What should I do?

[Nando]

Hello Guys,

I have been corresponding for a month and a half with a Ukrainian girl. This is by far the most interesting one with whom I have been writing. I also spoke trough a webcam with her.
While I don't have problems with English as my second language, the English level of the girl is poor, so she will need a translator when we meet in Ukraine. She understands English but I think she is a bit ashame to speak it.

My question is:
A) Do you think she must learn English first and then in the future trying to learn my native language or;
b) Just use a translator and if things work for us, teach my native language after she is living in my country.

She is really a very interesting woman from every point of view, so I think it is just another difficulty that I must overcome. But good things never come easy...

your input is appreciated,

Thanks,

[docetae]

Take a flight and meet her with a translator. Ask her if she knows one first ... The girl I'm dating was not speaking a single word of english when I met her for the first time. Since, She is learning english and making good progress, but nevertheless you live in one country, this is a long process to learn a language, so my advise will be the following :

1 - meet her with a translator she is trusting.
2 - if you believe you should continue to stay in contact, help her to get english lessons
3 - learn russian

Manage your time with the translator and without him/her, get always a dictionnary with you as one pen and some paper.

[Shadow]

First visit her, and do not book the translator fulltime. With the translator present you can discuss on a deeper level, but by communicating without translator you will learn if you can understand each other. Then you can decide on how to progress.

[Son of Clyde]

What Shadow said. 

It worked for me, we used the interpreter between 4 - 8 hours a day.

[Captmonk1]

My question is:
A) Do you think she must learn English first and then in the future trying to learn my native language or;

Im confused Nando, what IS your native language?  I suspect its not English?

[Turboguy]

I think she should learn whatever language is used wherever the two of you plan to live. 

Of course perhaps you just mean you live in a part of the usa where English is not the primary language like the Bronx where they speak New Yorkeze or Mass.  I was going to name a few more but it might be better not to confuse the issue.  Of course there are some states where she could communicate with more people if she learned Spanish.  Knowing where you live and what your plans are for the future might help us better answer that.

[Elen]

Just curiouse how is it possible to understand if person is interesting or not if that person has poor language? Just a question

[andrewfi]

1) Echoes Elen!

2) Depends where you live. For example where I live we have two main languages in everyday use, but in most circumstances English works just fine.  If English were your common language then work on it. But if English was not practicable then she will HAVE to learn your native language if she is to survive in your country. Her willingness and APTITUDE will give good insights into the future of your relationship. (See recent threads by Photoguy for illumination of that particular issue!)

[Nando]

Just curiouse how is it possible to understand if person is interesting or not if that person has poor language? Just a question

The girl can write in English and writes pretty interesting texts, not the sort of things "you are my love, I love you, my dear,bla,bla" with the help of translating software. It remembers me some fifteen years ago, I could understand lots of stuff in English, however to speak is a really different matter...

Sometimes what amazes me is how bad we can communicate with someone who speaks The same language as us

I am Portuguese and live in my country. If thing works between us she must learn my native language, that is obvious. But the question is when? would be better for her to learn English first so that we can communicate better and than Portuguese if things work well, or just using the translator and hope she understands my "Shakespeare" language?

[Elen]

Now  if she writes those letters by herself ( not using "human" translators and such wide spread method like "cut and past" from a collection of scammers letters) then may be it's possible to find out somethig about her personality

But language does play a huge role and we do juge people by how well they can speak ( with all nuances of language) ( I feel myself like an idiot because I can't put all nuances I want to show in my poor English)

As for your question then I think she though should start to learn your mother language - or it will be no stimul to do it if you could communicate in other way

[docetae]

My native language is french, I live in Quebec where I'm speaking french everywhere except at work. The girl I'm corresponding with is learning english. Why ? for several reasons, learning curve for english is a lot more easy than french. If one day we live in Canada, I'm planning perhaps to leave Quebec for another english speaking province. In all cases, she will need english to work.

The girl can write in English and writes pretty interesting texts, not the sort of things "you are my love, I love you, my dear,bla,bla" with the help of translating software. It remembers me some fifteen years ago, I could understand lots of stuff in English, however to speak is a really different matter...

Sometimes what amazes me is how bad we can communicate with someone who speaks The same language as us

I am Portuguese and live in my country. If thing works between us she must learn my native language, that is obvious. But the question is when? would be better for her to learn English first so that we can communicate better and than Portuguese if things work well, or just using the translator and hope she understands my "Shakespeare" language?

[andrewfi]

Nando ~ In the real world, she is unlikely to learn Portuguese unless and until she has made a mental committment to you. (That us unless her choice of destination is Portugal!)

The real question is to what degree can she function in English within your community. If she can do well enough to go shopping, find her way round and speak with decently educated folk then get to work on the English so that you can get to better know each other and let the Portuguese come later. If your community does not include Anglophones then she needs to learn Portuguese if she is at all serious about the relationship and you need to make judgemtns about how well her progress correlates to her stated desire to be with you.

Of course, she may find that learning Portuguese is not as easy as English in her community, given the relative popularity of the two languages in countries other than Portugal. This will be a real test of her committment to the process and to you.

[snowm]

Ola Nado tudo bem 

I really think if all works well for you, and both of you decide to live in Portugal she must learn Portuguese, i think you'll want to integrate her as soon as possible in the community and make her feel part of the community, to do that she must learn the language.
But on your current stage English is perhaps best, because it's easier to learn and the learning aids (like that translation program) for English are more common and available.

[Nando]

Ola Nado tudo bem 

Estou óptimo Snown

Another Portuguese in this board! I thought I was quite a unique specimen.

Thanks for your replies people. I think in the beginning I will use a translator, and use Shadow advice, then if things progress in the right direction paying her some English lessons and finally if we have a happy ending, and she comes to my country, intensive Portuguese lessons if I find here a qualified Russian to Portuguese teacher.
It is a long road ahead...

[Michelangelo]

Good luck, Nando...I think you have reached the correct and most wise decision...