Possible to have a relationship with somebody who does not speak your language?

[tommyk]

Just wondering what people's thoughts/experiences were on trying to start/have a relationship with a girl who does not speak your language?

[Boethius]

Personally, I could not do this, as I live very much in a world of ideas, and I enjoy debating those with my husband.  However, even if a FSUW speaks your language, few are fluent enough to understand the nuances of the language.

[Larry1]

Just wondering what people's thoughts/experiences were on trying to start/have a relationship with a girl who does not speak your language?

I have read a number of accounts of guys who managed to sustain a relationship with girls who did not speak their language.  They have used interpreters, and online or electronic translators (ECTACO) to communicate. Some of them are now married to the girls who didn't speak their language.

I have never been able to do this. I certainly tried, especially with two gorgeous brunettes from Zaparozhe. My relationships have always been with girls who spoke English at least reasonably well.

[bagalia]

Long ago I tried using a dictionary and failed miserably. Then I tried the talking machine translator and most everyone had good laughs. A few months down the road we both decided we didn't know each other as well as we thought.

It is easy to start a relationship with such a woman and one with half a brain can learn a lot of the language in 3 months of schooling. I used to believe in it somewhat despite the problems that seemed to always pop up but after some years with a mildly fluent wife I still find misunderstandings every other day due to a new word that screws everything around. I think there are way too many negatives.

I suppose if I was going to do such a thing now, I would do a comprehensive question and answer session in writing with a translator to include most everything imaginable and add to it along the way. It is just so very easy for the smallest thing to be assumed or overlooked now just to pop up 6 months down the road, financial questions especially. That goes for all relationships but especially for those with language problems. Simple Yes or No answers not allowed. A question not fully answered is a answer you do not know yet.

Even with a lot of questions answered there are assumptions that may hold true in her country but not in ours so she might not even think to ask about them.

In general, I have known many women to learn basic English in a few months and go on to several years of good marriage. I just would not want the hassle. There are too many women out there. There are plenty enough hassles as it is.

[Chicagoguy]

It is not easy. Almost 6 years now and she is working on lesson as I write. I think it is harder on her than me. She is older and will probably never be completely fluent.

She is not lonely as she Skypes at least an hour a day with Russian speakers plus a  couple live close.

[cc3]

My fiancee is a continuous university student of English, and she loves the language so much that she incessantly endeavors to improve her knowledge. In that she is in a program to receive a degree in English philology, her level of interest and desire to succeed in English is admirably necessary.

[ML]

Just tonight, Ochka and I were watching a taped episode of Castle.  He now has a Private Investigator practice.

His wife Becket comes into his office late at night and the two of them start talking like the Sam Spade characters of 1950s.

He says something about "What is a dame like you doing out this late at night."

She says: "I am looking for a Private Dick."
They start taking off each others clothes.

Ochka had learned the Dick word, but she didn't know why the wording was clever until I explained to her Dick also referred to detective.

These explanations  are going to go on for years and years.

[ML]

Probably some of you know that the one thing you can always do with a gal who speaks none of your language is . . . have sex.

Seems to work OK without language.

And there are some advantages.

She won't ask you when you are going to call her.

[ML]

I would have to say that the men (and women) who are happy in a relationship with a woman who speaks very little of their language are fairly low level men who are not intrigued by interesting conversation as Boe mentioned.

[fathertime]

I would have to say that the men (and women) who are happy in a relationship with a woman who speaks very little of their language are fairly low level men who are not intrigued by interesting conversation as Boe mentioned.

I don't know what you mean by 'low level men'. 


I have a good friend....he married his Chinese wife about 8 years ago and to this day I can't understand much of anything she says, and neither can he!  He is now 68 years old and his wife is around 55 or so, so I don't see either of them learning the other's language at this point, nevertheless they seem quite happy with each other.  He is very financially secure, and one of the most chatty individuals I've ever met, so it is a little ironic that he has a wife that he can barely communicate with verbally.  He owns a company that has been incredibly successful, so at least in this case, the 'low level men' comment doesn't appear to apply.

[LiveFromUkraine]

I don't know what you mean by 'low level men'. 


I have a good friend....he married his Chinese wife about 8 years ago and to this day I can't understand much of anything she says, and neither can he!  He is now 68 years old and his wife is around 55 or so, so I don't see either of them learning the other's language at this point, nevertheless they seem quite happy with each other.  He is very financially secure, and one of the most chatty individuals I've ever met, so it is a little ironic that he has a wife that he can barely communicate with verbally.  He owns a company that has been incredibly successful, so at least in this case, the 'low level men' comment doesn't appear to apply.

It sounds like he is more interested in someone to take care of him and not a legitimate partner.  That is ok as they are both adults but doesn't necessarily take away what ML said.


I wouldn't necessarily say that financial success makes a man higher level.  There are plenty of men that I would consider low level that have reached financial success.  Some try to mask it but the cracks appear every once in awhile to see the true nature.


In a general manner, I tend to agree with ML.  It was difficult enough communicating with someone who was rather good in English but couldn't understand the nuances of the language and the local slang.  I gets old fast unless communication isn't a big deal which leads to the "low level" portion.


I am speaking in generalizations  of course.

[fathertime]

It sounds like he is more interested in someone to take care of him and not a legitimate partner.  That is ok as they are both adults but doesn't necessarily take away what ML said.


I wouldn't necessarily say that financial success makes a man higher level.  There are plenty of men that I would consider low level that have reached financial success.  Some try to mask it but the cracks appear every once in awhile to see the true nature.


In a general manner, I tend to agree with ML.  It was difficult enough communicating with someone who was rather good in English but couldn't understand the nuances of the language and the local slang.  I gets old fast unless communication isn't a big deal which leads to the "low level" portion.


I am speaking in generalizations  of course.

I don't know what 'low level' means in this context. 


As to my old buddy...I don't see it as a caretaker type relationship as he is full of life still...and I can tell it is a major pain in the ass for him to get his point across sometimes when they attempt to communicate, I know I don't have the patience for that 365 days a year...but he seems ok with it...I don't need a ton of conversation, but I sure as heckfire don't want to have to struggle endlessly and explain over and over to have the language understood when conversation is happening....somehow it works for those two though as they seem happy with each other.all in all I guess it can work for some, but probably not me...at least not for very long! 


Fathertime!   

[BillyB]

Just wondering what people's thoughts/experiences were on trying to start/have a relationship with a girl who does not speak your language?

Two good people make good things happen. If both partners are focused on making the relationship work, chances are it will work but if both people are very different, they will start hating each other. Need to translate important things before marrying such as religious beliefs, political beliefs, and other hot topic issues.

[Faux Pas]

I have read a number of accounts of guys who managed to sustain a relationship with girls who did not speak their language.  They have used interpreters, and online or electronic translators (ECTACO) to communicate. Some of them are now married to the girls who didn't speak their language.

I have never been able to do this. I certainly tried, especially with two gorgeous brunettes from Zaparozhe. My relationships have always been with girls who spoke English at least reasonably well.

The bigger question is how many of them are still married after a couple of years.


Communication is key in most marriages. 90%+, relationships won't last more than a couple of years if they can't communicate on some level effectively. Someone has to learn a language at some point. Sure there are some exceptions. There were a couple of men on this forum a number of years ago that married women they couldn't communicate with. I don't know if it's any indication but, they're not here now. We hear of this happening now and again and a couple have returned to the forum to boast about it 10-12 months later. I can't recall any returning to boast anytime longer than that. Whatever that means

[Muzh]

Just wondering what people's thoughts/experiences were on trying to start/have a relationship with a girl who does not speak your language?

Only of she is short and has a flathead.

[Chicagoguy]

Read my post again. My wife knew no English. In school back then it was as useful as my Latin, which was not even a spoken language except for extremely few. In her time they believed English was useless. German was better.

We are coming up on 6 years now. She now talks to all my friends and family with few problems. Before marriage she wrote me every day for over 1 year. Had to translate my letter then write her letter to me in Russian and translate it before sending. About 2 hours each day.

So now the readers here can say they know 1 couple who succeeded.

[jone]

Well done, Chicagoguy.

[Noch1]

My wife only spoke a couple words of English when we met. I learned a bit of russian, she is learning English.
Still lots to learn, but we have done fine, she can speak to most people here with few issues and is getting better
daily. If you have a closed mine then a bad Idea, if you are afraid to put in the work, bad idea.
But if two people want to be together they will learn to communicate and build the relationship.

I have only been married  a year and a half, so will have to see if we make 6 years, but many of same language
marriages end in divorce everyday.

[Muzh]

Read my post again. My wife knew no English. In school back then it was as useful as my Latin, which was not even a spoken language except for extremely few. In her time they believed English was useless. German was better.

We are coming up on 6 years now. She now talks to all my friends and family with few problems. Before marriage she wrote me every day for over 1 year. Had to translate my letter then write her letter to me in Russian and translate it before sending. About 2 hours each day.

So now the readers here can say they know 1 couple who succeeded.

Geez, no sense of humor.


HOWEVER, you may be the exception to the rule and I'm sincerely happy about it.


Now, take a pause and think about this.


A 40-something yo guy hooks up with a 21 yo babe who knows nothing about his native tongue. What are the chances of them getting to six years of marriage?


My wife knew English very well when we met and I can tell you it was NOT a bed of roses because of all the misunderstandings, bar the language.

[fathertime]

Geez, no sense of humor.


A 40-something yo guy hooks up with a 21 yo babe who knows nothing about his native tongue. What are the chances of them getting to six years of marriage?

I'd say around 50/50...the age gap and female's age is the biggest risk factor.  I don't know if the initial language barrier plays that big a role if there is a reasonable language improvement during the course of the marriage.
Fathertime!

[BillyB]

A 40-something yo guy hooks up with a 21 yo babe who knows nothing about his native tongue. What are the chances of them getting to six years of marriage?

Some guys don't enjoy marriage. They do it only because it's necessary to enjoy the ride. When the ride is over, they'll get a newer model.

[Patagonie]

We are this type of couple close to two years of marriage, with from the scratch almost no common language when we met.
My wife has learnt english as we started to communicate after a first meeting with an interpreter.
Now she is learning a fourth language, with more success than the english language.
And no i don't feel to be a low status man 

[Shadow]

Just wondering what people's thoughts/experiences were on trying to start/have a relationship with a girl who does not speak your language?

Not a problem as long as you speak hers.

[jone]

Not a problem as long as you speak hers.

И если я не говорю ее языке?