Looking for direction

[amlife]

Hello Everyone

let me first start by saying thank you for all contributors and staff who works on this site, I'm very excited to join this forum and get help and direction from senior members and from people who been there already.

So I met a girl online from Russia, she seems to be very nice, she is interested in marriage and the idea of moving to live in Canada.

She did not have problem sharing her phone number, Skype, social media account. information about her school, place where she live.  she also shared via her social media account pictures of herself and her family. so I know for sure she is a real person. I also asked if she does not mind me paying her a visit and meet her in person and meet her family and She welcomed the idea.

She writes very well over skype, but speaks very little. ... She did not mind talking to me on the phone when I asked her, at first she was afraid that I will be disappointed with her English skills.  but when I spoke to her on the phone she was like 5/10.

She sent me a message over skype, apologizing that she could not express her thoughts clearly but she said she understood me 100%. and she wish to speak again over skype.

At this point, I need direction ...  I know communication is a key for every relationship and this should not be taken lightly. But she is willing to learn and she expressed that she love English language. So i don't think it will take her long to learn it as she is only 18.

So my plan is after few weeks of phone calls I should go and meet her her first then go and meet her parents. is this the right way to do things in Russia?

I'm kind a serious person and I don't like to spend weeks and months talking on the phone I think it's pointless.

Also how I will be able to communicate with her parents? how would I be able to convince them to give their only daughter to a guy who they can't even speak Russian?

When I asked her if her parents may have problems with this, she said no they should not have problem. but I personally doubt that.

I find it close to impossible, for parents to giver their only daughter to a stranger.   But I still see people are doing it. ... any Idea how I should be perusing this? 

[pokerintherear]

What are the ages of the participants in the story? You say she is 18?

You are 53 but look 30 and in good shape I assume?

[amlife]

What are the ages of the participants in the story? You say she is 18?

You are 53 but look 30 and in good shape I assume?

Thanks for your reply, not quite sure from where you came up with that age? I'm 28 years old & I'm in excellent shape

When I asked her if she is okay with 10 years difference she said does not mind it considering I'm looking for serious relationship.

Hope this answers your question

Thanks

[pokerintherear]

Is she out of school or university?

My opinion is 18 is too young for a individual to consider marriage in this day and age. Maybe she is from a remote village?

[amlife]

Yes, She is from very small village about 8 hours drive from Moscow. she is currently studying at university 2 hours a way from where she is from.

[Drew]

Start your search again.  Only look at women aged 23 and above who have finished their first university degree in FSU and are at 7 or above level in English.

[Turboguy]

I would say the fact that she is skyping with you is a good sign.  It really sounds like she is not a scammer but if she does ask for money before meeting you don't send it and move on.


Most everyone here, including me feels that 18 is too young to make a lifetime commitment and that you.  That being said, millions of Russian women as well as AW will get married when they are 18 years old and the one marriage to a gal about that age among our members seems to be doing well even though the guy is much older than you are.  My first wife was 18 when we married and that lasted 18 years but of course those were different times. 


What ever you decide to do I wish you luck.

[Lily]

Hello to my fellow Torontonian to the West! 

With 28, you have plenty of time to search! and yes, Skyping is a very good sign!

[Shadow]

Welcome amlife, you will find a diversity of opinions here from which you will have to select what fits your situation.
Remember that you are the only one who can truly judge this.

Contrary to some of the above I do not think that 18 is too young to marry, and this comes from a guy who took a very long time to be lured in to marriage.
As for age difference, women mature faster as men so the real difference is much less. By the time you feel to get old (30 years) she will also be a bank-sitting creature no worries there.
What you do need to establish is if she is looking for a fantasy or for a husband. If she considers you the white knight who will bring her to a castle away from her village past, you may find yourself in trouble once she notices there are bigger castles and more shiny knights, and unless you manage to become Bill Gates there always will be.
Some time between 25 and 30 she will start thinking if she did not waste her life by running away to a foreign country, and unless you are truly her love, that may cause damage in your relationship. Especially as that will be the time you will be wanting to buy that sports car and other things....

But I see no reason to wait looking for Russian women who have been jaded by their first divorce, or just been too busy clubbing to find a husband, nor for you to first marry a local girl in order to be ale to tell the difference. Those tales come from older guys who wish they had been in your position at your age.

Do not get carried away to far yet, meeting in person can change everything. So move to that goal first, then the rest will show itself.

[Turboguy]

So my plan is after few weeks of phone calls I should go and meet her her first then go and meet her parents. is this the right way to do things in Russia?

I'm kind a serious person and I don't like to spend weeks and months talking on the phone I think it's pointless.

Also how I will be able to communicate with her parents? how would I be able to convince them to give their only daughter to a guy who they can't even speak Russian?

When I asked her if her parents may have problems with this, she said no they should not have problem. but I personally doubt that.

I missed a couple of questions you had when I posted earlier.   Yes, after a few weeks of calling making a trip to meet her and her parents is the perfect way to do it.  Waiting too long will make her think you are not serious and meeting to fast is like going for a pig in a poke (nothing personal intended to your lady)


I met a lot of parents during my long search.  They were all great and were very hospitable and welcoming.  Many did not speak a word of English.  Sometimes the woman I was visiting translated.  Sometimes we managed to communicate without words.  I can recall sitting with one dad and taking for ages using a drawing and hand signs.  Actually he and I stayed friends for years after that even though I did not pursue his daughter after that visit.


You will find that when you walk down the streets there people come off as the most unfriendly in the world.  They just have blank stares and expressionless faces as they walk down the street, however when you are invited into their home you will find Russian people to be the friendlies and most hospitable that you can find anywhere in the world.  They are warm, giving and kind.   

[tfcrew]

                           


                           

Also how I will be able to communicate with her parents? how would I be able to convince them to give their only daughter to a guy who they can't even speak Russian?

She would have to do that.

Curious what University is 2 hrs from the village?
A roll of the dice on this one.
It's a long way to go at this point.

[calmissile]

I missed a couple of questions you had when I posted earlier.   Yes, after a few weeks of calling making a trip to meet her and her parents is the perfect way to do it.  Waiting too long will make her think you are not serious and meeting to fast is like going for a pig in a poke (nothing personal intended to your lady) has the appearance of being desperate.


I met a lot of parents during my long search.  They were all great and were very hospitable and welcoming.  Many did not speak a word of English.  Sometimes the woman I was visiting translated.  Sometimes we managed to communicate without words.  I can recall sitting with one dad and taking for ages using a drawing and hand signs.  Actually he and I stayed friends for years after that even though I did not pursue his daughter after that visit.


You will find that when you walk down the streets there people come off as the most unfriendly in the world.  They just have blank stares and expressionless faces as they walk down the street, however when you are invited into their home you will find Russian people to be the friendlies and most hospitable that you can find anywhere in the world.  They are warm, giving and kind.

I experienced the same behavior in Ukraine.  Once you are 'accepted', they are the warmest people I have met anywhere.   I was curious about why they seem aloof when in public and several older people told me it is a carryover from the old days of the KGB.   You never know who might turn you in for something trivial you might say.  Seems like a reasonable explanation to me.

[amlife]

I kindly thank each one of you for your answers, it means a lot to me. I totally felt that I'm alone in this and I have no one to ask for second opinion. But now i really appreciate your input.

I have few points I would like to comment on: 

Start your search again.  Only look at women aged 23 and above who have finished their first university degree in FSU and are at 7 or above level in English.

I think if this girl is able to speak English very well and she is financially in depended (let us say she finished school and has a job).she would have been talking to many guys and go with the idea of (never settle for less) so she will never seek marriage until she maybe in her late 20s. I could be wrong on this but that is my personal opinion.

I would say the fact that she is skyping with you is a good sign.  It really sounds like she is not a scammer but if she does ask for money before meeting you don't send it and move on.

thanks for your reply. I'm very aware of online scammers but they all seems to fail when I ask them for social media accounts, detailed photos her self and friends and family or ask for audio/video via Skype.

As for the age, I asked her if it's too young for her to get married at this time, she told me that her mom and dad got married at this age so to her she does not see it as too young or problem.

Again. Turboguy, Shadow, tfcrew I can't thank you enough for your valuable opinions.

I wished I had the opportunity to meet someone locally in Canada but I had nothing but bad luck! specially when I'm not in bar/club type a guy. 

My luck is so bad.... almost got me police one day! funny story I like to share

Nothing with this post, 

One day I saw a girl I liked at Costco; so i tried o gather some intel on her. I know a very nice old lady who works there so I asked if she can can help gathering some information about her. But because there are so many people works in Costco she could not recognize her based on my description.

So I went and took a photo for her and showed it to the old lady, she knew the girl so she called her and introduced me to her immediately on the spot. then the girl left because she was doing work. The old lady asked me to come back at later time to check with her and see if  the girl likes to see me again.

I tried going back to find the old lady few times but I always miss her because of her work schedule and i never saw that girl again ever at the store.

so after 3 weeks of me not going to Costco!  I went there to buy few things and all the sudden the store manager a very rude person comes to me and start almost yelling. You are stalker, you take pictures of our employees, you ask for them ... if you don't act as normal customer I'm calling the police to arrest you and revoke your Costco membership.

I told her come down lady and no need for Yelling. later I knew there is no point to talk to such person as what ever I say will only put more fuel on fire with her. so I told her what do you want? she said do not speak or talk to that girl again or I will call the cops and kick you our of the store. so I told her fine and then I left.

1 week later, I went to Costco to buy some food and I saw the old lady and she was little upset. she said why you did not come again? the girl liked you and she asked for you? why you asked for her and then you suddenly disappear?.
so i told her the story of what happened with the store manager and she turned yellow and said I'm very sorry for what happen to you. Do you still want to speak to the girl? at this point I don't know the truth from lies so I said NO and moved on.

 

so I'm trying to be very careful about what to do. specially when it's a long distance and Canada is very hard place to bring anyone to ,specially with the high number of scams. so the only way is to go is to marry her over seas and start sponsorship applications that takes about 1 - 1 1/2 to be processed. it's a long shot but to me I think I have no choice at this point

Curious what University is 2 hrs from the village?
A roll of the dice on this one.
It's a long way to go at this point.

I asked her indirectly and found out that she is originally from the small village but they live in a city called Kursk this is where the university is. I asked number of questions about the university, the department she is in, distance from home to university and verified the information using Google maps & university website. So far I could not find a flaw.

I still could not verify why she mentioned to me that at school time she lives with aunt because it's closer to school.  I still have to verify that.

[GQBlues]

...One day I saw a girl I liked at Costco; so i tried o gather some intel on her. I know a very nice old lady who works there so I asked if she can can help gathering some information about her. But because there are so many people works in Costco she could not recognize her based on my description.

So I went and took a photo for her and showed it to the old lady, she knew the girl so she called her and introduced me to her immediately on the spot. then the girl left because she was doing work. The old lady asked me to come back at later time to check with her and see if  the girl likes to see me again.

I tried going back to find the old lady few times but I always miss her because of her work schedule and i never saw that girl again ever at the store.

so after 3 weeks of me not going to Costco!  I went there to buy few things and all the sudden the store manager a very rude person comes to me and start almost yelling. You are stalker, you take pictures of our employees, you ask for them ... if you don't act as normal customer I'm calling the police to arrest you and revoke your Costco membership.

I told her come down lady and no need for Yelling. later I knew there is no point to talk to such person as what ever I say will only put more fuel on fire with her. so I told her what do you want? she said do not speak or talk to that girl again or I will call the cops and kick you our of the store. so I told her fine and then I left.

1 week later, I went to Costco to buy some food and I saw the old lady and she was little upset. she said why you did not come again? the girl liked you and she asked for you? why you asked for her and then you suddenly disappear?.
so i told her the story of what happened with the store manager and she turned yellow and said I'm very sorry for what happen to you. Do you still want to speak to the girl? at this point I don't know the truth from lies so I said NO and moved on. ..

Classic!

Yeah, you did screw that up royally, not only once but more times than you thought, more importantly, the last one.

This is what I mean by investing in yourself. If there had been 100 Costcos you shop in, and the same 100 cute gal working there, getting enough confidence in yourself by trying 100 times, chances are great you'd be with a gal your thought was worth enough to pursue. Even if ultimately your success rate would have been 10% by doing this on your own, that 10% is much more than enough to whip yourself with the right attitude and flair where sooner than later you've developed enough confidence by experience that you can in fact *meet a gal that attract you* without fear or hesitation.

When all is said and done, what's the worst thing that can happen even if she says 'no'? Be what you were before trying? LOL.

Talking to someone about someone you like is silly. Taking picture of someone you like but don't know, is silly. Relying on someone else's opinion as to whether or not you should pursue someone that attracts or interest you, is silly. Lastly, dropping yourself out of the possibility the gal might also have an attraction to you, is the biggest mistake you made - all simply because you never gathered enough balls to find out..and guess what, with that mindset - you never will.

Had I been single and saw Charlize Theron, or Cameron Diaz or Michelle Pfeiffer and I wanted to find out if there's a chance I can poke her, LMAO...you better believe I'll make the world move in slow motion as I would without hesitation take the time to find out.

And don't you think that never happened either. 

I will admit when I was single I was always more than elated to know there are plenty of guys like you despite being the luckiest, ugliest mutha that ever walked this planet.

[I/O]

amlife: Is English your native language?

[Gator]

Amlife        

Why are you in a rush to get married?  Being lonely is a bad answer.   

Based on your Costco story, you need more experience.  Date more, have some fun on a trial & error basis, and learn more about women and yourself (in effect, "investing in yourself" as GQ advised).

I think if this girl is able to speak English very well and she is financially in depended (let us say she finished school and has a job).she would have been talking to many guys and go with the idea of (never settle for less) so she will never seek marriage until she maybe in her late 20s. I could be wrong on this but that is my personal opinion.

Do you say this because this is the way Canadian women behave? 

Do not believe that if you marry a young woman, it preempts the above option.  Women change, especially 18-yo women.  If they want their independence to accomplish something,  you will not stop them.  Even if  you keep her pregnant and barefoot for 10-15 years, the time will come to accomplish something with her life.

You should now be discussing in detail her views on this exact subject. 

When you say you met a RW online, was it a social site or a marriage agency?  If the former, marriage may not be on this woman's mind.  She may simply be practicing her English and telling her friends about chatting with a Canadian man.   When you visit she may think of you as a friend, not a possible lover.  Unless you like travel adventures, talk with her some more.  Ask some direct questions before you possibly waste your time and money. 

BTW, I believe you should have at least three separate trips to visit a woman before proposing marriage.  Do you have time for that?

Good luck!

[GregfromGa]

amlife: Is English your native language?

Good question. I picked up on that as well.

Amlife, you have came to the right place but you will get 25 different suggestions and answers. You're probably a good kid. Slow down, don't rush. This endeavor aint for the timid and it aint no walk in the park.

[Lily]

Amlife,

Have you tried Plentyoffish?

In case your interest is specifically RW, you may want to check out the local Russian dating sites. I think I brought up a few of them earlier on this forum.

[amlife]

Oh, Thanks again for your kind reply

GQBlues, Gator, GregfromGa & others I really appreciate your opinions.

No, english is not my first language so I apologize for spelling, grammar and choice of words! as I really did not pay close attention to what I wrote in details. 

It seems like the funny story I shared, gave you guys the wrong impression about who I am. But that was one of my funny stories. hopefully when time permits, I will share more
 
I have spoken to over 25 girls in the past 4 years both (directly and indirectly) the result was either not compatible or they are not interested. so I guess it's bad karma:)

Lily;

As for Plentyoffish I did not find in it other than kids trying to chat, single mothers or girls who have personal issues.
I will send you PM about this.


Again, I truly appreciate your input and at this specific time, I wish this topic to be closed

[BillyB]

I have spoken to over 25 girls in the past 4 years both (directly and indirectly) the result was either not compatible or they are not interested. so I guess it's bad karma:)

Beggars can't be choosers. Actually most men can't choose. We chase women but the women choose us. Most women you met didn't work out for whatever reason. The girl in Russia, although 18, has got the hots for you. Doesn't hurt to see if there's something there. If you don't go, you'll never know. A 10 year age gap is probably less than half the marriages have here. Good luck.

[I/O]

I have spoken to over 25 girls in the past 4 years both (directly and indirectly) the result was either not compatible or they are not interested. so I guess it's bad karma

Is their lack of compatibility or interest race based or influenced?

[CDW]

amlife: Is English your native language?

What has it got to do with it?

[Anotherkiwi]

What has it got to do with it?

You're deaf, so you sometimes construct your written sentences differently from those of us with good hearing - it's not a bad thing, it's just different, and we can still understand what you mean.  Same with amlife - his sentence constructions are different from a native English speaker.  Again, it's not a bad thing, just different.

Heck, if you can understand Patagonie when he gets excited, you can understand anyone!    And Pat, that's no reflection on you - I'm glad that you have graced us with your presence for so long, especially now that you're married. 

By the way, amlife - 

[Wayne]

Russia does not have up to grade 12, I think it is only 10. People start college sooner and graduate sooner. People usually marry at a young age.
 
Just remember, it takes a lot of time and money for this adventure.

[Patagonie]

Oh, Thanks again for your kind reply

GQBlues, Gator, GregfromGa & others I really appreciate your opinions.

No, english is not my first language so I apologize for spelling, grammar and choice of words! as I really did not pay close attention to what I wrote in details. 

It seems like the funny story I shared, gave you guys the wrong impression about who I am. But that was one of my funny stories. hopefully when time permits, I will share more
 
I have spoken to over 25 girls in the past 4 years both (directly and indirectly) the result was either not compatible or they are not interested. so I guess it's bad karma:)

Lily;

As for Plentyoffish I did not find in it other than kids trying to chat, single mothers or girls who have personal issues.
I will send you PM about this.


Again, I truly appreciate your input and at this specific time, I wish this topic to be closed

It is not a bad karma, it is just that your RIO on seduction is low.
Only the ones you meet count in the race. So the question is how many did you meet and how many have you hold their hands, kissed, fucked ? That is the real parameter to assess if you were attractive or not.
Believe me there are no karma with women.
About what you are doing : you are a little young. For any man i would advice to start at 23 years when searching a lady. The best for you would be to go on a tour, unfortunately our dear friend Jack is dead. You  have to shake up your flag pole a little aound the world IMHO.