Receiving Gifts

[gymguy]

Hi,
I have a Russian colleague who recently returned to Russia to visit her family, and upon returning she bought me a gift stating that she remembers that I had told her that I was interested in Russian culture.  I have asked her out before she went back to Russia, and have been turned down.  I asked her to join me for a coffee after receiving her gift as appreciation, in which she accepted, but in the past, she told me she doesn't drink coffee.  A few days later, I asked her out for lunch, in which she laughed and reluctantly said 'no'.  However just yesterday, I stayed a little longer in the office, and when I was leaving the office she came back into the office, to start a conversation appearing a bit nervous and saying things that I would consider out of left field.  I walked her out and wished her a great weekend.  I must add that this girl is very quiet, and does not say much, and this was the first time she had came back in the office in this manner for the 4 months we worked together. 

This girl confuses me.  I was always told that if I answered B on a multiple choice test, and it was wrong; and given the same test again, I would not answer B again.  Is it customary in Russian culture to give gifts to the opposite sex just for a friendship gesture? 

[Daveman]

Hi gymguy and welcome to the forum...


My guess is that she is interested and is playing "the game" with you.  If she's actually Russian culture, then she pretty much will expect you to chase her ("no" doesn't necessarily mean "no") and not accept 'no' as an answer to her refusals to go out with you.  From what you write, that is my initial impression.  She's seems to be showing interest, so it's up to you to chase her until she decides to catch you.  Show your interest boldly and decisively.. and continue to do so until she either jumps out the window or acquiesces. 


Yeah, gifts for 'friends' are common, but...   

[ML]

Actually, I never heard a FSU woman say no.

They say yes or maybe.  But the maybe always turned out to be a yes.

But in your specific case, I think that gal is just a little bit shy.
If she gives you a gift . . . she will go to lunch with you.
Be more aggressive.  Don't say . . . will you  go to lunch.
Say to her . . . let's go to ABC now as they have great XYZ.
Have her coat in hand and ready  to help her into it.

Many guys here put the woman on a pedestal and think they have to woo her.
Be the man.  We are in scarce supply; not  them.
But always be very polite, respectful, and well mannered.

[GoodOlBoy]

This girl confuses me.

Yeah....most women can do that!
Welcome to RWD Gymguy!
 
I am going to give you some pretty good advice.
First, I would NEVER date a co-worker.
 
That being said.
I don't know the age dynamics we are talking about here or how "Americanized" this RW is, BUT....the RW I have come in contact with appreciate one thing in a man and that is decisiveness (not rudeness).
 
RW despise a Momma's boy or a hand wringer.
 
Inform her that you and her have a date on whatever night at whatever nice restaurant (NOT MCDONALDS) and afterwards you are both going to such and such movie or theatre or concert.
 
Get my drift?
Be bold, be decisive (lead).
 
If she says no thanks.
MOVE ON!
 
GOB
 
BTW... RW buy gifts for everybody. It might mean something, it might not.
Are you her boss (senior)?

[Donna_Pedro]

Is it customary in Russian culture to give gifts to the opposite sex just for a friendship gesture?

I would not advise  you to insist on asking this girl out. And check your company's policy on internal dating, harrasment etc.

[Ade]

I would not advise  you to insist on asking this girl out. And check your company's policy on internal dating, harrasment etc.

In other words, "Is this a set up for a sexual harassment lawsuit?" 

I am going to give you some pretty good advice.
First, I would NEVER date a co-worker.
 

Generally I'd agree. From personal experience it can turn out okay when it doesn't work out (which of course is usually the case) but it requires two rational adults in the mix (which of course is usually not the case).

Hi,
I have a Russian colleague who recently returned to Russia to visit her family, and upon returning she bought me a gift stating that she remembers that I had told her that I was interested in Russian culture.  I have asked her out before she went back to Russia, and have been turned down.  I asked her to join me for a coffee after receiving her gift as appreciation, in which she accepted, but in the past, she told me she doesn't drink coffee.  A few days later, I asked her out for lunch, in which she laughed and reluctantly said 'no'.  However just yesterday, I stayed a little longer in the office, and when I was leaving the office she came back into the office, to start a conversation appearing a bit nervous and saying things that I would consider out of left field.  I walked her out and wished her a great weekend.  I must add that this girl is very quiet, and does not say much, and this was the first time she had came back in the office in this manner for the 4 months we worked together. 

This girl confuses me.  I was always told that if I answered B on a multiple choice test, and it was wrong; and given the same test again, I would not answer B again.  Is it customary in Russian culture to give gifts to the opposite sex just for a friendship gesture? 

If you really want to go for this just tell her, explicitly and without equivocation, that you are interested in getting to know her better and perhaps start dating. If she says no, "maybe", or "she'll think about it" then forget it and move on. If she later comes back to you and propositions you then go ahead but do not pester. If a women is truly interested in you, she will let you know. Having to cajole and be persistent to convince someone else that they really should be interested in you is rarely a good idea. IMO.

[GQBlues]

...I have a Russian colleague who recently returned to Russia to visit her family, and upon returning she bought me a gift stating that she remembers that I had told her that I was interested in Russian culture.

OK. That's normal.
 

I have asked her out before she went back to Russia, and have been turned down.

OK. Normal.
 

I asked her to join me for a coffee after receiving her gift as appreciation, in which she accepted, but in the past, she told me she doesn't drink coffee.

OK. Normal. They also sell tea in coffee shops, you know.
 

A few days later, I asked her out for lunch, in which she laughed and reluctantly said 'no'.

OK. Normal.
 

However just yesterday, I stayed a little longer in the office, and when I was leaving the office she came back into the office, to start a conversation appearing a bit nervous and saying things that I would consider out of left field.

This is the strange part. What? That she's triple breasted? She is considering a sex change? She's actually a man? What's your take on the 'out of left field' segment?
 
 

This girl confuses me.

Well, so far, I can't understand why she would. I think you're doing a fine job doing that alone. You are so infatuated with this gal that you're trying so hard to read between every line you think had some other meaning than just taking it at face value.
 
Why do I think that? Well, for starters, this is an international dating site dealing with WM/RW marriages. The fact you found this site suggested to me you were Googling russian woman related sites. Further suggesting to me, you either want to to get into some dating site and get yourself one of dem wimmen, or could possibly trying to explore some other-wordly explanation about the mysteries of these Siberian maidens. Inspired solely by your co-worker, of course.
 
 
Dude, if you like her that much, tell her and be done with it regardless if the answer is yes or no.
 

[JR]

You're playing with fire and you're gonna get burned )))

[Donna_Pedro]

In other words, "Is this a set up for a sexual harassment lawsuit?" 

Potentially. And it could be a conflict of interests issue as well. It might cost this guy his job. Or worse.

[Misha]

Do you know if she is even single?

[mendeleyev]

Misha's question is very important being that she is in the USA and holds a job--some limited purpose visas prohibit working, but if married she'd naturally begin working in many cases.

Given your comments about her conversation being from "left field" begs the issue whether she is running short on visa time? Sponsorship relationships never last longer than the time for ink to dry on a renewal and they're considered fraudulent. What was the nature of her nervousness?

Is it customary in Russian culture to give gifts to the opposite sex just for a friendship gesture?

Not required but under the circumstances I'd have returned with a small gift based on the culture discussions.

[Patagonie]

Actually, I never heard a FSU woman say no.

They say yes or maybe.  But the maybe always turned out to be a yes.

But in your specific case, I think that gal is just a little bit shy.
If she gives you a gift . . . she will go to lunch with you.
Be more aggressive.  Don't say . . . will you  go to lunch.
Say to her . . . let's go to ABC now as they have great XYZ.
Have her coat in hand and ready  to help her into it.

Many guys here put the woman on a pedestal and think they have to woo her.
Be the man.  We are in scarce supply; not  them.
But always be very polite, respectful, and well mannered.

ML is absoluterly right.

1/ you don't have to ask the permission to a girl, do it in the same manner as ML wrote it.

2/ The girl CAME to your office and seemed a little NERVOUS

What are you waiting for ? You are confused ? No you are confusing, not the same.

You come here to tell us a classical problem of dating like a teenager for his first flirt (Do you think that i shall kiss her ?).

I think that you have a work to do : be social, date more women, and assess in an objective manner their interest (with a RW, it's really less difficult with than AW, it's why we like RW (not the single reason of course). 



I will give two advices : lead and escalate, with a RW as you escalate in relationship you are (if she is single and in age to get married) the mate till marriage as long as you don't do something wrong. If she want to get married and let you to know it, and if you are not confident and you don't know exactly what you want to do, lets her to find her way and find the right guy. It will be more respectful.

[jeff9556]

You come here to tell us a classical problem of dating like a teenager for his first flirt (Do you think that i shall kiss her ?).

Very much so, however he should not date this girl, or at least apply some serious due diligence. Dating a co-worker is just a bad idea right from the start, especially one he knows almost nothing about.

[Patagonie]

Very much so, however he should not date this girl, or at least apply some serious due diligence. Dating a co-worker is just a bad idea right from the start, especially one he knows almost nothing about.

I agree too, not the best idea. But we don't have issue with US legal offence because, fortunately here (for how many time ?), we don't suffer from such type of assault here (i mean when a man just express his  masculinity, he is not not yet under the law), but i agree, depending of your position, and in general rule, better to avoid. But as many meetings start at work ....

TwoBandits in one of his lasts posts (you need to read it) was expressing  the hyprocrite side of a too feminine society and how things are going to decay. Reaction of US folks are quite impressive for me and scaring for the future. It explains also the behavior of this OP. To make short we have now more and more guys who are looking their sex in the toilets, scratching their head, and calling their attorney : "do you think that i can kill many people with this ?" and elseif the old recriminations of his chilhood, full of gulty,  come back "you MUST hide this, this is dirty, this is devil, you are a bad boy". Poor modern society !