I'd like to say hello and ask for some advice

[Ferrari]

I'm American but live in Germany.  I met a great woman through an agency in April and we met in Kharkov in May.  She was very kind and showed me all of that great city and the surrounding area for 5 days.  I fell madly in love with her and expressed my affection in many ways.  Calls, SMS, poems, music, everything I could do for her.  It was very romantic.  I have told  her that I love her, but she can not respond in the same way.  We met in Turkey again in June, that is an entire wild story in itself... it was crazy but fun....   and  a third time in August.  We spent 10 days together in Kiev, Egypt, and back to Kiev.  She isn't after money, I know, she has a very solid family structure...  I am very fond of her and I feel her attraction to me, but she has not said she loves me.  In fact on the plane to Egypt she told me she has no (zero) feelings for me.  I was shocked, I couldn't believe this.  We had a great time in Egypt, it wasn't perfect but we became very close and now....  I have asked her to marry me.  She says she needs time to think about it...  I am at a loss to understand this woman, and if she wants me or not...she doesn't talk much on the phone and keeps hanging up on me. But, she sends me SMS messages every day... It is so confusing and frustrating and I feel the desire to move on to a new partner...  but I am afraid of making a mistake.  Does anyone here with experience with Ukraine women have some advice for me? Is this normal for women to act this way? 

  Sorry for this serious introduction note, but time is not on my side and I seriously don't know what the best course of action is.  Should I stay with her or move on?  Anyone have a similar experience with Ukraine women??

Any help is greatly appreciated...
Thanks.

 

[Admin]

I'm American but live in Germany.  I met a great woman through an agency in April and we met in Kharkov in May.  She was very kind and showed me all of that great city and the surrounding area for 5 days.  I fell madly in love with her and expressed my affection in many ways.  Calls, SMS, poems, music, everything I could do for her.  It was very romantic.  I have told  her that I love her, but she can not respond in the same way.  We met in Turkey again in June, that is an entire wild story in itself... it was crazy but fun....   and  a third time in August.  We spent 10 days together in Kiev, Egypt, and back to Kiev.  She isn't after money, I know, she has a very solid family structure...  I am very fond of her and I feel her attraction to me, but she has not said she loves me.  In fact on the plane to Egypt she told me she has no (zero) feelings for me.  I was shocked, I couldn't believe this.  We had a great time in Egypt, it wasn't perfect but we became very close and now....  I have asked her to marry me.  She says she needs time to think about it...  I am at a loss to understand this woman, and if she wants me or not...she doesn't talk much on the phone and keeps hanging up on me. But, she sends me SMS messages every day... It is so confusing and frustrating and I feel the desire to move on to a new partner...  but I am afraid of making a mistake.  Does anyone here with experience with Ukraine women have some advice for me? Is this normal for women to act this way? 

  Sorry for this serious introduction note, but time is not on my side and I seriously don't know what the best course of action is.  Should I stay with her or move on?  Anyone have a similar experience with Ukraine women??

Any help is greatly appreciated...
Thanks.

 

Simple answer - no, her behavior is not "normal".

More importantly, you should not settle for someone who would treat you badly in any way. Her comment that she has no feelings for you - and her hanging up the telephone on you are, IMO, behaviors which would have sent me the other direction at the first appearance.

Time to move on. Life's too short, and there are too many 'good ones' out there.

Just my $.02.

- Dan

[Serebro]

WEll, answering your question about her saying no to you, yes, it's normal.Because many women need time to know their partner better and 3-4 months are not enough for them.

but as for my advice to you, I would advise you to move on as it is obvious that you don't love her and ready to move.

[Kuna]

Ferrari,

I think you know the answer but you're wanting it confirmed.   

It's not normal and it isn't something anyone should settle for. I'm more curious about you being "madly in love with her" if she is treating you this way???  Maybe it's infatuation rather than love that you're feeling!

Move on...  even if your feelings are real and genuine they need to be reciprocated for you to have any chance at happiness.

Welcome to RWD (sorry for the negative start) and good luck in your continued search.

Kuna

[Ferrari]

Thanks Kuna.  You confirm what I should already know..   it is hard to let it go.... 

[Rvrwind]

Yes, I concur, move on.
Believe me if she truly had feelings for you, you'd know it & wouldn't be here asking us to confirm it.
RW/UW are well known for showing their real feelings & leave no room for error in that regard.
Welcome to RWD & Good Luck in the future.

[ScottinCrimea]

This woman smells desperation and that's a real turn off to any RW.  You have already lost her respect and once it's gone there's no getting it back.  Time to move on.

[Jet]

Because many women need time to know their partner better and 3-4 months are not enough for them.

3-4 months and three holidays abroad are more than enough time for a woman anywhere to develop feelings higher than *zero*

concur with everyone else......No soup for you, Kharkovichka! ~ NEXT!

[Turboguy]

This woman smells desperation and that's a real turn off to any RW.  You have already lost her respect and once it's gone there's no getting it back.  Time to move on.

Desperation is one thing I don't get even a small wiff of.   Apathy, or a serial dater sound far more logical.   To me she has no feelings for him and is enjoying having him spend his money on nice vacations.   He can stay or go but it will never go anywhere.   I also don't see any loss of respect.   She respects his money just fine.

[CaptB]

When you find a "new" woman who is in to you.....as much as you......are in to her......you will know it and won't ask for advice on the subject, here. You have ask....and she gave you a strait answer..............she has "zero" feelings. If you stay.....it will only be for yourself. I would say good bye to her......then cut-off contact completely......and never look back. Of course she will make some attemps to continue contact.....and maybe even tewll you she has changed her mind. Don't buy it! It is very, very doubtful she will ever "really" change her mind (except at vacation time....for a few weeks ). You need to spend more time assessing how much in to you....any women really is.....and less on "your" feelings. Its the first part that seems to be the most difficult for many men. Any further contact with her.....will only hold-up the process of finding a woman who reciprocates your feelings...............equally. Good luck......and welcome.


Capt B

[Misha]

I'm American but live in Germany.  I met a great woman through an agency in April and we met in Kharkov in May.  She was very kind and showed me all of that great city and the surrounding area for 5 days.  I fell madly in love with her and expressed my affection in many ways.  Calls, SMS, poems, music, everything I could do for her.  It was very romantic.  I have told  her that I love her, but she can not respond in the same way. 

I have been in your shoes. I madly fell in love with a woman in Russia. Similar story as yours (minus all the trips). She did not fall in love with me. Fortunately, I moved on and I met my wife, who liked me from the first moment she saw me and she quickly fell in love.

The lesson I learned: if a woman does not share your feelings, it is better to move on. More time won't solve the problem and she won't fall in love in 5 years or 10 years, and you will fall harder. I know it will be hard for you to do, but my experience taught me that it is better to look for someone who will love you and that you will love in return.

[wxman]

I agree. Move on. I know it is hard when you have made an investment. By investment, I don't mean money, but emotion and personal feelings. This is an investment that will show no returns, and if you continue to hold on to it, will leave you with nothing.

[hkl]

Just let her go. And move on.

[Shadow]

  Does anyone here with experience with Ukraine women have some advice for me? 

Be very careful.

Women in the FSU are not very used to be stalked with a lot of attention but less action. It is hard for them to say no to a guy that bombards them with attention, gifts, poems and holiday trips.
Still she manage to make it clear that she has no feelings. Move on.

[Turboguy]

I don't know if I can put this into words or if it will make sense but first I agree with the others, move on.

You hear about love at first sight which I don't believe in.  I think what really happens is we meet someone who we feel strongly that we could fall in love with.  Because we feel that way we are more open with our inner self and less guarded and have a better chance of that love developing if the rest of the way we are is compatable. 

I think when someone tries the romantic approach and they are not the person we think we could fall in love with it feels more like stalking as shadow mentioned and it pushes them away more than creating the romantic feeling and the sense that we will make their life special as you intended.

Actually if there is any hope it would only happen by breaking things off and moving on.   Then she may feel she lost something and you may seem like a challenge which could spark something but even if that did happen you would likely be better off just finding someone who is right for you.  She is there and she may be the next one you meet.  Why waste time on something that just isn't right.