Hello All !!!!

[bigdog]

Hello,
I found this site while searching for info about my girls' homeland. I am 45 y.o. and I am from the midwest of the USA. I thank the owners of this site for the useful and informative messages and links. I am still in the process of a divorce in a marriage that lasted 20 years. I
am looking for someone with character and morals. Sadly I find it difficult to find in women in my area. I found a woman on a agency site and I have been writing her for approx. 2 months. So far everything has gone well, in fact she is probably my one area of sanity right now.
I hear so much of the scamming that goes on and it does worry me. I have not really met any hurdles to great to overcome other than she
is reluctant to give me her phone number. Yes she has gave me her address. I want to get out of the agency loop asap but she knows no
English. I will be going to the Ukraine in October. I would appreciate any advice
Thanks

[steviej]

Welcome BigDog!
It's good you will be studying the threads here. You will learn all you want and more to be successful. In my completely unscientifice study, I think one of the most successful groups is divorced men (from American woman) seeking second marriage. Good luck!

[ambach123]

I would be very skeptical of someone who does not give her phone number. If she does not speak English, you can still talk to her through an interpreter.

One of the Commandments is that you must estabish her identity, and talking in person is one way to do it.

[IAmZon]

Welcome. Learn.  And don't where your heart on your sleeve.  It is very likely that, if you continue, you will meet many ladies - as it should be.

Best of luck.

[steviej]

I would be very skeptical of someone who does not give her phone number.

Good catch .. I didn't notice that. Yes, it doesn't seem right that she won't give the phone number. In my own case, with any woman that was serious, the phone number came easily when I wanted it if she was interested in me. And then the majority of communication continued by telephone with supplemental letters until the actual meeting. In fact, for the girl I married, before I met her in person the first time I had her number, her aunt's number and her grandmother's number, and I could call her at any of those places.

[msmoby_ru]

Good catch .. I didn't notice that. Yes, it doesn't seem right that she won't give the phone number. In my own case, with any woman that was serious, the phone number came easily when I wanted it if she was interested in me. And then the majority of communication continued by telephone with supplemental letters until the actual meeting. In fact, for the girl I married, before I met her in person the first time I had her number, her aunt's number and her grandmother's number, and I could call her at any of those places.

but your wife to be spoke good english !!

Welcome Bigdog.. choosing a lady that speaks little or no English adds a BIG extra hurdle ( getting to know one another - before you meet ) and WHEN you meet - many possibilities for misunderstandings.

Some ladies don't have a home phone and the agenicies don't want you missing them out of the loop - the gravy train stops for them..

If you have an address, seek help from a professional letter writer - *I* suggest a Russian speaking Woman - you write a letter - let her "polish" it for you and send it to what you believe is the home adress. Find a way to circumvent the agency.

It is very strange that you don't have a phone number -as she will almost certainly have a mobile / call phone - then you can sms.

Now I'm an advocate of of concentrating one one woman at a time... but .. I'd never go all the way to meet a lady in Ukraine knowing so little...

I corresponded with GREAT lady - no home phone - had a cell phone- spoke VERY little Russian - and no pc at home- She used her work pc. She was intelligent, attractive, a good lady.... but even though I knew more Russian than she knew English - and our letters had shown us we had a lot in common - the meeting was a disaster. I hated relying on friends ( Russian speakers ) and interpretors for translations.  I was working in Moscow, so my trip to her city was a short plane ride.  There are times when you'll want to be alone - walking in a park - at a resturant - as well as more intimate moments - not knowing how to make oneself understood with a stranger is an AWFUL experience.

Don't let this put you off - invest in a good human translation service - airmail the letter to Ukraine - include your email address - and she will find a way to get to a pc - friends or an internet cafe ...  suggest to her she responds in Russian.. or set up a call via her agency, but have YOUR own translater to help you - but don't warn them

If you like her  - it is worth investing the time to ensure direct communication. If she likes you - she'll find a way.  If - after trying to contact her via a letter to her address - or arranging a telephone call at the agency doesn't work  - I'd think seriously about going to the Ukraine on a Write one visit one trip... ( Yep I'm saying that !! )

I just don't buy the fact she hasn't got a mobilniki / cell phone - find a way to circumvent the agency or if you REALLY need to go all that way to see her - to be sure - be prepared to need another agencies help - but don't contact them beore you go - many of the agencies are inter-related.


Good luck
 

[Gator]

....I am still in the process of a divorce in a marriage that lasted 20 years. I
am looking for someone with character and morals....I would appreciate any advice

20 years is a  long time.  I believe NOW  is too early in your REBOUND to be thinking marriage.  Your impulses possibly are a little screwy now.  Give your soul some time to heal. 

Is your divorce amicable?  Were you seeing other women over the past few years? 

If "no" is your answer, think about whether you really want a wife for another 20 years, whether you are just lonely at this vulnerable time of your life, and whether your decision making is clear.

A trip to Ukraine could be just what the doctor ordered dependent upon your goals.  I suggest that your goal should be meet many women at various stages in life that are consistent with your stage of life (i. e., young and wanting children, young mothers with young children, empty nesters looking for a brand new life, empty nesters wanting a professional career, etc.).  You should experience the culture and have fun, but not become serious with one women.  When you return, deliberate about everything, and then decide about a return trip to see one or two particular women you met on your first trip.

There are plenty of RW with "character and morals."  Nevertheless, there are plenty without, and they are so bad that they will feel no remorse in taking you for a ride.  It takes time to understand them and to be sure, more time than with AW because of language, culture, distance, age, etc. Many men have not taken a lot of time to marry a RW, and they are happy today, very happy.  We do not hear much from the men who were unlucky with their RW choices.

[bigdog]

Thanks to all for the great posts. I have to explain a few things. One,I know a few rw and uw. I have a brother and my best friend who married ladies from the Ukraine and Russia respectively. I really do know what I want. As to whether I find it is another story. I am responsible and I have not "cheated" on my ex. I guess my marriage just died one of those slow deaths where neither spouse really wants to be the one to call it quits. I am a big believer in my word and when I said forever I meant it. Its strange how life turns out sometimes. I
have always had a sort of fascination with the country and its history. I do not search for someone who is far my junior or a"supermodel.
I have been reading the posts of "Taz" and his dealings with "JD". This stuff is way better than anything on the NY times bestseller list. I have laughed till near tears. I am trying to learn as much as I can about the culture and the language. I have some of the language programs and cds. I am overwhelmed by the helpfulness and information on this site. The girl that I am writing has been honest in all my questions and has asked me for nothing. I will not send money I am not a fool. Even if it does not work out with this girl it has been great writing to her and sharing a little bit of me. I refuse to date a.w. . I just don't think family is in the vocabulary here anymore. I have seen so many families destroyed it makes my head swim. I don't pretend that u.w. or r.w. are perfect but from everything I have learned they do place a great deal in family. Well anyway I arranged to have some flowers sent and a photo taken of the event. At least I will know if I have been writing my girl or one "Boris" of the Ukraine. Oh and I have another brother (4 in all) who has been over 4 times. He has struck out all 4 times but he and my friend and other brother said it was the trip of their life.

[docetae]

few questions :
- which agency are you using ?
- Do you have a plan B to meet other women ?

[steviej]

and since you look like Bruce Willis, you'll have no trouble getting the attention of the ladies that interest you ! 

[Ooooops]

I would be reluctant to give my phone number to a married guy as well...