Most important for man - woman relationship

[ML]

I read article in local newspaper that said Marriage Counselors generally agree on the following ranking of things that cause most trouble in a marriage or relationship. 

Sex, money, children, in-laws, religion.

Which would you choose as number one?

[Grumpy]

 Mental health and/or substance abuse might be another major contributor to breakups.

[ML]

Come on gang !!

A thousand people here have had trouble with the opposite sex in relationships or marriage.

Yet only 4 so far have given an anonymous response ????

[krimster2]

OK....

for me the most important things are "integrity and trust"

I've had minor amounts of friction over children
my wife and I have wildly divergent attitudes towards parenting
parenting to some degree is based on our own childhood experiences
someone who grew up in an impoverished village in the Soviet Union
will be dramatically out of sync with contemporary America
so one parent spoils the kids (me)
and the other will say, "why should you have a car at age 16, I didn't"
somewhat minor... but that's really all I have, sorry....

[ML]

for me the most important things are "integrity and trust"

Then mark the 'other' category.
And thanks for your elaboration on this 'other.'

[Gator]

I consider your listed factors to be the leading sources of disputes, yet I chose "other."     

Disputes could derive from multiple factors, quite possibly all of your listed factors.    I assert that disputes are inevitable.  Thus, the most important factor in my opinion is the ability to resolve these inevitable disputes productively.     

[Patagonie]

OK....

for me the most important things are "integrity and trust"

I've had minor amounts of friction over children
my wife and I have wildly divergent attitudes towards parenting
parenting to some degree is based on our own childhood experiences
someone who grew up in an impoverished village in the Soviet Union
will be dramatically out of sync with contemporary America
so one parent spoils the kids (me)
and the other will say, "why should you have a car at age 16, I didn't"
somewhat minor... but that's really all I have, sorry....

I will vote for your wife on this one 

[krimster2]

it's DIFFERENT here than Francaise
the earlier you train your kids for adulthood the better
my 17 yr old leaves for Rice University in a few months
when she does she'll have a years worth of driving experience instead of none

[Patagonie]

Krim
I have a very different mindset on this one. Giving a car to a kid of 16/17 to train him for adulthood IMHO takes him to the opposite direction.
It gives him no sense of the reality and no sense of his self realization.

The gap from having nothing to having a little thing later will make him immensely proud of himself and broadens his world, and he will be more prone to work and get a more blossoming world. Rewarding himself by your own efforts builds your personality. Getting a car by Dad builds nothing.
But there are perhaps some logistics questions that i don't know (distance, no transport, criminality)

And IMHO it doesn't matter they have minus 3 years of driving on a life. Don't know about USA but here in France i consider that driving for a while is linked with some emotional maturity for security reasons. So delaying a little such driving is not a bad thing IMHO. If i had had my first motorbike at 21 for example i would had been dead 100%.

[krimster2]

understanding the necessity and dangers
I trained my children "for the road" at an early age
from bicycle to motor scooter to car....

If we lived in Europe, she likely wouldn't need a car
but the freedom a car provides is central to life here
an American without a car is like a cowboy without a horse
public transportation is not like in Europe, not even close
so there's really no choice
you can use the car as a "vehicle" for responsibility as well
I've given my daughter lessons in auto maintenance on her Honda
so now she is responsible for this
in a few more months she will no longer be living with her mommy and daddy
she'll be on her own
I've taught her as much as I can so she can stand on her own two feet and face the world full of confidence

[Patagonie]

understanding the necessity and dangers
I trained my children "for the road" at an early age
from bicycle to motor scooter to car....

If we lived in Europe, she likely wouldn't need a car
but the freedom a car provides is central to life here
an American without a car is like a cowboy without a horse
public transportation is not like in Europe, not even close
so there's really no choice
you can use the car as a "vehicle" for responsibility as well
I've given my daughter lessons in auto maintenance on her Honda
so now she is responsible for this
in a few more months she will no longer be living with her mommy and daddy
she'll be on her own
I've taught her as much as I can so she can stand on her own two feet and face the world full of confidence

Logistics .... I understand

[krimster2]

believe me when I say, I wish we lived in Europe...

[Patagonie]

believe me when I say, I wish we lived in Europe...

Marshoutka niet ? lol

[msmob]

believe me when I say, I wish we lived in Europe...

not with the bus service in my English village - you wouldn't )

[krimster2]

how many shootings do you have EACH DAY in your village?

[Gator]

how many shootings do you have EACH DAY in your village?

Zero, other than my separate killings of two water moccasins who retreated against the house where it was difficult to hit them with a stick. 

We sleep with doors not only unlocked but open.    The wife locks the doors occasionally when she leaves,  yet a couple of windows are unlocked so she can enter if she loses her key.   

 

[krimster2]

in the area around Rice University in Houston, TX where my daughter will be living, it's about 1 per day
my UW is terrified of snakes, me and the kids play with them when we catch em and let em go in the forest behind our house
black beady eyes = non venomous, "cat eyes" = venomous

[Gator]

black beady eyes = non venomous, "cat eyes" = venomous

Careful Krimster.     To see the eyes, one has to get close, too close.  Even then, the guideline is fallible.  Take a look at this little fellow's eyes! 





The above is the venomous Coral Snake And yes, they do bite:  In the following article read how Central Florida's Lake County Fire Rescue Venom Unit 2 delivered antivenin to four hospitals in central Florida to treat four people bitten over a two-week period.  All four had picked up the snake.   ://www.reptilesmagazine.com/Four-People-In-Florida-Bitten-By-Coral-Snakes/


Please do not kill anything resembling the Coral Snake because the non-venomous, similar sized Scarlet Kingsnake is a one of nature's beautiful treasures:



 
Here a poem to remember


         Red and yellow, kill a fellow.

         Red and black, friend of Jack. 

A better poem, as the above news article recites:

         Roses are red, violets are blue,
         Do not pick up a snake. 

The friendly green snake?  As a kid in the South, I played with many of them.   A green snake in Costa Rica is venomous, and even more venomous in Vietnam where it is known as the bamboo viper. 

My scariest Vietnam encounter.  I spent a year there in the Army and never fired my weapon.  When doing a bridge recon, I searched upstream for a place to cross the small river if the bridge calculations indicate the bridge is unsuitable for heavy equipment.  Vietnam is covered by tall grass in many areas.  Up pops a King Cobra, on alert, flicking its tongue, staring at me, and standing well above my waist.   I backed up.  It moved forward.  I don't know what the snake did next, because i turned and ran away faster than a 100-m  track star.  My guess the cobra was 12-ft long based on the literature says they can stand at a height equal to one third of their body length.   

[krimster2]

"and even more venomous in Vietnam where it is known as the bamboo viper. "

I saw a living one in a tree, they are tiny
and a dead cobra some other GI killed
never heard of anyone being bitten
know guys who didn't take their "C&P" tablets and got malaria, that is 1000X more terrifying to me...
damn they were SICK!!!!

I caught two coral snakes, they're really pretty...

[CaptB]

I have always remembered the saying as:


Red and yellow, kill a fellow
Red and black, venom lack


Capt B

[Gator]

I have always remembered the saying as:

Red and yellow, kill a fellow
Red and black, venom lack

Us uneducated youngun's from the Tennessee hills had to keep it simple. 

[Gator]

I caught two coral snakes, they're really pretty...

 

This sidebar started with you wishing you lived in Europe.  Sounds like you would have a fun life in Southeastern US. 

[krimster2]

yes, where I currently live
wife and I are planning a move when the youngest launches
I want to move to the UK
but my wife won't let my sell my parent's house in Arlington, VA
she'll feel differently after she lives there for awhile....


I have fun everywhere!!!

Even Crimea had snakes!!
I caught a very large yellow-bellied snake there about 6-7 foot very beautiful snake green on top yellow on bottom
caught one unidentified species in Bavaria
terrified the women walking by when I caught it
don't mind snakes at all
when I was young kept two smallish pet rattlesnakes for awhile
hassle feeding snakes IMHO - high maintenance pet
youngest daughter has a pet ball python
her way of keeping mom out of her room!!!

and spiders!!!
long time ago on a trip through the Yucatan
I encountered a group of boys hunting and eating Tarantulas!!!
they taught me "how to"
basically get a stick and poke it down the tarantulas den
it'll come zooming outa there
then take the stick and stab in the head
then skewer it and burn off all the hairs in a fire and roast it
very tasty and crunchy almost can't tell the difference from a soft shell crab
if you're lucky enough to get a female you can squeeze the eggs out and fry them in a tarantula omelette
very tasty!!!!

 

[ML]

A thousand people here have had trouble with the opposite sex in relationships or marriage.

Yet only 16 so far have made an anonymous choice ????

[Darth_Budda]

Time

Time is the biggest problem,,,  Their is never enough...

I wish I would of meet my wife when I was younger,,,,

Like when I was 25 and she was 18,,,,,  Or does that sound creepy.... jk