A long journey...But now success is near...

[BeenThereDoneThat]

To all the guys who think that finding true love will never happen, or think that it is just impossible to find in this often crazy world, think again. After many setbacks, the success of achieving my goal, of finding a beautiful, intelligent and loving Ukrainian woman to be my future wife is near. So here's a bit of my story that I posted in another thread. I hope that other men seeking their true love also have success in finding the love of their life.....

As we know, there is no simple answer or commandment or rule that says THIS IS the way to do it OR THIS IS RIGHT. It's all an individual situation that depends on the situation. I'm 41, never been married, have no kids, look young, feel young, am persistant on staying in shape, and I am heading to Kharkov in a few days to propose to my future fiancee, and she's 21 years younger. Did I plan it this way? No. Did I try to set acceptable (or what I thought was acceptable) age ranges (25-35)? Yes. So, here's my story in a nutshell, the short version. I've been to Russia and Ukraine several times. I've met about 1 dozen FSU women over the years, and I previously wrote to a few dozen. The first time I went to Ukraine several years ago, I used Confidential Connections, now UALADYS (Yes, great eye candy on that web site), and I got burned because they are largely a Scam. Reality set in, and I then knew all the stories that I read about the average joe finding Cinderella were in many respects exaggerated. I even found many Russian women that had very mean and quick tempers. And I thought, am I fooling myself with this escapade? So I regrouped, did more research, and continued my pursuit of a FSU woman. Now, I am closer than ever to having a fiancee that I will love for the rest of my life. Is she perfect? No, but neither am I. We all have our faults. But, she has many great features; great heart, doesn't drink, doesn't smoke, is family-oriented, wants to move to the USA on the condition that we visit her family in Ukraine during holiday breaks when we can (and I respect this and her family values), she is educated (finishes her Masters degree in June 2008), she is beautiful, tall, well-proportioned, she is not materialistic, she only desires money for essential things like education, common toiletries i.e. body lotions, creams, etc, she is not a gold-digging jewelry lover, and most of all  there is repsect, trust, love and understanding between us. I also like the fact that she is a true woman and feminine yet strong. So why no American woman for me? Surely, there are thousand of great woman in this country. Well, in a nutshell, I got burned out with the expectations of American women. They often desire perfection in any man they seek. They often take for granted all the luxuries we have here and blessings of a beautiful country we have. Where buying a single dress for a Ukrainian woman is like Gold to her, buying a single dress for an American woman is like an appetizer while she holds her hand out for your paycheck and asks where are all the other dresses. Ok, let me interject here for all the guys that are thinking, wait, all American women are not that way. Ok, let me agree with those guys. You are right, there are many great American women here. It's the culture we live in that corrupts many. Of course our upbringing that we have in our family gives us the foundation of what kind of person we become. And in my girlfriend from Ukraine, I have found and have seen that respectable upbringing. I know, the nay-sayers are grumbling, well when you bring her here, she'll become corrupted like any American woman. Well, if she is in that mold, of course that is possible. But i know and trust her in my heart, and our relationship is based on a strong love and trust and understanding. Could I get burned after 5 years or 10 years? Of course. Could a tornado rip thru my home this summer? Very possible these days with so many violent storms. So what perspective do I put my FSU relationship in? I am 41, I have lived a great life, I have traveled the world, I have good health, and I do believe in God. There is only one thing missing in my life now; having a good wife and a strong family with a couple of my own kids. I would be happy if we had 10 or 15 (or even 20 would be nice) years together, and my desire is that she has a great life here in the USA even if I leave this earth first. I have good savings, investments and retirement options, so she will live fine even If I had the misfortune to leave this earth before her. So, I give her a good life here and all my love and respect, and in return she loves me with all her heart. What more can I ask? It is funny to hear all the experts and Psychs giving advice on what constitutes a successful relationship while divorce rates in the USA climb faster than any country in the modern world (latest census figures)!
So, follow your heart, stay in your league, plan financially for your future and the future of your family, listen to all advice, but then make a decision based on your goals in life, and goals of your possible future wife to be. And please guys, I repsect everyone's comments on here, and i only try to share my experiences for future FSU seeking guys. My answer was not meant to be an all-inclusive book, though my answer is getting longer by the minute as I peck away on the keyboard. I hope my experiences and comments are of some help to some guy considering and FSU woman for his future wife. The journey has been fun, and a bit crazy at times, but I can see the light at the end of the tunnel now, and it sure feels great! Thanks to all who post here, because without these message boards, I would have never of found my future wife. There is something for everyone in the FSU, and I must also say, I am a middle class guy with a good job, so you don't have to be rich to find love in this world. And we should all realize, that no matter what advice you follow, or which path you take, there are no guarantees in life. Have a plan and make a choice you can live with, and only then, you will know that regardless of whichever direction things go, that your life will move forward. God Bless to all!

[GregfromGa]

Man this is a good story. Sounds like you found yourself a good girl in Kharkov. You make some great points about the process.

[Leslie]

Are you actually married yet?  How long has your lady been living in the USA?  I have the feeling that she has not even arrived yet.  Your story reads like a monologue.  The reality is that the hard work starts about 6 - 12 months after you marry.  If you both keep the faith then a year or two after that you can start calling success.  What you have at the moment is hope and aspiration.  I sincerely hope these are shared.

The best of luck...

[catzenmouse]

BeenThere,

 I have to say that I agree with Leslie on this. I wish you the best of luck and really hope that what you both believe now will come to be a reality!

 Keep in mind that you both will have a huge amount of challenges ahead of you and patience, patience, patience is your best friend for the first year or two.

Ken

[Chelchov]

 Keep in mind that you both will have a huge amount of challenges ahead of you and patience, patience, patience is your best friend for the first year or two.

Congratulations and Best of Luck, BeenThereDoneThat...  Hope things will work out and you stay together in the long run.   

I concur with those long-married guys. 

It is apparent that almost all married men agree that patience is the number 1 virtue that any men must have before going into the venture of marrying a FSU woman. 

Knowing myself, I have this kind of qualities since I am very grounded by nature.  No matter how life, hassles and arguments are throwing at me, I just stay calm and peaceful and try to resolve it and make it work best for all quickly as possible.  I don't get riled up easily.     

[groovlstk]

Keep in mind that you both will have a huge amount of challenges ahead of you and patience, patience, patience is your best friend for the first year or two.

Ken

Ken,

I'm thinking you guys who've made it past the several-years mark should reward yourselves by going out and buying a Superman shirt, only the big "S" in the middle should be replaced with a "P" for extraordinary patience

[KenC]

groovlstk,
Don't worry, you're earning your "P" shirt right now!
KenC

[Markus]

41 and 21? It sounds like you're trying justify the age difference. In America, it's almost impossible, but in the FSU, it's always possible. I find it strange that a 41 year old man would go for a 21 year old, but you are you and I am not. I hope it works for you.

Mark