Sad day

[Boethius]

That's great, Aloe.  So, what have you learned from the book to make hubby feel loved and wanted?

[Aloe]

To trust his competence more and not to try to improve everything he does all the time And when i do have to, remind him that this isn't an attack on his competence, but rather some loving and well-meaning advice
Didn't realize that when i suggest ways to do something, he feels like im critisizing him Or that when i'm venting my feelings, that he takes it like his personal failures. Strange eh    Still reading the book

[Aloe]

Also that he needs his downtime in his 'cave' to process things instead of talking. Because for me talking about things is the number one way to feel better, so i always try to get him to talk when he's obviously not in the mood for it, on the assumption that this way he will feel better. But now i know he needs his 'cave' to calm down and think straight, so no talking then That is THE moment when all the bad stuff in our arguments happened, when i tried to get him to keep talking instead of leaving him alone in his cave

[GQBlues]

Congratulations Aloe! Wonderful news indeed! I'm happy both for you and your hubby....

 

[Daveman]

Also that he needs his downtime in his 'cave' to process things instead of talking. Because for me talking about things is the number one way to feel better, so i always try to get him to talk when he's obviously not in the mood for it, on the assumption that this way he will feel better. But now i know he needs his 'cave' to calm down and think straight, so no talking then That is THE moment when all the bad stuff in our arguments happened, when i tried to get him to keep talking instead of leaving him alone in his cave

Glad you figured that out.  Women tend to vent their negative emotions when they feel them.  A large proportion of men turn silent and often withdraw at the onset of negative emotions.  Makes for an interesting scenario, no? 


I can very well relate to your husband in that aspect.  I need alone time, even when I'm not feeling bad about something.. just need to go off by myself and recharge.  Tossing darts, shooting pool, programming, reading.. could be anything.  I relate to difficult situations much better after a "recharge" than at the moment the feces hits the rotary oscillator.  At that moment of flying poop, it's duck, fight, run, etc -- action, not discussion.

[Ooooops]

Great news, Aloe!   

[LAman]

Glad to hear about improvements in your marriage. That book is very interesting and very true bout many things.
 
The part that I remember best( and use to this day) is being a good listener. Women like to talk, vent  if you will, doesn't have to be negative but just to tell about their day...their thoughts. And being the man I was, used to try to 'fix' what ever situation the women was in, it is just how guy's are wired I guess. After reading the book.....I just learned to listen...never tried to 'fix' anything....just listen.....and it worked beautifully!!! Guys...women just love that!!

[Gator]

Aloe,
 
You have been a superb contributor to RWD.  Your story of your married life is so interesting.  From all you have written over the years it is apparent that you are observant, analytical and patient, and not driven by your emotions.   You will do well in life.

[Aloe]

Thanks everyone 

[jazztropy]

Also that he needs his downtime in his 'cave' to process things instead of talking. Because for me talking about things is the number one way to feel better, so i always try to get him to talk when he's obviously not in the mood for it, on the assumption that this way he will feel better. But now i know he needs his 'cave' to calm down and think straight, so no talking then That is THE moment when all the bad stuff in our arguments happened, when i tried to get him to keep talking instead of leaving him alone in his cave

I found this video that drives the point home in a more entertaining fashion!  Watch it, you will at least agree it's rather entertaining.

[Aloe]

I've seen all his videos, he's great 

[BillyB]

Hubby totally turned around the way he deals with me after reading Men are from MArs, women are from Venus. Basically, whenever i'm upset, he just comes and hugs me and says loving and supporting things, and i feel very good very quickly     Super happy with him!

Great! Did he pick up the book on his own or did someone suggest it to him? You couldn't get him to go to counseling so who would have thunk a book would do the trick? Sometimes reading a book or even watching a movie can get people to change their ways since they can relate to the characters in the book or movie and see how they are affecting others.