Here is an article that may be of an interest to all of you new bies:
For a lot of men, emotional language simply isn't something they're entirely fluent in. And like any traveler in a foreign land, men often look for simple ways to translate what they're trying to say into a lexicon that's more familiar and comfortable.
For some, that's the language of physical contact - what a man can't express verbally, he expresses physically. Others use the language of frequency - lots of phone calls and emails. And still other men use the time-honored language of currency: they communicate love by throwing money at it.
Unfortunately, a man expressing affection with money can lead to a woman feeling like she's being seen as a commodity, not an individual. It's a tricky balancing act for the guy. The fact is, guys are trained from an early age to judge their self-worth through what they've accomplished.
When they're adults, that self-worth comes with a handy measuring stick: money. So he may well be thinking that you measure his love by that same yardstick.
It's a bit of a balancing act for men. He doesn't want to spend too much (and seem like a show-off or a con artist) and he doesn't want to spend too little (and look like a no-good cheapskate who will never be able to provide for a wife or family). He desperately wants to avoid making your relationship into a mere transaction, but he does want to appear attentive, confident, and generous - traits he knows she'll admire.
Here's what some of the gifts he gives early on in a relationship may say about his intentions.
Flowers, On a First Date The unwritten message: I'm the man, and you should know I'm the man. And won't it be nice when your friends drop by and see these flowers and know that I'm that guy who sent them to you.
Sign He's Invested in You: A single rose, or maybe a bouquet bought from a street vendor during the walk back home.
Sign He's Trying to Buy You Off: The showy dozen roses, at a time when he knows you about as well as the flower vendor he bought them from.
Flowers, The Day After The unwritten message: I don't want to call so I seem too overanxious, but I do want to let you know that you looked spectacular in those spaghetti straps (and downright celestial without them).
I'm very eager to get together again (how about Wednesday?), but if I call you, you're going to think I'm more desperate than a dehydrated marathoner at mile 22.
Sign He's Invested in You: He includes a note gently expressing his feelings, maybe with a touch of humor.
Sign He's Trying to Buy You Off: He attaches his business card.
Dinner, High-End Restaurant The unwritten message: I can take care of you. I'm not trying to show off (OK, maybe just a little), but I appreciate the finer things in life, and you're one of them.
Sign He's Invested in You: He takes you to a place where he knows a few people, and wants to introduce you to them.
Sign He's Trying to Buy You Off: He's waving greenbacks to get attention from the maitre d'.
Dinner, In The unwritten message: The couch is right over there.
Sign He's Invested in You: He cooks for you, makes you comfortable, attends to your every need.
Sign He's Trying to Buy You Off: The fancy goods come straight from the gourmet market, and don't hang together as a meal, and the spotlight is on the black satin sheets in the suspiciously neat bedroom.
Music, Books, Other Forms of Entertainment The unwritten message: I listened when you told me you were a Norah Jones fan. I listened to the time you said you liked a certain book and found one by the same author. I listen when you tell me what you like, because I like you.
These aren't expensive gifts, but you can't put a price on a guy who picks up the subtle signals, can you?
Sign He's Invested in You: He's exploring your world through your music and ideas, and takes delight in that.
Sign He's Trying to Buy You Off: The big warning flag here is if he's trying to rewrite your iTunes and Netscape lists with his preferences. It should be a cultural exchange, not an invasion.
Jewelry The unwritten message: By giving you something I hope you'll wear for a long time, I'm signaling commitment here, and I'm none too happy about these other guys circling around you. I need your pesky co-workers and long-term friends to know that I've staked a claim on this territory.
Sign He's Invested in You: The gifts shows that he's watching what you wear, carefully, and selecting items that show he knows what you like.
Sign He's Trying to Buy You Off: He's delivering showpieces you won't feel comfortable wearing in your everyday life. Relationships are all about the day-to-day, and his gifts should show that he understands that.
A Weekend Away The unwritten message: All travel is a trial marriage: just me and you against the cold universe. We're together, exclusively, and that's enough. Bonus points if I can show you that I'd rather spend a Sunday at a B&B than in front of the TV watching the Packers play.
Sign He's Invested in You: The focus is on going someplace that gives the two of you plenty of time to be intimate with each other, and I'm not just talking about the bedroom. He may go with his buddies to Vegas, but with you, it should be a destination quiet enough to hear each other whisper.
Sign He's Trying to Buy You Off: He selects a destination that does the romantic work for him; the hotel suite with a prominently displayed Jacuzzi, or Paris on a whim. Money shouldn't ever do the work of relationship building; his words and his silence ought to do that.
http://health.yahoo.com/experts/menlovesex/69318/7-signs-he-s-trying-to-buy-your-love/
