Dear doc ...

[docetae]

hello,

This is finished...alone again. The interesting part here is that the factor that have made my ex girlfriend go away is ...religion. When I met her for the first time, she was proud, free and wanted to rule her life.

Since a little more than one month, she told me in her letter that she is going every week to the church, she asked me about my opinion about this topic, etc. In her last letter , she was just telling that if I want to have a relationship with  with her now, I must marry her. I asked her last year if she wanted to be engaged with me and her answer was she was not ready....

This is the second time this is happening to me ... last time, the previous UW I dated told me after one meeting, several days spent together and two months of daily contact that she was belonging to LDS church (but she was not very strict about religion, her underwear were not showing that ..  )

So I ask the audience here, are women so influenced by religion in FSU or it is me who attract only bigots ?

[Turboguy]

I don't mean this to be negative but I think it is you.   I doubt if there are more than a handful of LDS members on every agency web site put together.   I have met a very few very religious FSU women but most are far less into religion than the typical AW.   I have met a good number who were a little goofy lets say.  I think you just hit two of those in a row.

[SANDRO43]

Sorry to hear about your "Dear Doc", Doc.

So I ask the audience here, are women so influenced by religion in FSU or it is me who attract only bigots ?

From what I hear here, not to the point of rejecting a promising suitor. Were they spiritual-looking types, and that attracted you ?

LDS church (but she was not very strict about religion, her underwear were not showing that ..  )

I know very little about LDS, does their underwear show prominently their affiliation, or do their women simply object to men not from the congregation inspecting their knickers ?

[docetae]

  I think you just hit two of those in a row.

I just hope the law of serial will stop here ... (in fact this is the third, there was one I do not met but with who I exchanged letters...)

About underwears, google will be your friend

I will fly back to Ukraine in 2 weeks now, I will see...

[BillyB]

I think what we have here is a failure to communicate.

docatae, I don't know if you belong to any religion or if you're an athiest but the women you communicate with absolutely need to know your stance on this issue if it's a deal breaker for you to marry them if they change who they are.

Also if a woman isn't "into you", move on. You have encountered women who hesitate or isn't ready for a serious relationship. Don't waste your life on women who aren't ready to take the next step with you.

[jb]

So I ask the audience here, are women so influenced by religion in FSU or it is me who attract only bigots ?

Is there some good reason you used the word "bigot"? 

[Kuna]

doc,

first of all I want to express my disappointment and sadness at your disappointment and sadness.  I've watched your posts and believe you're one of the good guys that deserves a good girl.

But... If you're the type that attracts religious girls (and you're seeking a long term marriage) consider yourself lucky!

A week or so before my last trip I was in a taxi and the cabbie (a Serbian) and I were chatting away.  He'd picked me up on the return from my first trip to UKR.  He asked me how things were going and I told him I was returning in the next week.  As we talked I inadvertently mentioned my experience with My Girl when I suggested we go into the Golden Dome Cathedral.  To see her in that church was so enlightening.  She showed a deep and reverent respect for the church and I saw a quality in her I had never seen before.

During our correspondence she said she believe in God but "wasn't very religious".  the cabbie said to me that meeting and marrying a girl from Eastern Europe was very high risk even for an Eastern European man and in his opinion finding one with respect for the church was the best you could hope for.

My girl and I have talked at length about religion and while neither of us consider ourselves to be highly religious I would be very happy to have the church as a part of lives after we marry... or maybe after we have children.

I'm not totally trusting of all churches or of all of the teachings of all churches but personally I can think of many things that can influence our lives that would be worse.

I don't know your feelings or inclinations towards religion but if you have an open mind the right girl with the right religion may not be the worst thing. (BTW... My Girl is Russian Orthodox not LDS).

Now... are you the only one to keep on finding these religious girls (or bigots as you called them)?  I don't think so...  As mentioned above My Girl obviously has quite strong beliefs... but the other girl I met in UKR openly admitted to going to church every week.  I didn't click with her anywhere near like I did with My Girl so there was never really any question in my mind but still two out of two is a reasonably consistent result.

Perhaps it was the way I conducted my search.  I sought out girls that had more substance than the vast majority I wrote to.  I suspect some of us will find such girls during our search yet ultimately we must decide if it's something that would fit into our lives.

Again,  sorry for your recent disappointment... and good luck in your continued search.

Kuna

[Bruce]

You have got to be kidding.  Yes, religion is becomming increasingly popular, but it is still a small minority of the population who are really devout and who also understand why.  Ukraine more than Russia, but its roughly the same.  No two people are more devout Orthodox Christians than my MIL and FIL.  My Mil is less showy than my FIL about it.  It is a much more tolerant interpretation of Christianity than most of us in the West believe - with much of the old time Russian culture incorporated into the religion, which makes it interesting and fun.  This often comes out in every day life.  A perfect example is prior to a long trip everyone in the family must sit and quietly pray for a moment.  I am glad my wife is not devout at all, not even close to  MIL and FIL - yet my wife incorporates much of the cultural aspects into her everyday life without really even being aware of it. 

You, you, you.  Look at your choices, look at how you presented yourself, look at the type of girls you pursued, look at your own background seriously.  Is there a disconnect?  There probably is somewhere that you should remedy.  Keep your head up, continue moving forward and look at past failures as valuable learning opportunities.  In general, if you want less devout girls, seek more educated ones ie. master level degrees and up.

[jb]

Is there some good reason you used the word "bigot"?

Never mind, I just remembered that you are from the French speaking part of Canada, that you would use a French word is understandable to me now.  I was thinking the word "zealot" might be what you were thinking.

[docetae]

Is there some good reason you used the word "bigot"? 

yes, a bigot for me is someone who is saying believing in god, only to have the possibility to do judge other based on a flexible morality and who do not think based on their own reflexion . The woman I dated was proud, free, and independent. Now she is judging everyone, telling what is good and not, etc... I call these people bigots. JB, I am french from France (in fact half Belgium/half France), living in Canada.

I am totally open to other religion except fundamentalism, integrism and obscurantism (where I will apply the term bigot too), my background is a strong roman catholic education but today I am agnostic (not atheist, this not the same). I only ask that the woman who is me to respect my belief as I will respect her belief. That was clear with her since day one. In fact, in less than one month she changed totally and for the worst.

I will see what will happen next...

[SANDRO43]

I am agnostic (not atheist, this not the same).

True, but the latter are not too bad, either: there were never any atheist missionaries trying to convince others that their views were the only true and acceptable ones .

[ScottinCrimea]

...she was belonging to LDS church (but she was not very strict about religion, her underwear were not showing that ..  )

Maybe I need to step in here and clear up a misconception.  Members of the LDS (official name = Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints) if they are devout will attend services in a temple (different from a regular meeting place) where they make covenants with God.  As a symbol of these covenants they will wear undergarments with specific markings which serve as a reminder of these covenants and a symbol of God's protection. There is nothing "strange" about these undergarments though perhaps a bit more conservative than most are accustomed to wearing these days.  For Ukrainian members of the church, the nearest temple is in Germany, so for some it can be cost prohibitive to attend no matter their level of devoutness.  However, there is currently an LDS temple under construction in Kiev which will allow more members to attend and make these covenants.