Preparing you lady life in North America/Western Europe?

[LatinSwede]

All be the first to tell you I'm far from being an expert with FSU women.  The only real cross cultural model I've had to follow are my parents. It's like I'm repeating my dad's history in a away.  It's pretty much been hit and miss from there.  With a FSU women, I've pretty much got many familiarities of various European cultures.  Yet on the other hand she's about as different from me as a Korean.

What do you do to give her an rough idea of where she's going?  When we really got serious, I made it clear that she's not going to be living it up in high luxury.  I do relatively well for myself, but still prefer to keep things modest.  Another thing that seemed to really work quite well, is taking lots of photos of things around me in everyday life.  So far I've photographed my apartment (it's like my own little CBGB's rock club), my car, local parks, parent's house, relatives, the surrounding neighboorhood, where I shop, and where I hang out during my leisure.  I'm also an amateur musician.  She gets a little kick out of seeing how I look "in the scene", strumming a guitar, or goofing off with my friend's drum kit.  When she got a hold of those, she was pointing and laughing with her sister.  She told me she was impressed with the pictures of my apartment, but has made it clear she plans to redecorate.  My Ukrainian told me she doesn't want to live in a rock club.  I also got a few "pretty" horror movie posters in the bedroom! :dude:  Those will probably be the first to go  down.

Every trip, (4 so far) to Odessa I never really showered her with high luxury gifts, except  dress shoes here, and maybe a dress here.  It's mainly been simple things. I've brought her some Americans women's magazines like Style and such.  Things are like special grab bags I make up with special soaps, shampoos, shower gel, perfume sprays, and other bath and beauty products.  Usually alot of sample/travel sized stuff I get bit by bit.  I know it sounds kind of tacky, but they love it.  It's funny watching her niece and nephew calling dibs ("eta za menya!").  Other things could be books about the history of my area.  There's more, but I'll leave it here.  I'm curious of how you guys get you FSU lady prepped, or perhaps feedback from the wives.

[catzenmouse]

The biggest hurdle (that I've seen Elena go through), or two or three  maybe, is the language, the extreme multiculturaism, and the great lack  of public transportation. If you live in a big city then the last is  not a problem. But the other two will come up. Even though Elena took  English lessons before she came and her language was very good it took  a long time for her to be even reasonably comfortable speaking to  people. And the second one is most FSUW are not used to having so many  different races/cultures surrounding them on a daily basis. All things  like this are overcome in time and with exposure.

Ken

[LatinSwede]

The biggest hurdle (that I've seen Elena go through), or two or three maybe, is the language, the extreme multiculturaism, and the great lack of public transportation. If you live in a big city then the last is not a problem. But the other two will come up. Even though Elena took English lessons before she came and her language was very good it took a long time for her to be even reasonably comfortable speaking to people. And the second one is most FSUW are not used to having so many different races/cultures surrounding them on a daily basis. All things like this are overcome in time and with exposure.

Ken

 

Yeah, that's an issue I've discussed with her for sure.  As stated in other posts I'm kind of "ethnic" myself.  She's also going to be getting a good dose of hispanic culture in the mix.  In part of my little grab bags to her, I've given her issues of Latina magazine and Revista Christina (kind of our version of pop culture), Spanish music CD's, and things from Panama.  Once as a joke, I got her a little Russian to Spanish dictionary in the Knigi Magazin.  It even teaches basic phrases.  English comes first though.  I feel embarrased by Hispanic immigrants that have been here for ages, and still don't know English.  If you even suggest they learn it, they cry discrimination.  Once a Mexican called me a "pinche vendido" and I laughed.

[LatinSwede]

Another thing.  I'm addicted to Korean food.  I'm hoping she wll aquire a taste for it. If I tell her Korean cuisine is is leaner, it might give her courage to try it. 

[catzenmouse]

LatinSwede,

 It sounds like you are getting her acclimatized to some of what she will encounter here so that is a good start. Nothing will really prepare her for just how different is it here. Patience, love, and understanding will be your best friends in helping her through all that she will be going through.

 What part of NN do you live in? I lived in Denbigh when I was a teenager and down by Buckroe (sp) Beach for awhile too.

Ken

[LatinSwede]

Denbigh?  I live in the Beechmont area.  I graduated from Denbigh high back in '93.

A topic that comes up quite often with her is eating right and being active.  In our plan for living together, I told her she will be in charge of the kitchen.  When it's time to buy groceries, she'll be in charge of what food comes into the home.  To an militant feminist, it sound like I'm chaining her to the stove.  It's not that way. Once she asked me if I could make her some Spanish food.  I almost cryed laughing, because I cook like an Irishman.  She'll have to go to mother's house for that.

I'm guilty for bashing Virginia, but this is a rather decent part of the state.  She'll enjoy seeing the historical areas, parks, and Busch gardens.  She loves picnics, so this will be a good way to get her aquainted with her surroundings.

Oh, I better make sure I give her a good briefing about alcohol laws.  In Ukraine, I can drink a bottle of beer outside like it's a pepsi.  It would rather awkward if we're in Newport News Park, and she surprises me with a bottle of wine.  It would be like "Uh! Darling, you'd better put that away, before the park ranger has a talk with us".  She did that to me in the War Memorial park in Odessa.  I was reaching for a plastic cup, because I wanted some juise.  All of a sudden she pulled out 2 bottles of Slavutich beer.  That's my brand when I'm over there.  If a place is out of that, I ask for Obolon.

[catzenmouse]

That's where I lived too! On Patrick Lane down near the end of Moyar Road. Small RWD world here...

[LatinSwede]

Moyer road?  I walk fown that way from Beechmont Blvd to kill time.  This is my only real exercise of late.  For the meantime, my apartment complex is across the street from what was once the Beechmont Twin theater.  When my lease is up, I'm moving right out because it's not the best neighborhood.  Now that a wife will be coming into the picture, I need a bigger and better place.

[Oosik]

My plan is to not overwhelm her. I am relocating back to my beloved Boise, and I will get a small house to rent in an OK area (preferably kind of quiet) or a small apartment. One bedroom only. She is used to cramped quarters, so I figure a small place will feel more comfortable to her right off the bat. While I prefer isolation, I will try to be within walking distance of several places where she may be able to walk to for a starter job, one that will give her a chance to learn english and the American way, even if it is not exactly a career position. I will try to minimize her need to drive, so hopefully we can spend the fall/winter/spring with her as my passenger learning the area and getting used to US driving rules and unwritten peculiarities before she drives.

She has already expressed concern that she will not be able to cook all my favorite foods, but I figure I'll do a lot of cooking with her and for her as she learns.

I did have her read Elena's thingie on life in the US, and I made sure to not spoil her when I was there.

[LatinSwede]

I decided to delay on getting another place.  I'm just going to extend my lease for another 6 months.  Just getting her here is going to be a big task, without the burden of suddenly having to move.  The first couple of months, I just want her get settled and used to her new suroundings.  Everyday I have off from work, will be spent with her.  As soon as I get off work, I'm going straight home to her.  Just something as simple as us going to a movie, or grocery shopping is enough to boost her confidence.  Her main concern is looking foolish in public, because of her limited English.  To comfort her, I keep telling her about how many times I've felt very embarrased and awkward in her country.  They were times in Ukraine, I felt like I wanted to just hide my head under a pillow and not come out of the apartment.  You know, like not understanding the waitress very well, or getting particular customs wrong.  Luckily the 'in laws' are understanding.

In a couple days I've we'll be on the phone.  There is a lot to discuss.

[catzenmouse]

Check with your local school system/churches for ESL classes for her. It would be great if there is something during the day and close to where you live. Will help break up the day a bit for her and get her started with her transition here and her language confidence.

There are also computer programs for this as well. Get her a SSN as soon as you can and also set up a bank account for her. Doesn't matter if she can use it right away but this will begin her "residence" for any college classes down the road in out of state vs in state tuition prices. Also would not hurt to put her name on the cable bill/electric bill for added proof.

I agree that staying put for now is a good idea as when you are ready to move you can pick a place together. Good Luck and keep us posted on your progress.

Ken

[LatinSwede]

Well, I'm still waiting on this process.  She sent me a message  asking if I'd come to Ukraine and go to her interview with her.  According to her, she'd get her visa after that and we'll leave together.  I had to write back, and call her explaining that the interview doesnt mean she's getting a visa.  It's another step in the process, while waiting for approval.  She's worrried about going to Kiev alone, so I've suggested that maybe she take her sister or aunt with her.  I'll even get her the extra plane ticket.  IMO domestic flights from Odessa to Kiev are relatively inexpensive.  It's not like I can just hop on a plane, as much as I'd like to.  Other than that everything seems fine.

When she gets here, I plan to enroll her in an ESL at the local community college, while I'm doing my classes on the same campus.  I'm also involved in the TNCC international club there, headed by one of the faculty.  We have a lot of fun there, because most people in it is kind of 'ethnic'.  We have presentaions on different countries, and indigenous cultures.  Last time, I assisted one of the girls with a Native American presentation.  There are some East Europeans of various backgrounds in the mix.  The head of our club is from Poland.  This would be a good way for her to make aquaintences.  I asked about ESL classes on campus, and she said they have a superb program.  Hopefully she'll be in here in more than enough time to enroll for Fall semester.  English is essential.  Everyonce in a while, somebody us hosts an international food party at their home.  Last time it was acouple Vietnamese sisters.  My Ukrainski Zhenat would like that.

There are 2 tests I'm eager to give her.  1) The Korean food test (an aquired taste) and 2) the Iced Tea test. 

Catzenmouse, does your wife like Iced Tea?  A lot of Europeans think it's disgusting.  

[catzenmouse]

She'll drink iced tea but it is not a favorite. Hot tea, cola,  lemon/limeaid and an occasional fancy drink like a strawberry daquri or  a Zima. She's not much of a drinker so these are very occasional.

She'll probably enjoy doing Williamsburg. I haven't had a chance yet to  take Elena there so maybe that would be something we could do together.  We have also not been to Busch Gardens yet so that is another  possiblilty. When is her tentative arrival date?

Ken

[LatinSwede]

I'm hoping to get here here by late May or June,  the way things are going.  As I told her, I can't get our plane tickets until her visa has finally come through for sure.  Maybe you and the wife can stop by my place and see my home still in bachelor  mode.  Not sure if you come around Newport News much.  I'm calling her on the phone again next week.

I'm not much a drinker myself, except for well made beer.  I can't stand hard drinks.  She likes to get a Martini now and then.  When she finally gets here, I'm sure she'll love Busch.  I also want to take her to Kings Dominion when we make the hitch final.