the L-word

[Curious_George]

In your correspondence with an RW/AM when did you first use the L-word?

I am amending this. "Correspondence" shall be interpreted loosely to mean any exchange either by means of technology (including but not limited to mail, e-mail, fax, phone, VCR/DVD/MP3 recordings) or an in-person exchange. This amendment shall take force immediately and will apply retroactively as an ex post facto provision


Credits: Gator

George,

Your question would make for an interesting and harmless poll.  Hint, hint!  We need something light around here.

Results: in 2 days

[Patrick]

I used it on my second trip in three months to see her. She did and still makes my heart sing on a daily basis. Thanks for asking...

[Jet]

In your correspondence with an RW/AM when did you first use the L-word?

Not until after I used it "face to face" 

[catzenmouse]

Put 6 months to 1 year but it may have been used in the 5 to 5 1/2 months area. Not sure of the exact date. My feelings are exactly the same as Patrick though ( How the heck are ya Patrick? Big Hello to you both!)

Ken

[Gator]

I used it first during a meeting, not as part of correspondence.  It was our third meeting, four months after our first.  Her reaction was somewhere between sparkling eyes and quizzical.  Not exactly what I was hoping for. 

There came a pause, and then a long discussion about her responsibilities for her children, about her past disappointments, about how the word "love" is more serious to Russians than to Americans, and about wanting something really serious and enduring.  She never used the L-word that night or that visit.  I had no idea of how she felt deep inside.

So in our next email correspondence, I started using the L-word, as did she.  And she said it over the telephone.  We were on our way.

Many moons afterwards when I asked her to marry me,  her reaction was entirely different.  In a flash her eyes got big, the room moved, and she hugged me so hard (she's a strong one) while shouting "yes!"

[Shadow]

She used it first in our correspondence before meeting. I never did until we met face to face.

[docetae]

We used it on letter 2 months after 1st meeting. We were describing our feeling for each other and asked her if it could  be this.... she answered by same words...

[Son of Clyde]

I would say within the first 6 months but now on a daily basis.

[START2]

I can only remember it was after I moved there and we started to live together although I knew it before then. That would be within 3 months. Just never said it. She remembers it the same way so I trust her memory more than mine. I don't believe it was recipricol at that time but I have to admit that I was waiting to hear it returned. I let it go, then  maybe some days later we were doing something and it popped out again and she said "I love you to". I felt my heart leap with joy. FSU folks don't use that word litely. They seldom tell there relatives that, so when I heard it I knew it was very real for her. Whereas here, we refer to our favorite beer/car/thing in those terms. And it's true. I do love that Chernihivske beer!! Oh, and still love my wife even more.

[AnastassiaAsh]

With Lance we wanted to use this word during correspondence but decided to wait till our meeting. Then when we saw each other on a first and last trip, on the third day he proposed and said "I love You". I happily accepted and said the same. So I suppose on a third day of a visit.

Second marriage - when Tim proposed, we both used it and it was a big relief!  That was on about the 3d-4th month of our correspondence/4 visits. We went on a Caribbean cruise together and it happened there. 

So I suppose it happened during the proposal in both cases. Yes, it is a very serious word, and I want my man to be as serious as me and not throw these words flippantly...

[KenC]

I would say within the first 6 months but now on a daily basis.

Good for you Clyde and very good for Mrs. Clyde.
KenC

[Son of Clyde]

People have said I never post the positive stuff so I decided to do that.
Just because we have had problems does not mean I do not love and care for her. After 2 1/2 years there are still the cultural differences and misunderstandings. If we shared a common language many of these problems might not even exist.

[Ronnie]

Many RW are shy about using the L word.  When they want to use it they might ask "do you love me?" as a way to not be the first.

[Son of Clyde]

I remember the Woddy Allen movie when he could not use the L word so he said I learve you.

[Fashionista]

IMHO: the best moment to say the L-word is the moment when you realize that you don't need to say it.

[KenC]

IMHO: the best moment to say the L-word is the moment when you realize that you don't need to say it.

Fashionista,
I like your take on this.  When my wife and I began to use the "L" word, it was a for gone conclusion that we were in love.
KenC

[Serebro]

You can hear using this word so often that it loses its private meaning and sounds too artificial.

[Ronnie]

I agree with Serebro.  I elevate her to Zoloto!

Selfless actions are the best and only, expressions of true love anyway.

[Journeyman]

I've heard the phrase "I love you" from 2 different Russian women --- and they were both liars.  At this point, I rather see the behavior(s) than hear the words.

Journeyman

[DKMM]

I have an interesting story for this thread.

Back when E and I were in the Dominican Republic we headed out for a day in Santo Domingo.  This was near the end of our trip and things were going swell for us but never used the L word yet.  Long story short, we stopped in a bar in the embassy district and chatted up some older guys at the bar.  One was a well connected lawyer and the other was the ambassador to Colombia.  Somehow I got caught up in it and led them on to thinking we were both Russian (i explained my accent by stating i studied english in America).

So they invited us to lunch because our other half of the story was I was well connected in Moscow and she was in the travel industry (that part was true).  They wanted to hear our thoughts on how Russians percieve world events, travelling etc.  We had this super nice lunch in a reserved room overlooking the french embassy.  Anyways, near the end of lunch the guy said to E something like "you know what I think he is in love".  I didn't quite hear him so he said for her to translate it (good think I can understand Russian).  She tells me in Russian and I got really embarassed, genuinely, and finally admitted yes I do love her.  Later in the car she asked if that was part of my lying for the day or if it was true hehe. 

So that's how we broke that subject. (It was all downhill from there LOL).

[Gator]

DKMM,

So that's how we broke that subject. (It was all downhill from there LOL)

ATTENTION NEWBIES:  THIS IS IMPORTANT, VERY IMPORTANT

Not to pick on DKMM as his "E" was a challenge, yet he gives us another example of the fundamental rule for men:

                Men should not be first to say the L-word  

Basically, a man needs to advance himself somewhat behind the woman's pace.  I do not understand exactly why it is this way, yet it is.  Maybe it has something to do with a woman, any woman whether American or Russian, needing more romantic drama, needing more mental stimulation, etc. 

The mentality of RW makes it even more important to obey this rule with them.  Three reasons somewhat unique to RW:
 
-  The word "Love" means much more to a RW than an AW

-  RW are natural skeptics and have heard this before only to discover that it did not go anywhere.

-  RW prefer strong men, and a strong man is not led by his emotions. 


Difficult for a man to do in a time compressed, long distance relationship, especially if a man has grown up expressing his feelings. 

Read KenC's and Fashionista's posts again.

When my wife and I began to use the "L" word, it was a for gone conclusion that we were in love.

the best moment to say the L-word is the moment when you realize that you don't need to say it.

BRILLIANT, ABSOLUTELY BRILLIANT!

[KenC]

Gator,
Good points made here.  I think many (most?) RW are of the camp that talk is cheap.  It is s much better to express your emotions through actions than to just verbally declare them.  Infatuation at the beginning of a relationship comes to the door and is completely indistinguishable from love.  Only the test of time will prove that the love is true and not some passing fancy.

With all the pressures present in this process to do things quickly, it is understandable how many men and women rush to the incorrect conclusion that they are in love.  Giving the relationship enough time to mature into the level where love is a given, is not the norm in this process.  Unfortunately, rushing to premature conclusions of love or hoping that love will develop later is the norm.
KenC

[Simoni]

In your correspondence with an RW/AM when did you first use the L-word?

Russian girls are slow to use the very important love word.  And the good ones mean it when they use it.

Newbies-- beware a girl who tells you that she loves you before you meet her, or even on your first trip.  It's a warning sign or red flag.

For us, it took 4 trips and 5 months.   Not using that word was a sign of respect for what we were meaning to one another.   Why cheapen love by rushing?  Let it develop in its own time.  And even when it's there, it's ok to wait to use the word.

Having said that, every relationship is different, so I'll not pass judgment on others.  But as a rule of thumb, be careful of moving to fast.

[Blues Fairy]

My guy first said the L world in Moscow (our second meeting, November 2006), after we spend a day trying to retrieve my towed car.  It was quite an adventure: two hours looking for the damn police station in freezing cold, three hours in the line to get the protocol, a few tense minutes of me dealing with the bullying cops, then a ride on a shabby cab to the other end of the city where the tow lot was; then another hour in the cold waiting for the paperwork to be done.  We were trying to warm up jumping and karate-fighting; he is a black belt and I know nothing of karate, so I got thrown around pretty bad.  Of course I started whining "ouch, ouch, you dooon't liiiiiiiiiiiiiiike meeeeeeee!"  And he says casually: "...."

[KenC]

Blues airy,
Such a cute story.  I enjoyed it very much.  Thank you for sharing it with us.  (It had to be love for your man to go through all that! )
KenC