N. Novgorod 2002 How it began [part 2]

[Jet]

There seems to be a fair amount of interest in these "retro" trip reports, so this is the story of my first trip to Russia, Nov 3rd 2002.
It's the trip where Liliya and I got engaged. When we left off last time I was planning for this trip. In the interim (3 months) Liliya's Dad had made it ABUNDANTLY clear that he didn't like this romance one tiny little bit. We also struggled through some very difficult times as a result of a very nasty series of confrontations between Liliya and her Ex husband Alex (who has since become deceased). On a happier note, this report is already complete so there won't be any long delays between segments like there was in the London report. I'll post 2 or 3 segments a day to allow for any comments or questions. 

[Jet]

I have kept a journal, about a page a day for the 10 days of the trip, which Ill get from paper to the C drive as soon as I can get some sleep, (Ive had about 8 hours total over the last 57 or so). But for now, I got into the country (no small feat, as you will learn). I got the ring through customs  , we officially became engaged on November 7, in the center of the serpentine staircase overlooking the confluence of the Oka and Volga rivers. The family is ecstatic, including Dad, and I now have "the big picture" about what has really been going on over there, so he has won back some of my respect, considering the circumstances as I now know them (which are FAR different than what I thought I knew). It was one wild ride that ended far too soon, but I am more convinced than ever that we are doing the right thing, the right way, and in the right time. This trip was not the "fairy tale" that our meeting in London was, but other than my departure date, there is virtually nothing I would change, including the bad parts.

November 15, 2002, 9:00 am



Day 1
Arrived at MIA in plenty of time, good thing because I got the "extra special security screening" of the luggage and was promptly drug into the bowls of the security area (behind the locked doors and down stairs) where the found something "suspicious". I immediately got defensive and tried to explain that I had double checked and was assured the Gerber Multi-tool was ok as long as it was checked. Turns out it was the bottle of Maple Syrup that was the culprit  . Other than 5 more checks and searches before boarding, the flight was uneventful. The 200 series 747 was old, but they did their best to make up for it with plenty of free alcohol. Things changed at Frankfurt, unlike flights to everywhere else the gates to Russia were in the basement. no mechanical walkways, we got herded onto a bus and driven out to a plane waiting at the far end of the tarmac. It was my first sense of exiting the free world. Again, the connecting flight was nice, but uneventful. As we broke through the fog at 400 feet, I got the feeling we were landing at an abandoned WW-2 airstrip. No taxiways, the pilot just spun the small Airbus around on the main runway (no chance in hell of being in the way of another flight).



We "deplaned" down the antique steps and into what looked like a converted horse trailer fitted with Plexiglas windows for the 45 second ride to the "terminal".



1 line for passport control, and they were taking about 10 minutes a person to stamp passports. I was near the middle of the line, remembering what others had written about people trying to cut in front I kept my eyes open, and there it was ..... on my right, I noticed a carry-on bag being worked through the maze of legs - its owner not far behind and making pretty good progress as I had noticed him all the way in the back just a minute or two before. My carry on was LOADED so as his bag started to pass me, I dropped mine to the floor from hip height, sideways in front of his, it echoed like a gunshot in the cavernous room - he got the point 
My turn at the passport booth, handed over my passport and visa, a small woman stared at it for a while and asked in perfect English "purpose of visit?" I told her I was visiting the city as a tourist and spend some time with a friend. I could tell by the look on her face that was the WRONG answer. She said she had to show my papers to her supervisor. "Ohh shit" I thought. After a while she came back and asked me who was here to meet me. "My friend is waiting for me outside" I replied. "You have the wrong visa, you need to stand over there and wait, someone will be with you shortly." After everyone else went through the line, there was me, a guy from Denmark who got the same story, and a woman from Germany. A young guy in a black coat and cap came over, he didn't speak English, so they got a stewardess to interpret. He thought that even though I had a confirmation voucher for the full period of my stay I should have applied for a "homestay visa" because nobody from the hotel was there to pick me up. "Wait here, and give me the rest of your documents, and the name of the person meeting you, Ill be back later". Luckily, the stewardess was nice enough to go outside and tell my RW what was going on, so she didn't think I missed the plane or whatever. Came to find out, "later" meant 2 1/2 hours later. The Danish guy asked the stewardess if this was a matter of money, she assured us it was a "procedural thing" and we couldn't slip him a few bucks and be on our way. Finally, he came back and without a word handed us our passports and pointed to the booth. I was clear of the first hurdle, now for customs. The bags got thrown through the x-ray and the customs officer pointed at the camera and then at my declaration form. I played stupid and said, "yes its a camera, I don't understand. Theres no classification for it on the form. I have a pen right here, where do you want me to list it?" He just gave me a pissed off look and waved me on  One of the other customs agents grabbed my bags and rushed them out the door to the now dark "concourse (angling for a tip no doubt) I walked through the door, and there she was.....like an angel, in knee high black stiletto heeled boots, a fur lined leather coat that was much longer than the miniskirt beneath, with the biggest smile Ive ever seen. We held each other for a long time and kissed. She said they came out and explained everything, and asked me many questions. The words I heard next were the absolute LAST thing I expected "My father is waiting outside with his car, he will take us to the hotel, he knew you would be very tired after your long flight". I was NOT prepared to deal with this right now!! When we got outside, there he was, he opened the car and without a word, we all got in. He poured himself an 8oz glass of vodka, slammed it down, and away we went........
The ride was 40 minutes of pure tension, I would have rather walked to the hotel, dead silence the whole way. Once we got to the hotel, proper introductions were made (at least this parking lot had lights). The tension eased, he even smiled as I tried to spit out some Russian, though most of it mysteriously vanished from my brain. She thought the whole thing was a bit humorous "so serious, you two men are". Dad wished us a good evening and headed for home. She had taken the initiative to check-in before they came to the airport so it was just a matter of getting the visa stamped and picking up my security card. The room was fantastic, a 2 room corner suite on the 7th floor overlooking the Oka river and Lenin square. Recently renovated, everything was like brand new. I unpacked, took a shower, and we spent some time talking about what the hell just happened with her father, exchanging 1or 2 small gifts and admiring the view before heading to bed.....................

[Jet]

Day 2
Woke up late, but what an incredible feeling to roll over and see her there beside me, Ive been waiting months for this morning  It had snowed all night, and the city was covered with a fresh blanket of white. We took a streetcar from in front of the hotel, across the bridge to the old part of the city and walked the main pedestrian Avenue.





After several attempts we finally found a great little cafe (that was actually open) and I got my first taste of genuine Russian food, blini with banana slices and poppy seed. Sounds a little out of the ordinary, but was delicious. Coffee too of course, she and I are both caffeine junkies and have always had coffee "together" when chatting on the net, since our normal meeting time has always been 06:30 her time. After breakfast she took me on a tour her University, and we bumped into some of her old colleagues, and a few students. A stark difference from the northeast schools I grew up around.



The snow had started up again so we decided to return to the hotel. As we returned to where we had to grab the tram, we checked out the artwork and crafts on display in makeshift tents all along the upper part of the Avenue, interesting stuff. We spent a quiet afternoon back at the room, talking and watching a little MTV-RU, in case y'all were wondering - Beavis and Butthead are even dumber and more obnoxious in Russian! 



In the evening we went to the main section of the industrial side of town, checked out the train station with its spectacular chandelier and enormous mosaic tiled walls. We wandered through the maze of kiosks and ended up at the big department store, which I soon came to find out, was really just a huge indoor flea market with hundreds of little booths. I didn't know it until now, but we were on a mission  She had been so impressed with the candles I had brought to London, that we NEEDED to find some now, and we weren't leaving until we found some. Half way through the 4th floor, we succeeded. So after a bite to eat, we had to get back to the room and try them out...................

[KenC]

Jet,
Just a note to say how much I enjoy reading this.  Meeting the "dad" can be rather intimidating, can't it? 
KenC

[Jet]

Jet,
Just a note to say how much I enjoy reading this.  Meeting the "dad" can be rather intimidating, can't it? 
KenC

Thanks, I've enjoyed reading yours as well!

Yeah, meeting Dad can be rough! Funny thing about the glass of vodka at the airport, I only found out last year that it was in fact NOT vodka, but water he was drinking  Not sure if storing it in the vodka bottle was to intimidate me or what, but if it was...it worked 

[Jet]

Day 3
Another trip across the river to explore more of the city. The weather has turned colder, -5c, and more snow. We decided to find me a hat. After going through several stores, it became obvious (to her) we needed to go back to the kiosk labyrinth by the train station.

 During the whole tram ride back, the man in the seat next to where I stood kept shooting me daggers every time my eyes caught his. No words, just that "I wanna jump up out this seat and slit your throat" kinda look. It also struck me that he had a serious resemblance to Tommy Lee Jones. At the last stop I held the crowd back and motioned for him to get off first. All of a sudden I got a big smile, like I was his best friend in the world........go figure. Without difficulty we found a hat, of course we couldn’t buy it until after I was made to try on 6 more, just "to be sure" this was the right one  50py. not bad.
Back to the old section, we walked the walls of the Kremlin; it had breathtaking views of the city and the rivers. The old women collecting the fee, picked me out as a foreigner right away, and started grilling her about who I was and where I came from (I asked her about this afterward, she said they knew because I didn’t join in the conversation). To keep things short and sweet she finally told them she was my interpreter (not ENTIRELY untrue  ) and said "they were asking too many questions and would have kept us there all day."



On to food shopping. We needed to pick up some breakfast things to take back to the hotel. For any of you that have been there: Did ya ever notice how the Russians can look at a problem and immediately come up with the MOST complicated solution possible to address that problem? LMFAO! We walk into what appears to be very similar to a run of the mill Long Island deli. We go up to the meat counter and order some salami and some ham; the woman cuts it and writes out a ticket handing it to us. We ask for some cheese too, its in the same case next to the ham.........but that woman isn’t IN CHARGE of the cheese, we need to wait for the OTHER woman to come back, so we pay for the meat and finally get the ticket for the cheese. Ooops, we needed some bread too, another ticket, another trip to the cashier, another receipt and finally we can actually touch the loaf of bread we wanted. Honestly not trying to be a smartass, I asked "wouldn’t it be easier to just order everything and take all the tickets up at once, paying for everything?" Ummm, from the look I got.............apparently not! 



When we returned to the hotel, we sat down and really started to get down to business with some serious talk. The conversation got very heated at times, but it was all things that needed to be said. It was important to be able to discuss some fundamental issues, face to face, at length, without the threat of the phone line dropping a call mid sentence and not being able to reconnect and pick it back up where the dead line left it off. About 2 1/2 hours of real nitty gritty, brass tacks kinda stuff, but I felt it was intensely productive. We were both pretty wiped-out so we slept a bit before going to dinner. Dinner was different but good, not sure what it was, Indian something. We came back to the room to watch some TV, since there was nothing really good on, and I was a bit restless I decided to go for a walk, she wasn’t enthusiastic about the idea. She had just gotten out of her "going out" clothes and it was windy and snowing still.



She said, if I walk east she’d feel better about staying behind because she could keep an eye on me from the window, so I went alone and promised to stay close. At some point in the walk I must have disappeared out of site so I returned to a VERY warm welcome. She was worried about me, and very happy to see me arrive home "unscathed"  After a while we did some more serious talking about the future and things were going in a much more positive direction than this afternoon. A fantastic night overall......................

[dneid]

Hey, Jet,
I am enjoying this just as much as your earlier TR.  Thanks!

[Jet]

Day 4
The sun actually greeted us when we woke this morning! First time I’ve seen it since I left Miami, but it didn’t stay out for long. Got an early start today, and I’m feeling great after everything we got resolved yesterday. I finally understand the mechanics of what’s been going on over here, and the stuff nobody wants to talk about. I have a very clear picture of what needs to be done with the Ex and it is surely a job for the Advocate. I finally understand why Dad was doing what he was doing and what the meeting with the Ex 1 day after the crime was all about. Not that the reasons for doing what he did are fantastic and noble, but they are understandable. Basically the Ex has worked himself into a position to do a good deal of damage to the whole family long term, but I’m not going to go into any great detail about it here. So, that said, were off to another part of town and a beautiful walk along the riverfront.



Though the buildings are badly in need of repair, if you can look beyond that, the architecture is magnificent, pulling from all the major European disciplines and blending them flawlessly.



One lone representation of western architecture stands quietly by itself down on the flood plain where the Volga turns east. A small pole barn, almost new, with a Kentucky modified gable roof, the only object I’ve seen in 4 days that reminds me of America. But this isn’t just a walk to look at the pretty buildings for me, after yesterday, I’ve decided the time is right to "pull the trigger" although we have spoken about it a lot and I know the answer, it ain’t official until I do it the proper way - in person. I will ask her tomorrow but the romantic in me is looking for the perfect place and this area of town has the most possibilities 
When we get back to the room, she calls her Mom to check on her son, as she has done each day since we got here, he’s been running a fever but its starting to go down and Mom assures her there’s nothing to worry about, he’ll be just fine by this evening. She’s a little concerned but trusts her Mom’s judgment. In the evening we have dinner at the "Cafe Paradise" a small but very classy restaurant near the automobile factories.



Upon stepping inside I feel severely underdressed, everyone is wearing jackets and ties or evening gowns, but she assures me it will be just fine. We have a spectacular meal with coffee afterward, and are really enjoying the pleasure of each other’s company. On the way back, we stop off and pick up some ice cream for dessert later. We stay up and talk ‘til after 1:00 about all sorts of "light" subjects while we finish off the ice cream ( man that was good  ).........................

[Jet]

Day 5
November 7th, the day has arrived! (NO I'm not excited because it's the "great October socialist revolution of 1917") I wake late and she is already up and has the coffee made and breakfast out on the table. Its gonna be a great day, the clouds are back but I don’t care. After we eat, I convince her to go back to the same spot as yesterday because I wanted to take some pics of the old buildings (lame excuse I know, but she agreed and didn’t seem to suspect anything) Before we leave, she wants to call home and check on her son again. I go out on the balcony to have a smoke and give her a little privacy, watching the 11/7 "demonstration" in Lenin Square. Kind of sad actually, a hundred or so old men and women trying to rally support for going back to the "old ways".



When I returned I could see in her eyes, it was something bad, really bad. It was the Ex, he was at her place, and spoke with her on the phone about what a horrible mother she was for leaving her sick son "alone" to come and be with me. I cannot believe she’s buying into the bullshit he’s slinging! I am SMOKIN mad, but I don’t let it show, its not her I’m mad at, and she couldn’t have known he’d be there. We talk, I calm her down, and a full recovery soon follows.
Across the bridge and up the hill, as we walk along just outside the walls of the Kremlin, some gypsies approach and start bugging us, she blows them off quickly. We continue along and take a few pics of the old museum and other buildings while I go over the lines I’ve spent a month memorizing in my head.



On our way back, I get her to make a detour, now-for the moment of truth - we descend the Serpentine Stairs, a huge beautiful figure 8 staircase leading to the banks of the river far below.


(this image is just for reference, it wasn’t taken on the trip)

As we near the center of the 8 my heart is pounding a mile a minute and my mind is racing - a paragraph of Russian that I had spent so much time memorizing EVAPORATES! Its just gone and I have no idea where it went AAAHHH! We reach the middle and she still has no idea why she’s here, exactly. I try to pull it together but it ain’t working. Finally, I think it hit her and she said, "Whatever you need to say, you can say in English" THANK GOD I thought! So I proposed in English and she smiled a big smile and said, "you already know the answer,.............. but if you must hear it, .................YES" and we stood there holding each other for a long time. Then I pulled the ring box out and explained the custom in the west, of the ring, its significance, and what it meant for her to wear it. When I opened the box to reveal the ring, I thought her eyes were going to fall right out of her head. She was genuinely overwhelmed with joy, over everything. We took a pic together to commemorate the occasion.



The rest of the afternoon was a fantastic blur for both of us except for one more little humorous thing. As we came to the top of the stairs, the gypsies were back. I told her Id get rid of them this time. As the woman approached, I started speaking very fast and very loud (in English of course) and getting quite animated "WHADDYA PICKIN’ ON ME FOR? YOU GOT 100,000 OTHER PEOPLE TO PESTER AND YOU GOTTA COME HASSLE ME? WHAT’D I EVER DO TO YOU? GO PICK ON SOMEONE THAT CAN UNDERSTAND WHAT THE HELL YOU’RE SAYIN......."  LMFAO those women hauled ass so fast, they just about tripped each other to get away from us.
In the evening, we celebrated back at the room by having "roast bird" and a good bottle of wine I picked up on my way through Germany...

[Jet]

Day 6

We were planning to do dinner at a nice place with her parents to discuss our intentions and ask their permission as everyone knows. After talking it over, we decided that it might be better to do this as our second meeting as there’s going to be enough tension in the air during the first meeting, and they would have a little bit better idea of what I was like as a person after spending some time together. As the weather has been cold, the roads are pretty icy in the evenings, and it’s about an hour’s drive between her town and the city. Dad only has 2 days off, as it’s the "busy season" where he works, and he burned his first day off waiting for me at the airport. A side note: For me, upon reflection, the airport thing was a really good sign, even with all the tension, if he was that "dead set" against this whole thing he would have never taken her to the airport to start with, let alone sit in the dark and cold for 2 1/2 hours while they decided if I could enter the country. He definitely has a hard shell, but I think it’s to protect a very soft inside - just a guess for now.

OK, back to our story. The family has decided to come tomorrow, ALL of them! They’ll meet us at the hotel in the afternoon, Mom, Dad, Babushka, and the little one. Good thing we got the big room, that’s a lot of people to squeeze into a small space! It’s at this point the little things start creeping into your mind, like - "what are the parents going to think when they walk in and see one big bed instead of 2 little ones?" no point worrying about it, she’s a consenting adult, but sometimes you just cant help but get a little bit anal. Mostly we just rested up after the big day yesterday, but we did have an interesting lunch and picked up the pictures from the developer. In the evening we went to the theatre and saw the ballet "1001 nights".



The seats were great and we both thoroughly enjoyed it. It was a great experience, and I was impressed with the diversity of the crowd. Where I live the only people who go to the Ballet, are dressed in tuxedos as they are helped out of their chauffeur driven Bentleys...

[Jet]

Day 7
After coffee and breakfast, she calls her parents. There is much to do! We need to get fruit, meat, cheese, apple juice (for the little one), wine, and ice cream before their arrival at 14:00. This is gonna be a 4 bag trip, I can feel it LOL. Off we go to the market to pick up what’s sure to be way too much of everything. We try hitting one of the "big" food stores, but she’s not liking what she sees in the cases so we start darting in and out of the tents and kiosks. She has this incredible ability to let go of my arm for a second, spin on one heal and disappear into the crowd - popping up 2 seconds later with 45 people between us. It’s a game for her I think, as she always turns around and waits for me to force my way through the crowd wearing a big smile 
We return to the hotel, shower & change, wash the fruit...........and wait.......... And wait, and wait, and wait. They’re 45 minutes late and she’s worried. She tells me "Dads a horrible driver" and I can tell she’s hoping he didn’t hit the vodka early. Finally after another 15 minutes they arrive. The windshield wipers broke and they had to keep pulling over and cleaning the glass so he could see the road. She goes down to greet them and sign them in at the security desk. I am told to wait here (probably so she could bitch at them for not calling, and to give them a last minute pep talk J )

Side note: I never was able to get hold of the translator by the phone number he gave me. But she had assured me she was up to the task, I was not entirely comfortable with this, but by the way she fought for it, I had to trust her. If things went south today, she had as much to lose as I did, and she knew what was on the line.

Mom is first through the door with a big smile, 2 more baskets overflowing with food, and a very excited "ZDSTRAVUITE!" followed by the little one, Babushka, her, and Dad bringing up the rear and trying unsuccessfully not to smile. The little one is shy but gives me a quick smile and wanders off to check out the floorplan. Babushka dispenses with all formality and after a quick "privet!" tackles me with a hug and a peck on the cheek, smiling from ear to ear the whole time  . Dad reserves his dignity, extends a firm handshake and a "zdstravuite" as well. Luckily we have just enough seats for the adults and everyone sits down except Mom who is hard at work unpacking all the food she cooked and brought along. We present the little one with the gifts I brought for him first, so he’s not bored to tears while the rest of us talk. He’s a happy little camper! Dad gets his gifts next and is notably impressed. He loosens up his tie and stops trying to hide the smile. Mom gets all the food to the table so its time to crack open the wine (yup, they brought some too) and make with the first toast  As we eat, the twenty questions start coming. This starts out innocently enough but the questions get harder. I become acutely aware this is a test. There are 2 meanings being read into every answer, and things like my moral fiber, education, disposition, and upbringing are being judged as well as manners, etiquette, and tolerance. Once that is out of the way (along with 2 more toasts) the next 2 hours goes by like 10 minutes, lots of laughing, food, more toasts, their family pictures, my family pictures, and gifts. Dad saw some pics of the work I do, at that was it. It was at that precise moment I knew I had won him over. He proclaimed I ABSOLUTELY MUST accompany him to the dacha so he could show it off to me and get my "professional opinion" seems he fancies himself as an "amateur expert" woodworker. So it’s settled, well go day after tomorrow, hell pick us up early and well make a day of it.
Through all of this, besides a few short answers I could spit out myself in Russian, they can’t understand a word of what I’m saying but insist I keep on talking because they love the sound of my voice. The little one still isn’t quite sure what to make of me just yet. He has a great time with the toys and the "animal crackers (big hit)" and I get a shy muffled "spaciba" he remains a little distant. As the visit concludes though, I get a huge smile, good-bye wave, and a happy sounding "Paka!" Mom, Dad and Babushka all take turns saying how nice it was to finally meet me and that they hope to see me again very soon. Smiles and laughs all around as she starts to walk them to the elevator and I step out on the balcony for a MUCH NEEDED smoke.
The evening is a quiet one, we are both mentally drained from the visit, but were both happy. A bit of food later and off to bed - I could not have hoped for a better first meeting...

[Jet]

Day 8
A late rise for both of us, no big plans today, but no hot water for coffee gets things off to a bad start. First she decides to call home and see if everything’s cool there. Its all fine on the home front, and I’m told Mom and Babushka wish me a good morning ( a good sign, I think to myself ). 1 minute later the phone rings, we both think the same thing, probably the woman of the floor bitching about paying the phone bill again. Since the WoF speaks no English, She answers the phone. Can I believe this friggin’ sh!t?!!! Its the Ex. He spent the last 7 days calling every hotel in Moscow (where she told him shed be), and couldn’t find her. So he started calling hotels closer to home until he did. More bullsh!t, more head games. She said he actually alluded to the fact that she should reimburse him for all the long distance calls to Moscow! I am FURIOUS, literally fit to be tied. I want to go to her town and surprise this asshole on his way home from work!! My patience with this situation has reached its end; this needs to be resolved right now, today! One way or the other, whatever happens can only make things worse from here. We argue for a long time, she is emphatic; she will not let me go there. (kind of a moot point, I don’t even know where the exact location of "there" is just yet.)
She wants me to permit her to return home to speak with her parents about this, alone. She wants to explain to them that the Ex is out of control, he has crossed the line from being a garden variety pain in the ass to a full blown stalker. Of course I protest, but its no use, her further argument makes sense, as much as I hate to admit it. "If you go there, there WILL be a conflict, all he will understand is that this is the man who is trying to take everything away from him, furthermore you are an outsider, he will not listen to anything you say, he will only hate you. This needs to come from a Russian, it is the only possible way to be sure he understands it will be tolerated no longer and make it stop without violence." I am pissed off and frustrated beyond belief, but reluctantly, I agree to let her go. Before she leaves, I give her a few things to take along, my original letter to the Ex (from when I was under the delusion we might be able to sort this out like adults), his "death threat" response (to show her mom and dad that this guy really is whacked), and finally a long letter I had written in Russian to them, in case I was unable to locate a translator. It detailed our intentions, addressed all their fears (that were known to me) and asked for their sanction of our marriage. I told her not to give them the last one as I REALLY wanted to be the one to do that, unless it was absolutely necessary to make her point with them. It will be many hours before she returns and all I can do is wait (it takes at least 3hrs. to make the R/T by bus).

 

The weather fits my mood - foggy, cold, dark, and wet. After an hour of sitting in the room stewing in my own juices, I decide to take a walk. I travel the back roads, and wander through the "bad neighborhoods", eventually ending up at the market by the train station some 2 1/2 hours later.



It stuck me a little yesterday, but really hits me hard now, as I try to buy some roses - for all the Russian language I know, I don’t know Russian at all! If she did not return tonight, I would be “double dog f**ked” on something as simple as getting back to the airport on time. After negotiating a "quantity discount" on the roses, (by using our fingers to draw on the glass case) I pick up a big bottle of Pepsi and head back to the room. 15:30 and the cars have their headlights on already. At 17:30 she calls "How are you?"-"How do you think I am?" I reply. "You worry, I know, but don’t. It is OK. I have talked with my parents and it will be alright." I ask how she is. "I am fine" but by the tone of her voice I don’t really believe it. No point arguing over the phone. She says she’ll return at 21:00 and asks me to wait for her. "Like I have somewhere else to go??" Finally, she returns, it’s about 21:45. She sat down with Mom, Dad, Grandma, and the Ex at her parents’ home. They talked and she is very optimistic, but somehow I’m not holding out the same hope, I’ve dealt with this kind of guy before, back home, though not with such a personal stake. She also discussed our wedding plans (before the Ex arrived). The family is thrilled. She gave them the letter I wrote and they finally understood why all this is so important to her, to be resolved. Up ‘til this point, Dad especially, was under the impression the I was not really too serious about his daughter and that maybe I was just maintaining the relationship for some casual fun that wouldn’t lead anywhere in the long run.
After some time, the Ex calls the hotel again with a series of questions for me......"do you love her?" and a few others along this line, as well as some culture questions. I answer all but 1 of the questions and retort with a few of my own. I’m thinking this is grade school crap but I play along. He proclaims that I have passed his test, he is satisfied, and he likes me now. Now I’m SURE this is bullsheet. Oddly, she readily accepts his proclamation and is happy. She’s had a very long hard day, It’s not the time to start another argument so I’ll let this slide ‘til morning with just a few stern words about the ability of leopards to change their spots...................

**Don’t despair the 8th day was the big drop on this ride, from here to the finish line its all mostly good

[Jet]

Day 9
It will be our last trip into the old section, as well head out to the Dacha tomorrow morning at 10:00. We take some more pics, and buy gifts for my family back home, a really good time wandering in and out of a lot of stores we had not bothered to check out til now. We get back to the hotel by mid afternoon.
We talk about us, her father, and about the Ex. FINALLY after 3 months, I get enough of the story to figure out what really been going on over here, and what a f**ked up mess it really is, but its all perfectly clear now, like having an epiphany and I know exactly how and when things must be handled to make this all work out. I finally understand how to turn the tables and give the Ex a big helping of the shit he’s been making me swallow for the last couple months. It’ll take a little time, but if I play it like a chess match, he wont know what hit him ‘til he hears "checkmate" 
Now for the other fight I have put off, money. But after an hour, I finally get her to cave and accept the Visa ATM card "just in case of emergency" by explaining our upcoming K-1 expenses and the cost of using WU or wire transfers vs. ATM withdrawal fees. Once she truly understands that I feel because I’m "her man", I believe it’s my responsibility to be sure she is ok financially; she is beside herself with joy. She is so used to fending for herself and taking care of everyone else too, that this was a much bigger deal to her than I anticipated. Enough talking for today.
Later we go to the market by the train station again, it’s about a mile walk but by now its nothing, like walking to the mailbox. We get some hot food and take it back to the room for a quiet dinner "in". One tall glass of the red wine that was left over from her family’s visit, and she’s a bit tipsy...it makes for a fun evening...

[Jet]

Day 10
A cold snowy morning greets us, Dads running a little late, but he calls to let us know this time. Since he’s got the car, we load up all the non-essentials for her to take home. Amazing how much you can accumulate in a short stay, 6 plastic bags and a duffel go down to the car when dad arrives. We are off to the country! Dad is pointing out sights of interest and trying to narrate as we make our way across the city. About an hour (and 5 windshield cleaning stops) later we pick up Mom at her parents home and continue on the grand tour of her town; the store for fresh vodka and wine, Dad’s work, Mom’s work, the other house he owns, church, the mayors place, park, town square, her school as a child, the famous bread factory, her work, the paper mill, the "other" church, the MiG base, and finally off the paved road. Mom and Dad are very proud and want to make sure I get at least a glimpse of EVERYTHING. Down the dirt "road", over the iced up one lane bridge with no guard rails, across the wheat field, along the power lines for a bit, and into a small hole in the forest. Its a pretty good workout for a jeep, one hell of a ride in his 4 door Volga! 15 minutes into the woods we make a short stop for spring water, and on to the dacha.



Nice place, and huge! Like 75% of the Russia I’ve seen its "not quite finished yet". What’s done is beautiful, well worth seeing but Dads going to need a railroad car full of sandpaper to finish the place off LOL.



The bathhouse is done and it is magnificent, complete with an indoor Stainless Steel swimming pool! Through the garden and back to the house we go for snacks and vodka. Dad presents me with a beautiful hand engraved Russian hunting knife, a real work of art. He is seriously bummed when I explain that Ill never get this 16" monster through the security checks at the airport, but it quickly turns to a smile when I tell him to keep it in a safe place and I’ll use it next time I’m here. He finds a small wooden plaque he carved last summer that I can take home with me instead. We commence the toasting w/ vodka and pickles from the garden. When he decides I’ve been properly "liquored up" its back outside to play with the firearms . He’s brought his 12ga. over & under shotgun along and has no problem locating some empty vodka bottles. He explains it to me (in Russian, of course) and I get the idea, 2 bottles on the far fence, 2 slugs in the chambers, he’ll take the right one and I get the left one, no problem. He fires first and cleans his bottle off the fence. He hands me the weapon and I catch nothing but air. He starts laughing so hard I though he was gonna fall over, then explains to me that the sights aren’t right. I can’t help but laugh too, it was a good trick. Second shot and I nail it. He’s impressed. After a while, he’s confident I can shoot so the game isn’t as much fun, but I seem to have won him over on yet another level. Back to the house to collect the anxiously awaiting women and head back to their home for dinner and of course, more vodka. We take the long way back so he can show me a few more sights along the way, doesn’t seem to bother him that its too dark to actually see what he wanted to show me. When we get there, he unloads 1/2 the water jugs and takes them inside, I grab the other half and carry them over to her apartment, its small and old but she’s done wonders with the place. Babushka greets me with a big hug again, and the little one seems very happy to see me again as well. He’s not so shy in familiar surroundings.



Mom calls to say dinners ready so we walk back over to the parents place, it’s at the far end of the next building. It’s a much bigger place, and again, old but beautifully appointed. Dinner is fantastic, and there is too much of everything from caviar to vodka.





After we eat, Dad gets out his coin collection and the women laugh and roll their eyes. The collection is huge and impressive but after a while it’s like looking at too many vacation pictures from one of your neighbor's latest adventures. Luckily I remembered that I had a handful of the new gold dollar coins in my inside coat pocket - this was about to pay off big time in extra points w/ Dad. I go into the hall. When I return with them, his eyes light up. He starts feverishly going through a couple of boxes and fishes out about 30 commemorative soviet rubles honoring different people of importance. I give a big "spaciba", I’ll figure out how to get them out of the country later, maybe just drop em in a film canister and hope for the best. Next comes the photo albums, I’m introduced to every member of the family for the last 5 generations through all the pictures. And then some gifts from them to bring back to my parents. I excuse myself and step out front for a smoke, they say its ok to smoke in the house but I explain that since no-one else does, I’d feel better about standing on the front steps, it was no problem. I go out, light a cigarette, step into the alley out front. I turn around just in time to see the Ex walking between the buildings to go visit the little one at her place, he did not recognize me. At that very moment when I realized who it was, a police van rolls up at the far end of her building and 5 cops pile out and QUICKLY erases those evil thoughts running through my mind. Dad pops his head out the front door and summons me back inside a minute or two later. I do not mention what just happened. After a little while, we take a taxi back to the hotel. My adrenaline is still pumping and the driver wont "shut the f**k up" to save his soul! He’s stopping at green lights to continue his conversation! It turns out; he’s the husband of her boss at the school. Its just stress because the trip is ending, he didn’t really do anything wrong, he was just being friendly. I get over it.
Why does the last day always have to be so friggin' hard? We go to bed at 22:00 but I cant sleep. She drifts off quickly but my mind is racing, I get up around midnight have a couple dozen smokes, finish off the Pepsi and chug down 1/2 a bottle of water before she wakes and notices I’m not in bed, but sitting in the other room staring at her. She insists I come back to bed. I do, but now she is wide-awake too, we talk for a while. This sucks! I can’t seem to force myself to spend our last few hours together with my eyes closed, too much emotion. I don’t know when I’ll see her again, and she did not tell me ‘til now, but she was supposed to work all last week even though the children were off. She’s blown off 7 days of work, so she probably can’t take any time off at spring break in March. It may be summer before I see her again
We finally fell asleep in each others arms sometime after 04:00...

[START2]

Jet,
  I have enjoyed this story immensely. I had many similar occurances and your thoughts and details brought back so many great memories to my mind.
  I have a ton of my own photos and have failed to pull them out recently to reminisce. I have enjoyed yours in proxy. Although many would look at these and not realize the importance of them in our lives, I know that between us that have experienced the cities and backwoods of the FSU, they hold a special place inside us. Especially those of us who have connected with our wives families and roots. To some the buildings may look old and dilapidated, or not, and the cars out of date, but to me it's like looking at  slices from a place that I connected with the minute my feet touched the ground. An unexplained feeling that grips me still today. Now I don't know if you have that same in touch spiritualness about where your wife comes from but that's not my point here.
  I'm thanking you for offering a slices of your life to those here that can relate in some way and are experiencing a contact high from this post and for giving those who don't have a clue"yet" about the great adventure that could very well be a part of their life in the future.

[KenC]

Jet,
Thanks for sharing.  It was very enjoyable reading your story.  Man, you were so lucky with the gold coins for your FIL.  And that is some dacha!  Wow!
KenC

[Jet]

Thanks Ken. You know, I asked Liliya repeatedly to tell me something, anything, about her father's interests so I could select an appropriate gift before the trip. She FORGOT he collected coins 
Start, you are absolutely right about this country and this region having a special place in my heart. It's as comfortable as an old pair of shoes, and pictures really don't do it the same justice as standing there in midst of it all, experiencing the sights, sounds and smells (and for the newbies - yes even the air smells different in Russia than it does in America  )

Two final installments and that will conclude this trip report...

[Jet]

Departing
We woke to see the sun, for only the second time since leaving the states, around 08:00. We packed and had coffee conspicuously avoiding too much conversation or eye contact. This continued throughout the room check and the 40-minute taxi ride to the airport. We were both ready to burst into an emotional outbreak at the slightest provocation and each of us knew it. We held hands for the drive but she stared out the passenger’s side window and I out the driver’s side, our eyes never met and the ride was long and silent.



When we arrived at the airport, we took a few last photos together. This is starting to become or own bizarre little tradition. After that, we went inside and sat together until 1 hour before my flight was scheduled to depart. We both struggled through the "goodbye", trying to be strong for each other. She’s a tough girl, but her pain was unmistakable.
I step through the glass door and after handing over my passport and visa, get confronted with: "Do you have a receipt for your accommodation?" I reply ""Yea..........somewhere". "FIND IT, NOW!" As I rummage through my bags to find it, I’m thinking funny in my country they say: hope you enjoyed your stay, have a pleasant flight. Finally I find it, and hand it to her. I ask her if I need to fill out a new customs declaration, or just present the old one to the officer standing not more than 6 feet away. She has no idea, and would not even think about turning 90 degrees to ask. The customs officer is a bit nicer, a man, and has me fill out a new one. I still have to completely unpack my big bag because the x-ray machine can’t see through the foil wrapping paper her Mom used on the gifts. The rest of the check-in was smooth, but like everything else here is happily performed in the most difficult, time-consuming manner possible.



The plane was 20 minutes late leaving, as they had to de-ice the runway first. But that didn’t stop my sweetheart from waiting outside the fence line in the -2c weather to make sure we took off ok.


 
The flight to Frankfurt was routine, but I REALLY didn’t want to be on it. I had a 19 hour layover there, and after some initial trouble finding each other, I hooked up w/ my buddy Chris and he took my on a 4 hour high speed tour of the German countryside in his big Beemer.



The whole time since we landed I’d been trying to call her to make sure she returned home safely and let her know I was back on the ground (she HATES flying, but loves planes). Around 18:30 local time I gave up for a bit and shut the phone off, Chris and I had dinner and some decent German beer, when all of a sudden HIS phone rings. "Yes, hi, how are you? One second - ok?" He looks puzzled for a minute and hands me the phone. It was MY MOM calling to make sure I made it out from behind the iron curtain. They never stop worrying, do they? We went back to his place and caught up on old times. It’s been 2 years since he came to visit me in the states. Finally at 23:05 her time I get a call to go through, she is very relieved to hear I’m safely on the ground but miserable that I’m not still with her. My feelings are the same. I manage to catch maybe 2 hours sleep before heading back to the airport for my 09:00 flight...

[Jet]

Observations

On the culture stuff:

Clothing,
I found a lot of what I read not to be entirely true in Nizhniy. While I pretty much followed advice given here and did "blend" pretty well, I found that in this city, Blue jeans are perfectly acceptable and common everywhere but nice restaurants (including the theatre). Black shoes are the norm but I saw MANY men walking around in every shade of brown darker than tan. Coats, dark blue, brown, or black for men. Never saw a single man with gloves on, even at -7c. If you are going in the colder months, do yourself a huge a favor and pick up a pair or two of "smartwool" socks from a local outdoor outfitter (yes they even have them here in FL). Get the heaviest ones that will fit in your shoes, they will keep your feet toasty warm without sweating! They run anywhere from $10 to $20 a pair but well worth it if you are going to spend a lot of time outside walking like we did.

Food,
While the ingredients are combined differently in their dishes, they are not really any different than here. We ate the same kinds of (base) foods I eat at home, though not always at the same time of day as here. On the first meeting with the family, the main course for dinner was scrambled eggs and bacon pieces wrapped in blini, and it was fantastic. Often, we have ham and cheese for breakfast. The funniest thing at a meal was when her father asked how I liked potatoes, because he was sure we didn’t have them in America  I only tried the red caviar once, and it is for sure an "acquired taste". Other than that, it was ham, roast pork, chicken, beef, salami, cheese, yogurt......and my person thing bread. Usually we got something not too different than Italian sandwich bread but a bit more dense, if nothing else I could have lived on that  Never had any gastro-intestinal problems the whole trip. Ohh and pepsi was cheaper than here.

Public transportation,
It ain’t pretty and it ain’t new, often you have to fight through a wall of people to get to the door at your stop (hint: try to hang out at the far back end of the streetcars "trams" or near the middle on the busses) But its efficient and CHEAP. We took 2 different taxi rides at about an hour each, total cost per trip 250py ($7.85) not too bad. The hotel wanted to charge us $35.00 to go to the airport. The taxi drivers did not drive like kamikaze pilots but the bus drivers did!

Construction,
Since I’m in the field, I find it quite interesting to see how other people do things. I swear to God I looked at the bridge supports from the hotel window for FOUR DAYS before I could figure out if they were putting it up, or tearing it down! The Russians have this knack to build something brand new and make it look like its 30 years old before they are even done with it. They also have a tendency to get things "almost" done and move on to something else, and the locals don’t even notice it. We had kinda triangular balconies, they put all the full pieces of paver brick in but when it came to the ones they had to cut to fit, "Ahh F**K it, we can get to that later". She never noticed until she asked what I was giggling about one afternoon well into the trip

Stores,
Aside from their checkout policy detailed earlier, which upon reflection probably cuts shoplifting down to nil. Russia is one big flea market even the stores that look like ones we’d see in the West from the outside, are just broken into little cubicles on the inside. For cafes and restaurants you seem to have 2 choices, good and pricey or bad and cheap, no midrange whatsoever. Just because you bought something at a store or kiosk yesterday does not guarantee you will find it there today.

People,
People are people everywhere, I found good bad and ugly in my ten days there, just like here. They have as many silly misconceptions about us as we do about them. They are every bit as curious too.

In Conclusion,
Make the trip, match or not. Mine was a roller coaster, but I knew it would be before I left. In a way Im glad, because I am now absolutely sure that she and I can work through difficult situations together. We can tolerate each others mood swings help each other back out of them. We can cope with stress and support each other. Neither one of us was on "our best behavior" through the whole trip. I honestly dont think it would have been possible, given the circumstances. We came away ten days later, more committed than ever, so that’s why I can say I wouldn’t even change the bad parts.

As far as the country, while there are many differences, and most are not subtle; what struck me the most, were the similarities, which were far stronger than I thought they would be

[felix8787]

Jet

I just got done reading your TR, I must say, that was very very good. Very good readings I tell ya!

Hopefully my next trip will be good also, even though my first trip was....um....complicated....it had it's up's and down's, but overall it was good, especially when we finally had our alone time without her son. Wouldn't change it for the world.

felix8787

[Ooooops]

Jet, I really enjoy reading your story because it has pictures to support the words as any travel story should.   

[Jet]

Jet, I really enjoy reading your story because it has pictures to support the words as any travel story should.   

This is somewhat easier to do when the story isn't brand new. It's assured that the people featured in some of the photos don't mind the shots being on display, and a few of the photos taken on subsequent trips can be used to "fill in the gaps" (the dacha photo was taken a year later in summertime).

Speaking of enjoying photos, I have passed the link to your online gallery along to my parents (Dad has been a photography nut since the early '70's) and they both LOVED your work as much as I did. They found the Oregon coast shots especially enticing because they had recently been there. Thanks again for sharing 

[Ooooops]

Speaking of enjoying photos, I have passed the link to your online gallery along to my parents (Dad has been a photography nut since the early '70's) and they both LOVED your work as much as I did. They found the Oregon coast shots especially enticing because they had recently been there. Thanks again for sharing 

Glad to hear and ya'll very welcome!   

[BradSTL]

Jet---- this report is VERY-VERY well written.  Photos are fantastic!   Congratulations and thanks for posting a report (retro or not) with such drama.  Glad it all worked out in the end. 

Again, WELL DONE!