Relationship after the 'Dear Jane'

[Albert]

Note, I started to post this as a reply under Turbo's trip report, but then thought it might better fit as a new topic.

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" . . . . . when she said that things wouldn't work, I said "ok" and we became "just friends."  Lord but I loathe that phrase, as most of us men do.   So...we're still friends to this day and that's all we'll ever be, despite the fact that there's more there for me."

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If you take out the "there's more there for me" part, what is wrong with being 'just friends?'  Women can be pretty good 'just friends.'  And especially just friend gals in FSU can be helpful to us guys in giving the lowdown on other gals, etc.

Not quite on the same wavelength . . . but I am experiencing a somewhat unusual situation.  About 2 years ago I sent a gal in FSU the 'Dear Jane' letter.  She reacted very calmly, although expressing her disappointment.  She asked if we could remain friends.  So we continued to write on a twice a month schedule.

Then, I was sent on a trip to her home town and she readily agreed to a date and then moved into my apartment for 8 days.  Strange thing, we never once mentioned my 'Dear Jane' letter to her, and things were just as if I had never sent it.

Subsequently we spent another month together and now seem to be getting along better than ever.  We have still never talked about the 'Dear Jane' letter.  Sometimes I wonder if she is just waiting for the appropriate time to get back at me; but she is a very sweet type of gal and extremely non-aggressive, so I think this is not in her character.

Still . . . . a very strange situation.  Anyone have a similar experience?

[Albert]

Let me add some additional info.  We had spent about 50 days together on three different trips of mine before I sent her the 'Dear Jane.'  She is a person who leaves a lot 'unsaid.'  This can be a very good trait, if it substitutes for a 'complaining nature,' but it can also be somewhat annoying at times . . .  and it ties into my wondering if and when the 'shoe will drop.'

[Rim]

Unlike most American women that I've know, some Russian women don't feel the need to ask questions when they already believe that they know the answer.

Also, the Russian mentality seems better suited to living for the day, and maybe she knows that the day would be better lived without talking about that letter.

Americans feel that we can somewhat control the course of our lives, where Russian are often more willing to flow with whatever life brings them.

Of course these are only my observations; your mileage may vary.

[Michelangelo]

I broke up with my first FSU girlfriend two years ago.  We have remained friends by telephone and sms and email since then. 

But--my fiancee knows about her and is quite upset and "advices" me to no longer answer her messages.  She thinks the girl still wants me 

[jb]

Were you asleep in class the day we talked about RWs and jealousy?   

[Vaughn]

Michel,

  She "advices" you well. For what possible purpose would
you care to continue this friendship - other than to
upset your fiancee? I talk to my ex-wife once in a blue moon
when we have a legitimate child issue to discuss - and believe
me, I even keep those short exchanges very discreet and to
the point. I recall the teacher mentioning "balls on a platter."

[Michelangelo]

Were you asleep in class the day we talked about RWs and jealousy?   

hee hee...guess I must have had a hangover that morning. LOL

[Michelangelo]

Michel,

  She "advices" you well. For what possible purpose would
you care to continue this friendship - other than to
upset your fiancee? I talk to my ex-wife once in a blue moon
when we have a legitimate child issue to discuss - and believe
me, I even keep those short exchanges very discreet and to
the point. I recall the teacher mentioning "balls on a platter."

Yep, I have answered the last sms from this girl and will "turn her over" to one of our single guys here 

[DKMM]

I have one to "turn over" as well.  Is there some sort of format for doing that?

[Michelangelo]

LOL    THE RWD DATING AGENCY 

Ken can do our web page.  All members can turn back at least one ex-gf or wife. 

Who wants to handle the government paperwork?   

[Vaughn]

Hmmm. Turn overs. A new thread?

Nah! I think it deserves its own section at RWD...
 

[viking]

I don't know about an actual dating agency, but this kind of thinking had crossed my mind. If a member knew a sweet heart of a lady nearby who would be interested in another member, why fly to Russia?

[groovlstk]

I know an absolute sweetheart of a girl from Stary Oksal who may be arriving in the US sometime in the future on a Fulbright scholarship to study English (she's currently in Moscow being interviewed by the Fulbright committee). I was writing to her before I met my fiancee, but our correspondence stopped suddenly when her father in Bulgaria became very ill and she flew out to care for him. He died a few months later and by time I heard back from her I'd already met my Moscow girl in person and was committed to her. We remain friends and she's told me she'd be very happy if I found her a boyfriend. She's 32 and wants a strong but tender guy 35-40ish. Anyway, if anyone's interested in knowing more, PM me.

Apologies to Albert for taking this off on a tangent.

[Michelangelo]

I don't know about an actual dating agency, but this kind of thinking had crossed my mind. If a member knew a sweet heart of a lady nearby who would be interested in another member, why fly to Russia?

Turnovers :-)

Or why not fly to Russia to meet a girl that an RWD member knows is sweet and not a scammer?  LOL

[Albert]

WTF does all this have to do with my original post and question???

[Michelangelo]

WTF does all this have to do with my original post and question???

Sorry Albert.  I guess it depends on how you look at it.  I did answer the friendship issue directly at first, before adding other thoughts that are related to it.

It does relate.  You ask about friendship after the breakup.  If she remains your friend, why not set her up with another guy?  That's the extension.

Sorry if that does not click for you.  I guess it all depends on how you look at friendship. 

This is the major line from your post that I was thinking about:  "So...we're still friends to this day and that's all we'll ever be, despite the fact that there's more there for me."

But when I reread your post,  are really asking if you can go back to being more than friends with her?

If not, why not introduce her to someone who wants more than friendship?