cars in this foreign land were of a smaller scale. Later, back in Phoenix, my friend Oksana would tell me that everything in the US is SO BIG!

I was beginning to hallucinate. My lack of sleep was that bad. During the half hour trip to downtown Kyiv, Natalie and 'L' joked about the size of our hotel rooms. Very small. They seemed embarrassed, because they looked at my 6' 3" frame and thought I would not fit on the bed there. I told them not to worry about it, but they were right. I cannot use a bed with a footboard, unless it is a huge bed. In the hotel room, I threw the mattress down on the floor and tucked the sheets in. Okay. No problemo. I used the actual 'bed' frame for a storage area for my luggage and stuff.

Once at the hotel, we said goodbye to the taxi driver, a likable guy.
At the Kozatsky Hotel's desk, we checked in for 7 nights. Two separate rooms with single beds, cable TV, and a small refrigerator. I brought my own toilet paper. Why? I don't know. I did not wrap my money belt around my neck. For recharging my Camera's battery, I brought a voltage adapter, and an adapter extension. Without the extension, the adapter would not have reached far enough into the outlet. I gleaned that from RWD. Thanks. This made the adapter unit unbalanced, so I propped it up with a pillow on a stuffed chair. ....You might bring along some duct tape.

I told Natalie that I NEEDED sleep. "L' went to her room next door. I crashed on the mattress on my room's floor. They knocked on my door an hour later and I woke up as a new version of the same zombie. Time for dinner!  Let's find a restaurant with 'authentic' Ukrainian cuisine! We walked to a place nearby. The two women watched me sample the food. I didn't realize it, but I had ordered way too much food. I heard about borsch, so that was my first pick. ...Amazingly good! For some reason I was thinking - pickled beets. No -nothing like that. Really good. Also, that first day I discovered 'Kvas'. There is something about this drink that is really invigorating, like a health tonic. Natalie told me it is made from bread. Interesting.

Meanwhile, 'L' and I were looking at each other like we were specimens from another planet, and it occured to me that all three of us were easily becoming friends. I like Natalie as an interpreter. She is very grounded and helpful. In subtle ways, she smoothed technical things over and made 'L' and I feel very comfortable. The three of us amused each other. 'L' and I both have similar temperaments. We are sensitive types, but also optimistic idealists. I could see right away that we really enjoyed each others company. And her eyes - ...was I looking right into her soul?

[Photo Guy]

After dinner, our interpreter urged me to buy some supplies for our rooms refrigerator. We stopped in a small grocery store and got juice, bread, lard, water, cold cuts, cheese, and delicious Nescafe crystals. 'L' and I said goodbye to Natalie and went into our hotel. We walked toward the elevator under the watchful eyes of a monitor in an odd 'security officer' type of uniform. The elevator was small - big enough for about four or five people. 'L' and I climbed in and exchanged warm curious glances. We took our groceries to her room. I hugged her goodnight and we knew we would se each other again at 9am.

The next morning my alarm sounded at 8:15am, but it felt like 4am.
I went into the bathroom for a shower. The long faucet rotated away from the sink over to the deep bathtub. I hadn't seen that before. No shampoo was supplied and luckily I had my own with me. There was a section of exposed plumbing that had hot water going through it, -helped to heat up the fairly large bathroom. I finished shaving and there was a knock on my door.

I opened it and there was the smiling face of 'L'!  'Dobray utre!', I said to her and she reacted with amusement. 'Dobray utre.'  I followed her to her room. She had bread and lard on her small table in the main room. She said, 'Coffee?'  I smiled and nodded my head and she raced out the door and down the long hall. For the next six days she would make breakfast for me every morning, and it felt unusual to be waited on by someone who made me feel like I was very important to her. She buttered(lard) my bread for me - a dark bread similar to pumpernickel. We ate it with slices of ham and cheese. Very good.  ...I remember our last morning together before my flight, how we tried to cut through this same loaf of bread that had become stale - hard as a rock and we laughed as we tried to slice it.

Every morning before Natalie arrived, to show us around Kyiv, we would watch some TV and we would use our phrase books and dictionary. I asked her why she switched from nursing to a job as a fingernail artist. It took ten minutes, but she informed me that she made $50 per month as a nurse and now makes $200 per month doing fingernails. A few days later we went to a beautician's convention in the city. She bought about $100 worth of supplies for doing her craft back home in Mariupol. 'L' is a strong person. Maybe most women there, are strong. She purchased a particular beauty supply and part of the deal was a free magazine subscription. Well they were NOT going to gve her the subscription after she made the purchase, because they had allegedly run out of 'free' subscriptions  or something. She persisted and made sure they kept their part of the bargain. She would not be turned away without the free offer.
At other times during the week, I saw her haggle quite well.

The first things I noticed about her, were her deep consideration for me, and her fun desire to pose for my camera. She was fun and laughed easily!  'L' and I often kept Natalie entertained. I could easily imagine myself spending lots of time with this woman....

[Photo Guy]

How do you judge a woman who has grown up in a different culture? Is it possible
to see a person clearly, without having a common language? How thick is the
language barrier? These are some of the perplexing questions that ran through my
sleep-deprived mind during those 6 days in Kyiv. From the first minute of contact,
I asked myself if she was right for me and vice versa. I knew right away that she
was emotionally stable, not flightly, and not skittish. She was determined to make
the most of our meeting. We were both under the microscope, but at the same
time we were both playful. I learned during those 6 days together that 'L' would
be a mysterious adventure for me. By that, I mean it was obvious that she was
not boring and not overly temperamental. Boredom is my first good reason for
rejecting a friend or potential lover. 'Temperamental' can be okay, but under the
circumstances of dealing with a foreign culture and language barrier, I preferred
to avoid overly emotional types. I got lucky with 'L', in that she was not an
emotional challenge ...but was she an 'ice queen'?

That was a worry, but a picture of a complex individual with many facets was
emerging. As I've stated before, I think both of us are cautious about the prospect
of giving ourselves quickly and completely to a stranger from a foreign land. We
both were careful about finding out who this spouse-seeker was. We had both heard
stories that warned us of the potential dangers of scammers, sex-tourists, and other
vague dark possibilities.

Who was 'L'?  She is a strong woman who lets me lead the way. Whenever she answered
my questions, she would reply through our interpreter, and often she would chuckle
and deliver a response that had a witty quality, with an amused smile and a sense of
irony. She seemed diplomatic, and well, civil. Maybe there was a lot at stake for her.
Did she have a preconceived notion of wanting to 'make this work'? To a degree, that
attititude was actually making it work between us. I believe that 'attitude' is an
important part of being happy and sucessful. Our attitudes were similar. Before our
meeting, I asked 'L' if she would prefer meeting in Kyiv or her home town. She answered
with, 'Doug, I would prefer Kyiv, ...but of course the decision is yours.'  That style
and attitude was certainly different from AW I've known. I chose Kyiv. I was granted
the 'leadership' role and she got what she wanted without being aggressive. Beautiful.

Through non-verbal communication, I was able to clearly see her attitudes and
temperament. I saw her frequent amusement, her joy, her patience, her open
mindedness and via our translator, her intelligence. She allowed me to touch
her frequently in an affectionate way. In my sleep-deprived state, I may have
missed some of her romantic signals. I admit that possibility. I may have been clueless
about her desire for me. I can blame myself, but the bottom line is that
we both now feel a great deal of affection for each other. We appreciate each
other very much. Time will tell how appropriate we are for each other. Nobody
else can inform us about that. Nobody can look that deeply into our relationship
from the outside. Each of us must judge all of the subtleties. You can often
'read' parts of a foreign film without even reading the subtitles. You can see the
facial expressions, the emotions, and the body language. In seeing those things, I
became intrigued by 'L' and hooked on the adventure...

[Photo Guy]

'L' and I followed Natalie out of the hotel room and down the hallway.
Near the elevator there was an older woman at a desk. We gave her our big room keys that looked like regular metal keys attached to a piece of wood that looked like a big chess piece or pepper mill. She was sort of like the hall monitor for that floor. She wrote down something in her log book. The three of us got into the small elevator. Everything was in pretty good working order at the Kozatsky Hotel. I would have guessed it was built in 1950, but who knows? The atmosphere was dark and somber with a lot of dark brown and burgundy colors, with gold accents for that 'royal' ambience. Each of our smallish hotel rooms had one small art print on the wall. Way too small for the wall - looked ridiculous.

The mood down in the main lobby was also somber. The women working the front desk were fairly soft spoken and all business.

We went out on the street and it was time to play 'tourist'. During out stay, we would visit numerous Cathedrals, the Lavra monastery, and take a nice cruise on the Dnieper River. And of course we all enjoyed dining and sampling the local cuisine. I remember many disparate visual details, like the hanging beef at the large indoor market, lovers initials and ribbons attached to the pedestrian bridge in a nearby park, a friendly woman trying to sell me a magazine from her rack, and the way people dressed, to name a few.

As we strolled down the street on a mission to find a restaurant or get a beer, I watched the locals watching us. I guess I was not blending in.   Many of the men were dressed in black leather jackets. The younger guys wore jeans. The weather was just becoming Spring-like, ranging from low 60's to mid 70's during my visit. What amazed me about the streets- was the large number of women dressed 'to attract'. I'm talking about high-heels and tight clothing, skirts and dresses. Not many overweight women. Women in their 40's also looked VERY good. I am not exaggerating.

Another unusual sight was the number of couples I saw kissing, all over the city and especially on park benches. I can't even remember the last sighting of that type here in Phoenix. One night we were walking in a dark park at night and I was paranoid about muggers.
I scanned the area and ...saw couples on benches kissing.
No dangerous criminals.

I never noticed so many beautiful women in one place. I would recommend Kyiv as a good place to meet the locals, but then again I have never been anywhere else in the FSU.

Here is the far end of Independence Square. The glass section encloses the huge underground Globus shopping mall. I took this photo on a tuesday night and there were a lot of people out and about.  

[Photo Guy]

This was also taken at that same end of Independence Square.
The young crowd had gathered around a small amateur rock band.
You can see a guitar.

[Photo Guy]

Here we have the opposite end of the square, near my hotel, the Kozatsky. The glass dome is an entrance to the Globus Mall. You can see another guitar player here.

[Photo Guy]

I directed Natalie to guide 'L' and I over to an indoor food market. I was curious to see how a Kyiv market differed from your typical supermarket in the US. Bessarabskyy Rynok was established in 1910.

You name it, they have it there. It's located at the west end of Kreshchatyk Street at Bessarabian Square, near a statue of Lenin on Taras Shevchenko Boulevard. It's an interesting place. Lots of babushkas with cell phones, eyeing me and correctly identifying me as a foreigner. Did I want to sample some expensive venison? I never saw so much food without preservatives - hanging beef, lots of vegetables, tanks of swimming fish, cheeses and cold cuts of meat. Every town should have a market like this. Something odd, is that every item apparently has two prices - one for the locals and one for foreigners. Haggling was expected. There were no cash registers or check-out lines. You just hand cash to the sellers.  

During my first visit there, I did not buy anything. Instead I took a number of photos. The food quality was high there, but so were the prices. Near the end of my trip, I was searching for a 'bar-b-que' chicken for 'L' and her friend 'T'. We could not find one, so we got one (rotisserie chicken) at the Bessarabskyy for $6 US - the same price as here in Phoenix!  

When we got back to 'L's hotel room, we dove into it and picked it apart. Delicious, but nothing exotic, like the borscht and kvas I had sampled at a number of restaurants. We were eating 'American' style.

 

[Photo Guy]

Bessarabskyy Rynok

[Photo Guy]

One of my fondest memories from my trip was our cruise on the Dnipro River, which runs through the center of Kyiv. It was one of the warmest days of my trip, about 72 F. I bought a bottle of champagne at a small store off of Independence Square, along with a variety of cheeses. I smuggled the bottle under my jacket, as we boarded the boat. I was with Natalie the interpreter, 'L' , and her friend Tanya.

The top deck of the boat was open, although covered. The east side of the river had a few beaches with a scattering of people enjoying the first warm day of the year. Here is a view of the west side of the river, including the old historic part of town. Much of the city was destroyed during WWII.  I can see living in this part of the city. Brand new condos start at about $250,000. Our boat was a bit smaller than this boat pictured here. After going through the first bottle, we got another one from the boat's store. We had an excellent time. I took quite a few photos of 'L', and she enjoyed posing for me.    The waterfront:

[Photo Guy]

The champagne was all gone.  We had a nice comfortable buzz. I was enjoying my new camera(Canon 20D), and my new friends.
Here she is, enjoying my attention.

[corncrowe]

[user=134]Photo Guy[/user] wrote:

The champagne was all gone. We had a nice comfortable buzz. I was enjoying my new camera(Canon 20D), and my new friends.
Here she is, enjoying my attention.

Photguy,

You haven't said when you're going to return and visit your girl?  Have you discussed this with her?  You've been too quiet.

Jon

[Shadow]

Unless my glasses fool me I see there is still some in the bottle there. Who drank it ?

[corncrowe]

Unless my glasses fool me I see there is still some in the bottle there. Who drank it ?

Shadow,

It's half full... and I don't see photoguy!

Jon

 

[Bruno]

Unless my glasses fool me I see there is still some in the bottle there. Who drank it ?

If have zoom the picture... but sorry, really empty... nothing... i think that you need new glasses



 
Smile... you don't need new glasses... only a "glas" for finish the bottle

[Photo Guy]

One day, the three of us visited St. Volodymyr's Cathedral. 'L' and Natalie lit candles as prayers. One side of the Cathedral is for candles for those souls who have passed on, and the other side for those still living. Suddenly the Filaret entered the room. Apparently we were visiting the cathedral on a special holy day. I felt we were blessed.

During my visit, we visited a number of cathedrals and the Pecherska Lavra Monastery. I found these places to be very interesting and quite beautiful. 'L' was reluctant to venture into the dark lower Lavra caves. It was spooky and a bit claustrophobic. She finally got up her courage and we proceeded into the eerie dark catacombs, where mummified remains of monks and saints could be viewed, and prayers said. Here is part of a mural from the Lavra complex.

It captures the way my spirit felt when I waved my final goodbye to 'L' at Borispol airport on that very early morning in April:

[Photo Guy]

6 month update:

Here it is -already 6 months after my trip to see 'L' in Kyiv.
I bought her a cell phone for her birthday in June. Since then we have had frequent phone calls with a local Phoenix interpreter on the line. Someone here once told me that an important indication of 'L's seriousness about getting to know me and about the prospect of coming to the US, would be her desire to learn English. I think she finds learning the language, a daunting task. Every month I reinforce the idea. I tell her how important learning English is for our possible future together. She agrees, yet progress is slow.

This morning I phoned her without the 'terp on the line, which I do fairly often, just to hear her voice. She enjoys it too. This time she was in the middle of English lessons. She told me in English, 'I am having English lessons'.  'Horosho, horosho!', I said. 'Ya punymayo!' She has found a new tutor and was in the middle of a lesson. I let her go, saying our goodbyes.

We have a constant string of communications, using SMS, phone calls, translated emails, and occasional letters and photos through the mail. She speaks to me about opening her own nail salon in Phoenix. She is about to enter a nail-styling competition in Ukraine. This woman is very sweet ...or a very good actress. I do trust her, although I certainly will not send her a huge bundle of cash and she never asks for money. I am still very happy I met her.

[GregfromGa]

Glad to hear all is still going good for the two of you.

[Photo Guy]

[color="darkred"]Friday, February 10th, 2006[/color]
[size="3"][color="navy"]Hi. Just an update:
That's Larisa.
That beach you see is NOT in Eastern Europe. It's an ocean beach about 30 minutes from JFK, out on Long Island, a day before the big blizzard hit the northeast. 
(That is white sand, not snow)
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[Photo Guy]

[size="3"][color="navy"]Her visa interview went well, back on January 3rd in Kyiv. That appointment occured between New Year's and Christmas. She got a perfect present- a visa. Her interviewer was a 'nice guy'. She told me he only asked about four questions and the toughest was about our 23 year age difference. She happily explained that there was also an age gap with her parents. He asked her about how we met. No tough questions like, 'What is his brother's middle name?', or 'Are your kisses French, Italian, Slavic, or Cheeky?'  No. No uncomfortable exchanges. Luck was with us, as usual. I imagine these K-1 interviewers have a flair for detecting something 'wrong' with the fiancee or the relationship. You must remember they see hundreds of these petitions, these eager and sometimes not so eager fiancees. In our case, maybe they perceived something genuinely warm and endearing.

She has friends in Kyiv. Before and after her interview, she spent time with them, and then took the train back to Mariupol, where she adjusted (5 weeks) to the idea of leaving her home for a new life in the US. She slowly phased-out her nail clients. She continued with her English lessons. In the last 6 months, we shifted to much fewer agency emails to more frequent and longer phone calls. I do think we have grown closer, through these calls. I phoned her right after she boarded the train for Kyiv, a few days before her flight to New York. She was the saddest I have ever heard. Her goodbyes with her parents had been tearful. Later that day she was feeling a little more positive. Understandably, she had mixed emotions.

Now that she is here, she seems the same, the same sweet temperament with occasional moments of stubborness. Sound familiar? Yesterday, she enjoyed a TV (PBS) show that was intended for children for learning English. We also shopped for clothes and went to the organic market. She really needed more clothing, so we went to a huge Scottsdale 'Globus' style mall and got a few items, including hiking boots. At the market we picked up everything needed for her borscht recipe. Tonight's supper!

This woman is currently very compliant. She wants to adapt to life here. She did seem overwhelmed by all of the shopping choices, but her XX genes will eventually smooth that over. She is sleeping a lot- 10 or 11 hours a day, but we just arrived on Saturday. As I mentioned, she enjoys PBS TV shows for children for learning English. She has a long way to go, but has a lot of enthusiasm for learning. She sometimes gets discouraged and is critical of her own progress. She scolds me when I use a Russian word that she already knows in English. She is generally an inquisitive person.

I am writing this now a few hours after that dinner. Excellent borscht! Then we watched Moscow Does Not Believe In Tears while sipping Gewurztraminer.     -doug

Another shot from the beach at Long Island. Those are seashells.
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