Advice?

[laserjames]

I've been reading over the forums and to be honest, y'all have put the fear of God into me! So I have questions and need advice...

Backround...

I'm 35 with above median income, not "rich" but generally well off financially. I've been divorced for 6 years and dating after a 3 year break, so basically I've been dating the last 3 years. I've dated all ages, 19 youngest (don't judge, just listen) to 44 oldest... all income ranges, all backrounds, some with kids, some without... needless to say I've been around the block and have come to the conclusion that the character and values that I'm looking for in a woman is so rare in the USA these days that I just can't seem to find them. About a year ago I happened across a Russian site that provided some insight into the culture and values of the women in that country, and I've since expanded into Romania and Ukraine. The things that I'm looking for which are so rare here seem to be commonplace there.

Currently...

I'm talking to a woman from Romania. She's 22 (yeah I'll get to that) with no kids and a good education. We've been emailing for a few months, talk on the phone weekly, and I'm planning my first visit at the end of winter. She seems to be everything I've been looking for and then some.

The dilemma...

My family and friends are very suspicious of someone of that age from a foreign country. They pose questions like how would I know that she's not just looking for a ticket into the US to be a citizen and once that is achieved she would be gone? As well as what would a person of that age be doing associated romantically with a person of my age? I generally explain that my business is my business and they will support my decision regardless of what it is, but the questions weigh on my mind. I have read that it is typical for a woman from those countries to prefer men 5-10 years older, so I'm not as squimish about it as I was, but it's still on my mind I guess... anyway... my question is... is it all worth it? All the red tape, all the issues with family and friends, "K" this and "I" that... airplane tickets, all the costs and aggrivations... is it worth it? I'm generally TOO trusting and TOO impulsive and have made more than my share of mistakes, and that's what I'm trying to avoid here. Is there anything I'm missing? Questions I should ask? Avenues I need to explore that I've not thought of? Any advice, any at all, good or bad, would be greatly appreciated. Thanks!

[catzenmouse]

Welcome laserjames!

 If you find the right woman it is more worth it than you can even begin to imagine. You've got plenty of time to get to know the lady and see how you fit together. No matter how great things may seem right now you might just find out 10 minutes after you meet that you don't really like each other.

 Read about the process and the pitfalls and keep your wits about you and you'll do just fine.

Ken

[Lily]

My family and friends are very suspicious of someone of that age from a foreign country. They pose questions like how would I know that she's not just looking for a ticket into the US to be a citizen and once that is achieved she would be gone? As well as what would a person of that age be doing associated romantically with a person of my age? I generally explain that my business is my business and they will support my decision regardless of what it is, but the questions weigh on my mind. I have read that it is typical for a woman from those countries to prefer men 5-10 years older, so I'm not as squimish about it as I was, but it's still on my mind I guess... anyway... my question is... is it all worth it? All the red tape, all the issues with family and friends, "K" this and "I" that... airplane tickets, all the costs and aggrivations... is it worth it? I'm generally TOO trusting and TOO impulsive and have made more than my share of mistakes, and that's what I'm trying to avoid here. Is there anything I'm missing? Questions I should ask? Avenues I need to explore that I've not thought of? Any advice, any at all, good or bad, would be greatly appreciated. Thanks!

There are women who are too trusting as well. How does one know that the man on the other side of earth is looking for a good wife and not just some temporary entertainment? 

Seriously, you probably should look at the person in general. How seriously does she take duties in life. Does she consider her word to be her bond? If you find out that she is this kind of person, you probably can ask her straight questions and count for sincere answers.

[BillyB]

They pose questions like how would I know that she's not just looking for a ticket into the US to be a citizen and once that is achieved she would be gone? 

Everybody wants a better life. Do you prefer a woman who doesn't want to better her life? Probably not. What you need to look for in a woman is her methods and motives of achieving a better life. Does she want to work for it and be a contributing partner in a marriage or does she want a free ride at her man's expense? You won't know that info if you propose the first week of your initial visit. When you do visit your lady, watch how she treats others. After a home cooked meal, does she help her mom clean up the table and wash dishes or does she prefer taking you out shopping and eating at restaurants all the time? Is she happy with her life and make the most out of it or does she always have complaints and problems that are solved with money?

As well as what would a person of that age be doing associated romantically with a person of my age?

If you two get along fine, then it's your business. All you need to know is the bigger the age gap, the bigger the risk. If you find a sincere woman, you have little to worry about. The other week I was in a store and met a Ukrainian girl in her first year of college. She must have been 18 or 19 yo. I'm 37. We talked about Ukraine and her life here in America for about 20 minutes and I told her I better let her get back to work. But it seemed she didn't want to stop talking to me. The next time I was in the store, she recognized me and waved. I'm engaged so I didn't pursue another conversation. The gal is nice looking and living in America yet she was giving me more attention than normal for a woman that wouldn't be interested in me. At 37, I find myself able to attract ladies better than if I was 25. Some of my friends say the same thing as they have had much younger American women hitting on them.

[thedub]

My family and friends are very suspicious of someone of that age from a foreign country. They pose questions like how would I know that she's not just looking for a ticket into the US to be a citizen and once that is achieved she would be gone? As well as what would a person of that age be doing associated romantically with a person of my age?

Laserjames...

My family posed the same questions.

Then I reminded them that these are our family statistics: my dad (on 3rd marriage); stepmom (on 3rd marriage); stepbrothers (both on second marriage); sisters (three out of four are divorced!)...

When I actually looked at the statistics for my own family and found that one out of nine marriages in my immediate family (mom, dad, several siblings) was intact from day one... they all toned down a lot!

Also, since last June, I started to frame the entire discussion of my romantic interests in a different paradigm: instead of pointing out the problems I saw with American women, I simply pointed out simple interesting facts of dating a woman from the FSU: new culture, my interest in Asian history, and languages.

The easiest way to tone down the annoying cries of your family is to point out your own good qualities as a decision maker. Then portray the project as one in which you are NOT against seeking an AW... but are simply more interested in a global cultural framework for your life. (After all, if you were investing in an overseas company would your family bother you? Probably not. If you show them that your ducks are in a row emotionally, they can't be discouraged by your intrigue in an international dating pool either!) I simply made them see that it was a firm, clear, clear decision that I was making in the long run... and if they cared for me they would support me on this as all my other decisions that have been good so far.

Be firm and clear with your family up front and they will tow the line.


As far as an age difference.. you'll hear a motley assormtnet of opinions here on RWD. Hear them out and then trust your own judgement. Once you believe in your own opinion, you can disregard naysayers in both your own family and here on boards. Main point is to know what and why you believe and see for yourself.

In answer to the question of what and why is ANYONE is interested in you... then you'll understand and believe in your own value as a romantic partner.

In 2 months, this board group has done wonders for helping me to question and then engage my own opinions for who I want to be with.

Be firm and straightforward with your family about what you're tyring to do. Especially over the holidays!    Being honest about the whole endeavor has really helped me feel good about myself (and put some annoying aunts in their place!)... In just a few months I feel really strong about why I am doing this and so happy to be moving away from the AW dating scene.

BTW, the best route for learning things here is to read a ton and then PM everyone who strikes you as an interesting member. I've learned more in each PM to and from an OMB here than in several hours of reading/surfing other boards or lists.

Cheers!

[Turboguy]

I'm 35 with above median income, not "rich" but generally well off financially. I've been divorced for 6 years and dating after a 3 year break, so basically I've been dating the last 3 years. I've dated all ages, 19 youngest (don't judge, just listen) to 44 oldest...

From what you have said here you should be an outstanding candidate for this endeavor.   You are young enough to have your pick of outstanding women, you can afford it, you have been single for long enough to have your feet on the ground.    The only requirement of success you have not talked about is vacation time.

Currently...

I'm talking to a woman from Romania. She's 22 (yeah I'll get to that) with no kids and a good education. We've been emailing for a few months, talk on the phone weekly, and I'm planning my first visit at the end of winter. She seems to be everything I've been looking for and then some.

The problem is not so much the age gap as the age.   Some people here feel that until a gal hits about 25 she is not really to the point that she should be deciding to uproot her life and that she is not settled enough to make a life decision.   We were talking about ages people got married at in my office yesterday and most of the women got married at 19 and stayed married.  (It was the office managers 27th anniversary.)   I would not tell you to rule out the under 25 women, just be a little careful.   Some of the ones I met early on who seemed most ready for marriage were fairly young.

The dilemma...

Darn, those are the scariest words I have heard in a while.   I am sure this will go over your head and it is just sort of a joke that some will get so don't worry about it but talk about something that will put the fear of God in you, those words could. 

My family and friends are very suspicious of someone of that age from a foreign country. They pose questions like how would I know that she's not just looking for a ticket into the US to be a citizen

I think this is a pretty common thing.   My friends and family were probably just as suspicious before they really found out how wonderful FSU women are.   My daughter was dead set against it way back and right now my fiancee and my daughter seem to have a good start at turning into best friends. 

I think it goes without saying that you need to run your own life and not let others tell you how to live it.   They will not ruin their life because you don't agree with what they want to do so you must do the same.   We all seek approval but happiness is much more important.

[CaptB]

Hi Laserjames,

I hav'nt been to the board for awhile...........but your post caught my eye. You have been in contact with this woman for a few months.........if there is a real connection......I don't see why phone conversations can not be a little more frequent. After one month......my wife and I were on the phone daily. If you want to keep her interest.........visit much sooner. You have bee in contact a few montrhs.........the "end of winter" might be pushing it. Yes it is more "fun" to visit during the summer months.......a nicer vacation. But.......you are looking for a life partner. Winter trips a much cheaper..........and if things go well on your first trip and you become an "item"............then your second trip can be a vacation......and you will already have someone to share it. Always meet her, on the first trip, in her home town. Get to know her friends, family and coworkers.........and how "they" regard........."her". My wife has great friends, family and coworkers.........and the "all" regarded her highly (they were right). The day you give her an actual date of departure.....and if her interest in you is sincere.......you will notice her interest increase even more. Much more than 3 or 4 months waiting time after initial contact......and you start to risk the other party's interest start to wane. Don't worry about what friends and family may think of this endeavor. If things work out and she is a true "gem".......as is "my" wife..........they will all be crazy about her.


Don't wait too long........get your feet wet........get on that plane. Also learn a little Romanian....................it will definately earn you brownie points.........not just with her......but with those around her.

Good Luck


CapT B

[Gator]

James,

A serious question.  Do you have a long history of making bad decisions?

If not, then ask your friends and family to trust you, that now you are just looking, and that you will keep them informed of your progress and will seek their advice when more is known.

If you do have a history of making wrong decisions, your family and friends should be concerned  In fact, RW are probably not for you.  This is not an easy undertaking.  Eventually you will be making a decision about marriage to a woman from a different culture, with a different native language, with an age disparity .... all in a compressed time frame of getting to know her. 

Besides the physical and emotional attraction issues, marriage should be based on having aligned goals, common values, good communication, shared interests, etc.  These take time to define, more time than most men have or can afford.  Then you must consider that a 22-yo woman really does not yet know what she wants, meaning she will likely change as opportunities avail themselves. 

So you will make this decision based on your emotional feelings and your sense of how committed she is to make marriage work.  In other words, you will have imperfect information.  Are you good at making decisions with imperfect information?

[laserjames]

Thank you for the welcome and all the posts, I'll get to them one at a time...

Welcome laserjames!

Read about the process and the pitfalls and keep your wits about you and you'll do just fine.

Ken

Keeping my wits is exactly what I'm trying to do, trying not to follow the "fools rush in" theory while still keeping an open mind to the possibility of a true feeling of love with lasting happiness...

Seriously, you probably should look at the person in general. How seriously does she take duties in life. Does she consider her word to be her bond? If you find out that she is this kind of person, you probably can ask her straight questions and count for sincere answers.

I generally follow the "open book" policy when it comes to relationships and potential relationships so I answer all her questions honestly (yeah, even the things I'm not so proud of) and from what I've been able to gather she's very similar. She has told me many things that I didn't expect which lead me to believe that she is an honest and trusting person. Family values seem to be high and she also seems to have an inner desire to find and maintain the ever elusive life long partner. The words "to good to be true" keep coming to mind, but the emotions she's stirred and the sheer possibility that she actually could be everything she is leading me to believe has me on the path that I'm presently following.

Everybody wants a better life. Do you prefer a woman who doesn't want to better her life? Probably not. What you need to look for in a woman is her methods and motives of achieving a better life. Does she want to work for it and be a contributing partner in a marriage or does she want a free ride at her man's expense? You won't know that info if you propose the first week of your initial visit. When you do visit your lady, watch how she treats others. After a home cooked meal, does she help her mom clean up the table and wash dishes or does she prefer taking you out shopping and eating at restaurants all the time? Is she happy with her life and make the most out of it or does she always have complaints and problems that are solved with money?

If you two get along fine, then it's your business. All you need to know is the bigger the age gap, the bigger the risk. If you find a sincere woman, you have little to worry about. The other week I was in a store and met a Ukrainian girl in her first year of college. She must have been 18 or 19 yo. I'm 37. We talked about Ukraine and her life here in America for about 20 minutes and I told her I better let her get back to work. But it seemed she didn't want to stop talking to me. The next time I was in the store, she recognized me and waved. I'm engaged so I didn't pursue another conversation. The gal is nice looking and living in America yet she was giving me more attention than normal for a woman that wouldn't be interested in me. At 37, I find myself able to attract ladies better than if I was 25. Some of my friends say the same thing as they have had much younger American women hitting on them.

Very interesting... yes I do want someone who wants better out of life just as I do, but yes, it's the measures one will take to achieve the better life that scare me. I trust that this woman is all she says and portrays (maybe she's a fantastic actress?), and like I said those worries are in the back of my mind. She works a job for much less than I would even think about accepting and never complains, and I get the feeling that she actually looks forward to going to her job (maybe to get away from the house?) and enjoys what she does. I'm not sure but I imagine (need to investigate) that over here her degree would be worth about $3.12 on a good day, but I have very little doubt that she would be an active participant in making a better life for both of us. As for the young hottie, congrats! That must have been a great ego boost which is never a bad thing. 

My family posed the same questions.

Then I reminded them that these are our family statistics: my dad (on 3rd marriage); stepmom (on 3rd marriage); stepbrothers (both on second marriage); sisters (three out of four are divorced!)...

When I actually looked at the statistics for my own family and found that one out of nine marriages in my immediate family (mom, dad, several siblings) was intact from day one... they all toned down a lot!

Also, since last June, I started to frame the entire discussion of my romantic interests in a different paradigm: instead of pointing out the problems I saw with American women, I simply pointed out simple interesting facts of dating a woman from the FSU: new culture, my interest in Asian history, and languages.

The easiest way to tone down the annoying cries of your family is to point out your own good qualities as a decision maker. Then portray the project as one in which you are NOT against seeking an AW... but are simply more interested in a global cultural framework for your life. (After all, if you were investing in an overseas company would your family bother you? Probably not. If you show them that your ducks are in a row emotionally, they can't be discouraged by your intrigue in an international dating pool either!) I simply made them see that it was a firm, clear, clear decision that I was making in the long run... and if they cared for me they would support me on this as all my other decisions that have been good so far.

Be firm and clear with your family up front and they will tow the line.

As far as an age difference.. you'll hear a motley assormtnet of opinions here on RWD. Hear them out and then trust your own judgement. Once you believe in your own opinion, you can disregard naysayers in both your own family and here on boards. Main point is to know what and why you believe and see for yourself.

In answer to the question of what and why is ANYONE is interested in you... then you'll understand and believe in your own value as a romantic partner.

In 2 months, this board group has done wonders for helping me to question and then engage my own opinions for who I want to be with.

Be firm and straightforward with your family about what you're tyring to do. Especially over the holidays!    Being honest about the whole endeavor has really helped me feel good about myself (and put some annoying aunts in their place!)... In just a few months I feel really strong about why I am doing this and so happy to be moving away from the AW dating scene.

BTW, the best route for learning things here is to read a ton and then PM everyone who strikes you as an interesting member. I've learned more in each PM to and from an OMB here than in several hours of reading/surfing other boards or lists.

The route you suggested is exactly the route that I'm taking with my family and friends now. I did start off with the downsides of AW but then started to change direction. Got my mother and her actually sending emails back and forth (scarey thought) and developing a relationship. Slowly I'm turning their apprehension into acceptance. My mother gave a set of "ground rules" before she started talking with her... they were: She has to be over 25 (I said 18, we settled on 22, lol), has to speak english (she's fluent), have no children (I didn't agree with this one, but she still qualifies since she has no kids), and be easy to get along with (which is why I encouraged the email between them)... mothers worry way too much (gotta love her), lol. The age difference I'm not so concerned about since I have dated people of that age here (and there is supposed to be better for such things) with the proper mentality but improper chemistry (gotta see how that chemistry is with her). I'm researching like crazy, letting my analytical mind attain its fill of information. So far so good!

From what you have said here you should be an outstanding candidate for this endeavor.   You are young enough to have your pick of outstanding women, you can afford it, you have been single for long enough to have your feet on the ground.    The only requirement of success you have not talked about is vacation time.

The problem is not so much the age gap as the age.   Some people here feel that until a gal hits about 25 she is not really to the point that she should be deciding to uproot her life and that she is not settled enough to make a life decision.   We were talking about ages people got married at in my office yesterday and most of the women got married at 19 and stayed married.  (It was the office managers 27th anniversary.)   I would not tell you to rule out the under 25 women, just be a little careful.   Some of the ones I met early on who seemed most ready for marriage were fairly young.

Darn, those are the scariest words I have heard in a while.   I am sure this will go over your head and it is just sort of a joke that some will get so don't worry about it but talk about something that will put the fear of God in you, those words could. 

I think this is a pretty common thing.   My friends and family were probably just as suspicious before they really found out how wonderful FSU women are.   My daughter was dead set against it way back and right now my fiancee and my daughter seem to have a good start at turning into best friends. 

I think it goes without saying that you need to run your own life and not let others tell you how to live it.   They will not ruin their life because you don't agree with what they want to do so you must do the same.   We all seek approval but happiness is much more important.

Everything seems good so far in my planning. I'll make over $50,000 next year (like I said, I'm not rich, but I'm doing ok) and live in an economically depressed area where living expenses are at a minimum. My income far outweighs my outgo and at this point I can devote about $10,000 from my savings (for visits) without much concern. I know it may balloon to much more than that (over time) and I'm taking the steps necessary to compensate for worst case scenario ($20,000-ish I assume for visits and actual marriage should it come to that). As for vacation time, my schedule allows for manipulation of dates and times off, my company gives a week for Christmas and a week for 4th of July off automatically, but beyond that, I work 5 days for 2 off and have the freedom (for example) to work 15 straight days for 6 off without any problems. I have 2 weeks paid that I can use in any way I see fit, getting paid during Christmas or 4th of July is normal, but I don't have to do that. I've been blessed in all areas and aspects of my life (good job, great family and friends, good health, etc) with the exception of someone to share my life with. I'm determined (stubborn at times) to find what I seek, even if it takes me across the globe...

I'm going back and re-reading emails to see if I can find any inclimation that she's NOT ready for things we discuss, and I'll be sure to pay very close attention to the things she says and how they're said in conversations (and once we actually meet). I don't want to come across as suspicious, but a little caution never hurt anyone...

Fear of God I think is a good thing I think, makes you stop and question the moral implications of the actions you undertake. That's where I am now. Am I doing the right thing, am I making the right choices? I understand that this womans life will change forever in way I can't even imagine if it gets to the point of marriage and immigration. I want to make sure I'm making the right decisions not only for me, but for her as well, so yes, there is a fear, but there's also the fantastic combination of anxiety and anticipation with that ever elusive "hope" mixed in. It's a great ride, that's for sure...

My life is my own but yeah, acceptance by those close to you as it relates to the decisions your making and the path your on makes the entire process just that much easier. I'm winning them over, or more correctly, she's winning my mother over, which has the trickle effect with the rest of the family. My friends think I'm nuts, but I don't deny that, lol.

I hav'nt been to the board for awhile...........but your post caught my eye. You have been in contact with this woman for a few months.........if there is a real connection......I don't see why phone conversations can not be a little more frequent. After one month......my wife and I were on the phone daily. If you want to keep her interest.........visit much sooner. You have bee in contact a few montrhs.........the "end of winter" might be pushing it. Yes it is more "fun" to visit during the summer months.......a nicer vacation. But.......you are looking for a life partner. Winter trips a much cheaper..........and if things go well on your first trip and you become an "item"............then your second trip can be a vacation......and you will already have someone to share it. Always meet her, on the first trip, in her home town. Get to know her friends, family and coworkers.........and how "they" regard........."her". My wife has great friends, family and coworkers.........and the "all" regarded her highly (they were right). The day you give her an actual date of departure.....and if her interest in you is sincere.......you will notice her interest increase even more. Much more than 3 or 4 months waiting time after initial contact......and you start to risk the other party's interest start to wane. Don't worry about what friends and family may think of this endeavor. If things work out and she is a true "gem".......as is "my" wife..........they will all be crazy about her.


Don't wait too long........get your feet wet........get on that plane. Also learn a little Romanian....................it will definately earn you brownie points.........not just with her......but with those around her.

I'm planning the initial visit for March, I'll leave the 5th (arrive the 6th) and be back (leave the 11th) the 12th. That will just happen (good planning on my part) to fall with the 8th, Womens Day, and yes, I've planned something very special for her. She's taking from the 6th till the 12th off so there's no conflicts, and I told her to be ready that weekend. Her father passed some time ago, so her mother will be receiving a large assortment of flowers and chocolate, which I *think* is the right thing to do (yes, no??). I do not want to rush things by going over immediately, which is my initial impulse in most areas. I imagine that if she can't wait a few more months, then she probably wasn't worth having to begin with. We'll see how it goes I guess...

The term "weekly" that I used was only to indicate that we talk every week, not just once a week. We talk about every other day (AT&T just loves me I'm sure) for an hour or two, and she even calls me when she wants, which bothers me because I know she can't afford it, so I typically call her right back. Looking into a VERY good idea that I heard from someone awhile ago... Internet phone (vonage, lingo, voip, etc) will add a line for $5 to a current subscriber (for a new box) and there's no reason I can find that it wouldn't work over there as long as she had high speed internet (and a voltage adapter). IF I'm able to manage that I'll cover the cost of her internet and the box and we'll talk much more often (and I'll save quite a bit of money), AND should things work out she'll have easy access to communication with her mother and family. Anyone done this or even heard of doing it?!?!

A serious question.  Do you have a long history of making bad decisions?

If not, then ask your friends and family to trust you, that now you are just looking, and that you will keep them informed of your progress and will seek their advice when more is known.

If you do have a history of making wrong decisions, your family and friends should be concerned  In fact, RW are probably not for you.  This is not an easy undertaking.  Eventually you will be making a decision about marriage to a woman from a different culture, with a different native language, with an age disparity .... all in a compressed time frame of getting to know her. 

Besides the physical and emotional attraction issues, marriage should be based on having aligned goals, common values, good communication, shared interests, etc.  These take time to define, more time than most men have or can afford.  Then you must consider that a 22-yo woman really does not yet know what she wants, meaning she will likely change as opportunities avail themselves. 

So you will make this decision based on your emotional feelings and your sense of how committed she is to make marriage work.  In other words, you will have imperfect information.  Are you good at making decisions with imperfect information?

My decision making is fantastic in all aspects of life with the exception of my love life. I generally tend to choose the wrong woman. I spent a great deal of time trying to decipher how and why that is and the conclusion that I'm arrived at is that I tend (in most cases) to rush right in. I make my decision and I run with it full speed with no looking back regardless of advice or suggestion from others (see the stubborn now?). The only way to improve ones self is to recognize the problems, identify the solutions to those problems, and implement the solution. I'm resisting the urge to get on a plane tomorrow and go over, I'm looking for advice from others who have been in similar situations and have no bias, I'm taking the time to actually get to know this woman and who she is before becomming overly involved (that's progress I hope). It's difficult to be in this position and making these plans without having expectations, but that's exactly what I'm doing, I'm going in with no expectations at all. Maybe there's no chemistry, maybe she won't wait for me to get there, maybe she'll change her mind about wanting to leave the country, maybe this, maybe that, regardless, I'll end up with a great vacation and fond memories I'm sure. I do not fear trying and failing, what I do fear everyday of my life, is having a chance for something better and not having the audacity to try to get it. I will not look back on my life in 20 or 30 years and wonder "what if", I may look back and say "that was stupid", but I know I tried with all that I am to be the man I wish to be and have the things I wish to have...

 I brought this up in forum for advice because I know it's a very long and drawn out process, I know it's very trying and difficult, and I wanted insight into all aspects of not only the relationship but of the mentalities and desires of a different culture. The initial question was "Is it worth it?"... based on responce, the answer seems to be "yes".

My question now is, am I missing anything? I'm trying to be methodical in my approach, but even the best plans have holes. Thanks everyone for your thoughts, opinions, and advice, I appreciate it all a great deal!