Princess in search of MAN

[SFandEE]

"I want to be with a MAN, who can make me feel my femininity. With a MAN, who can be a real support and stockpot of life experience for me."

This was posted in a public forum by a lovely woman seeking a mate.  I see references like this seeking a MAN or princess seeking her knight as red flags.  If I could ask her to be more specific about her definition of MAN, what do you think she would say?

When I read this I get the impression this is more of a request for a sugar daddy/mistress relationship.  Not a husband/wife relationship.

[Lily]

  If I could ask her to be more specific about her definition of MAN, what do you think she would say?
 

Never met any real mind reader among RWD members Just ask her.

Sharing her answer in this thread would be appreciated.

[SFandEE]

Off to not so good a start.

Maybe a better question.  What is a MAN to a RW/UW?  If there is a different answer for each RW/UW then so be it, but I expect that when RW/UW speak amongst themselves this is code for qualities that they all understand.

[Boethius]

I'd assume it is very individual.  The mother of one girl my husband dated before he met me said he wasn't "a man".  Her criteria?  He had clean nails, bathed regularly, and didn't reek of alcohol.

[Shostakovich]

Off to not so good a start.

Maybe a better question.  What is a MAN to a RW/UW?  If there is a different answer for each RW/UW then so be it, but I expect that when RW/UW speak amongst themselves this is code for qualities that they all understand.

Yes, Lilly's got the point.  But I've encountered this too - the desire for a 'strong man'.  I can say this - it does not mean they want a weight-lifter.  Often, even FSU women with educations and a firm place in the world want the man to be the head of the ship - that is cultural.  But I think also that there is something about the FSU that probably winds up the emotions a bit and for a woman without a worldly education, they probably feel rather vulnerable and hence ...

[BillyB]

"I want to be with a MAN, who can make me feel my femininity. With a MAN, who can be a real support and stockpot of life experience for me."

This was posted in a public forum by a lovely woman seeking a mate.  I see references like this seeking a MAN or princess seeking her knight as red flags.  If I could ask her to be more specific about her definition of MAN, what do you think she would say?

When I read this I get the impression this is more of a request for a sugar daddy/mistress relationship.  Not a husband/wife relationship.

I don't see any red flags. The woman doesn't want equal rights or doesn't want a girly man. She wants a strong man who can lead and teach her something in life.

[Aloe]

I don't see any red flags. The woman doesn't want equal rights or doesn't want a girly man. She wants a strong man who can lead and teach her something in life.

Billy, what are you smoking?
I have never in my life met a FSU woman who didn't want equal rights. Seeking a strong man does not mean the woman wants to be submissive. Jeez.
A strong man for me is a man who is strong enough to resist the temptation of cheating, who is strong enough to be responsible, who is strong enough to be a man i can rely on, who is strong enough to have some will power, who is strong enough to achieve things he set out to do, who is strong enough to keep his promises and who is strong enough to not promise impossible, who is strong enough to not be a wet napkin in a woman's hands, who is strong enough to sometimes say no, who is strong enough to be respected by other people... etc. It has nothing to do whatsoever with woman's rights or his physical strength, or leading role in the family.
So my looking for a stong man does not mean even a little that i want a man to be the head of the ship, not at all. I want us to make decisions as partners with both having equal say in the matter, and nobody having the deciding vote, but rather compromising to find the decision suited for both. And yet my partner is a strong man (for qualities i described above). I think it's a misconception that FSU women want the man to lead, not at all. They just want a strong(-willed) man who will treat them with respect and as an equal, not as a silly pet who doesn't know what she really needs.

[Aloe]

"I want to be with a MAN, who can make me feel my femininity. With a MAN, who can be a real support and stockpot of life experience for me."

What i'm getting from that phrase is this:

"I want a man who i can feel safe with, that i can rely on him (i.e. feel feminine, as in being a woman that has a man who can defend her from verbal or physical abuse, and a man who will provide for the family, that is all a part of the concept of being safe "behind a man", being a woman. The russian word for a woman who is married means literally "behind husband" - замужем, we also have quite a widespread saying "as if behind a stone wall". This saying is often used in regard of women being with a good man, it is as if she is behind a stone wall, that will protect her, and where she is safe). A man who can be of real support, who will support me morally and possibly financially (financial support may be implied here, but not necesserily, i would interpret that first and foremost as moral support, because she uses "be a real support". In russian you do not usually use "to be a real support" phrase to indicate financial support, only moral support. Someone who will really support you through the tough times. But if it's a very young girl, then most likely financial support as well), and also an experienced man, who has more life experiences than me (some older guys do have a lot of interesting stuff to tell about - that counts as teaching, besides she never mentions teaching, she just says life experience to share, i.e. lots of interesting things to tell about)".

I see that text being written by a completely normal 16-25 yr old girl who looks for a guy older than her.

[I/O]

Billy, what are you smoking?

Lol, same sch!t he's been on for years.

[Nat]

It has nothing to do whatsoever with woman's rights or his physical strength, or leading role in the family.

Exactly. The image of a strong man can be different for each woman, but Aloe explained the main idea of this term perfectly.

For me a strong man is a man who isn't afraid to express his point of view even if he loses some points in somebody else's eyes because of that. A man, who can just take a stray kitten, and, while I don't know what to do with that dirty creature, wash it, dry it and give it a shelter, while we're looking for an owner. Who takes my bags and carries them for me, just because it's in his nature, and not because I asked him to help. Who doesn't complain all the time and doesn't blame others for his mistakes. And who is ready to acknowledge his mistakes. A man, who can take responsibility. That's the image in general

[Blues Fairy]

If I could ask her to be more specific about her definition of MAN, what do you think she would say?

I would rather ask her about her definition of PRINCESS. 

[possum]

A strong man is capable of putting the blame for his failures on somebody else and then defending that point until has no friends left..

[vwrw]

I have never in my life met a FSU woman who didn't want equal rights. Seeking a strong man does not mean the woman wants to be submissive. Jeez.
A strong man for me is a man who is strong enough to resist the temptation of cheating, who is strong enough to be responsible, who is strong enough to be a man i can rely on, who is strong enough to have some will power, who is strong enough to achieve things he set out to do, who is strong enough to keep his promises and who is strong enough to not promise impossible, who is strong enough to not be a wet napkin in a woman's hands, who is strong enough to sometimes say no, who is strong enough to be respected by other people... etc. It has nothing to do whatsoever with woman's rights or his physical strength, or leading role in the family.
So my looking for a stong man does not mean even a little that i want a man to be the head of the ship, not at all. I want us to make decisions as partners with both having equal say in the matter, and nobody having the deciding vote, but rather compromising to find the decision suited for both. And yet my partner is a strong man (for qualities i described above). I think it's a misconception that FSU women want the man to lead, not at all. They just want a strong(-willed) man who will treat them with respect and as an equal, not as a silly pet who doesn't know what she really needs.

These words are a great definition of what constitutes a man or a strong man. Well said, Aloe!

I also agree with your second post.

[Ade]

Billy, what are you smoking?
I have never in my life met a FSU woman who didn't want equal rights. Seeking a strong man does not mean the woman wants to be submissive. Jeez.
A strong man for me is a man who is strong enough to resist the temptation of cheating, who is strong enough to be responsible, who is strong enough to be a man i can rely on, who is strong enough to have some will power, who is strong enough to achieve things he set out to do, who is strong enough to keep his promises and who is strong enough to not promise impossible, who is strong enough to not be a wet napkin in a woman's hands, who is strong enough to sometimes say no, who is strong enough to be respected by other people... etc. It has nothing to do whatsoever with woman's rights or his physical strength, or leading role in the family.
So my looking for a stong man does not mean even a little that i want a man to be the head of the ship, not at all. I want us to make decisions as partners with both having equal say in the matter, and nobody having the deciding vote, but rather compromising to find the decision suited for both. And yet my partner is a strong man (for qualities i described above). I think it's a misconception that FSU women want the man to lead, not at all. They just want a strong(-willed) man who will treat them with respect and as an equal, not as a silly pet who doesn't know what she really needs.

Good post Aloe.

[SFandEE]

I would rather ask her about her definition of PRINCESS. 

I was blending women who refer to themselves as a princess with women who write man as "MAN".  To me these are red flags.  I wonder if a posting from a WM would be as well received.

WM seeking real WOMAN for .............. (whatever)

I guess someone who refers to themselves as a princess relies on my understanding what the heck that means to her.  She is royalty, does not work, has servants, is highly cultured, has dozens of suitors, world traveled, the daughter of a king and queen.  ??????

Pleased to know you princess.

I do take the position that MAN is code and means something to FSUW that can be lost in translation to WM.  Not universally, but enough that it is used in communication with people they are trying to attract as a descriptive word and not a noun.  Technically a MAN is a human being that has XY sexual chromosomes and has reached puberty.  Technically Elton John, Charles Manson, and the guy down on the corner are MEN, real men.

Seems to me that the more detailed post of Aloe would serve her needs better if she has thought through as an individual what MAN means to her.  Hard to please someone who doesn't know what they want.

[JR]

If a woman tells you she is a princess it means something.....

If a woman tells you she is normal, it means something....

If a woman tells you she is hot tempered it means something....

I just don't know what the hell it all means!!!!

[Lily]

SFandEE,

If you want to hear some common 'code of qualities', then, in my opinion, Billy B comes close to it:

  She wants a strong man who can lead and teach her something in life.

But again, this still tends to be rather individual.

[Sail]

What happens when this man has so many homeless kittens he uses 32 pounds of cat food a month to feed them all.. And they all Ferrel cats?  

[SFandEE]

Is the ferrell cat man a ferrell cat MAN or just a ferell cat man?  That's the question that needs to be answered I think.  MAN is different than man somehow.

[dbneeley]

What happens when this man has so many homeless kittens he uses 32 pounds of cat food a month to feed them all.. And they all Ferrel cats?  

Unless he also has the kittens spayed or neutered, he is contributing to the overpopulation problem of unwanted animals so he can temporarily feel good. In that case, he is a fool.

A regular contributor to the RWL list for many years and his wife do the same thing for feral cats in Crimea, but he also makes sure they are "fixed" so they will have no more cats to add to the problem.

Most people in the FSU are not particularly enchanted with feral animals, by the way.

David

[Boethius]

Most people in the FSU are not particularly enchanted with feral animals, by the way.

It depends on the area and the animal.  When I lived in Kyiv, in my neighbourhood, people fed feral cats, and that apparently is still the case.  In rural Ukraine, feral cats have always been part of the environment, and people "shrug" at them.  

Wild dogs were pretty rare, at least in urban Ukraine, before the collapse of the FSU.  They are considered a danger now.

[JR]

What happens when this man has so many homeless kittens he uses 32 pounds of cat food a month to feed them all.. And they all Ferrel cats?  

They aren't feral if you're feeding them everyday, you just won't let them inside you big meanie!!!!

[Jumper]

Seems to me that the more detailed post of Aloe would serve her needs better if she has thought through as an individual what MAN means to her.  Hard to please someone who doesn't know what they want.

The question seemed to be, what MAN emphasied generally means to a RW?

of course it's individual,and you got that answer, as well as general ones?


In my experience with RW, they do often look for a MAN, as emphasied,
and I feel Aloe's post gave you very good insight into how most RW i know ,*generally* would answer it.


I cant think of a better generalization , and that seemed to be what you were looking for..

I feel very few RW would disagree with her take on the question ,most would in general applaud it.

[SFandEE]

This was meant for a community discussion.  I think it served its' purpose.  People seem most happy with the idea that MAN has meaning for the person who wrote MAN, but could be a lot of different things to the person who reads MAN.

I believe good communication should have a uniformity of definition, do you?  So when people have decided to say a capitalized "MAN" is individual whether that is true or not her choice to use that word is not good communication.

I do believe within a circle of FSUW, the use of the word MAN, does have a meaning upon which there is a consensus.  Perhaps it is limited to a group of girlfriends, but I could see it being more expansive than that.

For those who took the discussion to feral cats, I am pretty sure feral cat man is not feral cat MAN. But individually it may be, right?!