Man will pay you $10,000 to find him a girlfriend

[Larry1]

Some time ago I wrote a thread about a guy putting an ad on Craigslist in a bid to meet FSUW:

http://www.russianwomendiscussion.com/index.php?topic=19734.msg407415#msg407415

This man has upped the ante. He will pay you $10,000 to find him a girlfriend:

This Alabama man has been on 30 unsuccessful dates in the past the past ten months — to remedy this situation, he created a website offering a $10,000 reward to anyone who can find him a girlfriend.

Ren Lu You is a 29-year-old living in Birmingham, Alabama.

He's a recent Harvard Business School graduate and works full-time as a private equity associate.

You created his own dating website, dateren.com, where people can submit female friends who might like to date You.

As an incentive, if You and a woman submitted to the site wind up dating for more than six months, You says he will pay $10,000 to the person who helped set them up

Before starting his own dating site, You was disappointed by his experiences with standard dating techniques.

"I’ve been on a bunch of dates and gone through all the usual methods: friends of friends, introductions through coworkers, OkCupid, Match.com, Tinder, everything," You told Business Insider of his failed dating efforts.

Even though he was going on plenty of dates, he wasn't meeting the kinds of women he envisioned potentially spending the rest of his life with.

"With online dating you have this problem of adverse selection," You explained. "Only the people who self-select into a particular dating website are the people you have access to."

http://www.businessinsider.com/man-offers-10000-if-you-find-him-a-girlfriend-2015-7#ixzz3fWRXQ3oZ

His website is here: http://dateren.com. Both his website and the Business Insider article at the link above have photos of the guy.

What are your thoughts?

Can you imagine what would happen if he made such an offer in FSU?

[Boethius]

He appears to be someone who doesn't want to put in the legwork.  A better approach would be to find one or two activities he enjoys, and meet women who share those interests.  Compatibility in terms of life perspective is important, I think, for the success of a long term relationship.

His approach is haphazard.  How can someone else know his most intimate thoughts, desires, and with whom he'd be compatible?

[Miquel Westano]

I think the offer is too low.  If he wants someone to find him a woman good enough to warrant a long term commitment, he should be willing to pay more than $10,000. 

He wants six months of commitment?  I think that comes out to about $56.00 a day he is willing to spend on his possible future wife and the mother of his children?  I realize the matchmaker may not have to do much to hook him up, but the low amount of his offer makes me think he has no concept of the true value of a committed relationship.

Who puts a $10,000 value on a long term relationship with marriage and family in the picture expecting the woman to just be delivered?  This seems a lot like the very MOB concept that most people  despise. 

I can hear the conversation now.  How did you guys meet?  Well my husband paid a guy ten grand to hook us up because he was just too damn busy to look for me himself.     

I think he should just buy a dog.  Less than $10,000 and more than six months almost guaranteed.

[Larry1]

I think the offer is too low.  If he wants someone to find him a woman good enough to warrant a long term commitment, he should be willing to pay more than $10,000. 

He wants six months of commitment?  I think that comes out to about $56.00 a day he is willing to spend on his possible future wife and the mother of his children?  I realize the matchmaker may not have to do much to hook him up, but the low amount of his offer makes me think he has no concept of the true value of a committed relationship.

Who puts a $10,000 value on a long term relationship with marriage and family in the picture expecting the woman to just be delivered?  This seems a lot like the very MOB concept that most people  despise. 

I can hear the conversation now.  How did you guys meet?  Well my husband paid a guy ten grand to hook us up because he was just too damn busy to look for me himself.     

I think he should just buy a dog.  Less than $10,000 and more than six months almost guaranteed.

The higher his offer the more risk there is that he will get scammed. Let's say he offers $50,000. I can easily imagine an attractive girl in his city who is willing to date him for six months in exchange for that kind of money.

Or perhaps since he only recently graduated and began working he just doesn't have a lot of money saved yet. "He's a recent Harvard Business School graduate and works full-time as a private equity associate."

[Miquel Westano]

The higher his offer the more risk there is that he will get scammed. Let's say he offers $50,000. I can easily imagine an attractive girl in his city who is willing to date him for six months in exchange for that kind of money.

Or perhaps since he only recently graduated and began working he just doesn't have a lot of money saved yet. "He's a recent Harvard Business School graduate and works full-time as a private equity associate."

You're right.  I never considered the likelihood the woman and matchmaker would join forces and scam him.  I was just thinking how low of an amount of money that would be for a legit long term relationship. 

Sure enough a $50,000 offer would bring the hustlers from everywhere and even though six months is a long time, it no doubt would put him at risk of a patient and long term hustler that realized if he would pay that much for the intro he would be worth lots more in gifts, meals and travel. 

Good catch Larry. 

[Lily]

I looked up his site. In my opinion, he is a great person and an attractive young man.

Agree that his offer may be understood in different way. Hope that he has a lawyer to work out this type of contract for him. 

[BillyB]

He appears to be someone who doesn't want to put in the legwork.  A better approach would be to find one or two activities he enjoys, and meet women who share those interests.  Compatibility in terms of life perspective is important, I think, for the success of a long term relationship.

If true he doesn't want to put in the legwork and doesn't care about compatibility, then all he wants is a sperm bank.

I looked up his site. In my opinion, he is a great person and an attractive young man.

I wouldn't have looked at his site if it weren't for your praise. He did say he must date the woman for 6 months or more so he does care about if they're a match and attracted to each other. IMO the 6 months he wants to evaluate the woman would be his legwork.

[Miquel Westano]

 IMO the 6 months he wants to evaluate the woman would be his legwork.

Good point. 

[2tallbill]

He appears to be someone who doesn't want to put in the legwork.  A better approach would be to find one or two activities he enjoys, and meet women who share those interests.  Compatibility in terms of life perspective is important, I think, for the success of a long term relationship.

His approach is haphazard.  How can someone else know his most intimate thoughts, desires, and with whom he'd be compatible?

Maybe he would be a candidate to meet Eduard

[Boethius]

I suspect he's not going to look abroad.

[2tallbill]

I suspect he's not going to look abroad.

Yes, plus he is looking for a girl friend not a wife

[2tallbill]

He appears to be someone who doesn't want to put in the legwork.  A better approach would be to find one or two activities he enjoys, and meet women who share those interests.  Compatibility in terms of life perspective is important, I think, for the success of a long term relationship.

His approach is haphazard.  How can someone else know his most intimate thoughts, desires, and with whom he'd be compatible?

He says he works 12 hours a day. While I agree that a bar is a terrible place to meet a
good woman, he might not be able to spend enough time to keep one if he finds one.

Girl friends require time, effort and work, a wife and a family take even more.

[DatingCoachUSSR]

We have written to him.
We tried to explain him that basically meeting girls is not the problem. He can meet a lot.
But the problem is more : does he know how to raise and keep the interest of a woman that leads to a 6 months relationship.
We do believe that's the problem.

[2tallbill]

We have written to him.
We tried to explain him that basically meeting girls is not the problem. He can meet a lot.
But the problem is more : does he know how to raise and keep the interest of a woman that leads to a 6 months relationship.
We do believe that's the problem.

Good point,

Long distance relationships are fragile when they are separated for long periods of time.
I once wrote about it let me see if I can find it

Edit to add: here it is!

Absence does NOT make the heart grow fonder. The poet Thomas Haynes Bayly
was full of crap (as most poets are).   

After you find a good girl who is a good match now you have your work cut
out for you. You have to keep the relationship together while you get to know
each other better and later while waiting on the government paperwork and
you have to do this thousands of miles away in radically different time zones.

I call this keeping the wheels from flying off.

1. BE ATTENTIVE !
Call her, send her sms's in English and in Russian. Carry your camera around with
you and snap a photo of everything and anything that you think is beautiful, funny
or interesting then send it to her. Do not let another beautiful sunset get wasted
again!! snap a photo and send it to her with a letter telling her how much you like
the smell of her hair.

Write letters to her when she is asleep that she will read when she wakes up.
Did you think that the letter writing was done as soon as you got off the plane?

2. PLAN YOUR NEXT VISIT
Set the date if possible before you even leave.
Planning the next trip makes the whole thing seem more real and less ambiguous the
last thing on Earth you want to do is to be ambiguous. You want to be a man of action
who is going to fly to see her in three months and toes will be curled, dances will be
danced, museums will be toured and great fun, romance and excitement will be had
by all. 

3. Talk to her extensively about the future
She wants to know that you are part of her future and that you are concerned
about her and your future together. Cover all the bases again and again. Does
she have a child(ren) talk about them, where will they be educated, what opportunities
will they have etc.

4. Invest in the future with her
Does she need English lessons? get them
Does she need driving lessons? get them
Does she need to renew her passport? do it
Does she know about visa journey? get her up to speed
Does she have a degree? get her diploma translated, apistled, verified and whatever
else you can do to it.
Does she have a child? where is the father? will he protest? will there be issues?
talk to her about them.

BUT all this costs money !! send it! work two jobs and eat nothing but lettuce
if necessary but send it and get all this stuff paid for. Don't come across as greedy
or the wheels will go flying off and there will be no passing go and no collecting a
beautiful FSUW.

If you do these things she will see what a competent, attentive and interesting husband
you would be. Any girl would love to have a husband take so much interest in her and her
future. Maybe she will even grow fond of your balding head someday 

Udachi !!


Bill

[Boethius]

If you are truly in love, absence does indeed make the heart grow fonder.

[2tallbill]

If you are truly in love, absence does indeed make the heart grow fonder.

A man truly in love will do many of the things that I've recommended above.

[Larry1]

Good point,

Long distance relationships are fragile when they are separated for long periods of time.
I once wrote about it let me see if I can find it

Edit to add: here it is!

Absence does NOT make the heart grow fonder. The poet Thomas Haynes Bayly
was full of crap (as most poets are).   

After you find a good girl who is a good match now you have your work cut
out for you. You have to keep the relationship together while you get to know
each other better and later while waiting on the government paperwork and
you have to do this thousands of miles away in radically different time zones.

If you are truly in love, absence does indeed make the heart grow fonder.

My chance of finding that kind of powerful and lasting love is only somewhat better than my chance of winning the Powerball Lottery. So I'm with Bill in recommending that you see each other regularly after your first meeting. The common recommendation is to see each other at least every two months. These relationships are inherently fragile. So many things can make them go off the rails.

[ML]

Contrary to what Bill wrote; I would  advise against getting anything 'apistled.'

And to add to his list of getting things for her:

If she needs a divorce . . . help her get it.
If she needs an abortion . . . help her get it.
If she needs a boob job (only relevant for those with A and below) . . . help her get it.
If she needs a face lift . . . help her get it.
If she needs a muff diver . . . do it yourself.

[southernX]

Good point,

Long distance relationships are fragile when they are separated for long periods of time.
I once wrote about it let me see if I can find it

Edit to add: here it is!

Absence does NOT make the heart grow fonder. The poet Thomas Haynes Bayly
was full of crap (as most poets are).   

After you find a good girl who is a good match now you have your work cut
out for you. You have to keep the relationship together while you get to know
each other better and later while waiting on the government paperwork and
you have to do this thousands of miles away in radically different time zones.

I call this keeping the wheels from flying off.

1. BE ATTENTIVE !
Call her, send her sms's in English and in Russian. Carry your camera around with
you and snap a photo of everything and anything that you think is beautiful, funny
or interesting then send it to her. Do not let another beautiful sunset get wasted
again!! snap a photo and send it to her with a letter telling her how much you like
the smell of her hair.

Write letters to her when she is asleep that she will read when she wakes up.
Did you think that the letter writing was done as soon as you got off the plane?

2. PLAN YOUR NEXT VISIT
Set the date if possible before you even leave.
Planning the next trip makes the whole thing seem more real and less ambiguous the
last thing on Earth you want to do is to be ambiguous. You want to be a man of action
who is going to fly to see her in three months and toes will be curled, dances will be
danced, museums will be toured and great fun, romance and excitement will be had
by all. 

3. Talk to her extensively about the future
She wants to know that you are part of her future and that you are concerned
about her and your future together. Cover all the bases again and again. Does
she have a child(ren) talk about them, where will they be educated, what opportunities
will they have etc.

4. Invest in the future with her
Does she need English lessons? get them
Does she need driving lessons? get them
Does she need to renew her passport? do it
Does she know about visa journey? get her up to speed
Does she have a degree? get her diploma translated, apistled, verified and whatever
else you can do to it.
Does she have a child? where is the father? will he protest? will there be issues?
talk to her about them.

BUT all this costs money !! send it! work two jobs and eat nothing but lettuce
if necessary but send it and get all this stuff paid for. Don't come across as greedy
or the wheels will go flying off and there will be no passing go and no collecting a
beautiful FSUW.

If you do these things she will see what a competent, attentive and interesting husband
you would be. Any girl would love to have a husband take so much interest in her and her
future. Maybe she will even grow fond of your balding head someday 

Udachi !!


Bill

great info bill
helps to remind ALL  of what is needed for success if there starting out or are still looking , even married 

SX

[Rick4G]

Good point,

Long distance relationships are fragile when they are separated for long periods of time.
I once wrote about it let me see if I can find it

Edit to add: here it is!

Absence does NOT make the heart grow fonder. The poet Thomas Haynes Bayly
was full of crap (as most poets are).   

After you find a good girl who is a good match now you have your work cut
out for you. You have to keep the relationship together while you get to know
each other better and later while waiting on the government paperwork and
you have to do this thousands of miles away in radically different time zones.

I call this keeping the wheels from flying off.

1. BE ATTENTIVE !
Call her, send her sms's in English and in Russian. Carry your camera around with
you and snap a photo of everything and anything that you think is beautiful, funny
or interesting then send it to her. Do not let another beautiful sunset get wasted
again!! snap a photo and send it to her with a letter telling her how much you like
the smell of her hair.

Write letters to her when she is asleep that she will read when she wakes up.
Did you think that the letter writing was done as soon as you got off the plane?

2. PLAN YOUR NEXT VISIT
Set the date if possible before you even leave.
Planning the next trip makes the whole thing seem more real and less ambiguous the
last thing on Earth you want to do is to be ambiguous. You want to be a man of action
who is going to fly to see her in three months and toes will be curled, dances will be
danced, museums will be toured and great fun, romance and excitement will be had
by all. 

3. Talk to her extensively about the future
She wants to know that you are part of her future and that you are concerned
about her and your future together. Cover all the bases again and again. Does
she have a child(ren) talk about them, where will they be educated, what opportunities
will they have etc.

4. Invest in the future with her
Does she need English lessons? get them
Does she need driving lessons? get them
Does she need to renew her passport? do it
Does she know about visa journey? get her up to speed
Does she have a degree? get her diploma translated, apistled, verified and whatever
else you can do to it.
Does she have a child? where is the father? will he protest? will there be issues?
talk to her about them.

BUT all this costs money !! send it! work two jobs and eat nothing but lettuce
if necessary but send it and get all this stuff paid for. Don't come across as greedy
or the wheels will go flying off and there will be no passing go and no collecting a
beautiful FSUW.

If you do these things she will see what a competent, attentive and interesting husband
you would be. Any girl would love to have a husband take so much interest in her and her
future. Maybe she will even grow fond of your balding head someday 

Udachi !!


This is EXCELLENT, EXCELLENT advice Bill.  Could not have written any better!
even when I am not with my girl, we will message daily and when she asks what I am doing I send pictures as does she.
the messages continue throughout the day with the occasional skype conversations as we have time.
Since I am a part time resident, I know lots of people and local businesses and often surprise her with things.
A grocery delivery with all her favorites is an awesome surprise.  When I must come to USA because I have teen daughter still at home,
its great comfort that she knows when I will be back even before I leave.
Having common friends is a big plus because they help reinforce the validity and continuity of the relationship.
giving her the responsibility of taking care of our Ukrainian home and paying the bills with my weekly deposits makes her feel
that she is contributing to taking care of our home and creates unity even when Im not there.

my situation is a bit different than most.  I want and need for her to have US citizenship for ease of travel although we will still
spend our time evenly split between both countries.  Ukraine is my home just as much as USA.
If we are to have success, we must be together in both countries.

[alex330]

Long distance relationships are fragile when they are separated for long periods of time.
I once wrote about it let me see if I can find it

Absence does NOT make the heart grow fonder. The poet Thomas Haynes Bayly
was full of crap (as most poets are).   

After you find a good girl who is a good match now you have your work cut
out for you. You have to keep the relationship together while you get to know
each other better and later while waiting on the government paperwork and
you have to do this thousands of miles away in radically different time zones.

I call this keeping the wheels from flying off.

1. BE ATTENTIVE !
Call her, send her sms's in English and in Russian. Carry your camera around with
you and snap a photo of everything and anything that you think is beautiful, funny
or interesting then send it to her. Do not let another beautiful sunset get wasted
again!! snap a photo and send it to her with a letter telling her how much you like
the smell of her hair.

Write letters to her when she is asleep that she will read when she wakes up.
Did you think that the letter writing was done as soon as you got off the plane?

2. PLAN YOUR NEXT VISIT
Set the date if possible before you even leave.
Planning the next trip makes the whole thing seem more real and less ambiguous the
last thing on Earth you want to do is to be ambiguous. You want to be a man of action
who is going to fly to see her in three months and toes will be curled, dances will be
danced, museums will be toured and great fun, romance and excitement will be had
by all. 

3. Talk to her extensively about the future
She wants to know that you are part of her future and that you are concerned
about her and your future together. Cover all the bases again and again. Does
she have a child(ren) talk about them, where will they be educated, what opportunities
will they have etc.

4. Invest in the future with her
Does she need English lessons? get them
Does she need driving lessons? get them
Does she need to renew her passport? do it
Does she know about visa journey? get her up to speed
Does she have a degree? get her diploma translated, apistled, verified and whatever
else you can do to it.
Does she have a child? where is the father? will he protest? will there be issues?
talk to her about them.

BUT all this costs money !! send it! work two jobs and eat nothing but lettuce
if necessary but send it and get all this stuff paid for. Don't come across as greedy
or the wheels will go flying off and there will be no passing go and no collecting a
beautiful FSUW.

If you do these things she will see what a competent, attentive and interesting husband
you would be. Any girl would love to have a husband take so much interest in her and her
future. Maybe she will even grow fond of your balding head someday 

Udachi !!


Bill

This is gold for those starting out. Should be placed somewhere as a sticky if not already.

[2tallbill]

great info bill
helps to remind ALL  of what is needed for success if there starting out or are still looking , even married 

SX

This is EXCELLENT, EXCELLENT advice Bill.  Could not have written any better!

This is gold for those starting out. Should be placed somewhere as a sticky if not already.

I also posted this on ML's excellent thread
Pursuing FSUW 101. The procedures and the dating websites. which is a sticky
Here  http://www.russianwomendiscussion.com/index.php?topic=14615.25

Udachi!


Bill