And it only took a dozen trips, AKA Signs, Signs, Everywhere a Sign

[XMan]

Or is a baker's dozen now?  I have actually lost track, honestly. 

You know all the things that people have posted over the years regarding signs?
Like she takes your arm whenever you are walking anywhere. 
She asks you if you can get used to "the noise" of a child when you've been living alone for quite some time. 
She straightens your tie.
She takes a bus every day to meet you.
She never talks about money, other than to say that she's concerned you are spending too much.
She isn't desperate.  She has a decent life where she is.

Plenty of other things that could be listed here, I am certain.

Well, it's been a boy meets girl meets her son meets her extended family scenario. 

I am proposing tomorrow. 
What a strange thing to actually type. 
So I'll be back tomorrow at some point with the answer to the question. 
(Insert and imaginary drum roll here.) 

[alex330]

Or is a baker's dozen now?  I have actually lost track, honestly. 

You know all the things that people have posted over the years regarding signs?
Like she takes your arm whenever you are walking anywhere. 
She asks you if you can get used to "the noise" of a child when you've been living alone for quite some time. 
She straightens your tie.
She takes a bus every day to meet you.
She never talks about money, other than to say that she's concerned you are spending too much.
She isn't desperate.  She has a decent life where she is.

So true, good luck and I am sure, congratulations 

[Boethius]

Congratulations, XMan.  Hope all goes well.

[BillyB]

Good luck Xman. Say a few romantic things such as how much she means to you before you actually propose.

[Faux Pas]

Good luck Xman. I've followed your story over the years and can state with a high degree of certainty, if it's true good things happen to good people, this will turn out like you want it to.

[Jack]

seldom when any man will take the time and effort that Xman has will he not succeed.   Best of luck to you Xman although I feel you are well beyond the luck stage.   

[Muzh]

Yay!!!
 
Good luck and congrats in advance.

[CanadaMan]

All the best Xman!
I'm sure you will be an even happier man by tomorrow!   

[ECOCKS]

Best Wishes and Good Luck in the future!

[Kineo]

It sounds like you both have been doing your homework. I am expecting a good grade on the exam! 

[XMan]

First, a sincere thank you to everyone for your very kind words. 
Faux Pas, I've particularly appreciated your thoughts and support on a number of occasions.

Well, what can I say. 

It was surreal. 

My original plans went entirely out the window due to her insistence on staying home and cooking for me.  So I arrived wearing a tie, and she was cooking in sweatpants and a t-shirt.  On other dates I felt under-dressed, so I guess fair is fair.  But this was quite a different evening than the other days / nights together.  She was also embarrassed and did not want to hug me because she smelled like fried chicken.  I said, "you smell like food, how can that be bad?"  Then I hugged her anyway.  And she did smell like fried chicken, and it was fine.   

Anyway, she lives in the upstairs part of a duplex with her mother below (who is great, by the way).  Well, her mother was there for dinner, and stayed, and stayed, and stayed.   That would have been fine any other time, seriously.  But I could not get 5 minutes alone with her, and since I was leaving in a day, that was a serious problem. 

So for another hour I tried to think of some alternative way to get a few minutes alone with her.  I thought I pulled it off until...her son required her attention. 

Well, even after some self-study my Russian is not very good, and I speak only a few words of Ukrainian (which consists of a couple of animals, a butterfly, and a kitchen utensil - none particularly beneficial to me in this scenario). 

So I had asked my agency friend to translate exactly what I wanted to say, and I wrote it into a card - sort of a fancy, hand-made card from a boutique.  (This has added significance because once per week for 4 months I mailed a card of some sort that I picked out specifically and I wrote the entire thing in Russian each time, laughably bad Russian several times, but I'm telling you it had a huge impact on her, and she kept every card and every envelope.  This is not a fast process for me, as it required 2 to 3 hours per card.) 

So her mother says, "you've been quiet for the last hour."  Well, at this point, I knew alone time was not going to happen.  And then I said, "I've had something important I wanted to say all night."  So I took out the card and...she and her mother read it together!   

No, I am not kidding.  (I later found out that she and her mother read every card I ever sent.)

So, her mother was shocked, and she was blushing (a first for me), and I got down on one knee there at the kitchen table with her hair in a pony tail wearing the aforementioned sweatpants and t-shirt, and took out the ring, and she said yes. 

Not exactly a Hollywood moment, but there it is. 

So now the interesting part begins.  I spent all this time trying to find the right woman, seemingly have accomplished that, but know very little about what happens next.  The "Visa Journey" site is in my future, I imagine.  I am quite concerned that she does not have the equivalent of "sole custody" of her son.  She seems to think she can make it happen, but you know how corrupt the entire governmental structure is in Ukraine.  I'm not real fond of extortion and bribes, and I wonder what awaits down the road.  Something for all the new folks to consider if dating a woman with a child. 
 
Not sure if I will get around to doing a trip report.  Since that may or may not happen, I'll mention a few things here. 

I spent a lot of time - no, an inordinate amount of time - analyzing everything and calculating what steps to take when over a 5 year period of time.  In some cases, it can prevent you from making a serious error.  So I see the advantage to it.  In other cases, you wind up picking things apart and shooting yourself in the foot, or sometimes both feet.

In a post long ago I mentioned that I had this laundry list of things (qualities or traits) I was looking for.  My advice (which is worth exactly 2 cents on today's market) would be to keep that list short.  The longer the list, the more likely you are to eliminate someone who may not have made your first cut, and who may actually have been a better fit for you. 

So I got it down to this:
1) Is she a good person (often not easily determined at the outset)
2) Do I find her attractive
3) Do we have some things in common

So I started using that list instead.  And then I worked from there.

If there is a deal breaker, by all means be aware of it and do not ignore your gut feelings, but the above is simple and can be effective. 

Also, don't go all Iago (I know - it's a strange but accurate Shakespeare reference) if you have a suspicion about some red flag.  Try to remain neutral until you can come to a legitimate conclusion about it.  Paranoia will often not serve you well.

This will sound totally obvious, but:
don't try to impress a woman with money.  If you want to impress her, do something for her that means something to you.  If she does NOT appreciate it, she is NOT the right person for you.  In other words, if you like writing poetry, send her some.  (Yes, something gets lost in translation, but it won't matter with the right woman.)  If you like photography, send her your favorite photo. 

I once read that Quentin Tarantino, when determining whether or not to get serious with a woman in a relationship, would watch "Rio Bravo" (John Wayne, Dean Martin, Angie Dickenson, Ricky Nelson, Walter Brennan) with her.  If she didn't like it, she was history.  Funny.

It may seem counter-intuitive, but sometimes the little things are more important than the big ones. 

Enough pontification. 

Take care, all.

[Ade]

Xman, dude, congratulations. Very nice post and some wise words there.

I hope the rest of the trip is as painless as it can be. Good luck and be happy.

[JR]

Yay for you !!!!!
Wish you all the best and may the road ahead be smooth.

[acrzybear]

Be careful X-man-You don't want to rush things 
Good luck on your engagement (now the real work/adventure begins)

[Shadow]

Congratulations on your engagement.
You are sure that SHE said yes and not her mother ? 

[BillyB]

she kept every card and every envelope.  This is not a fast process for me, as it required 2 to 3 hours per card.) 

I later found out that she and her mother read every card I ever sent.)

Good sign. She cherishes your every word. Grats on your engagement and if you have problems about the child custody issue, come back and ask questions. That has to get resolved fairly quickly before proceeding on the rest of your documents.

[Kineo]

Congrats Xman.
 
You have proven your persistence. I am sure you will prevail through the "Visa journey". I look forward to you sharing it.

[XMan]

Congratulations on your engagement.
You are sure that SHE said yes and not her mother ? 

HA!

I am not sure who was more excited.

By the way, her great grandmother, who is amazingly still around, gave me an old porcelain statue of a woman in traditional Ukrainian dress carrying a basket, long black hair in a braid (representing my girl).  Pretty cool. 

[ML]

Hi XMan.  As I remember it, you have made quite a few trips to FSU and have met quite a few women.  So you have much experience overall in this venture.

Sorry if you have already posted these details elsewhere; but could you reveal how many trips  you have taken to visit with this lady and how many days of face time you have had with her?

Thanks.

[mendeleyev]

May you enjoy many years!