New Guy On The Block

[cad101]

Hello everyone, I'm a new member but been a lurker here for a long time and thinks this is probably is one of the places to be if you're in all the processes with a RWUW.
I'm definitely not new to the process and have been there and done that and have been to Russia many times to be with only one lady.
Was engaged to a RW for a year with a "gut-feeling" that just would not go away. So, I finally broke the engagement last October and the "gut-feeling" went away. Great lady, I just always thought she might have had some of her priorities in the wrong place.
I have met another lady and seem to have no gut feelings about her and things are more settled and positive.
I hope I can learn more here and maybe add to the forum in positive ways.

cad101

[steviej]

Welcome Cad. Now that you've presented yourself, everyone will want to keep posted on how things progress. (They like the vicarious juiciness!). And if you get to the visa stage, all the recipes are here. You mentioned "gut feelings" does that have anything to do with falling in love ?

[msmoby_ru]

Hello everyone, I'm a new member but been a lurker here for a long time and thinks this is probably is one of the places to be if you're in all the processes with a RWUW.

Welcome "out of the shadows" Cad101

May be it's better to say FSUW as you're excluding BW ( Belarusian Women !) and other Ethnic Russians in other CIS nations ...?

Hope the Cad refers to something like Computer aided design and not the person who behaves like a "Cad" !! 

Good luck with your lady..and that gut feeling..  Gut feelings are good, and if the lady is likely to be the one - she would rather know your gut feelings ! ( saves a lot of heart ache )

[cad101]

Hi guys, and thank you for replaying and the welcome. I'll probably get beat up in here sometimes too but I've got thick skin.
CAD, computer aided design is correct. I'm an architect and use Autocad and Catia so most days I have no mind to speak of.
That gut feeling with my first fiance in Russia was telling me for a long time that I didn't really want to move on with the K-1 after a one year engagement. So, I flew over again. I made plane reservations as usual to fly on Friday from Atlanta and get there on Saturday morning, but this time I made plans to fly back on Tuesday instead of staying the usual 10 days with her. I gave it one more try and then on Monday I told her I was thinking about ending our engagement and I was flying home the next day. I explained why to her and she got a little po'd and upset at the same time.
I took her for a walk and tried to talk to her about some things, giving it one more try, but she ignored my questions about what I thought was having some of her priorities in our relationship in the wrong place. I flew home the next day but we do still remain friends and she has apologized to me and said I was correct.
I then met another lady through a Russian wife friend that's been here for about 8 years. Happily married all this time with no problems in their marriage.
She told me when I met this lady in person I would be, dead of the meat and soon engaged again Little did I know at this time she was correct. She also told me she had a 12 year old daughter that looked just like her
We talked for a few months, a lot of emails, ICQ, Skype, etc so I make plans to fly over. ( my mind needed a rest but it didn't get one on that trip)
When I landed in Moscow and cleared customs and met them for the first time it seemed like a breath of fresh air compared to the other girl. They have much humor about them, always smiling and seem to be in good moods.
I rented us an apartment just as I always do for the first night in Moscow and I had told them I would be tired and would like a hot shower when I got there. They had also gotten to Moscow that morning about 6:30 off one of those brutal overnight train rides.
We got our showers...I went to my luggage and gave them a gift each. Blew them away and they were dancing all around the room. I was in shock not being use to this before.
I told them it was FOOD time so where would they like to eat. The 12 year old looked at me grinning and ask could we eat at McDonalds because she had never been to one.
Noooo problem kid so out on Arbat Street we go to Mcdonalds. Four cheese burgers and four orders of fries in her stomach me laughing at her and just all around having a good time together.
I felt like I had known them for a life time and they said later the same thing to me. It was a fun filled day for us and I forgot about jet lag.
That night I took them to the Hard Rock Cafe on Arbat and again it was a new and fun experience for not only them but me as well watching them. (still no jet lag)
The next morning we had breakfast at McDonalds and then walked to Red Square, the 12 year old had never been there.It was closed as usual on Sunday's but a pleasant experience to just watch her there.
Usually about this time with the other girl it was..are the malls open yet? but not with them. They wanted to just walk and see Moscow before we had to travel on to their city that night. (amazing)
The train ride that night was not boring like on the other trips. They made sure I didn't try to go to sleep until it was late...the first time I've ever slept on one of those train rides at night. I was tired a little but their upbeat personalities seemed to make things much better for me.
When we got to their city and to their apartment they had a gift for me. Handmade welcome cards and a hug and kiss and welcome to our home. I also noticed my pics were out where I could see them.
The rest of my time there with them was a source of enjoyment and one I'll certainly never forget. Their family and friends made me feel like I was part of their family and we all had a lot of fun together. I also got to meet my Russian wife friend's family there.
I've read in here the girl will show you she cares for you and if she doesn't move on. I understand that one for sure.
They never once asked me for money, never once tried to carry me to a shopping mall. I did pay all their expenses to and from Moscow, made sure they were back on the train ok, bought all the food while I was there and left them with money and told them to go shopping and she tried to refuse the money but I wouldn't have it.
I'll have to admit that it was tough leaving them at the airport and the flight home was tough as well.
She's never been with an agency and never in a personals site and I never asked her why.
I'm flying back over again soon with the ring and the K-1 papers, they're excited and I'm excited and my Russian wife friend tells me...I told you so.
My gut feeling says things are ok this time, take advantage of it and move on with a positive attitude, don't forget the past but make sure I've learned from it.
Hope I didn't bore you..

cad101

[AnastassiaAsh]

Cad101, that's a very exciting and happy story! Congrats to you so far. I am applauding to your courage of braking it off with the other woman and moving on...just to grab your dream again. 

Please, tell us more details if you don't mind. How old is your woman? What city is she from? How long did you guys correspond before the first meeting? Are you sure you want to propose already? Maybe the wisest would be to have just another happy trip and spend time just with the woman (arranging something with her daughter...)?

And by the way your avatar is the BEST! 

[cad101]

Hi AnastassiaAsh and thank you for your reply and nice comments. My post was getting long so I cut it off.
I started talking to my girls about the middle of October and flew to them in May. She's 46 and has been divorced for 10 years.
She's from a city named Gubin in the SW and a mining district of Russia.It has a population of less than 100,000 and is located between Belgorod and Stary Oskol. I also have two friends with wives from Stary Oskol and one from Belgorod.
About getting engaged. The next trip will be for 15 days with them and I'll not make a decision until it's almost time for me to return home, Her friend that is my friend has had a lot of dialog with me about her.
I don't feel as if I may be getting setup nor do I see any red flags and trust me, I know all about red flags.
No one has given me a "push" towards her to get engaged and do the K-1. We've talked about the K-1 & 2 and she understands. She's also a smart lady, makes a good salary considering and is an engineer working as an engineer so she's not looking for a fast trip to somewhere else. She owns a nice apartment and has her own car.Whew!, not all that walking as before!
Her daughter and I talk everyday and it's important for me that she accepts me. We play games together in the internet and I listen to her when she has something to say to me and I never say later kid I"m busy right now.
Her daughter is the most important thing in her life just like my adult daughters are to me
My friend told me that last year she thought I needed to meet this lady but since I was engaged she would never mention her to me. She also knows the history with the other girl.
They both speak excellent English so we can carry on a conversation without any problems.
Her daughter told me yesterday she thinks I'm "kool"..another step in the door. 
When I was over there I spent time with her and her friends one day. It was awesome and I had a lot of fun..I didn't get jet lag this time but after that day I had "lag of the butt" for sure.
Her mom and I are talking, still with the same humor but more serious questions and answers between us. She's being cautious and I appreciate that in her.
We end our conversations with looking forward to the next one.
My Avitar...her kid sent it to me in an email and I've passed it on to other guys. No need to discuss the conversation about why she sent it to me.

cad101

[steviej]

I then met another lady through a Russian wife friend that's been here for about 8 years. Happily married all this time with no problems in their marriage.
She told me when I met this lady in person I would be, dead of the meat and soon engaged again Little did I know at this time she was correct.

What a great story - so far!  To have a personal recommendation like that is just wonderful. Man, if everyone could do that wouldn't things go smoother? It's so cool that not only was it a good match "logically" (as your friend's wife was thinking), but that you have that chemistry of enjoying each other's company too.

[cad101]

What a great story - so far!  To have a personal recommendation like that is just wonderful. Man, if everyone could do that wouldn't things go smoother? It's so cool that not only was it a good match "logically" (as your friend's wife was thinking), but that you have that chemistry of enjoying each other's company too.

My "local friend" as you speak of has also matched up two more guys "locally" with two girls in Stary Oskol very near my girl's city. One has been married five years and the other has been married three years. Both marriages seem to be solid just like her marriage.
My girl and I have the same personalities and it was fun being with someone that can give it back to me when humor was being applied in her direction and could also have either a friendly or intelligent conversation together.
One thing I noticed about the Stary Oskol girls on my visit to meet my girls were that they're a lot friendlier than the ones where my ex fiance lived.That city is loaded with gorgeous and friendly women, but if anyone wants to go there, there "ain't nothing" to do there but walk and talk. A city of over 200,000 and I know of only one resturant, a few cafes, two hotels one looking to be not so old. That is where I also had to register my visa at their post office.
I'd say you were pretty much on your own if you stayed in a hotel and not with a girl
The little one told me one day when we were in Stary Oskol that in a certain building we walked past use to be a McDonalds but they closed it because no one would eat there. I have no clue as to why. Probably low salaries at the time.
I don't know what will happen on my next visit but so far everything is positive and I see no red flags. I did a search one time on Stary Oskol girls and could find only a few in the agencies, I think maybe four so I think to meet one it would be like I met mine through someone from there.
One of the guys told me one time he had to register his visa at OVIR there and he said they were about as friendly to him as you could get and recognized him on each return trip.
My girl's city is much smaller with gorgeous and friendly women there also but also nothing to do but walk and talk.
I felt no pressure or stress with my girl and was not stared at like I was an idiot in either of the cities.
I don't know Russian and she would not let me be alone without either her or the kid with me.
People would ask me if I was American and when I said yes they would smile and want to ask me a lot of questions.
Anytime I've been abroad I've always presented myself as a good and friendly American.
I do not drink or smoke and that went a long way with my girl and her family. I never saw anyone drunk or drinking in public in either of the two cities.
I've read all the horror stories, have friends like myself that have had a failure over there and most met their girls in an agency. One met and married his wife from freepersonals. He was the only one that seemed to have gotten a girl that was of "sound mind". and they seem to be on the happy side together for about two years now.
On a walk one night my girl told me she had a nice lifestyle and was ok and never thought about leaving her home to relocate until Natasha started her match making thing with us.
I agree, wouldn't it be nice if more personal matchmaking could be made...it's made a difference in me giving up or trying it again.
My plane tickets are bought, my visa is ready, the apartment in Moscow has been paid for, I've made her take more money for their trip to Moscow to meet me, they seem excited, I'm excited and it's getting close again for the long redeye to Moscow and that butt busting overnight train ride to Stary Oskol.
Who knows what this trip will bring....it'll be another adventure...I'll post and let you know when I get there as to how things are going on this trip. I was returning in October but thanks to my daughters telling me they could handle our business so go earlier if I wanted to. I fly next week.

cad