Difficulties of a long distance relationship...

[MaxxumUSA]

Me and Elena are getting along fine.   But it is a long distance relationship and this is my first time being this serious with any woman...  let alone a woman who lives one day travel from me.

We don't argue very much at all.  We miss each other and get frustrated that we can't be with each other.  For me it is difficult to not be there to hold her when she has bad times, and she feels the same about me.  I was sick a few weeks ago and I could tell in her voice she really wanted to be with me to nurse me back to health.  Her car breaks down often and I don't like her waiting alone on a russian street for her brother to help.  Thank goodness her brother helps her when she needs help.

We tell each other nice things on skype webcams.  We talk daily.  Usually once in the morning when she wakes up and at night before she sleeps.  During the day I sms her when I wake up and she sms's me back from her work when I can call for a few minutes.

My point is...  there is a lot of communication.  But it is SO difficult and frustrating not being together when this is what we both want.

My K-1 petition is delayed because of an RFE.  Still no NOA2 but I believe that should come very soon.  The waiting is horrendous.

Then for me comes a very difficult time:  When she goes to sleep.  Because of time zone differences she sleeps during my "free time".  Basically from 5:00 until I go to sleep around 11:00 she is sleeping.  at 11:00 I call her or she calls me so we can chat for a bit.  That's great.  But from 5 pm to 11 pm I am waiting.  I mean...  I do have a life and fill that time.  But this is my free time and this is the time I want to spend with her.

Besides these issues I also think it takes someone who is VERY secure with themself to be involved in a long distance relationship.  For months you are not together which raises the opportunity for other men to talk to them in person.  Not that I think she is interested in any other men...  but she is a beautiful woman and I'm sure men approach her at a minimum occasionally.

So I am wondering how others deal with these issues?

[catzenmouse]

Probably not much different from what you are doing now. We basically plan our schedules around the time difference and spend the rest of the time waiting for those time differences to coincide. Where you are now is the place that we have all been. Nothing easy or comfortable about it. Good time to practice up on that patience as you will need a huge amount of it in the months/years to come. Use this time as best you can. Brush up on your Russian, get rid of all the extra junk you have laying around, clean out the garage, look for places to build beds for flowers, etc. You've both just come through a hard time from this recent business issue of yours. Don't let the stress of that flow over into your thoughts of the future.

Ken

[Sort]

I am still searching for my girl but when i find her i can and will plan my work so i can visit her a lot.
I am moving out from my apartment in Sweden because i work in Oslo in Norway and since January i have been in my apartment for 17 days totaly.
If i add the rent i pay for the apartment to those days it gets to a he*l of a rent.
I'm gonna have my things put in a storage and that is way more cheaper then the apartment....
I will have my address at my brother instead and will be full time in Oslo working.

It's very easy for me to go to Ukraine because we do not need a visa to Ukraine.
I can be in the country for 90 days/year without a visa.
But if i find the right woman i will get a visa.

For example:
I can work for 3-4 weeks and then be with her for 2-3 weeks.
So all i have to do is to find the right woman and i am on my way baby....

[DKMM]

Maxxum,

I feel your pain buddy.  Its cool that there are guys out there somewhere that are going through the exact same things.  None of my friends understand what its like.

Learn to enjoy it because this is a unique period in your life.  Its a good way to learn about your partner in ways that you cannot while being distracted by their physical presence.  I really enjoy the morning SMS.  Sometimes I play a mind game trying to wait till I get to work to read it, but usually I will on the 1st red light.  Its always the best because she writes it about evening time and has gone too long in the day without communication. 

Do you have a long time between meeting her again?  I cannot stand the thought of waiting an entire K-1 period with no visits...

[MaxxumUSA]

Maxxum,

I feel your pain buddy.  Its cool that there are guys out there somewhere that are going through the exact same things.  None of my friends understand what its like.

Do you have a long time between meeting her again?  I cannot stand the thought of waiting an entire K-1 period with no visits...

Even though I had gone through some financial difficulties I am planning another visit because the K-1 is delayed.  I will go June 21 - July 3.  Me and Elena love each other very much but it is difficult to keep this bond without physically being together.

I look at it as a necessity and I plan on working daily when I am there.  She will be at her flat with me while I work.  My work is mostly telephone so I use skype for incoming and outgoing calls.

I don't want to take the chance that one or both of our feelings fade too much.  I just had a long conversation with Elena about this and we both agree we need to be together for a visit.

That damn K-1 delay is horrible.  I plan to visit again when she has her interview and she will fly back with me.  The waiting is much more horrible than I had thought it would be.  It is SO hard.

[Kuna]

Maxx,

What you're experiencing is "puppy love". That isnt meant to sound as harsh as it does but you're verging on being obsessed with the emotions you're experiencing rather than the relationship you have... and in my mind that is a danger.

I might be WAY too logical for my own good but I know over time those feelings WILL fade and then you have to deal with "what is left" after the head rush is gone.

If you focus your attention on "what is left" (not the head rush) you'll build a more valuable relationship.  If you feed on the adrenaline rush you will not be able to maintain it in the long term and therefore eventually "something" will be missing in your relationship.

Yes, I'm experiencing the same emotions with My Girl but I really try to contain those feelings because it gives me a more realisatic experience.  Anything that gives you that wild rush of adrenaline is always short lived. 

My love for My Girl is strong and all encompassing too, but I'm endeavoring to build a "geuine" relationship with her built on reality.  When she comes to Oz we won't be together ALL OF THE TIME so I'm trying not to condition us both to expect that.

The last time I was with My girl was almost 4 months ago but we're together everyday via phone calls, emails, SMS and letters.  She has her life and I have mine...  Our lives are connected but they are still OUR lives.

After she arrives I will still play golf... she may not like it but if she does she's welcome to join me.  She enjoys tennis... and I'm not a big fan so she may go and play tennis while I'm off doing something else.  That is a normal relationship.

We will be connected physically and emotionally but they'll still be two seperate lives.  If we did everything together and gave into the compulsion to spend all of our time together we wouldn't have anything new to bring to our relationship and we'd both become bored.

I'll return to Ukr in a few days and am certain we'll have the time of our lives together but our Visa process can take 5 to 10 months.  It's a long wait but the difficulties we endure now will actually add value to our relationship... not a weakness.

Be patient...  be realistic...  we have to accept responsibility for our decisions to pursue a long distance relationship.  We've seen the benefits but we must also accept the consequences.

You're not alone but you should try to manage your emotions and actions to prepare your life as well as possible before her arrival.  I'm sure there's plenty you can do to achieve that.

All the best,

Kuna