When women fall off the grid...

[CalvinHobbes]

Right now I have nothing but good things to say about the EM site. Funny how I'm getting letters from women on AnastasiaDate even though my profile is gone.
So what's the best course of action when corresponding with a lady a few times, then without a given reason she stops sending emails? Do I email her as a gentleman and wish her well in her search that indeed if it's true she no longer has interest, or just move on?

[ML]

It is considered appropriate and acceptable (to them) to simply stop writing when they lose interest in you.

Of course that leaves the burden on the other person to be courteous and send the second message to inquire if the first message was received.

Get used to it along with several other cultural differences.

For instance, as we have been told here several times, these gals don't say thank you because they don't view it as necessary; and you are the one in the wrong if you look for a thank you.

Likewise, you will be the strange one if you expect someone to tell you that they are finished with the correspondence.  You have to expend some extra time and effort (and maybe money) to determine this.

And before the knees start jerking . . . I have been very happy with 95% or so of the FSUW I have actually had romantic meetings with.  But getting sorted down to those who I actually met, I was exposed to the behaviors noted above in a big way.

[LAman]

Right now I have nothing but good things to say about the EM site. Funny how I'm getting letters from women on AnastasiaDate even though my profile is gone.
So what's the best course of action when corresponding with a lady a few times, then without a given reason she stops sending emails? Do I email her as a gentleman and wish her well in her search that indeed if it's true she no longer has interest, or just move on?

Are these the same ladies from your other thread?....."Have conversations going with a few wonderful ladies that potentially are a match."
I am sure those 'wonderful' ladies found someone more interesting....what do you think?

[Gator]

Most RW simply vaporize when they lose interest.  Not a word of farewell.  You perhaps wrote something she did not like.  It is best that you forget about it if you were the last to write.   
If you want to extend your anxiety, you could send a short email asking, "Are you okay?  You stopped writing and I thought maybe you became ill."  You may even wish her a good mood - it translates well.

[mendeleyev]

I'm with Gator in that I'd write a brief note expressing the sentiments in Gator's post. Your life in many ways is different and she may not have forgotten you. Once a relationship had developed then I'd be more concerned about a protracted absence.

Having an ornery streak, in some cases I might be tempted to tell her that I wouldn't be able to write for awhile as I planned to go visit my grandmother in the village where there was no internet service. 

Don't do that however, the translation might not come off well.

[mendeleyev]

The only RW who don't say thank you are the ones that Mrs M tell me "have no good upbringing." There are plenty of very polite and considerate RW, in fact I'm betting more so than among AW of the same age groups. Keep your powder dry, Calvin. If a girl you're courting is inconsiderate, then she'll be even worse once married. Don't rush the process because the nice ladies are there. It is your job to find them.

[ECOCKS]

"Thank you" and "Please" have never been problems in my home and at classes. Hear/heard it all the time at home and from students along with "molodets".

[ML]

The only RW who don't say thank you are the ones that Mrs M tell me "have no good upbringing."

ECOCKS :  "Thank you" and "Please" have never been problems in my home and at classes.
= = = = = = =

I think the two of you must be wrong.  Here is the word.

= = = = = = =

One important thing that  Americans who complain about lack of appreciation in FSU people do not seem to understand is that many FSU people do not say "thank you" as often as they do because  FSU people place different value on it. For example, if i do something good for someone and the recipient smiles in return or says "it was a nice thing. " Period. I would NEVER ever even notice that the recipient did not say "thank you" And i assure you my enjoyment of the fact that i had done something good for the person will NOT diminish even a little bit. Nor would "thank you" increase my enjoyment. Because i do not do things  to be appreciated ( it is an external incentive) but because of my desire to have done something for the person ( it is an internal motive). I believe this is true about many FSU people.

What i am trying to say is that if many FSU people do not feel the need to hear "thank you" and they treat others as they themselves would like to be treated, they may consider "thank you" to be not that important since mentioning or not mentioning of it does not affect themselves one way or another.

[calmissile]

ML,
I had the same experience as you did as far as hearing please and thank you.  Initially, my nose was a little out of joint in that I felt the gifts were not appreciated or I had not chosen the right kind of gifts.  After a while I learned that it does seem to be a cultural characteristic in Ukraine to not make a big deal about saying thank you.  Mendy might also be right about it being more of a social class thing.  As time went on, I noticed that the gifts were very much appreciated and coveted.  We in the West just need to understand that in some cases, there is not an emotional response that we are used to at home.

[GQBlues]

'Thank you' is but one way to show appreciation, just as any other form of 'recognition' of an action is significant in 'our' culture...


So when in Rome.


Strange how so many amongst you seem to take the time to understand the women's cultural ways and tendencies when you're in-country, but easily dismisses when in reverse.


This isn't a one way street, so get some backbone. The significance of understanding and respecting your culture while she's with you in YOUR society should not be dismissed.


I've often said in the past, do not dismiss bad behavior to cultural differences.

[ECOCKS]

We don't agree then.

I agree with Mendy's wife.

I also believe this one of those areas where some will try to see a cultural difference to rationalize their experience.

YMMV, Good Luck.

[Faux Pas]

Maybe I just wasn't listening when the lower class void of any up bringing didn't respond with a spasiba or thank you. AFAIK and my trips to Russia confirm it, saying thank you is a universal response and expected where appropriate. Sure there are the ill-mannered and uncouth everywhere but, that doesn't excuse them IMHO. It's not a cultural thing to be rude, just bad manners.

[XMan]

My experiences, both in Russia and Ukraine, varied greatly.  There were certainly those who said "you're welcome" and "thank you," with the exception of the somewhat frequently unpleasant store clerks or airport employees of some kind.  In smaller towns and cities in Ukraine, people seemed far friendlier and more polite than in Kiev or Kharkov.  But that is not all that different than my experiences throughout the USA, especially in larger cities. 

When I was living in a mid-sized city in the past, it was a running joke between my friends and I that TCBY went out of their way to hire the surliest teenagers they could find. 

I can imagine their interview process.

TCBY:  "How surly are you, on a scale of 1 to 10?" 
 
Teenager:  "Probably about an 8 or 9."

TCBY: "That's pretty good.  But can you mumble with disdain for all humanity?"

Teenager:  "Whatever."

TCBY:  "You're hired."

[onus]

Why must thank you be used? Is their no other ways to express it. I myself say different things for it. I get bored of saying thank you 5 million times a day.

I've had the same experience with American women with cutting of contact. Did i just manage to find all the bad ones? No big deal. Just send another message and if you get nothing then you know for sure. Don't get me wrong i hate that method so i try to do the polite way myself. Its nicer to know why instead of guess.

[mendeleyev]

I hear "Thank you" all the time, even from sleepy clerks as it seems to be ingrained.

spa-see-ba (Спасибо) Thank you

Bahl-shoh-ye spa-see-ba (Большое спасибо) Thank you very much

pa-zhal-oo-sta (Пожалуйста) Please/You're Welcome

bla-ga-da-rOO (благодарю) I thank (you)

ah-gru-mne spa-see-ba (огромное спасибo)

Sometimes you'll hear the phrase "fine/well/good" where we might expect a thanks: hara-sho (хорошо)

[ECOCKS]

You left off the occasional mal-ah-dets - You did well.

[mendeleyev]

Oops, you're right. Since it is usually for children (hmm, why does Mrs M use it with me often?) I forgot.

Sorry. 

But thank you for the reminder.

[ghost of moon goddess]

One more reminder for Mendeleyev   

To express admiration for you and approval of something done by you, Mrs M uses the endearment term "Умница" (Umnitsa) when addressing her adorable man. Doesn't she? 

[ML]

Why must thank you be used? Is their no other ways to express it. I myself say different things for it. I get bored of saying thank you 5 million times a day.

You are missing the point.  The exact words don't have to be 'thank you.'

As Mendy illustrates there are several words or phrases that convey the thanks.

The point being with many FSUW . . . there are no such words, actions, or smiles of any sort.  And this behavior can be from women who really like you.  They just don't like to acknowledge what you do for them.

The same is true for the FSUM.  I have paid for dozens of business meals for FSUM without a single word of thanks . . . in any language, gesture or action.  They feel that I have more money (even though it is not always true), am from a wealthy country, and it is my duty to pay and their right to receive.

And, these very same men and women did say thank you quite frequently to others such as waiters, coat checkers, taxi drivers, etc.  So it was part of their culture; they just don't want to say it to westerners.

[Chicagoguy]

My wife seldom says please or thank you but you can sure see it on her face and in her eyes and in her behavior. I do not even notice this absence any longer. Especially compared to the hundreds of attentive things she does do for me.
Pick your battles.

[ECOCKS]

My wife seldom says please or thank you but you can sure see it on her face and in her eyes and in her behavior. I do not even notice this absence any longer. Especially compared to the hundreds of attentive things she does do for me.
Pick your battles.

Actions certainly speak louder than words.

Like when the waiter threw my butter and a knife down on the table from about 8-10" away.

Or when they're making faces because you expect them to provide change for the bills you just gave them to pay for your groceries.

Or..............so many things.

The message here is that they are fine with people who they perceive they have a relationship with but are usually unconcerned at effects of their words or actions on others.

If the love of your life doesn't use the common phrases, seldom smiles when you do little things away from others and disappears for days at a time it should send a message to you. Flag? How about a flare?

Have you never ducked someone's calls or texts? You probably eventually talk to them and have some lame, BS excuse like busy, driving, meetings, etc. they have sick babushka, power was out, Internet failed, forgot my charger, etc.

As the saying goes, "They're just not that into you."

[ML]

My wife seldom says please or thank you but you can sure see it on her face and in her eyes and in her behavior. I do not even notice this absence any longer. Especially compared to the hundreds of attentive things she does do for me.
Pick your battles.

Now, report back to us your feelings when you are with her in her home country and you hear her say quite frequently (to others) spacibo, spacibo bolshoya, and pzhalstra (spelling).   

[mendeleyev]

To express admiration for you and approval of something done by you, Mrs M uses the endearment term "Умница" (Umnitsa) when addressing her adorable man. Doesn't she?

Her favs are include Jim-ka, Jim-olinka, and Jim-oliya. A couple nicknames are "private."