It's all a risk of sorts...

[Makkin]

Hello,


  I've been a member here for years now and I've learned a lot from the other members and also learned a lot from my six trips to the FSU. All in all it's amazing how much I've learned and how much I need to learn still. Being a member here is a good thing but this process is one that is hard to prove will be good in the end.

  If you look at other members like Gator and notice the high amount of experience and seasoned experience you might ask the questions associated with all his knowledge. He is happily married and he has solid information on things. He is older than the average member here(I think he's older, I may be wrong). It has taken him years to make the jump to marriage to an FSU woman. Am I right Gator? If I am correct then why did it take so long?


  My mind tells me that if you don't have the time and resources then don't do it. This may sound to some as if I'm just rooting for those with money but not true. European members here are closer to the FSU and have more vacation time. This in itself should be logical reason not to invest in this process because North Americans are way too far away. How is a man from North America gonna be able to spend quality time and work a regular job? Most men have to be either retired like Gator or they have to be set up and willing to take 30-60 days off per year right?
   
Makkin



 

[Lee08]

Yes Makkin, I believe you are right. This is just my opinion, but I believe most men just do not spend enough quality time there to really get to know someone, and that's what it takes.
I guess I was lucky being self-employed and being able to spend more time than many with my wife before she came here. I spent a total of four months time in Moscow with her last year and the first part of this year, but I would have spent more time if it would have been possible because I believe the more the better.
But in the end I felt it was enough for us and thankfully she turned out to be the greatest wife I could ever find and I the greatest husband for her or so she says. 

I'm not rich by any means, but I didn't really keep track of the money I spent because I knew the money part just wasn't that important to me compared to finding your life partner.
I would say I spent in the neighborhood of $23000 by the time she set foot here and quite a bit more since then. That is probably a low figure compared to some but I was always economical about everything and she was also. The biggest thing that helped me was staying at her flat the whole time and eating her good home cooked meals.

In summary, I think it's very important for a man to spend enough quality time there to get to know a woman, which like you say is very hard for a normal regular job guy here in America to pull off. Anything less is just a crapshoot in my opinion.

[Gator]

If I am correct then why did it take so long?

You are correct.  The story is a complicated one.  Here's the generic summary:

I am older (now spending your Social security dollars ).  That translated to a huge age gap.  That and the fact there were two young children  compelled me to take my time, and I had the time.  I almost lost her because I took too much time as she wondered if I were serious.

IMO a couple of years will work even with limited time available for trips.   There are some prerequisites, however.  Pursue age appropriate women who speak English.  Spend a lot of time writing and calling and webcaming before you take that first trip.  I stress the pre-meeting phase so that your trip is focused on someone who is as compatible on paper and in voice as you could expect, plus there is chemistry.  Go VO and feel convinced that this woman really wants to move (I would hate to go through all this and a RW get cold feet).

If she is much younger than you or otherwise out of your league, you are increasing the risk.  Even worse is the inability to communicate.

There is something you can do today that was near impossible when I started in 2002.  That something would speed the journey and reduce the risk.  It seems that it is now much easier for a RW to come to America as a tourist.  She comes to see how you live, spends some time thinking about life in America, meets some RW living in your city, and meanwhile you continue working.  For a woman to drop her job, etc. and come to America, she is serious. 

[Makkin]

Thanks for the answers,


   I will still continue learning and hopefully find the right woman and pull the trigger. Too bad we are not closer but in the end it seems this adds to the spice for those men who are lucky enough to have found the right woman.


  I'll be heading back in a few months and see what I can see in regards to my latest lady. Hopefully I will secure things in a way that makes me a few steps closer to the ultimat situation.


   Good Luck Everyone,

Makkin

[Ade]

Thanks for the answers,


   I will still continue learning and hopefully find the right woman and pull the trigger. Too bad we are not closer but in the end it seems this adds to the spice for those men who are lucky enough to have found the right woman.


  I'll be heading back in a few months and see what I can see in regards to my latest lady. Hopefully I will secure things in a way that makes me a few steps closer to the ultimat situation.


   Good Luck Everyone,

Makkin

Assuming you have enough money, the biggest problem you guys face is lack of vacation time, not distance.

Yes, we live closer in W. Europe but when you take everything into account including costs and travel time, I don't think it makes such a huge difference unless we live close to an airport and our prospective partner lives in Moscow or SPB. Even then, "popping over for a weekend" would not necessarily be an option.

If I were in the US and had a girlfriend in the FSU, had visited and things looked good, I would do my best to try to arrange a long tourist visa for her to come and visit me and repeat that until we were ready for a K1. My wife tells me that there seems to be very few tourist visa denials to the US for RW these days; when you are ready, try it and see. If successful it beats travelling there and she gets to see what it's like to live with you in your town.

[Makkin]

SJ,


  Yes it sounds way more logical than meeting and getting her here in order to make a decision in 30 days..lol. I don't know how people do that but sometimes it seems to work out for them.

  All in all it seems to be a shift in things as we get closer to 2010. Not sure how much the dynamics will change but they are surely different from back around 2000-2002.


Makkin

[Vaughn]

Assuming you have enough money, the biggest problem you guys face is lack of vacation time, not distance.

SJ, time off was one of the biggest hurdles we faced. I remember engineering visits to mesh with holidays and/or
long weekends so as to maximize ground time there. Ironically, my vacation time now has vastly improved when it
was sorely needed way back when.

Yeah, tourist visas for younger women 7-8 years ago were considered "impossible". To give my future wife a peek
at her future surroundings I used to send videotapes - it was the best option at the time. A tourist visa today is
a smart tactic to consider - if one is well beyond the VM stage.

Makkin - where in the FSU are you heading?

[dogspot]

Yes, we live closer in W. Europe but when you take everything into account including costs and travel time, I don't think it makes such a huge difference unless we live close to an airport and our prospective partner lives in Moscow or SPB. Even then, "popping over for a weekend" would not necessarily be an option.

I can see that in ways it would be easier for me than some Europeans. I live near LAX and there is a daily non stop to Moscow via Aeroflot. It really isn't too unreasonable to spend a long weekend in Moscow with my girlfriend.

Right now I also have a time advantage in that I am working on a contract basis with my current employer that allows for me to take months off at a time. I declined to extend my last contract so I could take my last trip and will not begin a new one until I return from my month in Novosibirsk.

[Makkin]

Dogspot,


   Sounds like you have a great situation and time off is available for you. Seems you can make educated decisions based on a lot of time spent with a lady and that's what's really needed in my opinion. Too many men force the hand they have and must decide quickly due to time/money/work,etc... The torist option would be my next step for sure if I could have it happen for us.


Vaughn,


   I'll be leaving for Russia and taking a 14 hour train ride from Moscow. She will meet meet me again and that makes things so much easier for me. We will stay two nights in Moscow and then depart for her place and this will be my first time meeting the Mom and other relatives. I'm happy and ready to see her family and will have a large amount of useful gifts for everyone. Things such as thick cotton robes and shoes. I like to bring gifts that are practical and needed and are of good quality. In any case I shall be remembered because my gifts could actually outlast a potential marriage...lol

[Mars]

I'm happy and ready to see her family and will have a large amount of useful gifts for everyone. Things such as thick cotton robes and shoes. I like to bring gifts that are practical and needed and are of good quality. In any case I shall be remembered because my gifts could actually outlast a potential marriage...lol

But remember that most women, and many men here, think that practical gifts are not the best kind.  :-))

[Makkin]

Hi Mars,


 Practical gifts are usually great for practical people. I would agree that bringing sloppy practical gifts may be seen in another light but a really nice quality Robe for winter months or a pair of nice exercise shoes is something that will be readily accepted and appreciated. I know I'd appreciate those things if given to me.


Makkin