Taking time to learn first.

[gorzak]

Hey everyone. I am new though I have read quite a few threads already.

I feel there are a few things that make me stand out from the community.
1. While I am serious about learning about this and there is a strong possibility I may pursue an international relationship, I know I am not ready to do it right now. I'm reading about it to see what it takes, doing searches (comparing with local searches on US sites), but have no active profile and am not seeking to communicate with any ladies just yet. I've got 2 big things to work on before I am the catch I mean to be, financial security and the healthy habits that will reduce me from obese to fit.

2. When I am ready for another relationship, be it AW or RW, I am hoping for minimal age difference. Sure the 18-25 crowd is nice to look at, but I want a woman who has had time to grow into her own skin and figure out life a little bit. At 32, I am hoping to find someone 27-33. I am curious if this will be a problem, the convention seems to be 5 years older or more.

3. I am pretty picky. I reduce searches of hundreds of women down to 0 candidates meeting my criteria, in almost all my searches, be they local or international. It seems like much of my criteria are trend to mutual exclusivity, leaving me an odd guy out looking for that one odd duck that matches. AW that tend to meet almost all of my criteria almost always do not want kids, which is a deal breaker for me. I understand RW almost always want kids, so if I find the rare match for me, there's a good chance she'll want kids too.

In many ways I am just another guy. I am confident I'll find love, and make true my goal of making a family. There are so many paths, and the knowledge of people who have walked them is welcome. I appreciate this forum, and the insight is has already given me. I hope to learn yet more.

[Patagonie]

To have  a goal in life is always rewarding, and this one is the most important of course.
You are conscious of your weakness which is very good.
But what surprised me is that you are so picky that you cannot find a match now. You are picky but you are conscious to be overweighted.
If you cannot find a women, local or international, because your criterias are not matched, i guess there is an issue here. And so you have a third issue to work on it.
Read this forum again and again and date locally to maximise your attractiveness and know women better, it's not wasted time !

[gorzak]

If you cannot find a women, local or international, because your criteria are not matched, i guess there is an issue here. And so you have a third issue to work on it.

I agree. This has been an issue for me in the past as well. Last time I solved it by lowering my standards, the result was a very happy 7 year relationship that I had to recently end because we didn't have matching life goals (children).

Read and read and date locally to maximise your attractiveness and know women better, it's not wasted time !

That's the plan! Great minds think alike.

[LAman]

Hi Gorzak. Question.....it terms of being picky, does one of your criteria have that the girl have no kids?
As you get older, chances are less likely to find a childless girl.
Reminds me of close friend who only wanted to find single girl without kids( baggage as he put it). Got into his early forties....when he finally met the right girl........divorced with 3 kids.....happily married still!!!!!

[gorzak]

Question.....it terms of being picky, does one of your criteria have that the girl have no kids?
As you get older, chances are less likely to find a childless girl.
Reminds me of close friend who only wanted to find single girl without kids( baggage as he put it). Got into his early forties....when he finally met the right girl........divorced with 3 kids.....happily married still!!!!!

Yes, but I'd state my reasons differently. It may be selfish, but I wish to have as many kids of my own as I can support, and it is likely that each kid that she already has is one less kid I get to have with her. If I could be convinced that the father would fully financially support their kid, that concern would be addressed, but it would take a lot of convincing. If the woman was widowed, I might reconsider as well.

I don't know what my finances will look like when I am ready to start looking. In the past, earning was not important to me because nothing I wanted required all that much money. I have relocated and scrapped my job. I don't think my experience so far counts for nothing, but it is probable that I would only be able to support a woman and one kid, which would prevent me from trying to have a kid of my own with her until she acclimates and could provide income.  A childless woman would allow the finances to cover her and stretch to either saving for a home down payment or attempting to have a kid immediately if we both thought it a good idea.

Secondly, I have been just slightly involved with a woman with kids in the past. I love kids, I enjoyed the time I spent with her kids. When it didn't work out, I took the loss doubly hard because I didn't just lose the relationship with her, but her kids as well.

I don't like borrowing trouble and going into relationships planning my escape route, but to me it seems like increased risk for diminished reward.

I do see the other side, that a woman with kids will be much more serious about making a relationship work, but I'm probably going to  for a while before I consider those that already have children.