Part 3 – Family Planning
© Copyrighted by Doug Salem, 2004
At the same time I was slowly bringing Olga around to the benefits of capitalism, she had been slowly bringing me around to the benefits of Socialism. Much to my surprise, I had been taught by a woman 20 years my junior that, when it came to marriage, there really was no such thing as freedom and independence – in a cozy home we all relied upon each other and all decisions were made as a group (the dog, remember?). Olga had done what I had asked of her. She and her parents had endured my American madness, now it was my turn to do what she and they had asked of me, to deliver my end of the bargain - time for the cozy home. We had met in the middle. We had a truly cross-cultural Russian-American marriage. We were ready.
Not even an expectant father yet, but already nervous, at my insistence Olga and I went to our Western doctor to pronounce this state of readiness and ask for further instruction. He tried to pull a serious face and got about halfway through an awkward and half-hearted lecture on the birds and the bees when I stopped him. “We just want to know if there is anything special we should be doing other than the normal …err, you know, the normal stuff…” After all, it was the first time for both of us although Olga cast me a sideways glance that made me feel stupid.
Doctor S. cut to the chase. “At 26 Olga is young and healthy and should have absolutely no problem with pregnancy” he said, looking at her proudly. Doctor S. had been Olga’s OBGYN for three years now, having come our way as a specialist during a particularly scary and life-threatening FSU-related medical condition. As a result, he and she have a certain emotional attachment. Doctor S. then turned to me, looked me up and down as if seriously considering me for the very first time, and finally said: “How old are you again?” I ashamedly answered “46?” - answering his question with my own and suddenly exposing a fear that had been gradually sneaking up on me as a result of my Russian in-laws’ casting about for possible reasons for our delay.
Doctor S. picked up on my insecurity immediately and asked us if we knew the infamous actor Anthony Quinn. Olga did not, but I did, so I described him to her. Doctor S. went on to say that the Mexican stud Quinn produced entire gaggles of children well into his 80s. It can be done. We have the technology. Now instead of “Don Johnson and a Boy and his Dog” I was Lee Majors in “the Six Million Dollar Man.”
To be continued ….
Doug Salem
