Utah Man 'Sick' of Depraved American Women Finds Foreign Bride Online

[Slumba]

It started as a forum devoted to LGBT issues, but it became much broader than that.  It also has a very active celebrity gossip section.  If you read the responses linked, many were by posters with family/acquaintances, even ex husbands, married to "MOB's".

Certainly an excellent way to filter out undesirable (to me) women in the search ... if they like Jezebel.com, they are not my type

[lonedrake]

n the end, though, if you are happy, why would you care?

 I do care enough to not want to talk to people about my wife. However, most of this is due to the fact that she is not here yet.

 Like I told her today......We may be married ,but it doesn't seem like it. I will go to my Mom's place for Christmas....and bring her with on Skype. 

 My wife has also received comments as to "You can't find a man in Ukraine"

 
Where I work in Nov. and Dec. there are a couple of guys that I have worked with for 15 years. I see them every morning( along with one new guy)  When I told them I got married to a woman from Ukraine.....they were polite, but I could tell they thought I had lost my mind. The next day they started telling scam stories......so since then I have just played along with it telling them that she needs money.....for her sick grandmother,her brothers car, a new TV etc.


My mother is also opposed. I told her early on that this is what is happening. I gave her two choices. You can hate it and I will get married, or you can support me and I will get married. She has not said one negative thing since.....although I do know she worries.

My wife's mother was also opposed. Now that she has met me and see's how happy her daughter is she supports her.

 About 10 years ago one of my brothers was on a rant about American women. American women this, American women that...etc. Subserviant and traditional was what he wanted and ended up marrying a nice woman from the Phillipines. I remember telling him the problem was not with American women,but rather him. I thought he was crazy.


Now I am that "guy" that thought going overseas was crazy. So I guess I know what I felt about my brother doing it.

Naturally I think I am an exception to the stereotype...but we all do.....so I guess its just a little self doubt in myself.

[fathertime]

 

My mother is also opposed. I told her early on that this is what is happening. I gave her two choices. You can hate it and I will get married, or you can support me and I will get married. She has not said one negative thing since.....although I do know she worries.

You did a good thing by toning your mother down.  My mother also gave me a terrible time...as a matter of fact, when I attempted to introduce my wife to her via skype, she suddenly (and to my shock) thoroughly blew up and almost scared my wife into not coming at all. Now many years later, they get along very nicely...and she dotes on her newest grandson.  I'd just ride out the bs lonedrake...and make some strong stands with people/family if necessary.  Don't let anybody crap on you or your relationship...works for me.


Fathertime! 

[GQBlues]

...Naturally I think I am an exception to the stereotype...but we all do.....so I guess its just a little self doubt in myself.

And you need to make sure that 'little' self doubt never gets any bigger. DO NOT ever deny how the two of you met. DO NOT give in to the pressure cause by the stigma. Make your marriage, your wife, and yourself be the throwback against the stereotype.

You did NOT meet in a supermarket. You did NOT meet while you were traveling in Europe. You did NOT meet while she was a tourist here, etc...whatever else anyone in this forum tells you to do, or what they did.

The minute that you do, then that 'doubt' will consume you voraciously. If you believe you're NOT a loser, then don't be 'one'.

[Gator]

My wife has also received comments as to "You can't find a man in Ukraine"

Good point.  RW will also receive criticism from friends about marrying a foreigner and leaving their country.  This is not jealousy.  It is about knowing their friend will give up her culture, friends and family and move to a new country full of strangers.  There is some misinformation at play too because stories of RW being injured if not killed by American husbands have been well publicized.   

 

Where I work in Nov. and Dec. there are a couple of guys that I have worked with for 15 years. I see them every morning( along with one new guy)  When I told them I got married to a woman from Ukraine.....they were polite, but I could tell they thought I had lost my mind. The next day they started telling scam stories......so since then I have just played along with it telling them that she needs money.....for her sick grandmother,her brothers car, a new TV etc.

Small minded people tainted by misinformation or negative news   They will meet your wife.  Unfortunately, being small minded they will not immediately understand where they are wrong.  It will take time.  Meanwhile, avoid them. 

My mother is also opposed. I told her early on that this is what is happening. I gave her two choices. You can hate it and I will get married, or you can support me and I will get married. She has not said one negative thing since.....although I do know she worries.

Her concerns will be addressed much as the following:

My wife's mother was also opposed. Now that she has met me and see's how happy her daughter is she supports her.

 

Naturally I think I am an exception to the stereotype...but we all do.....so I guess its just a little self doubt in myself.

From what I have read of your postings, I believe you will do fine.  Patience and understanding will be needed however. 

[Gator]

It started as a forum devoted to LGBT issues, but it became much broader than that.  It also has a very active celebrity gossip section. 

These two subject areas are near the bottom of my list of what I find interesting in life.   


The LBGT community is entitled to live their lives free of oppression, but I simply have no interest in them.  And what a celebrity does means nothing to me. 

[LAman]

 
Where I work in Nov. and Dec. there are a couple of guys that I have worked with for 15 years. I see them every morning( along with one new guy) When I told them I got married to a woman from Ukraine.....they were polite, but I could tell they thought I had lost my mind. The next day they started telling scam stories......so since then I have just played along with it telling them that she needs money.....for her sick grandmother,her brothers car, a new TV etc.

 

Why don't you just say you found the right girl , got married and are very happy.
Afterward, If the conversation comes up where and when you met......then you can elaborate further.... JMT

[lonedrake]

Why don't you just say you found the right girl , got married and are very happy.

 People want to know all of the details....and I don't like to lie. 

Small minded people tainted by misinformation or negative news   They will meet your wife.

I consider them more than just co-workers. One of the guys I consider a friend. I do visit him at his home occasionally. He will meet her....but for now.....all I can do is show pictures. Once he meets her he will understand why I married her( no its not her body or looks)

DO NOT ever deny how the two of you met.

 I would never do that. 

[Muzh]

Just to be clear, I am referring to this page:

http://katiejmbaker.kinja.com/

which includes "Celeb Astrologist Susan Miller Totally Predicted the Gov't Shutdown" (um, yeah...) and "What Would Be on Your Coat of Arms?" (wherein the authoress displays her complete ignorance of heraldry)

We clicked on the same page. It is funny what you choose to see and what we chose to see. Did you read the one about the "invisible children?"
 
Edit to add: Ah silly me. I forgot they are invisible to you until they turn 5.

[Muzh]

I read all 179 replies.

 There seems to be a lot of anger/disgust for men who marry a foreign woman. Of coarse most do believe that the men are looking through a catalog and buying the one they like the best.

Even so.....I does make me wonder what people think when they know my wife is from Ukraine.

Lonedrake, it is of coUrse. But I digress.
 
Why would you care what people think when they know your honey is from UA?
 

[GQBlues]

People want to know all of the details....and I don't like to lie....

That's great! You'll be fine then... 

...I consider them more than just co-workers. One of the guys I consider a friend. I do visit him at his home occasionally. He will meet her....but for now.....all I can do is show pictures. Once he meets her he will understand why I married her( no its not her body or looks)...

...and you're for closely matched in age....and she does speak English, right?

... I would never do that.

Sounds great.
That all sounds good.

[Muzh]

People want to know all of the details....and I don't like to lie. 


I consider them more than just co-workers. One of the guys I consider a friend. I do visit him at his home occasionally. He will meet her....but for now.....all I can do is show pictures. Once he meets her he will understand why I married her( no its not her body or looks)



 I would never do that.

LD, as GQ told you, be yourself.
 
A few days before I was going to Ukraine my two good friends from work took me out to lunch and gave me the NSA treatment.
 
Are you sure what you're doing? Blah, blah blah.
 
Many people at work also knew I was going to Ukraine.
 
Well, my two good friends met my wife and they became life long friends. The women at work thought it was the most romantic thing they ever heard.
 
And then there was this woman who gave me the third degree of buying a mail order bride. I simply told her that I really didn't appreciated her ignorance. A few days later she apologised and said she had seen a TV blurb about mail order brides and she honestly didn't know what to think. I can tell you she does know what to think now.
 
Just pay attention to your wife.

[Faux Pas]

People want to know all of the details....and I don't like to lie. 

That doesn't mean you owe them all of the details and silence isn't lying. Most married guys have experienced all of that to varying degrees. I probably more than my fair share. I found there are different categories of inquisitors. You'll eventually be able to peg which category it is just by the way they ask the question. The one answer I found to be the shortest and quickest to end the question is "we met online". If I can detect a natural curiosity from someone, I might be inclined to elaborate further. There will always be someone looking to castigate, don't take it personal. It's their ignorance and you don't owe them anything.

I consider them more than just co-workers. One of the guys I consider a friend. I do visit him at his home occasionally. He will meet her....but for now.....all I can do is show pictures. Once he meets her he will understand why I married her( no its not her body or looks)



 I would never do that.

You're denying that her looks and body wasn't  part of why you married her? C'mon LD, you are in denial. Is that the only reason? Likely not. She's probably a wonderful woman who also happens to be a looker. Don't deny it and don't make excuses for it. It is what it is. If you don't accept it, how can you expect others to? You chose each other and you deserve each other and what others, even those close to you think, means little to nothing in the grand scheme

[Muzh]

You're denying that her looks and body wasn't  part of why you married her? C'mon LD, you are in denial.
 

 
 
 
Seriously FP, that may work at his place of work, but here?
 
 

[GQBlues]

The 'tougher' part of this reality likely resides with the women even more so as the stigma amongst ex-pats who arrived in the US via other means than K-Visas is even worst. Especially when seen with, well...

[Faux Pas]

 
 
 
Seriously FP, that may work at his place of work, but here?
 
 

'Zactly 

I saw her pictures. I have no idea how he couldn't have noticed she wasn't fat and frumpy

[fathertime]

I consider them more than just co-workers. One of the guys I consider a friend. I do visit him at his home occasionally. He will meet her....but for now.....all I can do is show pictures. Once he meets her he will understand why I married her( no its not her body or looks)

 

Hi Lonedrake, 


If it were me, I wouldn't go saying that too much...I assume you found your wife very attractive....To me, it seems defensive to go saying that it wasn't her body or looks...i'm sure there were some other traits you really liked about her too, but you must have also liked her body and looks...you don't really owe ANYBODY a detailed explanation of why you chose your wife. Especially somebody who is probing for details....
my 2 cents.


Fathertime! 

[southernX]

Hi Lonedrake, 


If it were me, I wouldn't go saying that too much...I assume you found your wife very attractive....To me, it seems defensive to go saying that it wasn't her body or looks...i'm sure there were some other traits you really liked about her too, but you must have also liked her body and looks...you don't really owe ANYBODY a detailed explanation of why you chose your wife. Especially somebody who is probing for details....
my 2 cents.


Fathertime!

totally agree ,
while not denying anything, it is simply no one elses business how you met ,or where you met , 

its a bit like asking someone there sexual orientation when you first meet them , its not on ,
imho if you consider your lady was good enough to marry , be proud of her, support her , love her , defend her , the rest of the world and their prying minds can get stuffed

when i have  Ever been asked , i usually reply by asking  them a very personal question back , this usually puts them back on their arse and they realise their overstepping polite conversational etiquette

SX

[GQBlues]

But it isn't and never will be like that in reality SX. Married to a FSUW, you should know that by now.

Outside of the people you know, strangers upon first meet, will undoubtedly note of your wife's accent and the initial, natural tendency is ask where 'the accent' is from. Then the usual next question to that is - how did you two meet, or is she here visiting/business, etc...

Good, bad or indifferent, that's just the way it is. Now, telling anyone it's none of their business for asking what is otherwise a natural, benign question, is just odd.

Tell them. I told everyone I met my wife through Elena's Model. A site specifically for international dating/marriages. What's the big deal? I am darn proud of my wife. Why lie or find the inquisition offensive?

I'm not a loser and neither is she...

[southernX]

gq

thats your view , your welcome to it 

SX

[lonedrake]

You're denying that her looks and body wasn't  part of why you married her? C'mon LD, you are in denial.

 You got me there Yes I thought she was hot. The point I was trying to make is that I was never looking for a trophy wife or real young. She is 40...I am 45.  What I mean is that when people meet her they will realize what a kind and wonderful woman she is. (and hot...how's that?)


 I don't get to worried about what others think.....but I do wonder sometimes. 

Good, bad or indifferent, that's just the way it is. Now, telling anyone it's none of their business for asking what is otherwise a natural, benign question, is just odd.

 I agree. The vast majority of people are nice to me. But...I am also nice to them. People find me and what I do very interesting and they respect me.  A lot of this is because I am open and honest and I am very perceptive to what they are thinking. I plan to continue this. I do like it when people respect me and I do care how I come across. It is good for business and personal life.

[jmana]

The discussion about making up false stories about how people met made me laugh because I never had a chance to make up a fake story with my first wife.  This was 13 years ago when online dating was somewhat new, especially international online dating!  And I lived in a tiny town to boot.  So the local newspaper came to me and asked if they could do a little article about how we met and I said sure, why not?  Well..... I get the newspaper and who's picture is literally taking up half the front page with the huge headline "LOVE BYTES"?!  Yup, and to make it worse it was probably the worst picture ever taken of me, and of course my ex wife looked great as always.  I didn't go out of the house for a week.   

[mendeleyev]

LD, there are stereotypes about the type of women who marry WM and there are stereotypes about the type of men who marry FSUW. You will never get around those with some people, but ultimately the people who matter will accept her and your marriage.

The first year both of you will experience doubts and that is normal I think in the longer adjustment phase, so treat this journey as a marathon instead of a 40 yard dash is the advice I'd give. It is worth the effort.

I have found that learning the language is the great equalizer: the ability to switch into Russian with each other even for a couple of moments silences the critics who then wonder what they missed and if perhaps there is more to your level of committment than simply picking a woman out of a catalog and having her delivered to your doorstep.

[Daveman]

 You got me there Yes I thought she was hot.

Of course.  You date a woman because she's attractive, hot, sexy, fun.. you marry her because she's a helluva lot more.

[Anotherkiwi]

Of course.  You date a woman because she's attractive, hot, sexy, fun.. you marry her because she's a helluva lot more.

All together now...Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!

How sweet!