Clue bat the lady or not?

[Daveman]

Hey Dave

things gonna be super:)


I like her she looks very cute and pretty

Wanted to compliment her and you:)

Thank you very much Jazzy    For the compliments and for the words of support.

Ken, I've opened a patience account.  Having the deposits deducted weekly now..  gonna western union her some of them as well.. heh... I'm sure she'll need it to deal with my nonsense.

I/O, man, I've gone through many of the 'try to get it too perfect' phases - especially after finding this forum.  Watch for this... red flag that... don't screw up this way... don't blow it that way...  and then really, the bottom line is that most all of this is natural relationship common sense.  I'm watching for ways to make the transition easier for her, but this is a relationship, and it should be a blast!   There are going to be misunderstandings, miscommunications, and I'm probably going to do some screwy idiotic things... so be it... it's my right as a guy to be a bumbling idiot in relationships.  Only half joking..  I've kinda come full circle in this thing.. Of course I care, but I'm just not worried about anything... it's a much easier place to be...

Dave

[Todd]

I think that a great deal depends on where the person is coming from and where the person is coming to. 
My wife came from Minsk to Boston.  Both cities are about the same size, have a robust intellectual community,
and have a subway system.  She has been here for slightly more than a year due to trips back to Belarus, and
she sometimes forgets some days that she is in the US as Boston seems so similar to her.  In fact, the first day she was in Boston, she heard Russian spoken 5 times..and we don't even live in the Russian area of Boston.  I think that one plus is that she spoke fluent English prior to coming here, and she is very independent as well as just generally extraordinary.  Thus, I think there wasn't much of a cultural adjustment to make.

[Dar]

I have to say that language skills are important but more depend on personality type. I havent lived in US yet but traveled quite a bit with my husband abroad. If she is optimistic, outgoing, open minded and independent she wont have any problem to adjust to a new place. What I would suggest is to learn English and be ready for possible difficulties. If she could to communicate with someone who already have moved from Russia in US it might help her to see things clear. Knowing English will speed hole process, I believe she will be fine!

[ScottinCrimea]

Todd,  I found that I was unable to make the cultural adjustment to Boston during my visits there.  I couldn't get the hang of the language and found myself incapable of mastering the local driving styleof one hand on the wheel and the other hand out the window in a perpetual salute of the social finger.

[Jazzyclassy]

You know  dear Dave I think of course it is very important to accept the advices of guys here who are in the relations with Russian women , who are married and so on , but as many have spoken about their situation how it happened in their case, in your case it inevitably will be different , so of course it is so useful to learn and to know how people have done this , but in your relations it will be all different . It is very important to help your woman to adopt to that life and of course she will ask this support and help from you , so first of all you need to be very strong and patient as you already mentioned this.  I believe she will do her best and I am sure you will succeed:)

And never worry about the language thing that is not the first and not the main thing , believe me once she is in the atmosphere of English language everywhere she will be talking better than you and will learn all this slang words and high posh style , oh language should worry you the least in that ocean of emotions, thoughts, actions perceptions and things:)

for some reason I feel everything will be wonderful in your relations, the main thing always hope for  the best well expect  the worse and it will be all great , plus sometimes too much talks make relations so crazy complicated , you know all these talking why she did that instead of the other thing, why he said that when he had to say I love you and bla bla bla, and then they start thinking something bad........people sometimes are creating the problems in relations by their own empty talks which leads to creating problems in their heads:) which everyone of us has to escape

Anyway I am sure things will be going good with you and your lady:)

all the best and good luck to you both:)

[Serebro]

My friend and I were asked many times why we weren't speaking English. To me it sounded strange as I would have never asked anybody about that..just because the answer is obvious..

[KenC]

Dave,
Put the clue bat away.  Everyone is different and at this point you shouldn't rain on her parade.  Her confidence in fitting in is a huge plus and not a negative in any way.  Your right on the money with pushing the English lessons as her language abilities will be most crucial.  The greatest difficulty Lena experienced was with social isolation.  Giving up all friends, relatives and everything familiar is tough.  The busier you keep her, the easier time she will have adjusting.  Just FYI, Lena and I never gave much thought to the hows and wherefores of her adjusting to America, we just knew we needed to be together.  We were both naive and it is true that love is blind.  But it all worked out too.
KenC

[Daveman]

Thanks for all the thoughtful replies and words of encouragement again.  I apologize for not keeping up with this thread. I had thought it had died out.. Didn't see the latest posts until I came here to link the similar discussion in the Married section.  More interesting related information here:

http://www.russianwomendiscussion.com/index.php?topic=5205.msg90814

The busier you keep her, the easier time she will have adjusting.  Just FYI, Lena and I never gave much thought to the hows and wherefores of her adjusting to America, we just knew we needed to be together.  We were both naive and it is true that love is blind.  But it all worked out too.
KenC

Thanks Ken,
That social isolation seems to be the real kicker. Oh and Patience! What are some examples of keeping her busy?  I mean, sure there are tons of things to do around the house here that would keep her busy, (no, not cleaning), such as gardening, flowers, etc which she loves, but I mean... what are some things we can do to increase her level of social interaction?  I'm sure she'll meet some friends at ESL classes... but after the initial few weeks 24/7 time I can spend with her after her arrival, she'll of course be on her own while I'm gone.  I would like to use some of that 24/7 time to help her get involved in some things which would give her at least a small social network so she won't be trapped in the house after I must return to work.  Did you guys push your wives to make friends in the neighborhood? or get them involved in, hell, I don't know, something like quilting/sewing clubs? (I know.. I know.. crappy example, but I can't really think of anything else at the moment.. but you get the idea, right?).

I don't want to *push* her into anything she's not ready for, but she is very shy around new people and I am somewhat concerned that this will increase her feelings of isolation.  I'm willing to go with her to sewing club meetings (god I wish I could think of something better) and be there for support as she interacts with new people.  There should be some local Russian women groups here, but I haven't been able to locate any near here yet.

Dave

[Daveman]

Jazzy, you know, I've read tons of your posts. You really are going to make some lucky young gentleman a prize and treasure of a wife.  You are young, and some of your opinions reflect that. You are quite Russian, and some of your opinions reflect that.  But, I tell you this honestly... of all the many Russian ladies I've spoken/communicated with in the last two years, you are one of the most beautiful people I've encountered.  When you do arrive to your boy.. you will understand many things you don't quite see now.. but I can easily see from your posts that you really will have an easier time than most adjusting to the west.  You talk a mean game sometimes, but your heart is absolutely huge... just sharing some honest thoughts... but, don't let it go to your head...

Dave

[catzenmouse]

Dave,

 Push her to give Elena a call soon. We've changed her return date to July 23rd. Hopefully they can begin a friendship that can easily carry over here.

Ken

[Wayne B]

Dave, as I am just a 'rookie' here and in marriage to a RW....I can only give you some limited information......Her music, If she is Religious...some of her families memorabilia about their religion, native food market, many photos of her family...which she will already have....phone ability to family and friends....which I know that you already know.....but, here is also something that many of us 'rookies' have not discussed as far as I know  She can call Anna or Anna can call her.....and they can share in their views....what they think of being in a foreign country....and not even that...but, to be able to speak with someone in their native language..... Wayne.

[KenC]

Dave,
Wayne hit quite a few good ideas, pay attention to his post.  I see you live in Atlanta, but that may still mean the suburbs of Atlanta.  You need to make sure your woman is mobile.  If you have a good transit system, fine.  If not, you had better plan on a second car and driving lessons.  The driving lessons are better (cheaper) in her home country.  Think about her sitting in your home (no matter how beautiful) in a strange country, strange culture and strange language without the ability to even go to the store to buy milk and bread.  She knows no one but you!  To me that kind of sounds like prison.

It will take her years to develop a friend base here.  Think about it, it took her 20 or 30 years to develop the friends she currently has.  It has been my experience that the RW new to this country are hesitant to make new friends too.  If your gal is shy, it will be even more difficult.  Lack of friends, lack of relatives and lack of mobility puts the largest part of the burden on YOU!  Be prepared to be her husband, lover, mother, father and best friend all rolled into one!  t can be very overwhelming at times.

If she is religious at all, look for a local Russian Orthodox church.  ESL classes classes for sure.  Gym membership if that is her thing.  Home projects might be the ticket if she is so inclined.  Search out the local Russian store.  Not only do these stores sell Russian food items, but they usually have local Russian papers and a bulletin boards of local Russian events.  You would be surprised how many Russian concerts are held here in San Diego.  It is going to take a while, but Rome wasn't built in a day.

The more independent you can make your woman, the less dependent she will be on you and the better her self esteem.  Good luck.
KenC

[Daveman]

Wayne, KenC , and Ken and Elena! 

Well, she met Elena! That must have been interesting.. I wonder if they "I the Russian Woman'ed" each other?? LoL Thanks Ken... hopefully meeting and chatting with a lady whose already been through it gave her a glimpse of America through a Russian lady's eyes.

Wayne, KenC... Thanks for the info... 

This will give me some specific tangible things to research and track down.  Actually, this is exactly what I needed because it gives me something *active* to occupy some time.  Patience with the lady is one thing, but just sitting around and waiting isn't really my style. Thanks.. really!

Wayne, it'll be a while before she arrives here as we are still growing and taking our time on the way to the next visit and K-1.  Of course I *think* she's the one, but only time will tell for sure.  So, Anna won't be getting a call tomorrow, but when she gets here I'd love for them to chat... thanks a bunch!

Dave

[catzenmouse]

Yup, they met and Dave's lady got the Gold Stamp of Approval from Elena.

This also proves that the lady is much too good for you Dave! I'll tell you a secret though, try not to let it out, Elena is WAY too good form me too.

Ken