Child Discipline

[Icarus]

What is a Russian womans view of disciplining a child. For example, if I meet a Russian woman that has a child by a previous marriage and we become engaged and married etc how would she feel if I was to discipline her child? Or would she be the only one to do so. Furthermore, in a married situation, we have a child together would she discipline the child or the father?

[I/O]

Icarus Again, I would cleave to the married guys (Which I am not) for "At home" experience, however the few weeks that mine and I have spent together under the one roof, with her 3 y/o, she is what we might have called in the days prior to political correctness, "Rather Firm"  with him.

Not only does she allow me a great latitude in this area, she directly requested that I take a firm approach also.  Put simply, he knows how his mothers hand feels on his butt other than when she is dusting him with powder after a shower.

Is she typically Russian? Others will answer that.

I/O

[catzenmouse]

First off I think that this is a conversation that you would need to have with her prior to getting too serious. You need to agree on how and who and to put up a solid front together.

With us she is more tolerant and I am more of the enforcer but she will take him to task when she needs to. Overall he's a good boy and does not cause much of a problem so it is not a big issue overall. Mostly is it the normal behavior of a 6 year old who does not have ears that work... 

Ken

[Bruce]

When and how is the right way to discipline a child?   

[catzenmouse]

We've found that duct tape and velcro work wonders...

[BC]

Don't be surprised with 'rearing by hand'..

Can take considerable effort by the couple to agree on discipline and acceptable punishment. It's not a turn off process and takes time.

Nowdays taking away the kid's handy(mobile) does wonders.

[Elen]

from my life experience couple words and a LOOK were always enough 

Aslo my own stepfather had no right to "discipline" me ( even on words)  That's the better way for existamnce under one roof for us

 And I think I would not allow to perform any punishment by new husband if I married second time
Though many depends on ages of a child and many other things.

[viking]

After having raised two teenage daughters, here are some of my experiences.

1. I never, not even once, placed my hand on them as a form of punishment. When very young, I had several occassions when I held their hand, smacked my hand, and the shock was sufficient.
2. Loss of previledges works wonders. Just make sure the punishment fits the crime. My oldest is driving. There were many talks about drugs and alcohol. If she was caught drinking, if there was a friend in the car drinking, if there was even a wiff of alcohol in her car or on her breath, she could just walk in the house, leave her keys on the counter and her car will be sold that week. Period. Never once had an issue. YOU DO NOT WANT TO GET A CALL FROM THE POLICE TELLING YOU THERE WAS AN ACCIDENT.
3. If they felt the punishment was too severe (missing a one time never to be repeated concert for example) they always were given the opportunity to 'defend' themselves, explain the circumstances, and if the excuse was 'reasonable' they would have to choose their own alternate punishment, subject to my approval. This rarely failed to accomplish the goal of discipline.
4. Children need and must have ground rules. They expect this, whether you realize it or not. Establish them early on and adjust with age. Curfews for example.Even as toddlers they will always push the envelope. Do not be afraid to stand your ground. But there is nothing wrong with give and take as long as the reasons for it are explained.
5. ALWAYS KNOW WHERE YOUR CHILDREN ARE. this cannot be stressed enough. If they go to a pary, where is it, who will be there, what kind of supervision, etc.. As a parent you not only have the right to know this but a responsibility as well.
6. If you know a 'friend' is out of control, nip it in the bud right away. They can no longer associate with this person, find another friend.
7. Spend time with you kids and get to know them. Talk, talk, and talk some more.
8. If you know them well enough, you can tell if they are guilty of something. They will see 'the look' on your face. They know when they have been busted for something.
9. Do not burden you kids with undue baggage. That is your problem.
10. Try never to let them go to sleep angry. Resolve it before then.
11. Give them a hug every day of their lives.

Finally, you will make mistakes. A lot of them. Some you will admit to and others you will not. It's ok. Toss all the books. Go with your gut. On the lighter side, depending on the age of your child.
1. No one ever went to college in diapers. Kids will grow at their own pace. Don't rush it. Forget 'tinkle targets' for the boys. Teach them to sit down. They will figure the standing part later and their future wifes will appreciate the seat down.
2. As a baby, you wiped their butt. When you are old they might be wiping yours. Teach them how to buy soft tissue paper.
3. Be prepared to be the target for various fluids and solids, both internal and external. No one escapes.
4. teenagers will sorely test your patience, and your wallet. But if you did your job, it will be fine. Remember ( for the guys mostly) that now your are more a friend and mentor than a father.

Lastly, RW or even AW, when the chips are down, NEVER get between a mother hen and her chicks. You will lose. Every time.

[Shadow]

Good advice viking.

To add something here:
Agree with your wife that you work as a unit. If she says no, you say no and vice versa.
If one of you gives punishment that the other thinks does not fit the crime, do not show it until the child is out of sight and hearing distance.
Children will try to use anything to their advantage, also the fact their father or mother is not the biological parent. Respond to this by setting the boundaries.

[LEGAL]

What is a Russian womans view of disciplining a child. For example, if I meet a Russian woman that has a child by a previous marriage and we become engaged and married etc how would she feel if I was to discipline her child? Or would she be the only one to do so. Furthermore, in a married situation, we have a child together would she discipline the child or the father?

You should ask the woman one  question and her answer will explain to you all her positions :"What is a role of me (your Icarus) in family and in upbringing her child she would like to see?"

Olga.

[Bruce]

My wife had the right answer for sure, but time and living in the USA, watching how my relatives do it make for changes  .  Still, are getting by with more stress on my part then I imagined going in.

Viking, great post!  Five star plus in my mind as a first time father of a daughter.  Thanks!!! 

[BC]

Viking,

It all sounds good up front, but with a great number of parents working and doing whatever else they do, actual face to face time with their kids might be less than an hour a week.

Parenting is not a part time job.

[jb]

WRT kids,,, you should do it the way I did.  Kids should be over 18 with a drivers license, so you can send him to the store when you run low on cigars.

[viking]

BC

I have read many times that if you don't have the time to search for a RW, don't start. Same thing as far as being a parent. One hour a week will not cut it. Use birth control. And even with both parents working there should ALWAYS be time in the evening, maybe over supper, to be with your kids. And the weekends as well.

I remember sitting next to my kids crib, just being able to breath the same air as them. The smell was wonderful.